Family Relations Final

Front 1

4 Horseman +1 Gottman
----List Them
-----Why he created them?

Back 1

1. Contempt
2. Criticism
3. Defensiveness
4. Stonewalling

+1. Belligerence

Created them to predict divorce in married couples.

Front 2

Gottman's definition of Contempt

Back 2

Feeling your partner is inferior/undesirable

Front 3

Gottman's definition of Criticism

Back 3

Disproving judgments or evaluations of your partner.

5:1 Positive:Negative

Front 4

Gottman's definition of Defensiveness

Back 4

Expecting an attack from your partner, all the time.

Front 5

Gottman's definition of Stonewalling

Back 5

Resistance or refusal to listen to your partner, particularly to complaints.

Front 6

Gottman's definition of Belligerence

Back 6

Behavior that is provocative and challenges partner's authority and power.

Ex. Wife goes out drinking with friends and hooks up with a random guy and says to her husband
"Well what are you going to do about it? hmm???".. what a bitch

Front 7

Forms of Passive-Aggressive behavior

(name 2 main forms, then there are a bunch of less intense ones)

Back 7

Sabotage- Spoiling or undermining an activity planned by your partner
Displacement- Expressing anger at people or things that your partner cherishes deeply.

Less intense forms:
- Chronic criticism
- Nagging
- Nitpicking
- Sarcasm
- Procrastination

Front 8

Results of Passive-Aggressive behavior

--Name about 3
(not required, just understand)

Back 8

Distance and pain
Feelings of alienization
Festering anger, contaminating other parts of relationship

Front 9

Report talk VS. Rapport talk

Back 9

Report talk- Men- no emotions involved - conveying information

Rapport talk- Women- emotions involved-

Front 10

Ultimate attainment for women and rapport talk.
Where is it shown most?

Back 10

To get reinforcement and intimacy.

Shown most in distressed marriages

Front 11

Gunnysacking

-Define

Back 11

- Definition: Keeping ones problems secret while tossing them into a gunnysack and letting the issues pile up.

Front 12

Which specific behavior is associated with Gunnysacking?

Back 12

Martyring

Front 13

Gottman's theory: Main variable basically responsible for marital stability and happiness?

Back 13

Supportive Communication

Front 14

List 7 main Hidden Issues

Back 14

1. Control/Power
2. Caring
3. Recognition
4. Unresolved Issues from past/present
5. Commitment
6. Integrity
7. Acceptance

Front 15

Which of the 7 Hidden Issues is the "Parent" of the Hidden issues?

Back 15

Acceptance.

Front 16

What are Hidden Issues?

Back 16

Issues that you're : 1. Unaware of 2. Unable to talk about 3. Unwilling to talk about

Or simply unexpressed needs that when left unattended, can cause great damage.

Front 17

Baggage: Definition

Back 17

Issues based on unresolved current and past situations.

Front 18

In what context are Hidden Issues usually addressed?

Back 18

In context of negative events.

Front 19

4 main signs of Baggage

Back 19

1. Negative Interpretations "unreality"
2. Escalation
3. Put downs/Invalidation
4. Avoidance and Withdrawal

Front 20

3 Safeties to Foster in Relationships?

(Through positive communication)

Back 20

1. Commitment Safety
(Security and supportive of a clear future)
2. Emotional Safety
(Ability to talk openly and support each other)
3. Personal Safety
(Physical and/or Emotional security)

Front 21

Incongruent VS. Congruent Messages

- Define

Back 21

Incongruent: Verbal and Nonverbal Disagreement

Congruent: Verbal and Nonverbal Agreement

Front 22

List 5 Obstacles to Valid Hearing

Back 22

1. Not saying what you mean
2. Incongruent messages
3. Baggage
4. Expectations (being defensive, expecting an argument)
5. Silence

Front 23

2 Barriers to Meaningful Communication

Back 23

1. Timing

2. Not permitting the situation to arise

Front 24

Reasons for not permitting the situation to arise

- List about 4

Back 24

1. Lack of energy
2. Anger
3. Must solve the problem
4. Fear

Front 25

What are the 3 roots of Fear?

Back 25

1. Feeling of having to be intimate afterwards
2. Feeling of being responsible for partner's actions
3. Not wanting to hear something that the other person probably wants to say.

Front 26

What are the 5 components of Fighting Fair?

