Relationships

Front 1

3 occasions when we tune in highly to relationship messages

Back 1

1. when the message seems to violate our expectations for the relationship in a given situation
2. when we are involved in relationships characterized by high levels of intimacy (fusion of the content and relationship levels)
3. when disagreement and conflict arise

Front 2

Response matching

Back 2

people tend to match each other's length of utterance, interruptions/silences, the use of certain type of words, extent to which one reveals info about themselves, & NV signals

Front 3

Empathetic accuracy

Back 3

- the ability to accurately infer the specific content of a partner's thoughts & feelings
- gradually increases as a couple develops a close relationship
- an optimum level for each dimension of communication will be reached & the couple will fall back to a comfortable & functional level

Front 4

Personalized communication

Back 4

- telling another person things we don't tell most people but not indiscriminately giving opinions of their behavior
- relying on a greater variety of channels for sending & receiving messages
- cultivating & using messages that are more personal to the interacting pair only
- Elements: public/personal, stylized/unique, rigid/flexible

Front 5

Synchronized communication

Back 5

conversations that are smooth, flowing, effortless, spontaneous, relaxed, informal, and well coordinated
- Elements: difficult/efficient, awkward/smooth, & hesitant/spontaneous

Front 6

Knapp's Model of Interaction:
Initiation

Back 6

where people initially meet & assess each other

Front 7

Knapp's Model of Interaction: Experimenting

Back 7

people are acquaintances & are seeking information, a lot of small talk, the time people reduce uncertainty about each other, "secret tests" by seeing how someone will respond, see if they meet your expectations. Most relationships don't move beyond this stage.

Front 8

Knapp's Model of Interaction: Intensification

Back 8

amount of personal disclosure increases, nicknames may arise, private shared memories, indirect references to commitment, NV communication more sophisticated, very passionate stage.

Front 9

Knapp's Model of Interaction:
Integrating

Back 9

partners clearly fuse as a couple, "coupling," direct references to commitment, emphasize areas that they have in common & downplay their opposites, social circles start to merge, "intimacy trophies," increase in physical intimacy.

Front 10

Knapp's Model of Interaction:
Bonding

Back 10

public ritual that they are committing together (going steady, being engaged, getting married), there are a lot more obstacles to giving up the relationship.

Front 11

Dialectical theory:
Integration & separation

Back 11

merging vs. remaining an individual (connectedness & separateness)

Front 12

Dialectical theory: expression & non-expression

Back 12

hide and seek of thoughts and emotions (openness & closedness)

Front 13

Dialectical theory: stability & change

Back 13

predictability vs. spontaneity

Front 14

Dialectical theory: internal manifestation

Back 14

interaction within the relational dyad

Front 15

Dialectical theory: external manifestation

Back 15

interaction with people outside the dyad

Front 16

Baxter's typology: people experience tension between needs for social integration & social division

Back 16

connection-autonomy: individuals want to be close to their partners but also want personal freedom
inclusion-seclusion: couples want to spend time with their social network but also want to spend time alone

Front 17

Baxter's typology: people want security & continuity, but they also want excitement

Back 17

predictability-novelty: individuals want routine & consistency in their relationship, but also want spontaneity & novelty
conventionality-uniqueness: couples want to adhere to social norms to fit in with others, but they also want to see themselves as special & unique

Front 18

Baxter's typology: people want to express themselves to others but also keep some information private

Back 18

openness-closedness: individuals want to feel free to self-disclose but also keep some secrets
revelation-concealment: couples want to talk about their relationships with their social networks, but also want to keep some aspects of their relationship private

Front 19

Management of dialectical tensions:
selection

Back 19

value one side of dialectic more than the other

Front 20

Management of dialectical tensions:
separation

Back 20

favor different sides at different times (most people do this)

Front 21

Management of dialectical tensions:
cyclic alternation

Back 21

cycling back and forth between two sides

Front 22

Management of dialectical tensions:
topical segmentation

Back 22

emphasizing different sides of the dialectic based on topic or context

Front 23

Management of dialectical tensions:
neutralization

Back 23

avoid full engagement of either side

Front 24

Management of dialectical tensions:
moderation

Back 24

striving to reach a midpoint

Front 25

Management of dialectical tensions: disqualification

Back 25

striving to be ambiguous so neither side of the dialectic is engaged

Front 26

Management of dialectical tensions: reframing

Back 26

adjusting perceptions so dialectics are viewed as complementary rather than contradictory

Front 27

Duck's relationship filtering model

Back 27

set of filters for making choices about level of relationship we wish to pursue

Front 28

Ducks filtering model: sociological/incident cues

Back 28

Constraints: placed on our meeting people due to where we live or work, given our sociological location there are some people we see a lot & others we will never meet.

