Lios Rc 3 Fundamentals Of Counseling & Coaching Relationship

Front 1

Describe the 7 Underlying Assumptions of Carl Rogers "Client-Centered Therapy":

Back 1

1) We’re each born with “real self”, through socialization we submerge this, striving to be “ideal self” for approval.
2) Resulting facades & defenses keep us from our true self, creating dis-ease, “conditional worth”, external focus.
3) We each have untapped capacity to solve our own problems.
4) People have, at deepest core, a positive direction, movement toward health. Helper merely provides space for helpee to do what it’s able to do best. Responsibility lies with the helpee.
5) Intervene via relationship with congruence, Unconditional Positive Regard, Accurate Empathic Understanding.
6) Raised with Unconditional Positive Regard: Life is unfolding, they are part of it. Subjective experience.
7) Raised with Conditional Regard: Worthy only if they match conditions. Life is static, they are separate. Objective experience.

Front 2

What are the 5 Fundamental Aspects of the Rogerian Helping Relationship?

Back 2

1) Congruence
2) Unconditional Positive Regard
3) Accurate Empathic Understanding
4) Phenomenological
5) De-pathologizing

Front 3

According to Fundamental Aspects of Rogerian Helping Relationship, describe CONGRUENCE:

Back 3

Helper is authentic, inner experience matches outer experience/presentation

Front 4

According to Fundamental Aspects of Rogerian Helping Relationship, describe UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD:

Back 4

Deep, genuine unconditional acceptance of helpee. In service of growth, not to be liked or accepted by helpee (which inhibits the process)

Front 5

According to Fundamental Aspects of Rogerian Helping Relationship, describe ACCURATE EMPATHIC UNDERSTANDING:

Back 5

Understanding helpee’s feelings & personal meanings, reflecting them back so that helpee sees they’ve been recognized. This supports helpee getting closer to / deeper with their own experience, supports resolution of their own incongruities.

Front 6

According to Fundamental Aspects of Rogerian Helping Relationship, describe PHENOMENOLOGICAL:

Back 6

based on experience in the here & now

Front 7

According to Fundamental Aspects of Rogerian Helping Relationship, describe DE-PATHOLOGIZING:

Back 7

Client is not pathologized, diagnosed or subjected to objective processes or instruments.

Front 8

Describe the Rogerian Approach/Practitioner's Funnel:

Back 8

Perceptual Map (Beliefs, Theories, Values)
Field of Focus (Information Which Is Attended To)
Problem Formation (What Went Wrong / Hypothesis)
Strategies (General Approach)
Tactics (Methods & Techniques)
Interventions (Specific Action/Behaviors)

Front 9

Describe the 7 aspects of the PERCEPTUAL MAP in the Rogerian Approach/Practitioner's Funnel:

Back 9

Perceptual Map (Beliefs, Theories, Values)
1. Humans Innately Strive for Self-Actualization
2. Human nature is phenomenological, We are motivated to actualize ourselves in the reality we perceive
3. People have vast potential for self-understanding and self-directed growth
4. In helping relationship with respect and absence of judgment, helpees will be willing to explore feelings & emotions that have been judged negatively: Less constriction, less distortion, less defensiveness, greater acceptance, openness, flexibility, creativity. Helpees will integrate conflicting & confusing feelings.
5. Helpees enter in state of incongruence, discrepancy between self-perception and self-ideal, which lead to anxiety & personal vulnerability.
6. People empower themselves by looking into themselves for answers. They are in greater contact with themselves, current experience.
7. People are more accepting of self as they experience acceptance of helper.

