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54 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
Do conflict skills come naturally? Why or why not? |
No. Conflicts skills are learned |
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Why is it important to study conflict? Be able to provide specific examples |
Because if we don't, we are more likely to repeat the damaging patterns. Should be viewed as a basic human requirement and "constructive conflict" as an essential set of interpersonal skills example: Mental Health can be improved (i.e. depression, eating disorders, physical and psychological abuse of partners and problem drinking) example: Long-term satisfaction in your family, love, relationships, and work |
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What is a conflict? |
An expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals |
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Chinese character for conflict as made up of |
Both danger and opportunity symbols |
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Main aspects of conflict—expressed struggle |
Communicative exchanges that make up the conflict episode Most become activated by a triggering event |
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Main aspects of conflict—interdependence |
The dependence of two or more people or things on each other "Conflict parties engage in an expressed struggle and interfere with one another because they are interdependent" |
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Main aspects of conflict— perceived incompatible goals |
When 2 people want things that do not exist together example: A couple discussing where to eat and both wanting to go to a different restaurant |
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Main aspects of conflict— perceived scarce resources |
Any positively perceived physical, economic or social consequence that are in demand, but there is not enough of. Example: A person does not want their best friend to meet a new person for fear that there will not be enough affection left for them. |
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Main aspects of conflict— interference |
When someone gets in the way of a goal (Can be solved so long as goals are different) |
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Triggering event |
A tangible or intangible barrier or occurrence that, once breached or met, causes another event to occur. Brings a concept to realization for everyone |
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Know and be able to explain the 4 horsemen |
Destructive conversational tactics that are not conversational Criticizing making critical statements (conflict likely to escalate) Defensiveness communicating a desire to protect themselves against pain, fear, personal responsibility, or new information (whining, deflecting, attacking, and further defending) Stonewalling When one person withdraws from the interaction. Evasive answers, refusal to engage. Contempt Any statement or nonverbal behavior that puts one self on a higher plane than one's partner. It is a personal attack on a person and their views |
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Symptoms of avoidance |
Active attempt to lessen dependence on the other, less direct interaction, active avoidance of the other person, harboring of resentment or disappointment, complaining to third person about the other party |
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Behaviors that lead to destructive conflict |
Escalatory conflict spiral relationships continues to circle around to more damaging ends (behaviors, perceptions of the other, perception of the relationship) spiral of negativity Meeting negative emotion with more negative emotion pursue/flee Each person specializes in a role that is so prescribed that the issues remain unresolved |
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Characteristics of destructive conflicts |
Narrowly defined or rigid goals Behaviors that escalate a conflict Involves a pattern of unhealthy communication |
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Benefits of conflict resolution |
Relationships are satisfying, learning how to solve problems productively, less stress, improved communication skills |
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Problems with unresolved conflicts |
Causes strain on relationships (coworkers, friends, love life, family) Decreased productivity Problems continue with solutions |
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Scarcity |
The state of being scarce or in short supply; shortage. Scarcity involves making a sacrifice, giving something up, or making a trade-off, in order to obtain more of the scarce resource that is wanted. |
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Gridlock |
Destructive and unproductive interdependence. (When nothing is working, try something different. Ex. traffic jam) |
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Perspectives on conflict- Avoidant |
Where members avoided most conflict |
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Perspectives on conflict- collaborative |
Where members use collaboration |
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Perspectives on conflict-aggressive |
Where members engaged in a lot of overt yelling, name calling, and similar aggressive moves |
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Family systems for dealing with conflicts |
Avoidant (Avoid conflict) Collaborative (Negotiation, problem-solving) Aggressive (survival of the fittest) |
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Definition and Application - Interests and Goals |
Interchangeable in regards to conflict example: money, love, status, affection, time, space |
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Know the four main types of goals in conflicts (topic, relational, identity and process) TRIP (be able to identify them in scenarios and be able to give your own examples) |
Topic (Content) Easiest to identify, objective, measurable ex. a vacation, a promotion, which movie to see relational Subjective, opinion, often reactive. "Who are we to each other?" Defines how each party wants to be treated by the other and the amount of interdependence they desire. "How I relate to you" identity "How I am seen / viewed by the world". "Who am I in this situation?" Public persona, saving-face process Goals to define a process for moving forward. "What communication process would work best?" More applicable to multiple interactions – set ground rules |
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How do TRIP goals interact? What are the TRIP goals? |
They can overlap and shift during a dispute. (Identity are often underlying and can be more important than topic goals.) TRIP stands for the major types of goals: Topic, Relational, Identity, and Process. |
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Sacrificing topic / content goals for relational goals—what does that look like? |
The relationship is more important than the content (promotion, vacation, etc.) |
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Relationship between identity goals and face-saving |
Identity goals are face-saving goals. It is about how figuring out who you are in the situation and how the world sees you and how your identity can protected or repaired in a specific situation. |
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Goal clarity |
If you do not know your goal, you cannot effectively seek your goal |
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3 types of goals w/definitions (P,R,T) |
prospective FUTURE Intentions people have before they engage in a conflict transactive PRESENT Goals that develop during a conflict retrospective PAST Emerge after the conflict is over and give clarity. Changing their goals in order to reflect the current situation (save-face and move to a new goal) |
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How goals can change over time |
Goals can change during a transaction with the other person. You may realize that you desire something else or you change in order to collaborate with the other person |
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Definition of Power |
The ability to achieve a purpose In terms of negotiation power "The means to achieve your goals" |
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Either/or(distributive) power |
A superior position in terms of something to
allow control of a negotiation Focuses on power over or against the other party "Either you do this or..." (Most of law practice is either/or power) |
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Both/and (integrative) power |
