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29 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
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Generational alliances
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Family members of different generations unusually close
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coalitions
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alliances in the face of a threat
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Generational alliance principle
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helpful in family systems to have healthy alliances; need clear-cut boundaries
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Family processes
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The strategies used by families to reach their goals, incredibly influential in people’s lives and passed on from generation to generation
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Generational connections
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Survival and the ability to do well rely on our skill at transmitting our acquired knowledge and abilities to the next generation.
-FIXED |
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generational alliances:
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hen two or more people in a family become unusually close or align themselves together, changes boundaries in the family
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Emotional triangles
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When two people bring a third person to try and stabilize their relationship
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Laws of Emotional Triangles
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They do NOT work; the problem(s) must be worked out between the two people. The third person cannot fix it.
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Transitional characters
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a choice; start by looking at the strengths in your family, then talk about what to maintain, change, remove, and add; from the review: look for family strengths; actions are deliberate, actively educated; do not use emotional cut-offs because they do not work
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Invisible loyalties
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parents have obligations to their children (these are usually unstated) and children to their parents
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Unfinished business
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when people do no meet the obligations in their families and invisible loyalties. This causes stress conflict.
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Love
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“a basic, enabling family process, a core dimension of healthy families
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Mark Twain’s quote:
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“Love seems the swiftest, but is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.”
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FIMS system
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Family-Involved-Mate-Selection
there is a strong push by family members, teachers, and even matchmakers to pick partners within one’s social class and position. |
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Western cultural attitudes about marriage
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marriages are based on love. Parents or family members usually do not get involved with marriage decision. Couple has autonomy to choose whom to marry.
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3 Aspects of Love
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Passion – attraction and sexual desire
Intimacy – closeness and attachment Commitment – pledge to love |
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Liking
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no passion, no commitment, only intimacy (closeness) – friends
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Infatuation
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Passion, but no commitment or intimacy – celebrity crushes
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Empty Love
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no passion or intimacy, commitment is there – arranged marriage, staying together for the kids
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Romantic love
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Passion and intimacy, no commitment – a relationship that’s not going anywhere or extra-marital affairs
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companionate love
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Commitment and intimacy, but no passion – can be just a friend, marriage that has lost passion (a lot of long-lasting, happy marriages fall in this category)
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Fatuous Love
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Passion and commitment, no intimacy – Vegas idea; you don’t know anything about the other person, love at first sight
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Consummate love
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passion, commitment, and intimacy
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Principle of least interest
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person with the least amount of interest in the relationship has the most power
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Exaggeration Principle
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amilies under stress exaggerate their ideological orientations; become more open, closed, random, synchronous
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Companionate model
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NO gender roles, elimination of patriarchal role, counter masculinity (least supported by study)
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Institutional Model
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high morals, connections that support marriage, fosters altruistic behaviors, men do more work (most validated by study)
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Equity Model
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perceived equity of work; encouraging more emotional work “indirectly” through fewer demands of it
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Gender Model
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men and women take their “roles”
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