Marriage Enhancement

Front 1

5 stumbling blocks regarding finances in marriage

Back 1

1. Partner not being careful in spending money
2. Trouble saving money
3. Problems agreeing what is most important to buy
4. Major debt
5. Partner tries to control the money

Front 2

Meanings people apply to money

Back 2

-status
-enjoyment
-control
-security

Front 3

5 factors that are counterproductive to a good sexual relationship

Back 3

1. Lack of trust
2. Stress of financial concerns
3. Destructive conflict
4. Lack of emotional closeness
5. Trying to use sex to "smooth over" disputes

Front 4

5 stumbling blocks to good marital sex

Back 4

1. Amount of affection
2. Having to work to keep sexual relationship interesting and enjoyable
3. Sexual relationship not satisfying or fulfilling
4. Dissatisfaction with the level of openness in discussing sexual topics
5. Reluctance to be affectionate because partner may interpret it as a sexual advance

Front 5

Suggestions for husband or wife who desire to improve their sexual relationship

Back 5

-communicate about sexual topics
-find a variety of ways to give tokens of affection
-take positive action to restore the spark to your relationship

Front 6

5 stumbling blocks for married partners regarding parenting

Back 6

1. Children reducing marital satisfaction
2. Father not involved enough with the children
3. Dissatisfaction with how childrearing is shared
4. Disagreement on discipline
5. Partner focuses more on children than on marriage

Front 7

Democratic parenting

Back 7

-parents establish clear rules and expectations and discuss them with the child
-acknowledge child's perspective but use both reason and power to enforce parents' standards
-balanced
-children are emotionally healthy, happy, more successful in school and life, self-reliant and cheerful, cope well with stress and are achievement-oriented

Front 8

Authoritarian parenting

Back 8

-rigid rules, strictly enforced
-expect and demand obedience
-children tend to rebel, are conflicted and irritable, moody, unhappy, vulnerable to stress and unfriendly

Front 9

Permissive parenting

Back 9

-let the child's preferences take priority over their ideals
-rarely force the child to conform to their standards
-chaotic
-constant change and forced togetherness
-children are impulsive-aggressive, rebellious, domineering and low achievers

Front 10

Rejecting parenting

Back 10

-parents do not pay much attention to their child's needs and seldom have expectations how the child should behave
-makes children feel uncared for
-children are still expected to behave; there are many rules
-children are often immature and have psychological problems

Front 11

Uninvolved parenting

Back 11

-parents often ignore the child
-let the child's preferences prevail as long as those preferences don't interfere with the parents' activities
-children

Front 12

Suggestions for parents improving their marriage relationship

Back 12

-make the couple relationship a priority
-recognize that parenting is a team effort
-support each other
-develop a joint plan on parenting

Front 13

Tips for husbands to be good lovers

Back 13

-be affectionate in non-demanding ways
-protect her privacy
-learn as much as you can about your wife
-demonstrate self-control in everything you do
-focus your lovemaking on her satisfaction
-avoid talking about her behind her back
-Use endearing, loving language with your wife and avoid using language she finds offensive
-love her as a person and don't ever criticize
-be aware of offensive body odors

Front 14

Tips for wives to understand their husbands regarding marital sexual relationship

Back 14

-don't underestimate the importance of sex for men
-husband needs to feel free to initiate sex
-for him, sex is the best way he knows how to show love
-physical and physiologic importance of sex for men
-teach him what you need
-be able to talk about it

Front 15

Brain's 7 executive operating systems

Back 15

1. fear
2. rage
3. play
4. care
5. panic
6. lust
7. seeking

Front 16

How might you get a spouse to move from rage or fear to care or panic?

Back 16

-attune to other
-express vulnerable emotions
-acknowledge and accept partner's vulnerable emotions
-eliminate anger and soften
-LAFS (listen more, affection, fun, soft)

Front 17

what are some of the differences between older and middle-aged couples found in the study?

Back 17

-have less conflict
-see each other as more positive than middle-aged couples
-husbands behave in more positive ways than middle-age husbands

Front 18

secure attachment

Back 18

-affectionate
-can talk about stress
-emotional closeness
-can regulate emotional experiences

Front 19

insecure attachment

Back 19

preoccupied
-clingy
-cautious
-worried
-want extreme closeness
avoidance
-distancing (don't want closeness)
-fearful (want closeness but are scared)

Front 20

How are sequencing of behaviors and pacing related to physical intimacy?

Back 20

-nonverbal steps (can't skip steps)
-pacing (attend to each others' signals)

Front 21

what specific types of intimacy are related to marital quality for women?

Back 21

emotional and social intimacy

Front 22

what specific types of intimacy are related to marital quality for men?

Back 22

sexual and recreational intimacy

Front 23

Principles for a good marital sexual relationship

Back 23

-knowledge about anatomy and the sexual response cycle makes spouses better lovers
-the most important sex organ is the brain
-men and women get different things out of the sexual experience
-understand that media and culture distort meaningful sexual experience
-affection and sex are not the same thing, even if sometimes they happen together
-context is extremely important to sexual experience
-the rest of the relationship is extremely important to sexual experience

Front 24

different types of intimacy

Back 24

-emotional closeness
-Agape-unconditional caring and sacrifice (a giving-up kind of love)
-eros-eroticism
-spiritual

Front 25

Areas of relationship affected by children in different stages of family life cycle

Back 25

-time for self
-time for each other
-energy
-emotion
-sexual
-conflict
-identity/meaning
-space

Front 26

Parenting alliance

Back 26

capacity to acknowledge, respect and value the parent roles and abilities (including differences from my own) of my partner

Front 27

What marital factors are related to preventing depression in both partners?

Back 27

-togetherness
-accepting emotional expression
-intimacy (self-disclosure and closeness)
-learn to help each other de-stress
-develop communication
-develop friendship and intimacy
-find time for each other every day, week, year
-take time to exercise together
-partner dependability

Front 28

What marital factors are related to increasing the potential for depression in marital partners?

Back 28

-verbal aggression
-threats of divorce, separation
-criticism and blame
-withdrawal and stonewalling
-physical aggression
-disruption of schedules and routines

Front 29

how are older couples different from younger couples?

Back 29

Couples married long enough have to learn to:
-deal with individual stressors and help de-stress each other
-develop and maintain "hardiness"
-increase protective factors against depression and decrease risk factors