Back 26

1. FOCUS ON THE RIGHT ISSUE
2. observable behavior
3. Using "I" statements
4. Give rationale and emotion
5. Provide an option for a solution (don't make it a nonredeemable situation)

Front 27

Show an example of an "I" statement

Back 27

"When you do this (behavior),
I feel (emotion),
because (rationale).
Therefore I'd appreciate if you would (solution)."

Front 28

Conflict resolution - list 5 barriers

Back 28

1. Not letting the situation arise
2. Accusation and Bitterness (acrimony)
3. Not allowing your partner to finish their damn sentences
4. Gunnysacking
5. Shame/Blame

Front 29

Pronatalist Bias

Back 29

Common point of view that having children is normal and taken for granted

Also, that not having children is strange.

Front 30

Percentage of women that say being a Mother is important in defining their identity.

Back 30

83%

Front 31

What are we now culturally focused on in contrast to the 60's and 70's (what type of value?)

Back 31

Family Values

Front 32

How can you describe the type of pressure to have children is like compared to in the past?

Back 32

Less pressure than the past.
Now we relate to not having children as "Childfree" and not "Childless"

Front 33

What is America's general attitude toward having children?

Back 33

Leaning toward Antinatalist.
You can see this in the general effort placed on support for families. Not doing all they can.

Front 34

Types of costs for Women's Career Development when they have kids

Back 34

Opportunity Costs, Non Economic Costs

Front 35

Explain Opportunity costs Women undergo when they have Children

Back 35

Economic opportunities for wage earning and investments.
No job= Less pension in future. Less SS# benefits.

Front 36

Non Economic Costs Women undergo when having children

Back 36

1. Added tension
2. Restricted activities
3. Limited Spontaneity
4. Substantial household/additional work
5. Constant "parent" status

Front 37

Historic view on having children

Back 37

High expectation for married couples to have kids.
No children termed "childless"
EXCEPTION: 60's and 70's demonstrated countercultural trends.

Front 38

Present view on having children

Back 38

Less expectation
Termed "childfree"
Average # of children an American woman bears over a lifetime has declined.
Women are having children at later ages.
Waiting longer to have first child.

Front 39

Correlation between economic status and number of children people have

Back 39

When the economy is better and the unemployment rate is lower people tend to have more children.

Front 40

Average Cost of raising a child from 0-18 years old

Back 40

$231,470.00

Children decrease a couples level of living. Duh.
For 2 children, this amount is equivalent to 42% of household expenditures attributed to children.

Front 41

Advantages of a one-child family


Talk about for parents and for children

Back 41

For Parents
- More free time
- Well financially established, its also much cheaper
- More opportunities
- Easier choice to make between couples
- Families do more things together
- More decision sharing
- Less Overwhelmed

For Children
- Better communication with parents - Attended art, music, or dance classes outside of school
- Able to go to college, parents saved up or just can afford it.

Front 42

Disadvantages of a one-child family

Talk about for parents and for children

Back 42

For Parents
- Fear that the only child might be seriously hurt or might die
- The feeling that they only have one chance to prove that they are good parents

For Children:
- Lack of opportunities to relate with siblings
- Extra pressure from parents
- Uncomfortable amount of parental scrutiny
- Only one to take care of elderly parents

Front 43

Negative Stereotypes of single child

Back 43

(NOT PROVEN)
- Spoiled
- Selfish
- Lonely
- Dependent

Front 44

Percent of Women choosing not to have children

Back 44

20%

Front 45

List the 3 Parenting Styles

Back 45

1. Authoritarian
2. Laissez-Faire
3. Authoritative

Front 46

Authoritarian Parenting

Back 46

"I am in charge and these are the rules. Don't feel like following them? I don't fucking care! FOLLOW THEM OR DIE."

Front 47

Laissez-Faire Parenting

Back 47

"Honey, please can you clean your room? Oh, you don't feel like it? Ok that's fine I'll do it for you, I love you so much."

Front 48

Authoritative Parenting

Back 48

Warm, firm, and fair.
Considers child's point of view as they grow older.
Middle ground between other two extremes.

Front 49

Which bad characteristics are the Authoritarian and Laissez-Faire Parenting associated with as the child grows older?

Back 49

- Adolescent Depression
- Bad school performance
- Poor mental health
- Teen sexuality (pregnancy)
- Juvenile Delinquency

Front 50

Happiest times of marriage reported when exactly?

