She had more or less for her whole life in some form rejected the fact that who she was was different from others, even if she didn 't know what she was rejecting. Rejecting herself had made her miserable. So Calliope decided that she was “not a girl”(439) and that she was “a boy”(439), and Calliope became Cal. In his journey to find himself Cal ran away to San Francisco where he found that “he wasn 't the only one” (489) struggling with his gender and identity. This made him comfortable enough with himself to start exploring what his new identity would be. It took Cal decades to develop into someone he was comfortable with. Decades later he likes his outward apperance, his “wicked grin”(498) and the “flames in (his) eyes”(498). However maybe the ultimate confirmation of the fact that he is comfortable with who he is that he is willing to “take off (his) cloths” (514) in front a someone he is really emotionally invested in. He is willing to be completely vulnerable, to have his whole identity on display to someone he doesn 't want to lose.
Desdemona, unlike Cal, was at the beginning of her life completely confident in her identity. When she was in greece she had possessed the “natural power” (24), of a person self assured of their own place in the world. Before she moved to America Desdemona was very independent. She had her own business cultivating silkworms. She prided herself on the fact that her “silk was always the best”(30). She was so confident in her own identity that she projected her values onto Lefty, her brother, by playing “matchmaker” (30). She is self assured because she knows who she is and she fits into the rural village