Interpersonal Communication Test 3

Front 1

Envy

Back 1

the desire to have something that someone else possesses.
- commodity

Front 2

Jealousy

Back 2

negative emotional experience that results from the potential loss of a valued relationship (you feel you are going to lose something that you already have)

Front 3

Jealousy is more___________ in our society than________.

Back 3

- positively valued
- envy

Front 4

Jealousy narrative:

Back 4

- proof of love
- personality deficit
- out dated in a world of liberation

Front 5

Reactions to Jealousy:

Back 5

The emotions most central to jealousy are hurt, fear and anger.

initially experience as heightened state of arousal or a jealousy flash

occurs when you suddenly perceive a third party threat
- threat triggers a strong and immediate physiological response.
- feel flushed, anxious, afraid.. confused in a short time span

Front 6

Jealousy Flash:

Back 6

even if the threat is real or make believe

Front 7

Comparison of Jealousy & Envy: Jelousy

Back 7

-Distrust
- Fear
- Uncertainty
- Lonliness

Front 8

Comparison of Jealousy & Envy:Envy

Back 8

- Disapproval of own feelings
- Longing for what another has
- Degradation
- Motivation to improve

Front 9

Who is prone to jealousy?

Back 9

1. People who are dependent on the relationship (low CL-alt)

2.

3.People with a preoccupied attachment style

4.

5.People with traditional gender roles (macho men and feminine women)

Front 10

Who gets us jealous?

Back 10

1.People who make us look bad by comparison.

2. People who our partners are attracted to.

Front 11

What gets us jealous?

Back 11

1.extradyadic sex

2.forming a deep, romantic attachment to someone else

3.fantasizing about others

4.flirting with others

5.going to lunch/dinner alone with someone of the opposite sex

6.doing things with groups that include people of the opposite sex
Andy could stay at the bar, but Ashley had to leave

Front 12

Gender differences with jealous

Back 12

Men report being more jealous over sexual infidelity; Women emotional

Two reasons why?
- women define themselves by their ability to provide emotional support, men on their sexual expertise
- double shot hypothesis:
if a women cheats, she is in love.

When m and w rate sexual and emotional situations, both genders are upset over sexual

Front 13

Envy Reactions:
Antagonistic reactions

Back 13

Expressed superiority: I am superior to you in many ways.

Belittle:

Brag: one subject. 1 to 1. One upper.

Aggressiveness: "I can't believe your parents would spend that money on you."

Insincerity/manipulation: "yeah, your car is pretty nice"

Subterfuge: "oops, I scratched your car"

Front 14

Envy Reactions:
Antisocial reactions

Back 14

-Social distance
-General anxiety/defensiveness
-Noncooperative efforts
-Self-focus: you're positive about it.

Front 15

How do we handle jealousy?
- The Jealous Party
(Dark Side Book)

Back 15

-Surveillance
-Communication with Rival
-Signs of Possession
-Avoiding
-Communication within relationship

Front 16

Surveillance Methods

Back 16

Vigilance- behave to verify partner’s acts or perceived rival’s acts (i.e., spy, sort through belongings, call unexpectedly)

Conceal/Restrict- restrict access to rival (i.e., refuse to introduce to possible rival or refuse to take to party of rival, discourage new friends)

-monopolize partners time
___________________

Front 17

Communication with Rival

Back 17

-Information seek- about who rival is and/or press for relational info
- Derogation of the mates- disclose negative information (true or untrue) about the mate
- Rival threats- warn, threaten, stare coldly at rival to intimidate

- Violence- at rival or anything they possess

Front 18

Signs of Possession

Back 18

Verbal signs- verbally assert relationship status whenever possible
-Greg, meet my girlfriend. She loves me soooo much

Physical signs- nonverbal shows of affection
- Hand holding, kiss in front of rival

- possessive ornamentation- ring, jacket, etc.

Front 19

Avoidance

Back 19

Physical and emotional withdraw
Situation avoidance- avoid jealousy-provoking situations, not drink
Unwillingness to communicate- silent treatment, fail to call, etc.

