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31 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
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1.1 Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
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* “two gun” crowley didn’t blame himself for anything: this is what i get for defending myself
* taft: i don’t see how i could have done it any differently * by criticizing we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment * any fool can criticize and most fools do * it is not fun to listen to someone who complains all the time |
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1.2 Give honest and sincere appreciation
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* the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement
* there is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors * teach me neither to proffer nor receive cheap praise * every man i meet is my superior is some way. in that, i learn of him |
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1.3 Arouse in the other person and eager want
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* if there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other persons point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own
* first, arouse in the other person and eager want. he how can do this has the whole world with him. he who cannot walks a lonely way * when we have a brilliant idea, instead of making others think it is ours, why not let them cook and stir the idea themselves |
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2.2 Become genuinely interested in other people
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* It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring
* Well there is a bunch of suckers out there, I’ll fool them all. or I am grateful because these people come to see me. They make it possible for me to make my living in a very agreeable way. I’m going to give them the very best I possibly can * We are interested in others when they are interested in us |
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2.2 Smile
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* A smile says: I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.
* You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you * People rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it |
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2.3 Remember that a person’s name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language
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* Most people don’t remember names, for the simple reason that they don’t take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds
* he took the trouble to repeat it several times during the conversation, and tried to associate it in his mind, as soon as he was alone he wrote it down on a piece of paper, looked at it, concentrated on it, fixed it securely in his mind and then tore up the paper |
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2.4 Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
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* I really know you love me because whenever I want to talk to you about something you stop whatever you are doing and listen to me
* People who talk only of themselves, think only of themselves |
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2.5 Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
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* Because he is a gentleman and he talked to you about the things he knew would interest and please you. He made himself agreeable to you
* Talking in terms of the other person’s interests pays off for both parties. In general the reward is an enlargement of life each time you speak to someone. |
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2.6 Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely
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* Talk to people about themselves, and they will listen for hours
* Almost all people feel themselves superior to you in some way, a sure way to there hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance and recognize it sincerely |
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3.1 The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
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* Why prove the man wrong? Why no let him save face.? He did not ask for your opinion. Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle.
* Control your temper. Remember you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry. Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk, let them finish. Do not resist defend or debate. * When one yells, the other should listen, because when two people yell, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations |
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3.2 show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “you’re wrong”
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* Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so
* You are impossible, your opinions have a slap in them for everyone who differs with you: Make it a rule to forbear all direct contradiction to the sentiments of others and all positive assertions of your own. Do not use: certainly, undoubtedly, etc.. Replace with I conceive, I apprehend, I imagine, It so appears to me at present * Nothing good is accomplished and a lot of damage can be done if you tell a person straight out that he or she is wrong. You only succeed in stripping that person of self-dignity and making yourself and unwelcome part of any discussion |
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3.3 If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
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* I was absolutely wrong; I admitted it quickly, openly and with enthusiasm. The affair terminated graciously in my taking his side and his taking my side.
* When we are right let’s try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong-and that will be surprisingly often, let’s admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm |
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3.4 Begin in a friendly way
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* People do not want to change their minds. They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly
* Kindliness, a friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world * A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall |
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3.5 Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately
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* Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose
* I agree with you 100% percent, if those motors are running too hot, you ought not buy any more of them. You must have motors that won’t run hotter than standards set by the national electric manufactures association. Isn’t that so? * Next time you are tempted to tell someone they are wrong, remember to ask a gentle question that will get the “yes,yes” * He who treads softly goes far |
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3.6 Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
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* Even our friends would much rather talk to us about their achievements than listen to su boast about ours
* Listen patiently and with an open mind, be sincere about it, encourage them to express their ideas with an open mind * If you want enemies, excel your friends, but if you want friends, let your friends excel you. |
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3.7 Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
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* People have more faith in ideas that they discover themselves than ideas that are handed on a silver platter.
* In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts;they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty * The best way to convert someone to an idea is to plant it in their mind and get them thinking about it on their own accord * So the sage wishing to be above all men, putteth himself below them, wishing to be before all men, putteth himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury |
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3.8 Try honestly to see things from the other person’ point of view
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* Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don’t think so. Don’t condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them. Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that.
* If the only thing you get from this book is an increased tendency to think always in terms of the other person’s point of view, and see things from that person’s angle as well as your own, it may easily prove to be one of the stepping stones of your career |
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3.9 Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
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* I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do
* You deserve very little credit for being what you are- and remember, the people who come to you irritated, bigoted, unreasoning, deserve very little discredit for being who they are. Feel sorry for the poor devils, pity them, sympathize with them. Say to yourself “ There, but for the grace of god, go I” * Sympathy the human species universally craves. Self pity for misfortunes real or imaginary is practically a universal practice |
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3.10 Appeal to nobler motives
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* I size you up in the first place as being a man of your word. In fact I’m so sure of it I’m willing to take a gamble. Lay your decision on the table for a few days and think it over. If you come back to me and still want to change your mind, I will accept your decision. But I still believe you are a man of your word and you will live up to your contract.
