Understand Close Relationships Ch 1,2,3,6

Front 1

The two key elements of Baumeister and Leary's argument on belonging

Back 1

1)frequent and emotionally pleasant interactions with at least a few other people
2)Stability of these affectional relationships over time

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Attachment

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The formation of social bonds

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Organic affection

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used to describe how the infant monkey clings to its mother long before it can actually recognize her

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Attachment research

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Occurred during world war II, when British psychiatrist John Bowlby was asked to study children who had been orphaned or otherwise separated from their parents and families.

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Internal working model

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or cognitive and emotional blueprint, of how relationships are likely to unfold in the future

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Securely attached children

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Gets upset when caregiver leaves and the calms down when caregiver returns

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Anxiously attached children

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Gets upset when the caregiver leaves but never really calms down, and when the caregiver comes back is both clingy and resistance. Displays ambivalence.

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Avoidantly attached children

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Does not get upset during caregiver separation and does not acknowledge caregiver when they return

Front 9

Other aspects of Baumeister and Leary's argument on belonging:

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1)Even though relationships are a good thing, there can be enough of a good thing.
2)If someone loses a close relationship for one reason or another, sometimes that relationship can be replaced with a similar relationship

Front 10

Mikulincer and Segal's types of loneliness

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Depressive
Emotional Isolation
Esteem Loneliness
Social estrangment

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Depressive loneliness

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wich can involve longing for a loved one

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Emotional isolation

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feeling rejected

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Esteem loneliness

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which has fear, shame and alienation at its core

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social estrangement

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no social ties

Front 15

Aspects of contemporary relationships

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Context
Diversity
Knowledge

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Aspects of contemporary relationships: Context

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Look at both immediate and larger societal context

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Aspects of contemporary relationshps: Diversity

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relationships come in different colors, shapes, forms and sizes

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Aspects of contemporary relationships: Knowledge

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the level of knowledge we have about relationships

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Attitude

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orientation towards or away from a particular object that involves emotion, some sort of belief of knowledge and a tendency to behave in a certain way

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affect

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emotion

Front 21

balance theories

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life is simpler and attraction is greater when people and things are in harmony

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attitude alignment

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individuals experience discomfort when they discover that their attitudes are inconsistent with those of a close partner and are motivated to change their attitudes to achieve congruence with the attitudes of the partner

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similarity

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attraction increased in direct proportion to increases in similarity between the participant and bogus stimulus stranger

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arousal

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refers to physiological arousal and the pare it plays in emotional states

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Fatal attraction

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1) a partner being dissimilar to oneself
2) a partner being unique or different from the average
3) a partner being different from normative gender role expectations (what is expected of a man or woman)

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Promiximity

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The more they interact, the more they will like or be attracted to each other

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frequency of exposure

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how often the couple sees each other

Front 28

Visual, interaction, consisting of eye gaze and eye contact can signify...

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Intimacy or aggression

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children in friendship dyads were more...

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nonverbally alike

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physical attractiveness

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attracted to another is outward appearance

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men tend to like women with...

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small noses, small chins, large eyes and a waist to hip ratio of .07

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women tend to like men...

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.9 hip to waist ratio

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Matching hypothesis

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we seek a romantic partner who is at our same level of attractiveness or social desirability

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Beauty equals goodness hypothesis

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physically attractive were also rated as having more socially desirable personalities, greater occupational success, and greater marital, professional, and general happiness

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reciprocity

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feeling that emotions and behaviors are given and received fairly equally in a relationship

Front 36

parental investment

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which proposes that men and women have different reproductive strategies

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sexual strategies theory

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proposes that since women and men have evolved different short-term and long-term strategies for mate selection, these differences may be expressed in a number of ways

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When gender equality increased....

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women's preferences for men who were older and who had greater earning potentional decreased, as did men's preferences for women who were younger and who had domestic skills

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social penetration theory

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the social masks outward appearances must be penetrated so as to the inner core of someone

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Social penetration refers to...

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1) overt interpersonal behaviors which take place in social interaction
2) internal subjective processes which precede, accompany, and follow overt exchange

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self-disclosure

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or the process of revealing one's feelings and thoughts to another

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self-disclosure; breadth

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variety to topics

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self-disclosure; depth

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intimacy of topics

Front 44

Romantic beliefs

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beliefs like " love overcomes obstacles" and "there is only one true love for everyone" associated with relationship quality but do not predict relationship quality

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Romantic beliefs for men

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predicted greater commitment at a later time when endorsed earlier

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Romantic beliefs for women

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commitment predicted romanticism

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positive illusions

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idealized beliefs that relationship partners may have about each other

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trust

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expectation that a partner is intrinsically motivated to take one's own best interests into account

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Commitment

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a person's declared intention to stay in a relationship

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personal commitment

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general, overall attitude and intention

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moral commitment

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feeling morally obligated to remain in the relationship

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structural commitment

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having barriers to ending the relationship

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approach commitment

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positive reasons for maintaining a relationship

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avoidance commitment

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negative reasons for maintaining a relationship

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mutuality of commitment

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how similar partners are in the commitment

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relationship-driven commitment

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smooth progress that takes time

Front 57

event-driven commitment

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more rapid progress, with more ups and downs

Front 58

interdependence theory

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emphasizes the degree to which relational partners are reciprocally involved in the relationship and involves two key constructs: Lvl of dependence and mutuality of dependence

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Interdependence theory: Level of dependence

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refers to how much someone depends on the relationship for meeting his or her needs

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Interdependence theory: mutuality of dependence

