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46 Cards in this Set

  • Front
  • Back
8 hidden agendas
1.Im good
2.Im good, your not
3.Your good, Im not
4.Im helpless, I suffer
5.Im blameless
6.Im fragile
7.Im tough
8.I know it all
why use hidden agendas
person does not want to deal with the real issues

excellent defense menuever if you dont feel good abouth yourself, create desired outcome

always trying to prove something and hide the real you
Describe the I am good agenda
spend time trying to make people believe you are awesome. No one can get close.
Describe the Im good but your not agenda
you prove that you're all right by showing how bad everyone else is

It gives you boost of self esteem but you pay price
Describe the "your good, Im not" agenda
simplest version is flattery

an escuse not to change

agenda of a depressed person
Describe the "Im helpless, I suffer" agenda
this is the agenda of a victime

stories of misfortune,injustice, abuse

No hope

these people want sympathy
Describe the "Im blameless" agenda
agenda when things go wrong

"See what you made me do!!"

just an excuse for failure
describe the "Im fragile" agenda
you need to be protected from the truth

basic statement is"dont hurt me"

"please lets not talk about it, I am getting amother headache"
Describe the "Im tough" agenda
you muscle your way through life, both psychologically and physically

supermom

Im tough is masculine ideal for some men

cant let your guard down

pay off is admiration
Describe the " I know it all" Agenda
purpose of this agenda is to prove how much you know

prevent your feelings of inadequacy/shame
main 2 purposes of hidden agendas
1.build up and preserve an existial position

2.to promote ulterior motives and needs
outcome of hidden agendas
isolate yourself bc you are not accepted for who you are
Agenda is "Im good"

new position
Im a mixture of strengths and weaknesses

I can shape both sides of myself
Agenda is "Im good but your not"

new position
I dont have to tear you down to make me good. Im no longer in the business of comparing
Agenda is "your good but Im not"

new position...
I can get attention w/my strengths and abilities. I dont need to make excuses
Agenda "Im helpless, I suffer"

new position
My life is ablance of pleasure and pain, hope and sadness. I can share each side of myself
Agenda "Im blameless"

new position...
nobody's perfect

decisions I make sometimes affect things that go wrong
Agenda, Im fragile

new position
it scares me a little when someone is upset but I can listen to it
Agenda: Im tough

new position
I can take care of myself. I can releax and people will still like me. I can be safe wo scaring people
Agenda: i know it all

New position
I can listen, Can be interested, can ask questions. there are interesting things to learn and discover
IQs
inccorect questions

they are negative and DO NOT solve problems
what do incoreect questions usually start with?
why

who

when
What do IQs imply?
someone or something else is responsible for the problem or situation which is the opposite of personal responsibilty
QBQ
question behing the question

making better choices in the moment by asking better questions
what will happen if we ask better questions?
the questions themselves will lead us to better results
quiding princple of QBQs
the answers are in the questions
simple guidlines for creating QBQs
1.being w/What? or How?
2.Include I
3.Focus on action
why should we not ask "WHY?"
why me tone says "im a victim of the environment and the people around me"

victims ask why
Dont ask when?
when we ask when we are really saying we have no choice but to wait to put off the action untill another time.

when questions lead to procrastination. procrastination increases stress
dont ask who?
who questions are really looking for scapegoats, someone else to blame
Agenda "Im helpless, I suffer"

new position
My life is ablance of pleasure and pain, hope and sadness. I can share each side of myself
Agenda "Im blameless"

new position...
nobody's perfect

decisions I make sometimes affect things that go wrong
Agenda, Im fragile

new position
it scares me a little when someone is upset but I can listen to it
Agenda: Im tough

new position
I can take care of myself. I can releax and people will still like me. I can be safe wo scaring people
Agenda: i know it all

New position
I can listen, Can be interested, can ask questions. there are interesting things to learn and discover
IQs
inccorect questions

they are negative and DO NOT solve problems
what do incoreect questions usually start with?
why

who

when
What do IQs imply?
someone or something else is responsible for the problem or situation which is the opposite of personal responsibilty
QBQ
question behing the question

making better choices in the moment by asking better questions
what will happen if we ask better questions?
the questions themselves will lead us to better results
quiding princple of QBQs
the answers are in the questions
simple guidlines for creating QBQs
1.being w/What? or How?
2.Include I
3.Focus on action
why should we not ask "WHY?"
why me tone says "im a victim of the environment and the people around me"

victims ask why
Dont ask when?
when we ask when we are really saying we have no choice but to wait to put off the action untill another time.

when questions lead to procrastination. procrastination increases stress
dont ask who?
who questions are really looking for scapegoats, someone else to blame
what does action lead to?
learning and growth

takes courage and builds confidence