Rumors Act 1

Front 1

Claire, darling, you look beautiful. Where's lenny?

Back 1

In the car. We had an accident. Brand new BMW, two days old, the side door is smashed in. Dont tell Charley and Myra, I don't want to ruin tonight for them.

Front 2

Oh, my God! Are you hurt?

Back 2

My lip is swelling up. Oh, Jesus, I look like a trumpet player.

Front 3

Where's lenny?

Back 3

He's coming. He's walking slowly, hes got whiplash. His seatbelts went right around his neck, and pulled him straight up. I left him dangling.

Front 4

Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?

Back 4

Just dont tell Myra. This party means so much to her.

Front 5

I dont think I could swallow past my shoulders

Back 5

Of all the nights to happen

Front 6

Here's their gift steuben glass. If someone brings them a bottle of glue they'll have a nice gift

Back 6

I could have lost the tip of my toung. I'd be speaking Gaelic the rest of my life

Front 7

Could you? Its important. I'm at 9144732261... thank you very much

Back 7

I've got to settle my stomach. Is there anything to eat? Some canapes or something?

Front 8

Gee. I dont see anything

Back 8

No canapes? Wheres the cook, Mai li? She makes great canapés

Front 9

Mai li? I didnt see her. I think she's off this week

Back 9

The weak of their anniversary party?

Front 10

I think she had to go back to Japan. Her mother was sick

Back 10

Mai li is Chinese

Front 11

They're not ready? We had a car accident and we're on tume

Back 11

My lip is getting gigantic. I dont think I have enough lipstick to cover it.

Front 12

But it's a shorter run

Back 12

Lenny, it's not an Olympic event. Why dont you just go?

Front 13

Clair we have to talk

Back 13

What is it?

Front 14

I'm coming apart at the seams

Back 14

Your dress?

Front 15

No, my nerves. I think I'm going to cracj

Back 15

I can see your hands are like ice. Something is going in on here isnt it?

Front 16

Oh, God, your so smart. You're so quick to see things

Back 16

Your scaring me, Chris. Tell me whata happening.

Front 17

Isnt that the dress you wore for cerebral palsy?

Back 17

No. I got this for sickle cell. Hi ken

Front 18

Wheres lenny?

Back 18

Hes in the John. Where's Charley and myar?

Front 19

Yes still getting dressed... how's the new BMW? Is len happy with it?

Back 19

Delirious

Front 20

Did he get the new features he asked for?

Back 20

More than he asked for.

Front 21

Great.

Back 21

Are you through in the bathroom, Ken? I have to go myself.

Front 22

I think Myra in there.

Back 22

Then I'll use mai li's bathroom. Call me if she gets back from japan.

Front 23

… yes. But not enough. Be right with you

Back 23

This is very weird.

Front 24

Give me the pretzels

Back 24

There's plenty of food in the kitchen, but nothing's cooked.

Front 25

Why didn't you open this first?

Back 25

There's a duck, roast ham, smoked Turkey, all defrosting on the table. There's pasta sitting in a pot with no water. Everything's ready to go, but no ones there to start it. Doesnt that seem strange to you?

Front 26

Not a strange as him peeing twice in a row… have you got something sharp, a nail file or something?

Back 26

Chris started to tell me something and then she clammed up

Front 27

The door to my BMW open like tissue paper but this thing is like steel

Back 27

Her hands were as cold as ice. She couldn't look me straight in the eye.

Front 28

This would be a safe place to keep your jewelry!! goddamnmit!!

Back 28

Why are they taking so long to get dressed? What is that about heh?

Front 29

What are you so dam suspicious for? Give the people a chance to come down.

Back 29

Oh, you Don't notice anything is wrong?

Front 30

Yes, I noticed. I noticed the towels in the bathroom were piled up on the sink and not on the rock. I notice there's only a Sheet and a 1/2 left on the toilet paper I think it's sloppy but not a scandal

Back 30

Really? Well, I'm not so sure I'd rule out a scandal.

Front 31

You think I don't know what you're talking about? I hear what's going on. I hear the gossip, I hear the rumors and I won't listen to that krapp, you understand. He is my friend, she is the wife of my friend.

Back 31

Find! OK, then forget it.

Front 32

I don't listen to filth and garbage about my friends.

Back 32

I said forget it.

Front 33

... Alright. Come here.

Back 33

What's wrong with here?

Front 34

They can hear us their. Here is better. Will you come here! It's not good.

Back 34

What's not good?

Front 35

What I heard.

Back 35

What did you hear?

Front 36

Will you lower your voice?

Back 36

Why? We haven't said anything yet.