Comn. 103 Ch. 12 - Managing Conflict

Front 1

Accommodation

Back 1

a lose-win conflict style in which one person defers to the other

Front 2

Avoidance

Back 2

a lose-lose conflict style in which people nonassertively ignore or stay away from conflict

Front 3

Collaboration

Back 3

a win-win conflict style in which both people get what they want

Front 4

Competition

Back 4

a win-lose conflict style in which one person wins at the other person's expense

Front 5

Complementary Conflict

Back 5

when partners in a conflict use different but mutually reinforcing behaviors

Front 6

Compromise

Back 6

a conflict style in which both people only get part of what they want because they sacrifice some of their goals

Front 7

Conflict

Back 7

an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other person in achieving his or her goals

Front 8

Conflict Ritual

Back 8

repeating pattern of interlocking conflict behaviors

Front 9

De-Escalator Spiral

Back 9

a reciprocal communication pattern in which one person's non-threatening behavior leads to reduced hostility by the other, with the level of hostility steadily decreasing

Front 10

Direct Aggression

Back 10

an expression of the sender's thoughts and/or feelings that attacks the position and dignity of the receiver

Front 11

Escalating Spiral

Back 11

a reciprocal communication pattern in which on person's attack leads to a counter-attack by the other, with the level of hostility steadily increasing

Front 12

Passive Aggression

Back 12

an indirect expression of aggression, delivered in a way that allows the sender to maintain a facade of kindness

Front 13

Symmetrical Conflict

Back 13

partners in a conflict use the same tactics

Front 14

Win-Win Problem Solving

Back 14

an approach to conflict resolution in which people work together to satisfy all their goals

Front 15

"express" because there has to be some acknowledgement that struggles occur; and "interdependence" which means "you impact me in some way, and I impact you in some way"

Back 15

what are they two most important words in this definition of conflict: “an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties whoperceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the otherparty in achieving their goals”

Front 16

Mutual Dependence

Back 16

"you depend on me and I depend on you"

Front 17

Perception

Back 17

What is the most important piece of managing conflict?

Front 18

Solvable Conflict

Back 18

conflicts that can be worked on and ultimately fixed

Front 19

Perpetual Conflict

Back 19

conflicts that are rooted in values, attitudes, beliefs, and ideaologies; these are very hard to change

Front 20

agree to disagree and then stop talking about it

Back 20

What does Gottman suggest is the best way to deal with Perpetual Conflicts in order to salvage the relationship?

Front 21

Confirmation

Back 21

"I respect you, you matter to me, I care about what you have to say"; mindful listening

Front 22

Disconfirmation

Back 22

"You don't matter to me, I don't respect you, I don't care about what you think"; interrupting, ambushing, etc.

Front 23

Avoidance

Back 23

you avoid the probelm all together so no one gets what they want

Front 24

Accommodation

Back 24

(lose-win) when you put your needs last in favor of someone else's needs

Front 25

Competition

Back 25

(win-lose) when you put your needs before anyone else's and you don't care if the other person gets what they want

Front 26

Compromise

Back 26

when you settle on getting a little bit of what you want while the other person gets a litte of what they want

Front 27

Collaboration

Back 27

(win-win) when you work towards finding a solution that meets both parties' needs (takes a lot of effort and time)

Front 28

Complementary Style

Back 28

"I nag, you withdraw, I nag, you withdraw"

Front 29

Symmetrical Style

Back 29

"I yell so you yell, I ignore you so you ignore me"

Front 30

Escalating Spiral

Back 30

loud and powerful; tornado; yelling louder and louder at one another, putting each other down over and over

Front 31

De-Escalating Spiral

Back 31

withdrawing and powerful; upside down tornado; you give me the silent treatment for one day, I'll do it for a week, you do it for a month, etc.

Front 32

Nexting

Back 32

term coined by Jon Stewart; you do this when you're stuck in a spiral; stop and take a step back and flip the pattern of the spiral in order to find a solution

Front 33

Validate the Other

Back 33

productive conflict style strategy; "you're an over-the-top neat freak!" "well, I guess you're right..."

Front 34

Cross Complain

Back 34

destructive conflict style strategy; "you're an over-the-top neat freak" "well you're a slob!

Front 35

Negotiate a Contract

Back 35

productive conflict style strategy; rather than looking for an agreement, look for something that you are willing to do and identify it

Front 36

Counteroffer

Back 36

destructive conflict style strategy; I make a demand, you make a demand, and so on

Front 37

Focus

Back 37

productive conflict style strategy; only choosing one criticism to make at a time

Front 38

Drift (kitchen sink)

Back 38

destructive conflict strategy; when you look back over the past 5 years and bring up all of the things you're mad about when you're really just complaining about one thing

Front 39

Metacommunication in a Useful Way

Back 39

productive conflict strategy; when you communicate about communication

Front 40

Metacommunication in a Hostile Way

Back 40

destructive conflict style strategy; when you communicate about communication but only focus on the negatives

Front 41

Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt (belittling), Stonewalling (ignoring)

Back 41

What are the 4 Horsemen of Toxic Conflict?