(acting like nothing is wrong, giving your partner the silent treatment or cold or dirty looks, withdrawing affection and sexual favors, storming out of the room)

Front 20

Communication within relationship

Back 20

- Negative affect expression: nonverbal expressions of jealousy-related affect that your partner can see
(i.e., appearing sad, depressed, or hurt in front of your partner

- Compensatory restoration: behavior aimed at improving the relationship or making yourself more desirable
(i.e., increasing affection or doing special things for your partner, trying to be better than the rival)

-Distributive communication: direct, aggressive communication about jealousy with your partner

(accusing your partner of being unfaithful, acting sarcastic or rude, yelling at your partner, making hurtful comments to your partner)

-Manipulation attempts: trying to induce negative feelings in your partner
(flirting with others to make your partner jealous, inducing guilt, bringing up the rival’s name to check for a reaction)

-Relationship threats: threats to terminate or de-escalate the relationship or to be unfaithful

-Violent communication: threats or actual physical violence against your partner
(threatening to harm your partner if he or she continues to see the rival, roughly pulling your partner away from the rival)

Front 21

WHAT IS DECEPTION?

Back 21

1) Intentional, Deliberate, Knowing

2) Misleading; trying to get someone to believe something that you know is not true.
-rules out honest mistakes and self-deception

Front 22

TYPES OF DECEPTION

Back 22

A. Falsification (quality): saying something that is false

B. Omission (quantity): leaving out information; most frequent

C. Evasion (relevance): steering the convo away from things we want to conceal.

D. Equivocation (manner): being elusive; extreme form of omission. (Not giving an inch.)

E. Deception by implication: false sarcasm; saying something knowing that the other person will infer incorrect information

Front 23

WAYS TO LIE ABOUT IT:

Back 23

I was home studying.
Oh, I went out with Tim.
Oh, my night was boring—I saw Tim and we had dinner at the cafeteria. Yeah, my night was boring; let’s talk about your night.
Here and there. You know.
Yeah, as if I’d forget your pretty little face. Do you think I could ever get distracted by anything but you? Hell no.
Or…Oh, I was out partying it up without you.

Front 24

Top Reasons reported for lying:

Back 24

Accomplish goals (high)
Spare feelings
Avoid trouble
Self-presentation
Protect someone
Fit in
Avoid conflict
exaggeration

Front 25

Least Reasons reported for lying:

Back 25

Gain control
Insecure about self
Hurt others
Maintain secrets
Compulsive liar
Habit (low)

Front 26

Americans reported telling____
lies a day.

Back 26

1.5

Front 27

1% of people tell_____ of lies.

Back 27

25%

Front 28

5% of people tell ______ the lies.

Back 28

50%

Front 29

ACCURACY: - we are____ accurate at detecting lies

+ 10-15% across past studies

Students are better than military intelligence.

The Secret Service is better than students.

Back 29

-54%

+ 10-15% across past studies

Students are better than military intelligence.

The Secret Service is better than students.

Front 30

Can we detect lies?

Back 30

The most recent findings by DePaulo say that there are no good signals for detecting deception.

But, there’s a catch:
it depends at least a little on the magnitude of the lie.
as importance of the lie increases, so does arousal.

Front 31

How do people really detect lies?

Back 31

3rd party info,
physical evidence,
solicited confessions,
unsolicited confessions: we have to sit down and talk, I have something to tell you.
V/NV behavior,
inconsistent w/ knowledge,
inadvertent confessions: accidentally told on themselves.

- Typically takes over a week
to discover lies; the average
lie goes completely undetected,
though.

Front 32

Truth Bias**

Back 32

We’re more likely to think people are telling the truth
than to think they’re lying.

If you tell people it’s a deception experiment, they’ll guess true 60% of the time.

If not, 80-90% of the time

Stronger FTF than on video.

Front 33

ARE WE MORE LIKELY TO BELIEVE A STRANGER OR SOMEONE WE KNOW?


"MCCORNACK AND PARKS MODEL"

Back 33

+ Relationship Closeness + Confidence > + Truth Bias >

Accuracy goes down.

Try with friends & strangers

Front 34

Nonverbal Communication:

Back 34

Intentional or unintentional transmission of meaning through an individual’s nonspoken physical and behavioral cues.

Front 35

Functions of Nonverbal Communication:

Back 35

- To Supplement Verbal Communication
- Repeat, contradict, complement, replace, accent

- To Regulate Interaction
- To Establish the Relationship Level of Meaning
- Responsiveness
- Liking
- Power

Front 36

Nonverbal Codes

Back 36

Kinesics
Vocalics
Haptics
Proxemics
Chronemics
Physical Appearance
Artifacts
Environment

Front 37

Kinesics:

Back 37

-Bodily movement/posture, facial expressions, eye contact, gestures
-Women lean in more, nod more, and tilt their heads more.
- Females: more skilled at NV

Front 38

Female Kinesic Behavior:

Back 38

-Women use fewer gestures than men.
- Women play with hair & clothing.
- Women place their hands in their laps, and tap their hands more frequently.
- Women cross their legs at the knees or ankles.