Front 29

Duck's filtering model: pre-interaction cues

Back 29

information we gain about people before we even interact with them leads us to exclude or include individuals with whom we wish to have a relationship
- attraction

Front 30

Duck's filtering model: interaction cues

Back 30

judgments to help decide about further interaction and possible relationship

Front 31

Duck's filtering model: cognitive cues

Back 31

judgments based on personality match
"best friends" or partners
deepest level

Front 32

Turning points

Back 32

any event or occurrence that is associated with change in a relationship
non-linear approach

Front 33

Types of turning points

Back 33

- communication based
- activities & special occasions
- commitment & exclusivity
- changes in families & social networks
- proximity & distance
- crises & conflict
- perceptual changes: positive or negative psychic changes

Front 34

Social exchange theory

Back 34

explains interpersonal behaviors in terms of the exchange of rewards and costs
- constantly exchanging resources in relationships
- resources are evaluated as rewarding or not rewarding
- people tend to seek rewards
- relationships with more rewards & fewer costs will be more satisfying & last longer
rewards-cost = outcome

Front 35

Comparison level

Back 35

how happy or sad this relationship makes you compared to other relationships you have has or could have (threshold above which an outcome seems attractive)

Front 36

Equity

Back 36

what you get from the relationship is equal to what you put in (perception might not match reality)

Front 37

Equality rule

Back 37

each partner is perceived as contributing equally & benefitting equally

Front 38

Reward level

Back 38

the more rewards people get, the happier they are

Front 39

Need-based rule

Back 39

people exchange resources in response to what they perceive as their partner's needs

Front 40

Norm of reciprocity

Back 40

there is a strong tendency on the part of human beings to respond in kind to the behavior they receive

Front 41

Lipthrott basic stages of relationships: Stage 1

Back 41

romantic love: "loving under the influence"
- higher levels of dopamine & other brain chemicals

Front 42

Lipthrott basic stages of relationships: Stage 2

Back 42

disappointment or distress: "power struggle"

Front 43

Lipthrott basic stages of relationships: Stage 3

Back 43

knowledge and awareness

Front 44

Lipthrott basic stages of relationships:
Stage 4

Back 44

transformation

Front 45

Lipthrott basic stages of relationships:
Stage 5

Back 45

real love

Front 46

Distance

Back 46

attempt to put psychological & physical barriers between the two communicators (happens in termination)

Front 47

Disassociation

Back 47

in messages that are essentially preparing one or both individuals for their continued life without the other- increasing concern for one's own self-interests, emphasizing differences

Front 48

Imitation

Back 48

reciprocated response usually follows soon after the initial response & is generally less conscious
ex: "I love you, I love you too"

Front 49

Emotional contagion

Back 49

one's person's feeling state is assumed & reflected by other's present.
- falls within the realm of imitation

Front 50

Intimacy

Back 50

an interaction is intimate if a discloser perceives that their listener conveyed understanding, accepting, validation & caring towards the discloser & their communication

Front 51

3 elements of intimacy

Back 51

Understood: "my partner sees me"
Validation: "my partner values me"
Care for: "my partner likes me"

Front 52

Equilibrium models

Back 52

- people prefer an optimal level of intimacy
- they yearn to be close
- they have fears of intimacy
- vicious cycle

Front 53

Short-cut the intimacy pattern with...

Back 53

- people craving intimacy expect some of their needs to be fulfilled by mates & the rest of their needs are satisfied by others (family)
- learn to be more loving/attentive
- people are easily overwhelmed by intimacy
- recognize when they are getting overwhelmed & ask for temporary space, can learn to give a little more breathing room

Front 54

6 dimensions associated with the strength of commitment

Back 54

1. perception of rewarding future
2. Id the relationship
3. perceiving favor attractive alt.
4. willingness to exert an effort on the relationship
5. investing more in the relationship
6. accepting responsibility for the relationship commitment

