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26 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
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JIMMY. Come on, once we make that ridge then we’ll have a good vantage point!
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SUSAN. It’s no use! We’re all gonna die! |
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JIMMY. Snap out of it Susan! I love you! |
SUSAN. I just met you! |
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JIMMY. I must warn you: I fall in love quickly and then I fall out of love equally quickly. |
SUSAN. I love you too! |
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NARRATOR 1. Behold! (The SURVIVORS enter.) |
SUSAN. They’re gaining on us! |
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CHRISTY. I’m frightened. |
SUSAN. That’s a really helpful contribution Christy. I mean, seri- ously, when I’m running for my life it never would have occurred to me to be frightened. That was so perceptive of you to weigh in with a report on your emotional state like that. Like wow. Really? You’re frightened? |
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CHRISTY. I was just trying to say things. |
SUSAN. You know what? Next time you have the urge to speak I want you to go through a little checklist, okay? Number 1: Is what I’m about to say obvious? Number 2: Does what I have to say contribute to eliminating the global zombie menace? Number 3: Am I saying this in a unique and clever way? And number— |
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CHRISTY. Too late! They’re here! |
SUSAN. That wasn’t— |
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CHRISTY. Look out behind you! |
SUSAN. Seriously? You’re going with “Look out behind you”? That’s what you’re going to do?(She looks around.) Guys? Guys? I'm frightened. |
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SAM. This is where we make our stand! |
SUSAN. I’m frightened! |
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SAM. It can wait, Jimmy. |
SUSAN. After the inspirational speech. |
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SAM. Oh right. Um…shoot. Where was I? Uh… (SAM checks his notes.) Lots of zombies. Pain. Tiny dentists. Fight them. That’s right—we need to fight them. |
SUSAN. But how are we going to do that? There’s just four of us! |
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JIMMY. And two of us are girls! |
SUSAN. Now is not the time for sexism, Jimmy! |
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JIMMY. I played a lot of baseball in high school so I figure that— |
SUSAN. Hey how does this ion-gravity disrupter antimatter cannon work? |
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SAM. I think you press the red button. SAM. I think you press the red button. |
SUSAN. Oh, Well that was cool. |
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JIMMY. Sure. (He turns to SUSAN.) |
SUSAN. Sorry I’m not attracted to you either. |
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SAM. Why do you always have to be so mean to me? |
SUSAN. Guys! We’re running out of options! |
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SAM. They’re too fatty anyway! |
SUSAN. And I think I’ve got leprosy. what? |
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SAM. Oh. Darn. (ZOMBIES enter.) |
SUSAN. Oh man. Look. Zombies. |
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CHRISTY. (Underneath:) Hey um Susan? Are you thinking what I’m thinking? |
SUSAN. (Underneath:) Yeah probably. |
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CHRISTY. Braiiins. |
SUSAN. Braiiins. |
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SAM. You’re telling me! They almost got my knees! |
SUSAN. You’re surprisingly chipper for having your legs eaten off! |
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JIMMY. Susan? |
SUSAN. I just don’t feel comfortable touching Sam. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. |
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SAM. Hey I’m totally over you Susan. Moved on. |
SUSAN. Right. But if I drag you to safety then you’re going to think that there’s something going on between us, and that’s just a headache I don’t want to deal with right now. |
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JIMMY. Yep. So… |
SUSAN. So… |
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CHRISTY. (Offstage:) Oh no! |
SUSAN. (Offstage:) They’ve got me! |
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CHRISTY. (Offstage:) They ate my hands! |
SUSAN. (Offstage:) Luckily they’re leaving me alone for the moment! Oh wait. No I was wrong! Ahhhhh! |
