Alex He
Mrs.Sheller
LA IV Honors
September 29, 2016
Transforming My Identity
In 7th grade, a classmate sitting with the cool kids told the table that all East Asians were either really hot or really ugly. It won a few agreements, chuckles, but I sat wondering. "What am I?" I demanded. His face scrunched up a little. At the time, my 12-year-old self looked and acted plain, forgettable even. He, however, had summed up people who share my basic facial features as either the supermodels he saw in advertisements or the nameless mass of pinch-faced Chinese mobsters in movies. Eventually, he called me ugly. He decided that between the choices of “ugly”, "hot,” and "apologizing”, insulting me was the least embarrassing response for him.
In 9th …show more content…
I didn't actually tell people, "I'm not Asian,” but did the subconscious equivalent and alienated myself from my ethnic identity. I played along with the stereotypes and told the jokes I knew kids would laugh at, about my high marks, my subpar P.E scores, my "weird" food. I realize now how counterproductive it was, but at the time I believed I would be accepted, that I would be that "cool Asian” who wasn't like the others, who could take a joke. Ethnicity goes beyond being a joke. Racial stereotypes box us in because people only know what we see and hear. Asian Americans are told they are good at math and science, but they don’t command high-profile jobs. Subsequently, student hardly ever see Asian actors, never study Asian authors, and never have a favorite athlete that just happens to be Asian : a vicious cycle of monkey-doesn't-see-monkey-doesn't-do.
Only recently have I even thought to distinguish my real passions from my socialized ones. I know now that, even if ethnicity is a meaningful part of me, how other people see it does not define me. Instead of trying to mask the unique aspects of my culture to appeal to others, I can look within and find what it is I like to focus on improving myself. My interest in art, languages, and history are no less real than my interest in math and science because of the shape of my eyes or the tint of my
Mrs.Sheller
LA IV Honors
September 29, 2016
Transforming My Identity
In 7th grade, a classmate sitting with the cool kids told the table that all East Asians were either really hot or really ugly. It won a few agreements, chuckles, but I sat wondering. "What am I?" I demanded. His face scrunched up a little. At the time, my 12-year-old self looked and acted plain, forgettable even. He, however, had summed up people who share my basic facial features as either the supermodels he saw in advertisements or the nameless mass of pinch-faced Chinese mobsters in movies. Eventually, he called me ugly. He decided that between the choices of “ugly”, "hot,” and "apologizing”, insulting me was the least embarrassing response for him.
In 9th …show more content…
I didn't actually tell people, "I'm not Asian,” but did the subconscious equivalent and alienated myself from my ethnic identity. I played along with the stereotypes and told the jokes I knew kids would laugh at, about my high marks, my subpar P.E scores, my "weird" food. I realize now how counterproductive it was, but at the time I believed I would be accepted, that I would be that "cool Asian” who wasn't like the others, who could take a joke. Ethnicity goes beyond being a joke. Racial stereotypes box us in because people only know what we see and hear. Asian Americans are told they are good at math and science, but they don’t command high-profile jobs. Subsequently, student hardly ever see Asian actors, never study Asian authors, and never have a favorite athlete that just happens to be Asian : a vicious cycle of monkey-doesn't-see-monkey-doesn't-do.
Only recently have I even thought to distinguish my real passions from my socialized ones. I know now that, even if ethnicity is a meaningful part of me, how other people see it does not define me. Instead of trying to mask the unique aspects of my culture to appeal to others, I can look within and find what it is I like to focus on improving myself. My interest in art, languages, and history are no less real than my interest in math and science because of the shape of my eyes or the tint of my