I see the dance that happened between the dominant and the passive personalities in a relationship. Every relationship has one. How I see it through the lens of my parents’ relationship is that if you are the passive one you will get hurt and that can be catastrophic. In my own intimate relationships I have to fully commit to one personality or the other. If I am the dominant personality I am in control, like my father always was. What I say goes and there is no questioning my world. This can be troublesome because my partners never want to be controlled, and in some ways I do not always want to be in control. Conversely, if I am passive in the relationship it usually means that I am checked out or not invested in the relationship. This also does not work because I have to care enough about the relationship to make it move forward. The role I play in my family has also bled over into my relationships. I will still act as the parentified child with my partner. There is a wealth of passive aggressive anger that I will hold onto in a relationship because I am afraid of what a confrontation might lead to. Also by being passive aggressive there is less pressure on me to have to do any more work than I have to and it is left up to the other person to figure out what is irking me. Furthermore, I have a need to be in control of each situation. As soon as I lose control I risk not being able to protect myself from being hurt by my
I see the dance that happened between the dominant and the passive personalities in a relationship. Every relationship has one. How I see it through the lens of my parents’ relationship is that if you are the passive one you will get hurt and that can be catastrophic. In my own intimate relationships I have to fully commit to one personality or the other. If I am the dominant personality I am in control, like my father always was. What I say goes and there is no questioning my world. This can be troublesome because my partners never want to be controlled, and in some ways I do not always want to be in control. Conversely, if I am passive in the relationship it usually means that I am checked out or not invested in the relationship. This also does not work because I have to care enough about the relationship to make it move forward. The role I play in my family has also bled over into my relationships. I will still act as the parentified child with my partner. There is a wealth of passive aggressive anger that I will hold onto in a relationship because I am afraid of what a confrontation might lead to. Also by being passive aggressive there is less pressure on me to have to do any more work than I have to and it is left up to the other person to figure out what is irking me. Furthermore, I have a need to be in control of each situation. As soon as I lose control I risk not being able to protect myself from being hurt by my