Front 10

Describe the 3 aspects of the FIELD OF FOCUS in the Rogerian Approach/Practitioner's Funnel:

Back 10

Field of Focus (Information Which Is Attended To)
1. Helpee’s subjective world – experience, thoughts, feelings about self, problem world.
2. The problem & goals as helpee identifies them
3. Helpee’s experience/presentation in the moment (words, affect, body posture)

Front 11

Describe the 2 aspects of PROBLEM FORMATION in the Rogerian Approach/Practitioner's Funnel:

Back 11

1. Helpee in state of incongruence doesn’t have access to their innate knowing & potential
2. Helpee is shackled by thoughts & beliefs that block openness, flexibility, creativity, limiting ability to be empowered, experiment & choose

Front 12

Describe the 3 aspects of STRATEGIES in the Rogerian Approach/Practitioner's Funnel:

Back 12

Strategies (General Approach)
1. Understand helpee’s subjective world
2. Respond in authentic, non-judgmental way
3. Invite helpee’s awareness, self-exploration, self-acceptance to increase access to their inner potential

Front 13

Describe the 3 aspects of TACTICS in the Rogerian Approach/Practitioner's Funnel:

Back 13

1. Helper’s personal qualities, beliefs, attitudes
2. Helper’s way of being vs. way of doing
3. Developing & Deepening Helping Relationship

Front 14

Describe the 3 characteristics of a Helper's way of being vs. way of doing related to TACTICS in the Rogerian Approach/Practitioner's Funnel:

Back 14

1) Congruence
2) Unconditional Positive Regard
3) Accurate Empathic Understanding

Front 15

Describe the 6 skills in developing and deepening the helping relationship within TACTICS in the Rogerian Approach/Practitioner's Funnel:

Back 15

1) Listening
2) Accepting
3) Respecting
4) Understanding
5) Sharing
6) Clarifying helpee’s attitudes without diagnosing

Front 16

Describe INTERVENTIONS in the Rogerian Approach/Practitioner's Funnel:

Back 16

Interventions (Specific Action/Behaviors)
1) Identified
2) Unique to helper, helpee, situation

Front 17

What are the 6 skills of an effective helper according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 17

1) Empathy
2) Respect
3) Concreteness
4) Genuineness
5) Immediacy
6) Confrontation

Front 18

What are the 3 skills in the Early Phase (Exploration & Understanding Skills) according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 18

1) Empathy
2) Respect
3) Concreteness

Front 19

What are the 3 skills in the Later Phase (Action-Oriented Skills) according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 19

4) Genuineness
5) Immediacy
6) Confrontation

Front 20

Describe EMPATHY according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 20

Helper enters/understands world of the helpee and communicates this to them. Helper is emotionally affected by the helpee. Helpee has experience of helper being “in my skin”.

Front 21

Describe the skills related to EMPATHY according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 21

Skills: Paraphrase, Paraphrase-Plus, Perception Check

Front 22

Describe RESPECT according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 22

Prizing helpee for their humanity and potential to be more than they are now. Support helpee to live into their uniqueness fully. Attitude that helpee has resources to manage life more effectively. Assume helpee wants to work on living more effectively.

Front 23

Describe the skills related to RESPECT according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 23

Respect – Prizing helpee for their humanity and potential to be more than they are now. Support helpee to live into their uniqueness fully. Attitude that helpee has resources to manage life more effectively. Assume helpee wants to work on living more effectively. Skills: Active Listening, Mutual Inquiry.

Front 24

Describe CONCRETENESS according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 24

Supporting helpee move from vague/abstract to concrete understanding of their experience.

Front 25

Describe the skills related to CONCRETENESS according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 25

Skills: Behavior Description

Front 26

Describe GENUINENESS according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 26

Helper is spontaneously and authentically present to/with helpee. Direct personal encounter, no façade.

Front 27

Describe the skills related to GENUINENESS according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 27

Skills: Self-Awareness Model

Front 28

Describe IMMEDIACY according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 28

Discovering “The Problem” in the present moment; using helper/helpee relationship to explore helpee’s experience.

Front 29

Describe the skills related to IMMEDIACY according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 29

Immediacy – Discovering “The Problem” in the present moment; using helper/helpee relationship to explore helpee’s experience. Skills: Here & Now; Response-ability Axis.

Front 30

Describe CONFRONTATION according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 30

Identifying and mirroring back apparent incongruence, discrepancy between words / feelings / action. Not to strip them of defenses, but invite them in caring & responsible way to challenge defenses that are getting in their way.

