Raising Cain

Front 1

so, uh, how was prison?

Back 1

It was a lot like being out of prison.

Front 2

Now, Teddy, get your head out of your ass. that cant be true.

Back 2

which one of us has been in jail?

Front 3

sorry. i guess you'd know better than me. God, this coffee is awful. aint it awful, ted?

Back 3

pretty awful.

Front 4

phone rings

Back 4

you're not gonna get that?

Front 5

naw, just let it go to machine. ted, why're you so quiet?

Back 5

im just hungry

Front 6

oh. this goods pretty terrible too, huh?

Back 6

hmm

Front 7

now, ted, you cant be serious. hows life out of prison the same as life in prison?

Back 7

what?

Front 8

ive been thinking about it, and that cant be true that has to be fundamentally untrue. if they were the same, why would we have prison?

Back 8

dont be an ass, harry.

Front 9

what?

Back 9

im an escaped convict.

Front 10

yea but-

Back 10

no. life is pretty much the exact same. did you know i havent even gotten to see cindy yet?

Front 11

well you are an escaped convict, what you expect?

Back 11

f--k off.

Front 12

is that why youre all pissy? i can take you to go see-

Back 12

no thats not why im all pissy.

Front 13

what? oh, yeah, well why are you?

Back 13

do you think im stupid?

Front 14

huh?

Back 14

swallow your food. you look like a chimpanzee.

Front 15

TED, DONT-

Back 15

I cant even understand you will all that-

Front 16

dont make fun of me.

Back 16

then dont f--K me.

Front 17

what

Back 17

i was in prison for years! where were you?

Front 18

i was-

Back 18

off being a cop? are you f---ing kidding me? im your brother.

Front 19

im a good cop.

Back 19

f--k off.

Front 20

Im a good brother

Back 20

how is she

Front 21

the waitress? i can go check, if you want me-

Back 21

cindy

Front 22

oh, her.

Back 22

yes her. my wife her. her.

Front 23

shes around.

Back 23

around, what the f--k does that mean sleeping around, farting around, what's she been up to?

Front 24

not much

Back 24

not much? what's that mean? do you check in on her?

Front 25

of course i do. family. i i, shes been good.

Back 25

course shes been good. shes been around. harry, tell me the truth.

Front 26

the truth? ive been telling you-

Back 26

has there been anyone else?

Front 27

what?

Back 27

does he make her happy? i just want her to be happy.

Front 28

what are you talking about, ted? cindy loves you, course there hasnt been any other guy.

Back 28

well. ok. thats good. good to know. any women?

Front 29

oh come on

Back 29

is hat a yes? have they been hot?

Front 30

ted...

Back 30

ok fine. but good. good to know. no one else.

Front 31

of course not. youre married.

Back 31

good. now, let me see about getting a refill. may be sh-t to you, but this is the best coffee ive had in years. (gets up)

Front 32

cind-no, you cant keep calling me...no, we're in some dive, nothin fancy. he's getting more coffee

Back 32

(enter, cross in front)

Front 33

course he doesnt know. how would he know. im not gonna tell him and he cant, listen, i gotta go, i love you. I'll see you tonight.

Back 33

you sly f--kin dog. who was that?

Front 34

who was what

Back 34

on the phone. i'm not an idiot. you're screwing some married girl. or an engaged girl. or a girl with a boyfriend.

Front 35

ted-

Back 35

what? im not the guy whose

Front 36

ted come on man

Back 36

harry, you may be a good cop and a good brother, but you aint no good samaritan, let me just tell you that.

Front 37

you, i im a good brother?

Back 37

course you are. look at me. when i came in, i was all huff and puff and now look at me. glowing. now, who was the chick?

Front 38

just some girl.

Back 38

cant be some girl, harry. banging some girl? i'd believe that. you said you loved her. thats not some girl

Front 39

maybe i was lying

Back 39

were you lying?

Front 40

no. no, i guess i wasnt. im gonna get more coffee.

Back 40

this waitress aint getting a tip, all this walking shes making us do.

Front 41

ill let her know

Back 41

can i see your phone while youre up?

Front 42

what

Back 42

while youre gone? can i see your phone?

Front 43

oh um sure

Back 43

password? these things got passwords now? hey, did you know these things have passwords now? crazy world we live in.

Front 44

crazy

Back 44

your phone doesnt trust me.

Front 45

and for good reason. youre an escaped convict.

Back 45

f--k you

Front 46

hey uh ted

Back 46

yea

Front 47

I, UH, got something i need to- pour some of your coffee into my cup.

Back 47

what

Front 48

yea the waitress wasnt back there, i , pour some coffee into my cup

Back 48

you were starting to say something and then you stopped. what were-

Front 49

nothing, just something stupid. you thing you could share some of your-

Back 49

first, youre sleeping with my wife and now you want my coffee?

Front 50

what

Back 50

i said, you sure you want my coffee? since i take it with-

Front 51

what, did you say before that?

Back 51

as in before that? like before you spoke? i cant remember that, man.

Front 52

i i

Back 52

you dont look so good. maybe you should head home to cindy and

Front 53

to to what? who?

Back 53

i was saying mabye you should head home and get some rest

Front 54

oh

Back 54

you feeling ok? you seem pale. pallid.

Front 55

oh, uh, yeah,

Back 55

pallid. that the word? is that even a word? pallid, pallid. cindy. pallid.

Front 56

im wiht cindy! i, we're living together! i

Back 56

course you are. course you are!

Front 57

p-please, i am so os sorry. i we. we love each other.

Back 57

good. good.

Front 58

you said you wanted her to be happy and i

Back 58

you make her happy?

Front 59

i do. i yeah, we make each other happy.

Back 59

huh. well i'm going to give you a head start. before i murder you. cause youre such a good brother.

Front 60

ted, i

Back 60

im an escaped convict, hare. nothing to lost. you should take the head start.

Front 61

i i am so sorry

Back 61

i know. i say the way you were shaking and sta sta stammering and all that bullsh--. i could see the fear. this whole time.

Front 62

i am

Back 62

dont you dare say sorry

Front 63

i am

Back 63

in what world does im sorry fix sleeping with your brother's wife?

Front 64

i i dont know

Back 64

head start over

Front 65

teddy, stop it! teddy, i mean it. i have a gun.

Back 65

oh yea. thanks for the reminder (takes gun)

Front 66

te-

Back 66

hands in the air

Front 67

this i

Back 67

thats what they say right? in the movies and

Front 68

ted- theodore, i am

Back 68

what you are what?

Front 69

you need to calm down. the server and the cooks

Back 69

the server and the-? how are you so dense? theyre dead! have been since i got my coffee. how have you not got that i was going to kill you this while time?

Front 70

what?

Back 70

you, eaten away by guilt passing up all those chances to say something! anything! it took a f--ing verbal battering ram to get you to say anything about cindy! you sat there and i had to pretend you were hallucinating just so-

Front 71

please please, just leave her

Back 71

seriously?this shtick? this washed-up, hero to the end thing? no.

(shoot him)

f--k password! heat of the moment be damned, im sparter than this. maybe she'll call. maybe-

(place phone on table)

ugh, God, what am i going to do with-?

(phone rings)

hello? cindy? cindy? is that you? hi. this is your husband.