Why?
Why is this reason slightly contradictory?

Back 50

Before first birth and after last child moves out.

Reason:
More children = Less happiness

Contradictory because children reportedly stabilize marriage.

This diminishes gratification!

Front 51

List the 2 factors that predict 'risque' (ooh lala) family life and lowered level of satisfaction!!!!!

Why is this?

Back 51

1. Having a retarded mother
2. Early pregnancy

Reason: Really bad combination. Since she's so stupid, and young, you'll end up in poverty and stay there.

Front 52

Benefits of putting off parenthood

Back 52

- You'll have your life in order
- You'll be emotionally mature
- You'll have your values and goals clearly depicted
- Financial stability
- Not blocking dreams
- You're kids will get the undivided attention they deserve!!

Front 53

Consequences of putting off parenthood (like seriously putting it off by a decade too much basically)

Back 53

- Problems with fertility
- Amniocentesis
- Birth defects
- It's more of a medical event
- Extended older family all dead
- You may not return to the occupation you built up for yourself through the many, many, many years prior to having your child
... you old and dried up hag.

Front 54

Daycare and children

Back 54

They become more social and independent

Make sure u look for good quality daycare:
- Good Adult:Child ratio
- Trained and qualified adults involved in this cutesy little ratio we have goin' on here

Front 55

Main factor contributing to the decrease in marital happiness and satisfaction?

Back 55

The more children = less recorded happiness.

Front 56

Other reasons why couples are unhappy with marriage (regarding children)

Back 56

- Day-to-day fatigue
- Routine change
- Changes in labor
- Financial stress
- Possible arguments between in-laws for how to raise the child. (could include MANY things like religion, education, etc.)

Front 57

The Child-Free couples.. describe them

Back 57

- Happier with relationship
- High quality lives
- Geographic and Occupational motility
- Travel more
- Able to invest in material pleasures (electronics, cars, etc)
- Usually have a gratifying career

Front 58

What kind of people choose to remain child-free?

Back 58

- Highly educated
- First borns who are sick of looking after children
- Simply people who are highly involved in their careers

Front 59

No-Fault Divorce

-Definition

Back 59

- A law which exists in all fifty states, it's eliminated legal concepts of guilt and are a symbolic representation of how our society now views divorce.

- No proof required to want a divorce.
- No guilty party

Front 60

Effect of No-Fault Divorce

Back 60

- Increase in individualistic values
- Value "relocated" in american society to freedom and happiness over commitment to family.

Front 61

Fraction of people that think divorce is acceptable even with children involved?

Back 61

4/5

Front 62

Percent of women postponing divorce because of children's sake

Back 62

38% - Women, 58% of the time

Front 63

Independence effect

-with regard to women and divorce

Back 63

- Gives unhappily married women economic power
- increased self confidence
- Many more opportunities to support herself after divorce
- Threatens viability of marriage (child rearing)

Front 64

Intergenerational Transmission of Divorce

Back 64

By having divorced parents, it increases your chances of having a divorce yourself.

Passed down Longitudinally

Front 65

Reasons why Intergenerational Transmission of Divorce is a common and accepted trend?

Back 65

1. Divorced parents are models of divorce as a solution to marital problems
2. It is likely for children to exhibit personal behaviors that interfer with having a happy marriage due to the personal issues being created by being a child of divorce.
3. Children of divorce tend to marry younger which is directly correlated to high divorce rates anyway.

Front 66

Levinger's Exchange Theory

Back 66

Is a concept that couples use to weight their happiness based on barriers to divorce of alternatives to marriage.

Ex: I can't get divorced, he's successful and my religion prohibits it anyway. I'm happy enough. (Barriers to divorce)
I'd probably be happier if I was with someone with more money and better in-laws. I could be happier than this!" (Alternatives to marriage)

Front 67

List 3 types of divorce associated with Exchange Theory

Back 67

1. Legal
2. Community
3. Psychic

Front 68

Define and describe Legal Divorce

Back 68

- Only pertains to Legal Marriage, not cohabitation
- Through a court system
- Includes Attorneys (creates an adversarial system)
- Goes by no-fault divorce parties
- Usually have equitable property settlements (50/50)

Front 69

Define and describe Community Divorce

Back 69

- Changes in Social Networks
- No longer comfortable socializing with in-laws, members of the spouses family, or even in same social circles (ex. the movie "The Break-Up"
- Sometimes, relationships with in-laws remain in tact for the children's sake. Women are more likely to practice this phenomena.

