Human Events

Front 1

i was worried

Back 1

i had a test

Front 2

how did it go?

Back 2

i flunked

Front 3

you always say that, and then pass with flying colors

Back 3

this time i know

Front 4

they’ve already graded it?

Back 4

i graded myself

Front 5

you had a new kind of test tonight?

Back 5

i had an affair tonight

Front 6

... with your Nigerian gentlemam ?

Back 6

yes

Front 7

why?

Back 7

why? i don’t know why. maybe because things have been so rocky lately. between you and i.

Front 8

can’t deny that

Back 8

there he was. this young attractive, sexy man, always turning around to smile at me in class. always asking me out for coffee afterwards

Front 9

working with you on that pumpkin project

Back 9

all that. and tonight, after coffee, he asked me to his apt. he said his roommates weren’t there. so i thought about it. and i said yes.

Front 10

that was the test?

Back 10

that was the test.

Front 11

how did you flunk?

Back 11

he put these african times on the stereo, which i didn’t know how to dance to, and we smoked some lot, which just made me more self conscious, and finally one of his roommates came back, so i grabbed my stuff and ran.

Front 12

so nothing happened

Back 12

no... i mean yes

Front 13

you went to bed with him?

Back 13

it didn’t mean anything, porter. i felt terrible the whole time- cheap, and guilty, and old.

Front 14

that’s how you flunked?

Back 14

thats how i flunked

Front 15

hmm, you passed Nancy, in my book you passed

Back 15

you think?

Front 16

i do and i admit i have been a lousy husband

Back 16

we’ve both been bad

Front 17

i’ve been worse, i want to tell you what happened with Anita

Back 17

it happened with Chris too, yknow

Front 18

i wanted to teach in anitas writing course, so i

Back 18

i said it happened with chris.

Front 19

WHAT?

Back 19

here we go

Front 20

what the **** did you do with chris?

Back 20

calm down

Front 21

in this house?

Back 21

shhh the kids

Front 22

in my home?

Back 22

yes!

Front 23

when goddamnit? when?

Back 23

last fall, when he stayed with us after his trip west

Front 24

i don’t want to know

Back 24

ok you don’t have to

Front 25

tell me.

Back 25

it was a saturday afternoon

Front 26

where were the kids?

Back 26

out, obviously. and so was the dog.

Front 27

i don’t give a **** about the dog

Back 27

that’s something new

Front 28

go on GD

Back 28

you and had just had another fight, so you had run off to the Red Sox game. i thought i’d take a bath and listen to “ The Marriage of Figaro”

Front 29

where was chris?

Back 29

i’m TRYING to tell you.

so after our fight, i put on the stereo, got in the tub, and was listening to that sad aria by the countess when she feels so alone. where are the beautiful moments ?

Front 30

i don’t give a shut about the beautiful moments

Back 30

well i do!

Front 31

go on

Back 31

there was a knock at the bathroom door

Front 32

chris?

Back 32

he made me a cup of tea

Front 33

gd British and their ******* tea

Back 33

if you’re going to start stereotyping again i won’t say another word

Front 34

no no go on. he brought you tea. what did you say?

Back 34

i said thank you, and please leave it outside the door

Front 35

and he said?

Back 35

he asked if he could bring it in

Front 36

WHAT?!

Back 36

he said he had always admired my body and wanted to see it

Front 37

and you said

Back 37

i said ok!

Front 38

jesus, nancy

Back 38

yes well remember Porter. not too many people have made that request recently.

Front 39

ok i hear you. go on

Back 39

so he came into the bathroom and handed me the tea.

Front 40

that’s all?

Back 40

no. he asked if he could get into the tub with me.

Front 41

that CREEP

Back 41

the english like baths, porter

Front 42

bastard!

Back 42

you’ve done it too! remember when the danforths went skinny dipping. you joined right in!

Front 43

all right all right go on

Back 43

so he took off his clothes and got in. but the tub was too small. american rubs aren’t as big as british tubs. the water was spilling all over the bathroom floor. we could’ve had a serious leak!

Front 44

oh really.

Back 44

we jumped out, put in our clothes, and toweled uo the mess. then we drank tea and listened to the rest of the opera downstairs. when it finished we shook hands and left.

Front 45

that’s all?

Back 45

that’s all

Front 46

the guy probably couldn’t make it w you anyway

Back 46

not true. not true at all

Front 47

how do you knos

Back 47

you could tell

Front 48

the bastard

Back 48

we even discussed it. he said it wouldn’t be cricket

Front 49

wouldn’t be cricket to who barbara bababab

Back 49

to you, you jerk. and i agreed

Front 50

this is a bad dream

Back 50

no no, seeetheard listen. with my nigerian friend, things happened and it meant nothing. with chris nothing happened and it meant everything.

Front 51

why everything

Back 51

because it was all about you.

but you know something?

i’m suddenly very very tired. do you mind if i go to bed

Front 52

how could you possible dleep

Back 52

because i’ve finally gotten this of my chest. are you coming?

Front 53

bo

Back 53

please?

Front 54

i have to think things out

Back 54

so should i. i should think about.. who did you say? anita?

Front 55

i didn’t amount to-

Back 55

i know but won’t it be nice when we don’t have to talk about who we’ve been fooling around withv

Front 56

nancy

Back 56

goodnight sweetie i think we are both the better for this. in the long run. thanks to chris.