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46 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
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8 hidden agendas
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1.Im good
2.Im good, your not 3.Your good, Im not 4.Im helpless, I suffer 5.Im blameless 6.Im fragile 7.Im tough 8.I know it all |
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why use hidden agendas
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person does not want to deal with the real issues
excellent defense menuever if you dont feel good abouth yourself, create desired outcome always trying to prove something and hide the real you |
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Describe the I am good agenda
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spend time trying to make people believe you are awesome. No one can get close.
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Describe the Im good but your not agenda
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you prove that you're all right by showing how bad everyone else is
It gives you boost of self esteem but you pay price |
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Describe the "your good, Im not" agenda
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simplest version is flattery
an escuse not to change agenda of a depressed person |
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Describe the "Im helpless, I suffer" agenda
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this is the agenda of a victime
stories of misfortune,injustice, abuse No hope these people want sympathy |
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Describe the "Im blameless" agenda
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agenda when things go wrong
"See what you made me do!!" just an excuse for failure |
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describe the "Im fragile" agenda
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you need to be protected from the truth
basic statement is"dont hurt me" "please lets not talk about it, I am getting amother headache" |
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Describe the "Im tough" agenda
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you muscle your way through life, both psychologically and physically
supermom Im tough is masculine ideal for some men cant let your guard down pay off is admiration |
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Describe the " I know it all" Agenda
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purpose of this agenda is to prove how much you know
prevent your feelings of inadequacy/shame |
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main 2 purposes of hidden agendas
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1.build up and preserve an existial position
2.to promote ulterior motives and needs |
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outcome of hidden agendas
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isolate yourself bc you are not accepted for who you are
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Agenda is "Im good"
new position |
Im a mixture of strengths and weaknesses
I can shape both sides of myself |
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Agenda is "Im good but your not"
new position |
I dont have to tear you down to make me good. Im no longer in the business of comparing
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Agenda is "your good but Im not"
new position... |
I can get attention w/my strengths and abilities. I dont need to make excuses
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Agenda "Im helpless, I suffer"
new position |
My life is ablance of pleasure and pain, hope and sadness. I can share each side of myself
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Agenda "Im blameless"
new position... |
nobody's perfect
decisions I make sometimes affect things that go wrong |
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Agenda, Im fragile
new position |
it scares me a little when someone is upset but I can listen to it
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Agenda: Im tough
new position |
I can take care of myself. I can releax and people will still like me. I can be safe wo scaring people
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Agenda: i know it all
New position |
I can listen, Can be interested, can ask questions. there are interesting things to learn and discover
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IQs
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inccorect questions
they are negative and DO NOT solve problems |
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what do incoreect questions usually start with?
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why
who when |
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What do IQs imply?
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someone or something else is responsible for the problem or situation which is the opposite of personal responsibilty
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QBQ
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question behing the question
making better choices in the moment by asking better questions |
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what will happen if we ask better questions?
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the questions themselves will lead us to better results
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quiding princple of QBQs
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the answers are in the questions
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simple guidlines for creating QBQs
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1.being w/What? or How?
2.Include I 3.Focus on action |
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why should we not ask "WHY?"
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why me tone says "im a victim of the environment and the people around me"
victims ask why |
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Dont ask when?
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when we ask when we are really saying we have no choice but to wait to put off the action untill another time.
when questions lead to procrastination. procrastination increases stress |
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dont ask who?
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who questions are really looking for scapegoats, someone else to blame
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Agenda "Im helpless, I suffer"
new position |
My life is ablance of pleasure and pain, hope and sadness. I can share each side of myself
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Agenda "Im blameless"
new position... |
nobody's perfect
decisions I make sometimes affect things that go wrong |
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Agenda, Im fragile
new position |
it scares me a little when someone is upset but I can listen to it
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Agenda: Im tough
new position |
I can take care of myself. I can releax and people will still like me. I can be safe wo scaring people
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Agenda: i know it all
New position |
I can listen, Can be interested, can ask questions. there are interesting things to learn and discover
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IQs
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inccorect questions
they are negative and DO NOT solve problems |
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what do incoreect questions usually start with?
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why
who when |
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What do IQs imply?
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someone or something else is responsible for the problem or situation which is the opposite of personal responsibilty
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QBQ
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question behing the question
making better choices in the moment by asking better questions |
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what will happen if we ask better questions?
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the questions themselves will lead us to better results
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quiding princple of QBQs
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the answers are in the questions
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simple guidlines for creating QBQs
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1.being w/What? or How?
2.Include I 3.Focus on action |
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why should we not ask "WHY?"
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why me tone says "im a victim of the environment and the people around me"
victims ask why |
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Dont ask when?
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when we ask when we are really saying we have no choice but to wait to put off the action untill another time.
when questions lead to procrastination. procrastination increases stress |
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dont ask who?
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who questions are really looking for scapegoats, someone else to blame
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what does action lead to?
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learning and growth
takes courage and builds confidence |