Front 39

Male Kinesic Behavior:

Back 39

- Men use more gestures than women.
- Men use sweeping hand gestures.
- Men stretch hands, crack knuckles, and point more frequently.
- Men sit with legs apart or stretched out in front.

Front 40

(Kinesic) Gestures:

Back 40

Illustrators- accent what you are saying.

Regulators- nodding

Adaptors- what you do when you're stressed out.
Emblem- flipping off someone

Front 41

(Kinesic) Immediacy:

Back 41

xxxxxx

Front 42

(Kinesic) Power:

Back 42

Ability to influence or control
Lean back in chair, feet up on desk, and hands behind back
Sits upright with tense rigid posture

Front 43

Vocalics

Back 43

Pitch, rate, inflection, volume, quality, & enunciation.

Partly due to physiological differences.

Calm, smooth voice rated most attractive, form positive impression, judged extraverted, open, and conscientious

Pronunciation and articulation = smart (speed does not matter)

Front 44

Define Haptics

Back 44

Study of touch::

:Purdue – handing library card back.
-Invasion of space vs. sign of intimacy.
-Babies/toddlers.
- Women are more likely to initiate touch than men.
-Women are socially freer to touch in same-sex relationships.
- Men touch for sexual intent/individual rights.
- Women touch to show support.
- Women distinguish between warmth/affiliation and sexual intent touching, men do not.
- Cultural

Front 45

Observations to make of the violator once you establish a CONSTANT:

Back 45

a. Behavioral patterns
1. eye contact
2. Uncontrolled physiological responses.
3. gestures
4. Apparent confidence level

Front 46

You can tell a lie but _________.

Back 46

your body cannot.

Front 47

Speech Patterns:

Back 47

1. Rate of Speech
2. Pitch of Volume
3. Volume

Front 48

Behavioral & Verbal Indicators

Back 48

Nervous Laughter
-relieves stress
-easiest human expression to fake
- speech modifier
but, possibly, rarely....

Front 49

Anything other than ____ is_____.

Back 49

no
yes

Front 50

Deception of the word no:

Back 50

-the five second no
-the delayed no
-the laughing no
-no- before the question is asked
-change in body language after answering no

Front 51

Uncontrolled Physiological
Responses:

Back 51

-Neck and Throat
-Mouth
-Nose
-Cheeks
-Ears
-Skin
-Other

Front 52

Bullying is ______________.

Back 52

1. aggressive, unwanted negative actions
2. involves a pattern repeated over time.
3. Bullying involves an imbalance of power.

Front 53

Direct bullying vs. Indirect bullying

Back 53

Direct- More likely to be M than F.
Indirect bullying- social aggression, rumors (More likely to be F than M.)

Front 54

4 types of bullying

Back 54

Verbal
Physical
Social

Front 55

Statistics on Bullying

Back 55

80% are victims, bullies, or both
2001 Kaiser Study: 86% of 12-17 year olds
Bullies tend to look for?

Teachers usually only see 1-in-25 instances of bullying.

An incident usually only lasts approx. 37.

Teacher indifference to blame for some of the problem.
__________________________.
Reasons?
Intensifies during middle-childhood (4-8 grade); Reported: 90%

Front 56

Bullying of GLBT

Back 56

three times more likely to be bullied than heterosexual peers.

80% less likely to be a bully
More likely to commit suicide than heterosexual peers who are bullied.

Front 57

Types of Bullying

Back 57

physical, verbal, emotional, or, increasingly, cyberbullying.

- Creates fear and centers around respect and intimidation

Front 58

Impacts of bullying on the victim:

Back 58

negative effect on student learning and psychological distress.

Front 59

Impact on bully:

Back 59

Risk of other antisocial or violent behavior.

Front 60

Impact on observers:

Back 60

Bystanders: can feel guilty, may fear real/implied physical stress

Assistant:


Reinforcer:

Front 61

Several factors increase the risk of a child being bullied:

Back 61

- Low IP competence, poor socialization
- Children with parents who over control (obsessing parenting)
- Illness or disability
- Passive, with high levels of anxiety

Front 62

Why bullies do it?

Back 62

Students who bully have strong needs for power and (negative) dominance.
Students who bully find satisfaction in causing injury and suffering to other
students
Students who bully are ___________
Students who bully receive some material or psychological reward for doing it.

