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156 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
- 3rd side (hint)
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Rule (3 types)
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What is acceptable in a situation
1. Folkways 2. Mores 3. Taboos |
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Folkways (ex)
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social ways in which people conform although no pressure
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Ex) speaking, matching socks, no clothes with holes, no tux to McDonalds
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Mores (ex)
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more strongly held, breaking equals a bigger reaction. Set by laws.
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ex) you and your husband playing naked in front yard
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taboos (ex)
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most strongly held. sometimes too strong. Don’t need laws.
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ex) incest, necrophilia
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Pick up lines (5 types)
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25 words or less, capture stranger’s attention, doesn’t sound corny
Friendly Offbeat Humorous Altar Seductive |
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Friendly Pick-up Line (ex)
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shows an interest in simply getting to know a person
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ex) “Would you mind some conversation while you wait?”
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Offbeat Pick-up Line (ex)
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comes completely out of left field
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ex) “do you think we’ll ever convert to the metric system?”
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Humor Pick-up Line (ex)
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funny
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ex) “what’s a nice girl like you doing in an elevator like this?”
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Altar Pick-up Line (ex)
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spoken with glint in the eyes. Hopelessly smitten, classically cliche
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ex) 70 year old woman walks up to a man and says “you look just like my 3rd husband.” He responds, “How many of you had?” Woman: “Two”
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Seductive Pick-up Line (ex)
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know that the other person is sexually attracted to you before you say one. Could be considered sexual harassment if not. Should stir, but not shock.
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ex) “You’re the sexiest person in the room so I wanted to come say hi”
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model
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learning device, visual tool. visually takes the communications process and breaks it down into parts and shows how the parts are interrelated
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S->E->M->C->D->R Model
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initially a diagram of a telephone call. Also referred to as the Burrlow model
Source Encoder Message Channel Decoder Receiver |
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Source
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Idea of a person. Something a person wants to communicate.
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Encoder
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Taking the thoughts and ideas of the source and putting it into some form that someone else will be able to comprehend. Typically same person as the source
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Message (3 components)
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Code, Content, Treatment
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Code: Symbol system. Shared by at least two people. Most popular-language. Vast symbols of codes. Also facial expressions, the way we dress, sirens, colors, sounds, music, shapes, morse code, sign language, bells, drums, smoke signals. All of these we communicate with other people.
Content: beginning to the end of the message, using the code. Basic “what” is communicated. Treatment: different meanings. “I love you” message differs if you say it to your mom, boyfriend, or cat. Also involves nonverbal aspects. Not just what you say, but how you say it. Sometimes, there is a contradiction between what we say and how we say it. Double Bind. Say you’re not angry but you sound angry. Say I love you but you’re backing away from the person. Should usually go with the nonverbal treatment: Why? It’s more powerful, more difficult to lie nonverbal, it’s reflexive, more control over our words rather than the nonverbal. Conveys our emotions more. Might manipulate our words to what is more socially acceptable. |
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Channel
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The waves we send messages. How we get the message to receivers. Lots of different channels, some refer to mediums. Letters, television, radio. Messages are sent through channels.
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Decoder
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Taking things out of code and putting them into thoughts. Typically same person as the Receiver
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Receiver
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person who gets the message
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high fidelity
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message from source to receiver without any distortion
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noise (ex)
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the enemy of fidelity. Anything that distorts the message getting through. Can occur anywhere in the communication process.
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ex) you have a stomach ache, so you’re not listening to the professor’s message
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Feedback
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SEMCDR is linear so there’s no feedback. models that incorporate feedback are circular (A->B->A). Can also increase fidelity. Tell the person what you do and don’t understand
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4 Systems of Communication
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Intrapersonal
Interpersonal Small group Mass |
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Intrapersonal communication
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Thinking your own thoughts, feelings your own feelings, dealing with yourself
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Interpersonal communication
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Adding a second person. Communication between two people. Aka Dyadic (two people) communication.
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Mass Communication
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if someone is missing from the group and you cannot tell, then the group is now mass.
