She has described it as almost an addiction, once the thought enters her mind to do it she usually cannot stop thinking about it until she has done it. She does it both when she is in depressive and in manic episodes. She said that when she is in a manic episode and her thoughts are racing that the pain helps to center and calm her thoughts down. She feels like she is more in control. When she is in a depressive episode she will sometimes feel a strong sense of apathy, she says she feels completely blank and detached from everything. Other times when she is in a depressive episode she feels completely overwhelmed by how much self-hatred and hopelessness she feels. In both cases, the self-harm helps her to focus what she’s feeling into one centralized part of her
She has described it as almost an addiction, once the thought enters her mind to do it she usually cannot stop thinking about it until she has done it. She does it both when she is in depressive and in manic episodes. She said that when she is in a manic episode and her thoughts are racing that the pain helps to center and calm her thoughts down. She feels like she is more in control. When she is in a depressive episode she will sometimes feel a strong sense of apathy, she says she feels completely blank and detached from everything. Other times when she is in a depressive episode she feels completely overwhelmed by how much self-hatred and hopelessness she feels. In both cases, the self-harm helps her to focus what she’s feeling into one centralized part of her