Front 63

Research on bullies

Back 63

Get into frequent fights
Steal and vandalize property
Drink alcohol and smoke earlier/more often than peers who are not bullies
Report poor grades
Perceive a negative climate at school
More likely to be incarcerated by the time they are 24 (64%)
Aggressive, pro-violent attitudes, hot-tempered, easily frustrated

Front 64

Parents of bullies

Back 64

- either very passive or extremely harsh
- parents who have little emotional support, low involvement in their child's life, and fail to monitor
- make excuses for their child's behavior.

Front 65

Cyberbullying

Back 65

“When the Internet, cell phones or other devices are used to send or post text or images intended to hurt or embarrass another person”

Front 66

Cyber Bullying Stats

Back 66

Boys initiate more.
By middle school, girls cyberbully more often.
Report: has begun as early as 2nd Grade
2004 I-safe.org study findings (grades 4-8):
42% of kids have been bullied while online. 35% of kids have been threatened online.
58% of kids admit someone has said mean or hurtful things to them online.
58% have not told their parents or an adult about something mean or hurtful that happened to them online.
Over half are bullied on and off line by the same person.

Front 67

Advice for Bullying

Back 67

-Encourage/teach communication skill building.
Ratting vs. Reporting.

-Encourage the victim to build positive social networks.
Usually only takes 1 or 2 people to add strength.

-Confrontation may have a negative impact; ignoring it is equally as bad.

-Listen to the victim; encourage them to speak up.

-Communicate with victim, then bully, then bystanders.

Front 68

Gossip

Back 68

-evaluative talk among people who are familiar with each other concerning the personal matters of a third person who is not present

Front 69

What leads people to violate their own scruples and the scruples of society to discuss the foibles and failings of others?

Back 69

People are more interested in hearing and telling bad things about others than good things.

Front 70

People gossip to be ________
without ________with which to calibrate, they would find themselves adrift in a mysterious and murky social world___________

Back 70

To be socially in tune

Front 71

Without ________with which to calibrate, they would find themselves adrift in a mysterious and murky social world

Back 71

Comparison

Front 72

People gossip to be_________ connected.

Back 72

socially connected

Front 73

Gossip tidbits

Back 73

At least 60% of adult conversations are about people who are not present

When gossiping, most people add fuel to the fire (agree) rather than oppose whatever is being said

Children start almost as soon as they can talk and see the importance of other people.
Gossip is crucial even to the conversations of children as young as 4 and 5 years as a learning tool

Front 74

Six types of comparison

Back 74

comparison with similar others

comparison with less fortunate, less able, or less powerful others (downward social comparison)

comparison with more fortunate, more able, or more powerful others (upward social comparison);

comparison of in-group with out-group;

comparison with imaginary entities (constructed social comparison);

comparison with others to understand our emotional states (emotional comparison)

Front 75

Does complaining make you feel better?

Back 75

- complaining
- commiserating: comparing
- venting

Front 76

Those who do...

Back 76

Teen girls who vented to each other about their problems from boy trouble to social slights, were more likely to develop depression and anxiety-- and the same is true for adult women.

The girls who vented to each other also reported feeling closer to their friends.

Front 77

Attachment Styles:

Back 77

Secure: Confide in others with problems; may be perceived by some as complaining.

Insecure: Threatened by outsiders; loss of affection/attention.

Front 78

Complaining Research

Back 78

_____________
-Lowers other people’s day by @ -____ points
__________.

Habitual

-Leads to one downsmaning- group searches for the worst story of the lot
“oh yeah… well that is nothing compared to what he did yesterday…”

-Complaining  things will never get better & less innovation

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Front 79

Complaining Research

Back 79

Worsens your reality
Lowers other people’s day by @ two points
social comparison.
Habitual
Leads to one downsmaning- group searches for the worst story of the lot
“oh yeah… well that is nothing compared to what he did yesterday…”
Complaining  things will never get better & less innovation
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Front 80

Family Communication Complex

Back 80

Cohesion
Adaptability
Time, Space, Energy
Disclosure

Front 81

Cohesion

Back 81

Disengaged:
Separated:
Connected:
Enmeshed:

Front 82

Adaptability

Back 82

Rigid:
Structured:
Flexible:
Chaotic:

Front 83

Space, Time and Energy

Back 83

Closed family: tend to regulate functions with fixed boundaries. Interact less with outside world; spend time, fulfill needs within the family unit; events are tightly scheduled and predictable

Open family: flexible boundaries, members encouraged to seek experiences in outside space and return to family with ideas family may use if group likes it; seldom use censorship or force

Random family: unpredictable, do your own thing; family members and outsiders join in the living space based on interest or desire; time spent together is irregular

Front 84

Families with high cohesion may resist ___________

Back 84

negative disclosure.
Why?

