Slow Sex Study Guide: Definitions

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1. Slow Sex:

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is about feeling more of our partner

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2. Sweet Spot:

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-Where you’re actually nestled up against chaos without totally flipping over. Where the forest meets the meadow, the river meeting the ocean, the tide meeting the beach, right on the edge of one boundary on the other, you’re not tipped in either direction.

-Ex: jealousy, could go to total psycho bitch, accidentally knock into the place of turn on, feels good.

-most potentiation, most velocity.

-om: the point where you’re so closed to going over, riding the edge of going over and you don’t.

-wine glass, wet finger, start stroking it, gets to the place of where it starts resonating, but keep going, that stroke will also make it shatter, also have the potential to make it explode.

wanting/having

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3. Dynamic Tension:

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when a challenging situation is used to create expansion in that person or in that relationship. specifically

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4. Handling:

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-You know the destination

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5. Real time relating:

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relating to a person based on what they are communicating in that moment

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6. Limbic resonance:

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When two people’s limbic systems synchronize. (per Hadass: specifically

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7. Toxic mimic:

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when we reach for a subsitution for the thing we want

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8. Pop out effect:

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Once you’ve learned how to spot a mushroom and then spot it

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9. Value neutral:

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Something that has no negative or positive connotation

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10. Levels of abstraction:

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a series of viewpoints or perspectives on a spectrum which ranges from the specific individual and concrete to the general and the theoretical. when the speaker is communicating about something which is general and theoretical

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11. Meme:

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a collection of cultural ideas/concepts/symbols which can be transmitted from one person to another through written/verbal/emotional communication.
a conceptual equivalent to a gene

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12. Magical naming:

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Naming what’s there and by naming it

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13. Ephesus:

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In ancient Greece the men would go to war and when they came back they would go to the temple of the sacred prostitutes where they would get the war fucked out of them

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14. Spherical relating:

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We all believe that in relating you are supposed to meet someone, fall in love, date them, move in, marry them, have kids, live in Suburbia, etc...how very linear of you.
However, in spherical relating there is no step by step play. You are each other’s friend, lover, mother, sister, teacher, and whatever else is there, creating a spherical relationship. It can keep going and circulating through different roles.

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15. Aristotelian logic:

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A is A (Law of Identity) - Lindsay is mine.
Everything is Either A or Not A (Law of Excluded Middle) - Lindsay is mine therefore no one else’s.
Nothing is Both A and Not A (Law of Noncontradiction) - Lindsay is not mine and belongs to everyone.
(per Hadass: i think this last one is: Therefore it isnt possible that Lindsay is both Mine and Belongs To Everyone)

When your partner is making out with someone else, you think you’re not loved. Then you think of 3 people who love you and you’re logic is proved wrong. There are shades of gray, not black and white. (Eli) (per Hadass - this second piece sounds like non Aristotelian logic - because arestotilian is you can only have it one way or another - )

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16. Down:

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Power (to bring about change)

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17. Up:

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Inspiration

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18. Orgasm:

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1. when the involuntary musculature is activated.
2. ignited sensation at the point of contact.
3. when two come together to create a third that holds them both.

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19. OM:

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a 15 minute partnered practice where one person strokes the genitals of another. Orgasmic meditation is a technique that develops mindfulness

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20. Stroke:

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Movement of the finger on the clit

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21. Get off:

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Potentiation. What occurs at the moment in which the strokee/stroker is willing to let the orgasm move through them and feel every stroke. On one level

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22. Resistance:

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the amount of turn on is proportional to the amount of turn on

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23. Peaking:

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A concept in orgasmic meditation used to describe a moment in which the stroker changes the stroke when he senses that the next stroke will be less sensational then the last. Specifically this occurs when he reaches the top of an upstroke or the bottom of an downstroke. Then it is time to change direction.

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24. Going over:

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a concept in orgasmic meditation used to describe a moment where all the sensation is quickly gathered and then released explosively through the genitals through climax or through the eyes through crying. Also a release of all the sensation or emotion that is gathered in the body all at once

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25. Frame:

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a sensory snapshot description of a experience

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26. Third Dimension:

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The tangible material plane. 3D.

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27. Fourth Dimension:

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the spiritual plane

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28. Phase transition:

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The moment in which a sudden external shift occurs

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29. Emergent behavior:

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Behavior that we suppress or are unaware of

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30. Tumescence:

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Uncatalyzed sexual energy. It is value neutral. when our body has an increase in sensation in response to being excited by a situation or internal thought or emotion

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31. Metabolization:

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Once we’ve had a concentrated emotional experience

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32. Metamessage:

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the underlying communication present in someone’s speech. Example: While a person may be talking about an innocent family picnic

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33. Whacked:

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an experience in which a person becomes stuck in self-negative thinking and feeling. This is often a reaction to someone else delivering a truth to this person in which they overly wallow

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34. Scarcity:

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a perceived experience in which a person believes there is not enough for them. Whether it be material possessions

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35. Upstroke:

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a stroke that adds levity and expansiveness. in coaching an upstroke moves a person into action

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36. Downstroke:

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a downstroke is both a verbal and physical experience. Verbally

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37. Bardo:

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literally a place that is between life and death. In life this place is experienced as a time of transition

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38. Saboteur:

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unhelpful thoughts or ‘voices’ in a person’s head

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39. Collusion:

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when one person finds themselves overly identifying with another

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40. Resentment:

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a response which arises in one person as a result of a perception of lack of. When a person believes that a certain person has access to something they do not

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41. Immune response:

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a defensive response on the part of someone who perceives to be threatened by information or particular communication directed at him. This may happen in the case of a person who is hearing a particular truth about themselves that they are afraid is true

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42. Safe porting:

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This is letting the person who is at effect

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43. Divine semantics:

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communication which is available from the external environment at a non-overt level

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44. Finite player:

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is someone who is only interested in winning a short term game. In simple terms

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45. Infinite player:

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An infinite player recognizes the endless possibilities to continue play even ‘finite’ play terms like ‘losing’ or ‘giving’ up in the short term seem appropriate. The infinite player knows that finite games fit within the infinite game

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46. Getting worked:

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this is what happens when our body and mind is going through a transformational process. As we receive this new information or new experience

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47. Homeostasis:

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this is a state of rest which when we stay in it too long begins to inhibit us in moving forward in our lives towards our bigger desires and goals. it feels comfortable and safe and at the same time does not encourage forward movement. We may have the urge to fall back into this state right as we are entering a period of growth.

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48. Little d desire:

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these are the desires that are needed in our lives to serve our larger vision of how we want to live

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49. Big D desire:

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this is the larger vision of our lives. It feels like the thing that we are meant to do

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50. Right range:

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play within the bounds

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51. Owesies:

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a concept which many people hold about life in which if one person gains pleasure from something their partner has done either for them as a genuine act of service

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52. Sugar layer:

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the idea that right before we have an experience of large growth and transformation

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53. Charge:

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When an experience we have challenges our idea of how we see ourselves

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54. Catalyze:

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when we are confronted with a challenging situation in our lives

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55. Potentiate:

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when we experience awareness of a rise in sensation in our body as a result of physical stimuli

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56. Havingness level:

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the idea that even though we may have great desires for many things or experiences

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57. Turn-On:

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a physical reaction that occurs in the body as a result of an internal exciting thought or feeling either generated by our own self

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58. Purpose:

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the idea that we are in our optimal experience of happiness when we are serving something that is beyond ourselves

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59. Play:

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the idea that any situation we are present in has the capacity to be a game. Rather then interacting with the situation at face value

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60. Unconditional freedom:

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the idea that we can have a range of responses available to us