Front 70

Define and describe Psychic Divorce

Back 70

- Psychological Autonomy
- Emotional separation
- Distance to avoid hated aspects of spouse
- To complete this type of divorce, must complete the system of Psychic Divorce

Front 71

4-5 step System of Psychic Divorce

Back 71

1. Initial Shock

2. Denial

3. Anger

4. Taking Responsibility for marriage failure

5. Forgiveness to self and ex-spouse for marriage failure

CONGRATS! Now you're officially divorced.

Front 72

Relationship of Ethnicity and Race to adjustment to Divorce

Back 72

Single Mother Household: Significantly poorer

Single Father Household: Less likely to be poorer
EXCEPT for Hispanic fathers, which have the same financial situation as married Hispanic couples.

Racial discrimination can account for the higher poverty levels particularly with Black Women.

Front 73

Custodial Arrangements

Back 73

Divorce fathers have legal responsibility for financial support while divorce mothers continue the physical, day to day care of their children.

If Fathers can't afford child support, results in withdrawal from children.

Front 74

Non-Custodial Mothers

Back 74

Because of: unpromising economic prospects and changing attitudes about gender roles.

Some mothers are voluntarily relinquishing custody and more fathers are seeking custody.

Front 75

Ahron's idea's about "Good Divorce"

Back 75

1. Psychic Divorce and Forgiveness + 2. Cooperative Parenting

(Combination of both)

Front 76

Give the 4 types of Co-parents

Back 76

1. Perfect Pals 12%
2. Cooperative Colleagues 38%
3. Angry Associates 25%
4. Fiery Foes 25%

Front 77

Co-parenting and Joint custody (2 types)

Back 77

Joint Custody is expensive but it means equal responsibility.

1. Joint legal and physical custody (living with both parents)
2. Joint legal custody

A parenting plan is sorted out before the divorce is approved.

Front 78

Forgiveness is simply... 3 things

Back 78

1. A cancelled debt
2. Not an attempt to get even
3. Not "Damn, you owe me big time"

Front 79

5 Perspectives related to reasons for negative effects of divorce on children

Back 79

1. Life Stress
2. Parental Loss
3. Parental Adjustment
4. Economic Hardship
5. Interparental Conflict Perspective

Front 80

Life Stress (with regard to reasons for negative effects of divorce on children)

Back 80

Because divorce is a process of events

ex. changing school, giving up pets, less contact with in-laws

Front 81

Parental Loss (with regard to reasons for negative effects of divorce on children)

Back 81

- only 1 parent under same roof (where 2 is the balanced, ideal situation)
- half the love, emotional support, practical assistance, information, guidance, and supervision.

- Detrimental to social skills.
- No 'at home' demonstration of cooperation, negotiation or compromise between parents.

Front 82

Parental Adjustment (with regard to reasons for negative effects of divorce on children)

Back 82

- Lowered quality of parenting.
- depression
- More conflict

Front 83

Economic Hardship (with regard to reasons for negative effects of divorce on children)

Back 83

- Primarily responsible for mental problems children face

Front 84

Interparental Conflict Perspective (with regard to reasons for negative effects of divorce on children)

Back 84

- Conflict is responsible for lowered well being of children
- Conflict relates to before, during and after divorce. Not just after. Can be traumatic.

Front 85

Factors that influence instability and high divorce rates in 2nd marriages

Back 85

- Step children have loyalty to primary family
- People who divorce in general are of low/middle income which demonstrates a higher divorce rate anyway
- The couple is already inclined to choose divorce as the solution to marital problems
- Less social support, not so accepted yet, especially with integration with in-laws
- Not so many barriers to divorce, not as attached

Front 86

Does the level of marital satisfaction differ from 1st -> 2nd marriage?

Back 86

Not really.
1. More tension and conflict related to step-children with regard to
- discipline
- resource distribution
2. However, there is more equity and fairness.

Basically, the stress doesn't go away, it just arises in a different form.

Front 87

What is meant by a "Normless Norm"

Back 87

Expectations that children and spouse have for the 2nd family to have the same "normal" outline as the 1st family.