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refers to how similar the partners are in their dependence/involvement in the relationship

Front 61

compatibility models of courtship

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are concerned with how well partner get along with each other, or with their similarities and differences

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sequential filtering model

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the similarity or certain personal and family values becomes important early in the relationship, agreement on personal and family values becomes important at a later stage, and complementary needs become important further on

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interpersonal process models

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are less concerned with relationship stages and more with the relationship process or how partner characteristics and environmental forces interact and change over time

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prolonged courtship

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slow ans difficult process

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accelerated courtship

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rapid and seemingly almost problem free

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intermediate courtship

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falls between accelerated and prolonged and has the smoothest progression toward marriage

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Rawlins Four major dialectics

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Interdependence/dependence
affection/instrumentality
judgement/acceptance
expressiveness/protectiveness

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Developmental theories

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theories of relational chronology, or how relationships change over time

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outcome

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reward minus the cost

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comparison level

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what a person expects to get out of a particular relationship or situation

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Resource theory

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relationship partners exchange a variety of resources, including goods, love, info, money, services, and status.

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Equity theory

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concerned with fairness in relationships, based on propositions about people's desires to maximize their personal outcomes, be rewarded equitably for what they do, and minimize incidences or inequitable treatment.

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communal relationship

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someone gives a benefit based on the other person's need, rather that with an expectation of return

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behavioral motif

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a style of life and of "doing" friendship

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Social Network

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an individual's array close associates including friends and kin relations

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Network overlap

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the proportion of network members shared be the two friends

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Boundary Density

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of the cross links between members of both friends social networks

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cross-network contact

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the communications between each friend and the other friend's social network

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Rose and Asher's benefits that friendships provide to children

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1) validation and ego support
2)emotional security
3) self-disclosure
4)help and guidance
5) reliable allies
6) companionship and stimulation

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Cross sex vs same sex friendships in men and women

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Men report closer friendships with cross sex and women report closer friendships with same sex

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social support

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responsiveness to and fulfillment of another person's needs, involving thing as affection, validation, trust and emotional or material resources

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Wortman and Dunkel-schetter's supportive behaviors

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1) expressing positive emotion
2) supporting feelings or beliefs
3) encouraging expression of emotions
4) offering information or advice
5)giving material aid
6)helping with a particular task
7)letting someone know he or she is part of a supportive group

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sensitive interaction system theory

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which takes into account the individual characteristics of the support seeker and support provider, the relationship between the two people, and the nature of a give situation or problem when assessing short-term and long-term outcomes

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perceived support

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ask people who have supposedly been provided with support whether they, in fact, FEEL supported

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Gurung and Sarason's supportive influencing behaviors

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Personal characteristics
relationship factors
aspects of the situation

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Personal Characterstics

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i.e. depression, loneliness

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Relationship factors

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i.e. closeness, commitment

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aspects of the situation

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i.e. discussion of a conflict, a novel stressful situation

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Social support can

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1) prevent relationship deterioration from stress
2) alleviate depression
3) reduce conflict intensity
4) promote intimacy, trust, and positive constructuals of the partner

Front 90

Steps in perception checking, after consent

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1) Sensory description
2) give two or more interpretations
3) Invite feedback

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Perception checking step 1: Sensory description

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Describe what you sense. Guarantees both parties are on the same page

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Perception checking step 2: Give two or more interpretations

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Ask questions to find out the meaning behind the behavior or comment
1) "Did you mean.."
2) "Or did you mean..."
3) "Or something else?"

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Perception checking step 3: Invite Feedback

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Invite feedback from the other person after you have asked questions to find out meaning

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Feeling regulation intervention

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1) Come to an agreement: i.e. "When i', upset would it be okay to take a 20 min break to calm down?"
2) The reengage. Either solve the problem or take another break.

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Behavior intervention

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Change behavioral response.
What are constant specific behaviors that others will recognize as respectful , time, etc

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emotional immaturity

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Extent to which you react to emotions

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Maslow's hierarchy of needs

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5) self actualization - Becoming true self, who we actually are.
4) self-esteem - Behaviors that are motivated by need to achieve
3) Belonging - How do I fit into the world?
2) Safety - People will often sacrifice safety for physical needs
1) Physical needs - Food, water, sleep, sex(babies)

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Maslow's hierarchy of needs: Self actualization

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Becoming one's true self.

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Maslow's hierarchy of needs: Self-esteem

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Behaviors that are motivated by need to acheive

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Maslow's hierarchy of needs: Belonging

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How do I fit into the world?

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Maslow's hierarchy of needs: Safety

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Safe environment. People will often sacrifice safety for physical needs. i.e. unsafe neighborhoods.

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Maslow's hierarchy of needs: Physical needs

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food, water, sleep, sex (babies)

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Schemas of parent/child relationship

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1) Others as trust worthy - will they be there when I need them?
2) Value of self - Am I lovable?
3) Model of self-efficacy/relationships - ability to relate

Front 104

Adult attachment styles

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1) secure
2) Pre-occupied
3) dismissive/avoidant
4) fearful/avoidant

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Adult attachment styles: Secure

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Self and others +

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Adult attachment styles: Pre-occupied

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Self - , Others +
Obsess about relationships, feels worthless and tries extra hard to be equal in a relationship
Needy and clingy
Elizabeth

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Adult attachment styles: Dismissive/avoidant

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self + others -
"I'm a good person and I don't need any one"
serial daters

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Adult attachment styles: Fearful/avoidant

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Self - others -
Social hermits
Feel they don't deserve it