Negotiation

Front 1

Good vs great negotiator

Back 1

A good negotiator prepares, going in, to be ready for possible surprises;

a great negotiator aims to use her skills to reveal the surprises she is certain to find.

Front 2

Assumptions

Back 2

Don’t commit to assumptions; instead, view them as hypotheses and use the negotiation to test them rigorously.

Front 3

Battle?

Back 3

People who view negotiation as a battle of arguments become overwhelmed by the voices in their head. Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.

Front 4

Slow down

Back 4

Slow. It. Down. Going too fast is one of the mistakes all negotiators are prone to making. If we’re too much in a hurry, people can feel as if they’re not being heard. You risk undermining the rapport and trust you’ve built.

Front 5

Smile

Back 5

Put a smile on your face. When people are in a positive frame of mind, they think more quickly, and are more likely to collaborate and problemsolve (instead of fight and resist). Positivity creates mental agility in both you and your counterpart.

Front 6

Mirror

Back 6

Mirrors work magic. Repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said. We fear what’s different and are drawn to what’s similar. Mirroring is the art of insinuating similarity, which facilitates bonding. Use mirrors to encourage the other side to empathize and bond with you, keep people talking, buy your side time to regroup, and encourage your counterparts to reveal their strategy.

Front 7

3 tones

Back 7

There are three voice tones available to negotiators: 1. The late-night FM DJ voice: Use selectively to make a point. Inflect your voice downward, keeping it calm and slow. When done properly, you create an aura of authority and trustworthiness without triggering defensiveness. 2. The positive/playful voice: Should be your default voice. It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person. Your attitude is light and encouraging. The key here is to relax and smile while you’re talking. 3. The direct or assertive voice: Used rarely. Will cause problems and create pushback.

Front 8

Empathy

Back 8

the ability to recognize the perspective of a counterpart, and the vocalization of that recognition

Front 9

Empathy vs sympathy

Back 9

Notice I didn’t say anything about agreeing with the other person’s values and beliefs or giving out hugs. That’s sympathy. What I’m talking about is trying to understand a situation from another person’s perspective.

Front 10

Tactical empathy

Back 10

Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feelings so you increase your influence in all the moments that follow. It’s bringing our attention to both the emotional obstacles and the potential pathways to getting an agreement done. It’s emotional intelligence on steroids.

Front 11

Neural resonance

Back 11

When we closely observe a person’s face, gestures, and tone of voice, our brain begins to align with theirs in a process called neural resonance, and that lets us know more fully what they think and feel.

Front 12

Labeling

Back 12

We employed our tactical empathy by recognizing and then verbalizing the predictable emotions of the situation. We didn’t just put ourselves in the fugitives’ shoes. We spotted their feelings, turned them into words, and then very calmly and respectfully repeated their emotions back to them. In a negotiation, that’s called labeling Labeling has a special advantage when your counterpart is tense. Exposing negative thoughts to daylight—“It looks like you don’t want to go back to jail”—makes them seem less frightening.