Front 31

Describe the skills related to CONFRONTATION according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 31

Skills: Behavior Description, Mutual Inquiry.

Front 32

What are 3 Ways for a Helper to Challenge the Helpee in the Confrontation Stage:

Back 32

1) Challenging discrepancies between thoughts/feelings/words; self-judgment & judgment of others; how they are & how they wish to be; expressed values and actual behavior
2) Challenging distortions
3) Challenging self-defeating internal experiences and behaviors, negative self-talk, irrational belief systems.

Front 33

Describe SELF-DISCLOSURE according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 33

Offering helper’s here & now or past experience in service of the relationship with helpee, deepen helpee’s sense of having been heard & seen (NOT to change focus from helpee!).

Front 34

Describe the skills related to SELF-DISCLOSURE according to Robert Carkhuff:

Back 34

Skills: Behavior Description, Self-Awareness Model.

Front 35

Describe the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Modes:

Back 35

Two Axes: Concern for Satisfying Other/Concern for Results
Collaborating Style (High/High)
Competing Style (Low/High)
Compromising Style (Med/Med)
Accommodating Style (High/Low)
Avoiding Style (Low/Low)

Front 36

Describe the COLLABORATING Style in the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Modes:

Back 36

Collaborating Style (High/High)
Useful when relationship matters, objective is to learn & gain insight, maximize buy-in
Allows for finding integrative solution, working through hard feelings.

Front 37

Describe the COMPETING Style in the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Modes:

Back 37

Competing Style (Low/High)
Useful when results are vital, you know you’re right, speed really matters, unpopular courses need implementing
Useful in emergencies, for self-protection against people who take advantage of you

Front 38

Describe the COMPROMISING Style in the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Modes:

Back 38

Compromising Style (Med/Med)
Backup mode when collaboration/competition fail, or would be too disruptive.
May allow expedient solution between 2 parties with equal power and commitment to mutually exclusive goals

Front 39

Describe the ACCOMMODATING Style in the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Modes:

Back 39

Accommodating Style (High/Low)
Useful when preserving harmony, gaining relationship capital, matters more to others than you

Front 40

Describe the AVOIDING Style in the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Modes:

Back 40

Avoiding Style (Low/Low)
Useful when potential cost of addressing issue outweighs benefits, gives people chance to cool down, gather more info.

Front 41

Describe POSITIONS in Positions vs. Interests:

Back 41

Positions: Pre-determined solutions
Don’t reflect understanding real interests of both parties
Limit creative options

Front 42

Describe INTERESTS in Positions vs. Interests:

Back 42

Interests: Needs/Beliefs/Values beneath Positions
Focusing on interests lead to heart of an issue
Move beyond polarized positions, toward mutual understanding
Opens up room for re-framing, creative options

Front 43

Describe the sequence in the Pinch-Crunch Model

Back 43

Expectation-Setting Stages
Gather Data / Clarify Expectations, leads to
Role Clarity & Commitment, leads to
Stability & Productivity – UNTIL
<Pinch!>
Can be temporary, or lead to re-visiting Expectation-Setting Stages
Living with disruption eventually leads to…
Ambiguity, Uncertainty
Resentment, Anxiety – UNTIL
<Crunch!>
Can simply return to status quo
Can re-negotiate roles under duress, possibly leading to planned termination
Can simply terminate with resentment

Front 44

What are the 5 Steps in the Difficult Conversation Checklist:

Back 44

Step 1 – Prepare by walking through 3 conversations
Step 2 – Check Purposes, Decide whether to Raise Issue
Step 3 – Start from Third Story
Step 4 – Explore Their Story and Yours
Step 5 – Problem Solving

Front 45

Describe the 3 Conversations in Step 1 of the Difficult Conversation Checklist:

Back 45

1. What Happened?
2. Understand Emotions
3. Ground My Identity

Front 46

What is the CHALLENGE in the 1st Conversation of Step 1:

Back 46

1. What Happened?
Challenge: The situation is more complex than either individual can see
Where does my story come from (info, past experiences, rules)? Where does their story come from?
Impact on me?
What might their intentions have been?
What have we each contributed to the problem?