Front 55

Ways to enhance communication of intimacy

Back 55

- repetition: repeat it over and over
- explicitness: use unqualified absolute statement
- future together: talk about relationship rewards
- go public: ("we" instead of "I")
- codified: make statement in writing
- do things that show significant effort
- initiation & reciprocity

Front 56

Types of personal idioms (indicate intimacy)

Back 56

1. Expressions of affection (pulling on your right ear lobe to mean “I love you”)
2. Teasing insults
3. Partner nicknames
4. Names for others
5. Requests and routines (code words for saying your bored at a party)
6. Confrontations
7. Sexual invitations
8. Sexual references and euphemisms (naming certain… uh… body parts…)

Front 57

Reasons why relationships "pass away"

Back 57

1. A new intimate enters the scene
2. Interaction distance
3. The normal processes of individual psychological and physical development over the course of the relationship may say strength from the relationship. “It used to be exciting and different, but now it’s just unpredictable and weird.”

Front 58

Types of jealousy

Back 58

1. Time jealousy: the feeling that one doesn't have enough time with the partner
Ex: “You spend more time playing video games than listening to the extremely interesting details of my day.”
2. Person jealous: one partner may be threatened or irritated by a specific person the other has chosen to relate to
Ex: “Someone tagged you dancing with your ex! Talk. Now.”
3. Opportunity/Situation jealousy: one person may have unique opportunities/experiences that exclude the partner, who then feels cheated
Ex: “Oh so your family invites everyone including your creepy next door neighbor but not me?! What is this?!”

Front 59

Reasons why some relationships have "sudden death"

Back 59

- the partner's have lost feelings of intimacy, but continue to act out their roles because certain ties make it difficult to sever the relationship
- some times one person wants to terminate but the other does not
- expectations for the rate of relationship development differ
- neither party wants to end the relationship but an unforeseen event results in termination
- Infidelity
- Serious argument
- Physical violence
- The sudden, shocking discovery of incompatibility: “OMG! What, BillyBob?! You don’t like The Notebook too?? Well, this just isn’t going to work then.”

Front 60

5 message strategies people use when breaking up

Back 60

1. Positive tone (helps relieve break-up stress): “I told her I was so sorry to break off the relationship.”
2. Negative identity management (unhealthy strategy): “I told her that life is short and that I want to date other chicks.”
3. Justification (being honest): “I explained to him that a good relationship should make both people happy and that I wasn’t happy and that I didn’t want to date anymore.”
4. Behavioral de-escalation (no verbal cues): “I just completely ignored him.”
5. De-escalation (verbal cues): “I explained the way I viewed relationships and said that I wasn’t sure that ours matched with that view, so I told him that we should cool off and see how things go.”

Front 61

Ways to communicate distance

Back 61

- with the actual distance between the interacting communicators or an in increase in time between interactions
- by the communicator content (non-immediacy/not liking)
- NV behaviors

Front 62

3 categories of distancing behaviors

Back 62

1. Avoidance: prevent interaction or reduce interaction time
2. Disengagement: hiding information about oneself, using non-immediacy or treating the other person as a stranger
3. Cognitive dissociation: disregarding the other's message or emotionally detaching oneself from the other

Front 63

3 things a farewell does

Back 63

1. Summarizes the substance of the discourse
“Yeah so we were in love. I uh, yeah I got hurt, so I’ve been thinking lately about ‘us’ and uh….”
2. Signals the impending decreased access between the communicators “Yeah.. we aren’t going to go out anymore.”
3. Signals supportiveness “but thanks, you know? I really did grow a lot because of you….”

Front 64

5 extreme communication patterns

Back 64

1. Helpful-critical
2. Active-passive
3. Aggressive-evasive
4. Dominating-submissive
5. Certain-provisional

Front 65

Helpful-critical

Back 65

Helpful: a person not requesting help but having another try to give it by "reading the other's mind." A person requesting help, which another consents to give by then doesn't provide.
Critical: the fault-finder or complainer
Ex:
Accusations: You're such a hypocrite.“ You caused your grandmothers death. She died of a broken heart because you didnt show her how much you loved her.
Evaluations: You're going to look like a blimp if you keep eating that stuff. Youre worthless. You never have done anything worthwhile and you never will.“ You don't know what it means to love someone. Disclosure: You're mother told me she never loved you.
Information: I had sex with Melvin while you were gone.