In reality, there are large differences.
This produces prejudice.

Front 88

White and Booth's studies of Remarriage and Marital Quality

Back 88

- Tension can be relieved when the child leaves the nest
- Teens leave earlier, sometimes move to other parent
- Energy and focus is directed on trying to stabilize new marriage.


- Quality of marriage does not vary much
- Satisfaction is worse because of the stress with step-children.

Front 89

List the 7 Stages of Family Development

Back 89

1. Fantasy
2. Immersion
3. Awareness
4. Mobilizations
5. Action
6. Contact
7. Resolution

Front 90

Explain with regard to the 7 Stage Family Development: Fantasy

Back 90

The newly wed parents' smooth and quick adjustments annoy the children since they still have hopes to reunite their real parents.

Front 91

Explain with regard to the 7 Stage Family Development: Immersion

Back 91

Tension with step children and family

Front 92

Explain with regard to the 7 Stage Family Development: Awareness

Back 92

Fantasies slowly dissipate

Front 93

Explain with regard to the 7 Stage Family Development: Mobilizations

Back 93

Personal adaptations coming into play

Front 94

Explain with regard to the 7 Stage Family Development: Action

Back 94

Finally, the step parent is looked at with more respect as one of the two adult parental figures of the family

Front 95

Explain with regard to the 7 Stage Family Development: Contact

Back 95

Step Parent becomes one of the two adult parental figures

Front 96

Does the level of marital satisfaction differ from 1st -> 2nd marriage?

Back 96

Not really.
1. More tension and conflict related to step-children with regard to
- discipline
- resource distribution
2. However, there is more equity and fairness.

Basically, the stress doesn't go away, it just arises in a different form.

Front 97

What is meant by a "Normless Norm"

Back 97

Expectations that children and spouse have for the 2nd family to have the same "normal" outline as the 1st family.

In reality, there are large differences.
This produces prejudice.

Front 98

White and Booth's studies of Remarriage and Marital Quality

Back 98

- Tension can be relieved when the child leaves the nest
- Teens leave earlier, sometimes move to other parent
- Energy and focus is directed on trying to stabilize new marriage.


- Quality of marriage does not vary much
- Satisfaction is worse because of the stress with step-children.

Front 99

List the 7 Stages of Family Development

Back 99

1. Fantasy
2. Immersion
3. Awareness
4. Mobilizations
5. Action
6. Contact
7. Resolution

Front 100

Explain with regard to the 7 Stage Family Development: Fantasy

Back 100

The newly wed parents' smooth and quick adjustments annoy the children since they still have hopes to reunite their real parents.

Front 101

Explain with regard to the 7 Stage Family Development: Immersion

Back 101

Tension with step children and family

Front 102

Explain with regard to the 7 Stage Family Development: Awareness

Back 102

Fantasies slowly dissipate

Front 103

Explain with regard to the 7 Stage Family Development: Mobilizations

Back 103

Personal adaptations coming into play

Front 104

Explain with regard to the 7 Stage Family Development: Action

Back 104

Solid alliance in remarriage. Better step-parent/step-child relationship.

Front 105

Explain with regard to the 7 Stage Family Development: Contact

Back 105

Finally, the step parent is looked at with more respect as one of the two adult parental figures of the family

Front 106

Explain with regard to the 7 Stage Family Development: Resolution

Back 106

Achieves identity as a unique Step-family! YAY!!!

Front 107

Main Challenges in step families and step parenting
- List 3

Back 107

1. Financial Strains
2. Role Ambiguity (not well defined)
3. Step-Children's Hostility (Attempted sabotage, feelings of betrayal to true parent(s), use the step-parent as a convenient scapegoat to a lot of problems)

Front 108

Role Adjustment of Step-Mother

Back 108

- Can be complicated if biological mother is seen often
- Portrayed by society as "cruel"
- Often experiences feelings of Maternal rejection
- Higher levels of stress, anxiety, depression.
-

Front 109

Role Adjustment of Step-Father

Back 109

- Has a faster and easier relationship formation with step-children than step-mother would
- Better child outcomes
- Children are more willing to accept a father figure in their lives
- Often the mother and her children have "hidden agenda"; they don't make their expectations clear.


- Sometimes this can be vice-versa, where the father has a "hidden agenda" for the step-family and doesn't make them clear.