Front 47

What is the CHALLENGE in the 2nd Conversation of Step 1:

Back 47

2. Understand Emotions
Challenge: The situation is emotionally charged

Front 48

What is the CHALLENGE in the 3rd Conversation of Step 1:

Back 48

3. Ground My Identity
Challenge: The situation threatens our identity
What’s at stake for me about me? What do I need to accept to be better grounded?

Front 49

Describe Checking PURPOSES in Step 2:

Back 49

Purposes – what do I hope to accomplish? Shift stance to support learning, sharing, problem-solving.

Front 50

Describe DECIDING in Step 2:

Back 50

Deciding – Is conversation best way to address? Can I affect problem by changing my contribution? Can I let it go? Is this really about my identity?

Front 51

Describe Starting from the Third Story in Step 3:

Back 51

Describe problem as the difference between 2 stories. Include both viewpoints as legit part of discussion
Share purpose
Invite other to join as partner in sorting out situation

Front 52

Describe Exploring Their Story and Yours in Step 4:

Back 52

Listen to understand their perspective, Acknowledge feelings behind their perspective. Paraphrase. How did we get here?
Share my own viewpoint
Reframe to keep on track: truth->perceptions, blame->contribution, accusations->feelings

Front 53

Describe Problem Solving in Step 5:

Back 53

Invent options
Look to standards for what should happen; standard of mutual caretaking; one-way relationships rarely last
Talk about ongoing communication

Front 54

What is the First Mistake in Difficult Conversations?

Back 54

First Mistake – Confusing Intent & Impact
To separate, ask 3 questions:
1) Actions: what did person say/do (specific behaviors)
2) Impact: what was impact on me
3) Assumption: what I assume their intention was

Front 55

What is the Second Mistake in Difficult Conversations?

Back 55

Second Mistake – Defend & Explain
To move from defensiveness & counter-blaming:
1) Listen past accusation for the feelings (Listen & Acknowledge)
2) Be open to reflecting on intention

Front 56

Describe Blaming in Mapping Contribution System in Difficult Conversations:

Back 56

Blaming amounts to:
You caused this
You did something bad
You should be punished

Front 57

Describe Costs of Blame in Mapping Contribution System in Difficult Conversations:

Back 57

Costs of blame:
Understanding is lost
Problem solving is hindered
A bad system can remain undiscovered

Front 58

Describe 4 Hard to Spot Contributions in Mapping Contribution System in Difficult Conversations:

Back 58

Four hard-to-spot contributions:
1) Avoiding
2) Being unapproachable
3) Intersections of 2 different world views/histories/meanings
4) Problematic/conflicting role assumptions

Front 59

What are the tendencies to be aware of in Mapping Contribution System in Difficult Conversations:

Back 59

Absorber – feels responsible for everything
Shifter – sees outside factors/people as responsible, self as victim.

Front 60

Describe an ABSORBER in tendencies to be aware of in Mapping Contribution System in Difficult Conversations:

Back 60

Absorber – feels responsible for everything

Front 61

Describe a SHIFTER in tendencies to be aware of in Mapping Contribution System in Difficult Conversations:

Back 61

Shifter – sees outside factors/people as responsible, self as victim.

Front 62

What are the Steps to take in examining intent vs. impact in Difficult Conversations:

Back 62

1) Identify own and other’s contribution to the problem
2) Make observations and reasoning explicit
3) Clarify what I would have them do differently
4) Clarify what I will do differently myself

Front 63

What is the Third Story in Difficult Conversations?