Highlight power with the other Power coming from a relationship Both parties have to achieve something in the relationship Power from a relationship can be positive (people trust you) or negative (people are scared of you) example: "We both have these advantages and we can use them together" "We can both study and likely do well on the test" |
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power to (designated) power |
Giving power to some other group or entity
Power coming from your position Easy to spot Power from a position Giving power over, or distributive power, for the larger good of the interdependent relationship |
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How Lens Model of Conflict views power |
Power is a matter of perspective Intent is different than impact Power is how you look at it, how you see it |
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Individual Power Currencies RICE |
Different people want/need different things (different currencies for different situations) "spendable" energy that can be used in conflictual relationships Power currencies depend on how much your particular resources are valued by the other person in a relationship context Resource Control Often comes with one's formal position in an organization or group. Example: Controlling rewards or punishments such as promotions and parents control over children Interpersonal Linkage Your position in the larger system, such as being central to the communication exchange. Example Best friend has a cabin you can share, you have attained some power (if your family or friends want to stay there) because your ability to obtain things through other people. Communication Skills Conversational skills, listening skills, likable, persuasive, group leadership skills. Those who communicate well gain value and thus interpersonal power. Expertise Specific skills, abilities, talents, special knowledge that are useful for the task at hand. |
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Interpersonal Power |
The ability to influence a relational partner in any context because you control, or at least the partner perceives that you control, resources that the partner needs, values, desires, or fears. Interpersonal Power also includes the ability to resist the influence attempts of a partner |
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Relational Theory of Power |
Power is typically seen as attributes of a person Power can also be something inherent in a position A belief system that describes how growth and effectiveness occur Maturity and competence depend on growth in-connection and mutuality Ability to develop relationally depends on mutual empathy, mutual empowerment, responsibility to both oneself and others Share positive power Relational power is "The power invested in you through your relationships with others" Power is always interpersonal |
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Distressed system versus effective system |
Effective Power is de-emphasized. Right side up triangle with Interests the biggest on the bottom, then Rights in the middle, and power the smallest on the top Distressed Power is emphasized. Inverted triangle with Power the biggest on the top, then Rights in the middles, and Interests the smallest on the bottom |
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Ways to balance power |
Collaboration and the constructive realignment of power Speak to the other person with a positive tone, listen, reflect feelings, clarify what you have heard, question when needed, summarize |
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High power,low power, and power exercise |
High power: Often a goal that people strive for, It can corrupt you. May develop altered views of themselves or other parties. example: teacher, parent, police, doctor low power: No stake, nothing to lose so power can flip. If low power people are continually treated poorly, they can produce organized resistance to the high power people power exercise |
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Passive aggressive behavior |
The indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, stubbornness, sullen behavior, or deliberate or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible. |
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Conflict styles vs. conflict tactics |
Conflict styles Patterned responses, or clusters of behavior that people use in conflict. Describe the big picture (People can learn and use different styles) Conflict Tactics individual moves people make to carry out their general approach Describe the specific communication of the big picture (A cluster of tactics woven together become a style) |
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Five conflict styles—advantages and disadvantages to each: Accommodation |
Does not assert individual needs and prefers a cooperative and harmonizing approach Avoids on concerns to focus on others Often accompanied by dependence Beneficial to long-term relationships Give up something for the long term relationships Cares more about the relationship |
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Five conflict styles—advantages and disadvantages to each: Competition |
Characterized by Aggressive, uncooperative behavior pursues own concerns Acknowledging only your side and your goals as valid, prevalent in litigation, tends to hurt relationships. Good in emergency situations when you don't care about the relationship or when the transaction won't repeat Destructive: Personal criticism, rejection, hostile imperatives, hostile jokes, hostile questions, presumptive remarks, denial of responsibility Productive: if one competes to accomplish individual goals without destroying the other person |
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Five conflict styles—advantages and disadvantages to each: Avoidance |
A way of expressing conflict If its a time limited conflict, avoidance can be good. example: football game with two passionate fans (friends) of different teams Tactics: Denial of the conflict, evasive remarks, changing and avoiding topics, being noncommittal and joking rather than dealing with the conflict at hand, passive/aggressive |
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Five conflict styles—advantages and disadvantages to each: Compromise |
Intermediate style resulting in some gains and some losses for each parties Requires trade-offs and exchanges Moderately assertive and cooperative Characterized by beliefs like: "Give a little, get a little" and " You can be satisfied with part of the pie" |
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Five conflict styles—advantages and disadvantages to each: Collaboration |
Demands the most constructive engagement of any of the styles Shows a high level of concern for one's own goals, the goals of others, the successful solution of the problem, and the enhancement of the relationship Also called mutual problem-solving Requires willing parties and good communication skills Enlarging the pie |
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Use of the conflict styles to reach solutions |
Styles can change with the progress of the conflict and with life experience. One can change a preferred style especially if the old style ceases to work well. Flexibility creates constructive conflict |
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Concern for self/concern for others and how the styles “map out” |
Collaboration |
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Credibility of threats |
Most commonly used Competition tactic The threat has to meet two criteria: 1. The threat must control the outcome 2. The threat must be seen as negative by the recipient Threat are effective only if the sanction is something the threatened party wants to avoid Can be constructive or destructive |
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Relationship between competition, threats and verbal aggression |
Verbal aggression broader communications than threats. Attack the self-concepts of other people. Character attacks, insults, rough teasing, ridicule, and profanity are all forms of verbal aggression. Verbal Aggression and threats are tactics that are sometimes used with the Competition style |
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Disengagement– avoidance tactics |
41 |
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Characteristics of verbal coercion/violence |
Controlling: forcing view or dominating the conversation, cutting-off, overstating, lying, speaking in absolutes, allowing no other opinion, changing subjects abruptly, using hostile language and hostile directed questions Labeling: putting a label on someone to limit their position or authority Attacking: Actual physical violence |