Front 66

Active-passive

Back 66

Active: a person who is over social, who forces himself on you
Passive: someone who is frequently withdrawn, indifferent & silent
Ex: responding continually with silence, pseudo- agreement to reduce the length of the others argument ( Right. Um- hmm.“ Sure.), or indifference and lack of commitment ( Do what you want; I dont care). The passive person may dramatize the need to withdraw or avoid others by announcing departure at an inappropriate juncture saying "Im going to bed" in the middle of anothers statement. Equally upsetting, but more devious, is the technique of using sullenness and withdrawal as a means of testing the other persons relationship commitment

Front 67

Aggressive-evasive

Back 67

Aggressive: can be divisive and provoke an individual to physical violence
Evasive:( 1) the process of changing the focus of responsibility away from oneself and onto another or others ( 2) the process of changing the direction of the conversation by either not answering, managing the question, or managing the questioner ( 3) the process of changing the level of conversation by treating a serious response lightheartedly or vice versa, or by trying to bring a very abstract discussion down to a concrete level or vice versa and ( 4) the process of sending incongruous messages and putting people in double binds.

Front 68

Dominating-submissive

Back 68

Dominant: assumes the other is somehow not quite adequate in some areas & therefore needs to be shown the way, can be sought directly through commands and ultimatums or indirectly through games like "torture rack" or "you can never repay me"
Submissive: elicit undesirable responses in a relationship because of its exaggeration on dependency, avoidance of responsibility, & self-depreciating remarks

Front 69

Certain-provisional

Back 69

Certain: may over generalize, exhibit absolutism in verbal behavior, avoid qualifications, or be characterized by feeling that one is saying all that is important to say
Provisional: life is far too unpredictable to ever know or say anything for sure, a decision less state of limbo is maintained

Front 70

Approach-Withdraw pattern

Back 70

Alternating from wanting to talk to and be with your partner constantly to wanting a few days to chill by yourself or hang with your friends. An attempt to find a balance in levels of communication

Front 71

5 stages of aggression

Back 71

1. Reparteé (witty remarks that are like a teasing competition)
2. Cliché (similar to Reparteé, but the convo. replaces witty tease remarks with cliché comebacks like: “Is that right?” “You got it, man!” “Oh yeah?” “Yeah.” “Oh verrry funny.” “Ha I’ll bet it is….”)
3. Name calling
4. Provocation (insults, threats, and accusations)
5. Physiological degeneration (face muscles tighten and hands clench)

Front 72

4 ways to evade aggression

Back 72

1. Changing the focus of responsibility (“It was my friend’s fault, not mine!”
2. Changing the direction of the convo. (can be done by either by ignoring a question or not fully answering it)
3. Changing the level of the conversation (When a student asks a professor when the grades will be up, the professor responds by explaining how stressful a teaching role can be.)
4. Sending incongruous messages (Damn it, Lester, don’t you know that I love you!”)

Front 73

Mind reading

Back 73

an attempt by one person to predict and state to another what the other person is feeling or thinking, how they will react, what they'll accept or reject, & what their motivations are

Ex: “Oh, I get it…with the way you just reacted over a little issue, you must be about to start your period.” or “You’re not hurt. You’re just embarrassed.”

Front 74

Equivocal communication

Back 74

nonstraightforward communication: it appears ambiguous, contradictory, tangential, obscure, or even evasive.

Front 75

Double bind

Back 75

damned if you do, damned if you don't, occurs when person A puts person B in a position that regardless of what person B says or does, sanctioning will be the result.

Front 76

Types of infidelity

Back 76

- Sexual (guys get more upset when they find out their girlfriend cheated like this)
- Emotional (girls get more upset when they find out their boyfriend cheated like this)

Front 77

Communication cues for infidelity

Back 77

- Loss of love and expressions of dissatisfaction
- Emotional withdrawl and reluctance to spend time together
- Reluctance to talk about a particular person
- Negative communication patterns reflecting guilt, anxiety, anger, and rejection
- Increased interest in his/her own appearance
- Deception cues in verbal and nonverbal behavior