* People are honest and want to discharge their oblilgations. I am convinced that the few individuals who are inclined to chisel with react favorably if you make them feel that you consider them honest upright and fair |
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3.11 Dramatize your ideas
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This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship
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3.12 Throw down a challenge
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* The desire to excel! The challenge! Throwing down the gauntlet! An infallible way of appealing to people of spirit.
* I don’t blame you for being concerned. It’s a tough spot. It’ll take a big person to go up there and stay. * I have never found that pay and pay alone would either bring together or hold good people. It think it was the game itself * Every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. That is what makes footraces and hog calling and pie eating contests. The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance |
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4.1 Begin with praise and honest appreciation
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A barber lathers a man before he shaves him
Yes, they were grave faults, but Lincoln wrote “there are some things in regard to which I am not quite satisfied with you” I praised her for being so friendly and outgoing with the customers and complimented her for the accuracy and speed used in that work. I then suggested we review the procedure we used in balancing the cash drawer Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets the drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killing |
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4.2 Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
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Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but” and ending with a critical statement. Try changing “but” to “and”
Calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism. You will be most effective when you lead by example. I am going to get my haricut today, although it is still much shorter than some of yours. You look yourself in the mirror, and if you feel you need a haircut to be a good example, we’ll arrange time for you to visit the barbershop She remarked that it would make an excellent article for the North American Review. In other words, she praised it and at the same time subtly suggested that it wouldn’t do as a speech. |
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4.3 Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
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It isn’t nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that, he too, is far from impeccable
Von Bulow knew that he ought to have praised before he condemned; but since that was too late, he did the next best thing. He praised after he had criticized. |
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4.4 Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
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This man declared that during all that time he had never heard Owen D Young give a direct order to anyone. He always gave suggestions, not orders
Asking questions not only makes and order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued |
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4.5 Let the other person save face
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Letting one save face! How vitally important that is! And how few of us ever stop to think of it! We ride roughshod over feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault, issuing threats, criticizing a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person’s pride
Mr.Smith you’ve done a fine job. That time we sent you to Newark, you had a tough assignment. You were on the spot, but you came through with flying colors, and we you to the firm is proud of you. You’ve got the stuff -you’re going a long way, wherever you’re working. This firm is believes in you, and is rooting for you, and we don’t want you to forget it. At one of our production meetings, a vice president was asking very pointed of one of our production supervisors regarding a production process. His tone of voice was aggressive and aimed at pointing out faulty performance on the part of the supervisor. Not wanting to be embarrassed in front of his peers, the supervisor was evasive in his responses. This caused the vice president to lose his temper, berate the supervisor and accuse him of lying Instead, he thanked me for my work and remarked that it was not unusual for a person to make an error on a new project and he had confidence that the next project would be successful. He reassured me, in front of all my colleagues, that he had faith in me and knew I had done my best, and that my lack of experience, not my lack of ability, was the reason for the failure. I left that meeting with my head up in the air and with the determination that I would never let that boss of mine down again |
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4.6 Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise”
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Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere-not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good
Yes, you who are reading these lines possess powers of various sorts which you habitually fail to use;and one of these powers you are probably not using to the fullest extend is your magic ability to praise people and inspire them with a realization of their latent possibilities. |
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4.7 Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
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Yet, of late, the time you take to complete each job has been increasing and your work has not been up to your own old standards. Because you have been such an outstanding mechanic in the past, I felt sure you would want to know that I am not happy with the situation, and perhaps jointly we could find some way to correct the problem.
If you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics. Shakespeare said “Assume a virtue, if you have it not” Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned |
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4.8 Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
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Tell someone they are stupid at a certain thing, and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve
If you are liberal with your encouragement, make the things seem easy to do, let the other person know you faith in their ability to do and he will practice until the dawn comes in order to excel When he made a small improvement he would ask to do it again. He made the fantastic discovery that learning was easy and fun. |
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4.9 Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
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He had a delightful way of putting things; he created the impression that by accepting this great honor I would be doing him a favor
After expressing his appreciation of the invitation and regretting his inability to accept it, he suggested a substitute speaker |
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4.9* Guidelines for changing attitudes or behavior
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Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person
Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest Match those benefits to the other person’s wants When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit. |