Back 63

Third story is what an outside observer would see

Front 64

Describe qualifies of the Third Story in Difficult Conversations:

Back 64

Rings true for both parties
Describes problem as difference between the parties
Acknowledges that neither side has full information from the other

Front 65

Describe the 3 Conversations of the Third Story in Difficult Conversations:

Back 65

Explore where each story comes from, using 3rd story as starting place
Share impact on me
Take responsibility for my contribution
Describe Feelings
Reflect on Identity Issues

Front 66

Describe the 4 Critical Skills for Learning Conversation TOWARD OTHER:

Back 66

1) Stance of Curiosity
2) Inquire to Learn
3) Paraphrase for Clarity & to indicate intention to understand
4) Acknowledge other’s feelings

Front 67

Describe the 6 Critical Skills for Learning Conversation WITH SELF:

Back 67

1) Speak for myself as if I mattered
2) Speak to what matters, what has heart for me
3) Be clear, not indirect
4) Speak to complexity or both sides if I have them
5) Hold my experience lightly, not as truth
6) Ask for paraphrase to make sure they understand me

Front 68

What are the 3 Levels of Reality in Conflict/Process Work?

Back 68

1) Consensus Reality
2) Dreamtime: (Roles or ghost roles in the middle of unfolding interaction)
3) Essence: Common ground that connects all of us

Front 69

Describe Conflict vs. Understanding in Conflict/Process Work:

Back 69

Conflict as form of self-discovery
Conflict is a normal sign of self-balance, development & growth
Conflict is multi-leveled: internal, relationship, group, world
Conflict can create community: helps group understand itself better

Front 70

Describe the 9 Conflict Steps in Conflict/Process Work:

Back 70

1. Noticing inner/outer signals
2. Determining Malignancy
3. Making a Conscious Choice
4. Addressing Conflict Partner
5. Addressing the Problem
6. Process Awareness: Which Side am I Located At?
7. Cycling (Conflict ceases or enters new level)
8. Leaving the Field
9. Working Individually with Internal Parts in Conflict

Front 71

Describe Step 1-Noticing inner/outer signals of Conflict Steps in Conflict/Process Work:

Back 71

Verbal
Lack of Overt Communication
Remaining Separated by Space/Time
Gossiping
Bad dreams or fantasies
Suspiciousness

Front 72

Describe Step 2-Determining Malignancy of Conflict Steps in Conflict/Process Work:

Back 72

Festering bad feelings over time
Gossip – malevolent & expanding circle
Impacts atmosphere, others avoid it
Avoidance due to hopelessness or lack of courage

Front 73

Describe Step 3-Making a Conscious Choice in Conflict Steps in Conflict/Process Work:

Back 73

Commit to awareness, detach from pressure of winning/losing
Courage: Gives more generous & stable attitude
Awareness of fear, which polarizes into weak or strong
Why am I afraid?
Afraid of opponent (Imagine you are who/what you fear)
Afraid of own anger/power

Front 74

Describe Step 4-Addressing Conflict Partner in Conflict Steps in Conflict/Process Work:

Back 74

Ceremony/ritual?
Do own inner work if partner not ready

Front 75

Describe Step 5-Addressing the Problem in Conflict Steps in Conflict/Process Work:

Back 75

State motivation
Ask if willing, get agreement
Ask for ideas on how to proceed
Invite facilitator if needed

Front 76

Describe Step 6-Process Awareness: Which Side am I Located At? in Conflict Steps in Conflict/Process Work:

Back 76

Own Side / Neutral / Other Side
A. Taking own side
Know and express feelings, notice your roles!
Notice own edges against emotions – which are OK to express, which not?
Work on hyper/hypo arousal
Report inner experiences
B. De-escalating to Neutrality / Detachment
Notice discomfort with own position
Notice & follow de-escalation signals (quieting voice, breaking contact, losing interest)
Look at self/partner from neutral position
C. Taking partner’s position
Falling into compassion – how can I help?
Read signals, try to imagine other’s emotional state
Pay attention to verbal/non-verbal feedback

Front 77

Describe Step 7-Cycling in Conflict Steps in Conflict/Process Work:

Back 77

Conflict ceases or enters new level

Front 78

Describe Step 8-Leaving the Field in Conflict Steps in Conflict/Process Work:

Back 78

Look for signal of retreat
Leave the field
Reflect on learning, share as appropriate
Opponent has a chance to leave the field
You might have a chance to be a teacher