Front 78

Different focus for Duck’s dissolution phases

Back 78

Focuses on the relationship between cognition and communication during the dissolution process, includes the social network as well as communication within the dyad, and begins when there is communication breakdown and dissatisfaction with the relationship
1. Intrapsychic phase: “I just can’t stand this anymore!” weighing costs and rewards, evaluating alternatives, and determining one’s needs and feelings
2. Dyadic phase: “I’d be justified in withdrawing.” Avoidance, conflict, confrontation, negotiation, and negative emotional responses
3. Social: “I mean it!” Talking about your problems with others and/or getting counseling
4. Grave-dressing phase: “Ok, now it’s inevitable.” Formal break-up; rationalize and reassess the relationship to create an “account” that enables the person to get over the loss; and developing and refining the “break-up story”

Front 79

Order and focus of Knapp's coming-apart phases & typical communication

Back 79

“Coming Apart” stages a.k.a. “the reversal hypothesis”…. based on the idea that communication quantity and quality decrease as partners disengage… couples can “skip” stages or move through them in a different order
Stage 1: Differentiating
Stage 2: Circumscribing: avoid disclosure separation
Stage 3: Stagnating: to achieve psychological separation by bringing comm. to a standstill
Stage 4: Avoiding: to achieve physical separation (taking a break or moving out)
Stage 5: Terminating: to break up with minimal negative affects and consequences

Front 80

Catastrophe theory

Back 80

Some relationships do not gradually unwind through stages of relational dissolution, but instead are characterized by sudden death, brought on by a single, critical event

Front 81

4 pathways to miscommunication

Back 81

1. the speaker's intent and the message do not correspond.
2. the listener infers the wrong intent from the message even though the speaker encodes it properly.
3. both the listener and the speaker make errors.
4. both the speaker and the listener perform their task adequately and neither makes an error.

Front 82

Hart's principles for effective communication

Back 82

1. I am committed to you and will try to deal with your immediate existence ( i. e., Im going to talk with you, not at you.)

Example: "I get the feeling youre still not con-vinced. What do you think we ought to do about the problem?"

Front 83

Hart's principles for effective communication

Back 83

2. I am committed to my message ( i. e., I mean what I say and I know what Im talking about.)

Example:
"You may not vote for me, but I'm in this race til the bitter end."

Front 84

Hart's principles for effective communication

Back 84

I hope that both of us will profit from this interaction ( i. e., Im talking to you for our mutual benefit.)

Example: "Hey, its been great talking to you."

Front 85

Hart's principles for effective communication

Back 85

I want to interact with you and hope that our relationship will continue ( i. e., We will make communication and, perhaps, a relationship.)

Example: "As you go to college, John, remember that well miss you and that you can count on us."

Front 86

Hart's principle for effective communication

Back 86

I want you to understand fully the practical implications of my message ( i. e., Im talking about things that can be understood and utilized.)

Example: "If you remember nothing else, just remember that I love you."

Front 87

Guidelines for effective couple's communication

Back 87

1. be flexible and stubborn
2. talk openly about your feelings, attitudes and opinions
3. respond to your partner in ways that show respect, value, and caring
4. attend to the important
5. work at the relationship, but remember to have fun

Front 88

Hart's principles are grounded in the communicator's ability to make partners feel that they:

Back 88

1. are committed to them and are trying to deal with their immediate existence
2. are committed to their own message
3. hope both participants will profit from the interaction
4. want to interact with the other and hope that the relationship will continue
5. want the listeners to understand fully the practical implications of the message.

Front 89

Gottman's recommendations to dealing with gridlock conflict

Back 89

1. have a different type of conversation, one that doesn't focus on problem solving
2. make an agreement to try to understand what makes the issue so important to the other person; ask questions and try to listen.
3. goal: to have dialogue, avoid problem-solving, convincing, or arguing for your position

Front 90

4 tendencies that happen when a person becomes upset or disappointed with his/her partner

Back 90

1. you blame partner for your unhappiness
2. you fail to see your contribution to the problem
3. you attempt to get your partner to change his or her behavior
4. your partner becomes defensive and resists change

Front 91

What is meant by an apology

Back 91

- focus on the person: emphasize the value of the relationship and what the relationship means to you
- be specific: % of time focused on the person vs. % of time focused on the injury
- deliver the goods: anticipate verbal and NV expectations from the person you are apologizing to
- go all the way: do everything within your power to replace the loss

Front 92

Four Horsemen

Back 92

- complaints/criticism
- contempt/discuss
- defensiveness
- stonewalling: ignoring

Front 93

7 positive principles that improve a marriage's chance for success

Back 93

1. enhance your love maps
2. nurture your fondness and admiration
3. turn toward each other instead of away
4. let your partner influence you
5. solve your solvable problems
6. overcome gridlock
7. create shared meaning

Front 94

Perceptions of formality

Back 94

Sometimes we perceive our environment along a formal-informal continuum. Perceived formality may be based on any number of stimuli within the setting. It may be based on the decor or on the normal functions associated with a particular room most kitchens offer a more formal setting than do most bedrooms. Perceived formality may derive from the apparel worn by those present black tie, come as you are, uniforms.