Front 85

Families with low cohesion may tolerate______________

Back 85

negative SD but have difficulty with positive SD.
Why?

Front 86

Sexuality Discussions:

Back 86

10-15% Do this right.

- Majority report dissatisfaction with quantity and quality of sex discussion

- Who should initiate discussion?

- Focus on support and openness vs. instruction vs. place upon them sexual attitudes

What age do people start the discussion (if at all)?

Front 87

-What age should we start to incorporate sexual discussion?

Back 87

Before they do.

Front 88

Functional Families

Back 88

<---Troubled--functional--optimal----->

Front 89

Characteristics of a dysfunctional family

Back 89

Interactions are very complex
Cruelty
Scapegoat
Lack restraint
Distortion  blurred boundaries
Life is taken too seriously
(low humor & joy)
Misperceptions

Front 90

5 Characteristics from definition

Back 90

-Families create identity through communication
Stories, daily talk, conflict management
-Use communication to define boundaries both in family and in way that can distinguish family from outsiders
Aunt
Godmother
Sister Donna
-Share a history and common future (for better or worse)
-We develop family relationships during early (or very impressionable) points in life resulting in intense emotions
-Make the highs and lows in life more so
-Consider arguments or graduations

Front 91

Family communication patterns

Back 91

-Evolve over time
-Arise from two underlying sets of beliefs
Conversation orientation
Conformity orientation

Front 92

Conversation orientation

Back 92

The degree of fluidity which family members converse and the breadth of topics they discuss
High- share innermost thoughts/feelings and debate viewpoints, communication is primary way to bond
Low- communication is irrelevant and unnecessary for successful family life, infrequent communication, disclosure is discouraged

Front 93

Conformity orientation

Back 93

The degree to which families use communication to emphasize similarity or diversity in attitudes, beliefs, values

Front 94

High Conformity:

Back 94

-use communication to emphasize or enforce solidarity in thought
-goal to maintain agreement & avoid dissent
-Seen as traditional by much of America
Children obey and parents make the rules
Sacrifice personal goals for sake of family
Prioritize family over outside connections

Front 95

Low Conformity:

Back 95

-communicate in ways to emphasize diversity in attitudes, beliefs, and values
-Encourage uniqueness, individuality, independence

-Outside relationships are equally important to those within the family

-Prioritize individual over family interests and goals

-Children contribute to family decision making

-Family is vehicle for individual growth rather than a collective in which members sacrifice for the whole

Front 96

Family rituals

Back 96

reoccurring structured events that help solidify conformity

Front 97

Pluralistic family (Exam)

Back 97

High conversation orientation
Low conformity orientation

Communication is open and unrestrained
Opinions are welcome and judged on merit rather than whether they mesh with other family members
Kids are encouraged to contribute and ideas seen as relevant even if they disagree with parent view
Deal directly with conflict, mutual-beneficial way
HIGHEST rate of conflict resolution of the 4 types****

Front 98

Consensual family (EXAM)

Back 98

High conversation orientation
High conformity orientation

Openly share views and debate beliefs AND are expected to steadfastly agree with one another and share a single view
Parents may ask kids, “What do you think about X?” to encourage open discussion of ideas but then follow up with their view and make it clear that their view is the only acceptable answer
Conflict is threatening so it is dealt with quickly and seek to resolve to preserve family unity

Front 99

Protective family

Back 99

Low conversation orientation
High conformity orientation

Parent-child power differences are enforced
Parents invest little effort creating family discussion and rarely explain decisions to kids
Avoid conflict because it threatens the conformity and because they lack the skills necessary to manage conflicts constructively

Front 100

Laissez-faire families

Back 100

Low conversation orientation
Low conformity orientation

-Few emotional bonds
-Decided disinterest in activities that may foster communication
-Parents believe that kids should be independent thinkers, more because they are disinterested than because they believe that they should develop own thoughts
-Conflict is minimal because interaction is infrequent- will even avoid or compete (win at all costs)

Front 101

Tensions

Back 101

-Autonomy vs Connectedness

-Openness vs Protection

Front 102

Family Communication Rules

Back 102

--Boundary conditions governing what family members can talk about
--How they can discuss topics
Only positive comments/only after church/how deep you can go
--Who should have access to family-relevant information