Fetsch !6seemed to understand why my mother wasn’t Asian like me. I began to now wish that I had just not been adopted. It’s awful and wrong but I just couldn’t apologize for it. This situation begin to complicate as Krystal reaches out to contact me more. In middle school, I start to achieve more and more. I win awards in school and pass with my classes with a shining 4.0 GPA. I have learned that this is what an Asian girl is capable of. I struggle to realize much more importantly that this is what I am capable of. My status as a minority should not dictate how well I perform in school. I just don’t know how to discard this paradigm. It’s all I know. Slowly, I begin to bring home packed lunches to school again. I don’t know how to fix the problems created by neglect to my Asian side.
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For years, I let myself feel small due to being an adopted outsider. It took getting some awards in school to tell me that there was some semblance of intelligence to be found inmyself/ my ethnicity. A few of my friends would tell me I’m so smart because I’m Korean. A small restrained voice in my head screams in utter disgust. I start to develop a new perspective on my ethnicity. I am valid, not because I’m white. I’m valid, not because I’m Asian. I’m valid because I work hard for me. I’ve moved away from an environment of discrimination and closed minds. It’s meaningless to blame kids in Colorado who barely knew what they were saying. I’ve shifted the guilt onto myself. I’m the one responsible for my shame. I believed the myth of the model minority and reinforced it. I’m sixteen now in high school and have began to comprehend the mistakes of my past. My insecurities from being an adopted child has been partially mended by my reflections but also by Krystal’s efforts to establish a relationship with me again. She has broken down emotionally to me multiple times now. I receive her messages of, “Happy Birthday, Emily.
For years, I let myself feel small due to being an adopted outsider. It took getting some awards in school to tell me that there was some semblance of intelligence to be found inmyself/ my ethnicity. A few of my friends would tell me I’m so smart because I’m Korean. A small restrained voice in my head screams in utter disgust. I start to develop a new perspective on my ethnicity. I am valid, not because I’m white. I’m valid, not because I’m Asian. I’m valid because I work hard for me. I’ve moved away from an environment of discrimination and closed minds. It’s meaningless to blame kids in Colorado who barely knew what they were saying. I’ve shifted the guilt onto myself. I’m the one responsible for my shame. I believed the myth of the model minority and reinforced it. I’m sixteen now in high school and have began to comprehend the mistakes of my past. My insecurities from being an adopted child has been partially mended by my reflections but also by Krystal’s efforts to establish a relationship with me again. She has broken down emotionally to me multiple times now. I receive her messages of, “Happy Birthday, Emily.