Front 95

Perceptions of warmth

Back 95

When environments are perceived as warm, we are more inclined to linger, to feel relaxed and comfortable. Warmth may be associated with plants, woodwork, carpeting, soft chairs, drapes, lack of harsh lighting, or sound-proofing.

Front 96

Perceptions of privacy

Back 96

Privacy allows indi-viduals the chance to engage in solitary activities ( e. g., quiet contemplation), but it also creates an opportunity for intimate communication. Having privacy enables us to share something special with others. For instance, personal objects of one or both communicators in the environment may contribute to perceptions of privacy family pictures, a toothbrush, trinkets. Settings per-ceived as private usually encourage closer speaking distances, greater depth and breadth of topics discussed, and communication designed to fit a special relationship with one or two other people. In other words, our communication is likely to be flexible and spontaneous.

Front 97

Perceptions of familiarity

Back 97

Since we are uncertain of the norms or typical responses associated with unfamiliar environments, there is increased pressure to suspend overt judgments of the other person. Hence, initial communication in unfamiliar settings will probably be more awkward and difficult as we try to go slowly until we can associate this envi-ronment with one we know.

Front 98

Perceptions of constraint

Back 98

Part of our total reaction to a setting is based on our per-ception of whether ( and how easily) we can leave it.

Front 99

Perceptions of distance

Back 99

how close or far away the environment forces us to conduct our communication with another person. Very often identifiable facets of the environment create greater physical distance tables, chairs, desks, offices on a different floor, houses in different parts of the city. As the intimacy of the relationship increases, there is a gradual shrinking of the dis-tance barrier; in the same manner, shrinking the distance barriers can facilitate more intimate communication. Thus, we can intentionally reduce or extend distances we deem inappropriate.

Front 100

Selective perception

Back 100

we see only what we want to see or don't see what may be obvious to others because of our own needs, desires, or temporary emotional states

Front 101

Uncertainty reduction theory

Back 101

people seek to reduce uncertainty during initial encounters

Front 102

Expectancy violations

Back 102

people have expectations about how people should and will behave, their reaction to the deviations of others from expectancy depends on what they have to gain or lose

Front 103

Positive violation

Back 103

the unexpected behavior is perceived to be better than the expected behavior

Front 104

Negative violation

Back 104

the unexpected behavior is perceived to be worse than the expected behavior

Front 105

Attribution theory

Back 105

we attribute certain characteristics to others based on their overt actions; concerned with whether behavior is due to their personality or due to the situation

Front 106

Fundamental attribution error

Back 106

tendency to overestimate the influences of dispositional factors and underestimate the role of situational factors in others' behaviors

Front 107

Self-serving bias

Back 107

tendency to enhance outcomes associated with own behavior

Front 108

Gestalt impression formation

Back 108

if we assess the totality of another person as negative, this will negatively affect our perceptions of the individual traits associated with this person

Front 109

Scripts

Back 109

sequences of actions that we carry out automatically with very little thought; they are predictable, flexible, & adaptable

Front 110

Accommodation principle

Back 110

1. people have tendency to retaliate
2. occurs when people overcome tendency and engage in cooperative communication
3. couples in satisfied, committed relationships are more likely to accommodate

Front 111

5 R's

Back 111

Recognize
Responsibility
Remorse
Restitution
Reconciliation

Front 112

Binocular vision

Back 112

ability to see your partner's perspective as well as your own

Front 113

Fire hose effect

Back 113

- Trauma acts like water from fire hose
- Someone who has experienced such traumatic events will have a hair-trigger response to fear or shame provoking events

Front 114

Stepping into the puddle

Back 114

- Conscious emotional attunement
- Be there with our partner’s feelings. Don’t ignore them, try to “fix it,” or try to drag him out of it
- Important because 1) forges a closer connection, 2) failing to connect with distressed partner makes it harder to transform neg. emotions than if you weren’t there at all, 3) made a promise to do it