Humorous Wedding Speech: How To Fuck A Girl

Be a gentlemen, manage money, work hard, be the best you can be; That’s what I wished my father told me. Be a star athlete, get all the girls, be a man; Have big biceps, be smart but not too smart, be a jock, date the hottest cheerleader; Eat healthy, don’t get fat, drink alcohol, smoke pot;
Dress nice, have a decent haircut, get yourself a smooth ride; Go to all the parties, do shots, start a fight, learn how to fuck a girl; I want to make love to a girl; Learn how to defend yourself, never back down from a challenge, don’t be a pussy; Never let somebody push you around, don’t get bullied, you be the bully; Become the MVP not the faggot I imagine you are; I am not a faggot, I’m not gay, I’m not a homosexual; Never tuck in your shirt, sag your pants, don’t wear skinny jeans; This is how you make a name for yourself; This is how you become tough; This is how you learn to respect; This is how you fuck a girl; This is how you steal answers …show more content…
I want to fall in love, I want to stare in the eyes of a beautiful girl and tell her I can’t imagine life without her; Act grown, you’re not a child; Grow a beard, get a tattoo, drink a beer; This is how you become a man; This is how you break a girl’s heart; This is how you become the coolest guy in school; Clench your your hand into a fist when and connect and tear the other man’s skin; Aim for the bridge of his nose, his throat; If there’s something heavy to swing pick it up before he does and lay him out; Always carry a knife on you; Sharpen the blade on wet stone; Open doors for women and pay them