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mediation (ex)
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Something that comes in between two or more things. For our purposes, mediation refers to some physical, inanimate thing that comes between source and receiver. Typically removing them from immediate face to face interaction.
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Ex) a telephone call. Email. Sending a letter. Video chat.
Mediated & Non-mediated at the same time ex) live, face to face, but use a telephone (such as in jail) |
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ex of mediated small group convo
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conference call
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ex of mediated intrapersonal comm
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writing in a journal or voice recording
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mediated mass comm (ex)
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what we’re most familiar with. can still be feedback, but less of it
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ex) write letters to the editor of your newspaper, email magazine editor, etc. No real rules.
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reception (ex)
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a relatively mechanical process. Deals without biologies and what comes in through our five senses. Will need this mostly for biology class. Analysis stage involves focusing, and interpreting.
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Ex) vision. The eye can see a lot more than it can actively deal with. Can see about 5 million pieces of stimuli. But the brain cannot acitvely deal with those five pieces, only about 500 pieces of stimuli. So the brain is only dealing with about 1/ten thousandth of what’s actually coming in. But we select those 500 pieces differently, bc of this two people can see the same thing but perceive different things. We are selectively perceptive.
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4 Factors within the object/stimuli that effect Human Perception
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Easy, obvious
Intense Contrast Repetition |
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9 Factors within ourselves that effect Human Perception
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Past learning experiences
Culture Language Motivation Stereotypes Roles Mood Attitudes Psychological Tendencies |
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Easy/obvious (Factor within the object/stimuli) (ex)
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we tend to focus on what is in front of us
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ex) a woman will place herself in the line of sight of a guy she’s interested in. Makes it easy for him to select her.
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Intense (Factor within the object/stimuli) (ex)
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see what stands out. Therefore, groups will be intense to capture the eyes of the media or whoever they want attention from
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ex) see flag of every country,the one with the brightest colors stand out to you more; notice tantrum child rather than calm child
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Contrast (Factor within the object/stimuli) (ex)
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stand out simply because it’s different
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ex) Pringles puts chips in a can, diff from all the bags; in class, there’s only one Elvis impersonator=contrast. Only one elvis impersonator (stands out)=contrast
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Repetition (Factor within the object/stimuli)
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If sometimes is repeated over and over again it’s more likely to end up in our brains
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Past Learning Experiences (Factor within ourselves) (ex)
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what we learn or think we learn influences how we perceive
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ex) a woman who had relationships with two untrustworthy and unreliable men. Therefore, she believes all men are untrustworthy and unreliable. She will jump on any hints that a future lover will be untrust/unrel, and will ignore the signs that he’s actually the opposite.
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Culture (Factor within ourselves) (experiments)
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experiment: flashed 1 pic of a baseball player in left eye, bull-fighter in right. Americans say they saw a baseball player, Mexicans saw bull-fighter.
Important cultural differences result in changes in perception. Tendency to avoid contradicts. Experiment: Japanese and American students. Shown animated underwater scene. Jap students describe the scene/setting “there’s a pond with a rocky bottom.” Amers noticed subject “There’s a large trout swimming.” East Asians tend to be more comfortable with contradictions. Experiment: Analyze a conflict with a mother/daughter: Amer’s called out “right” person, while Chinese noted +/- on each side =culture influences perception OJ Simpson trial verdict. White people: upset. Blacks: happy. Race influences how people interpret the media |
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Language (Factor within ourselves) (ex)
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language change the way you perceive the world
Criticism: not language, but culture, which leads to the language. Just because you don’t have a word for something doesn’t mean you can’t perceive it. -Sapir-Whorf is kind of extreme |
Ex) the sapir-whorf hypothesis
- language changes the way you perceive the world Ex) eskimos have 15-20 diff words for snow. Americans have 1. Therefore, eskimos perceive a diff reality. -diff languages have have diff words for colors (Americans have a pretty rick color language) = different reality perception. |
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Motivation (Factor within ourselves) (ex)
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motives influence perception and selection
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ex) hungry so you see food ad’s; religious=see Jesus’ face in the sky
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Stereotypes (Factor within ourselves) (ex)
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- generalizations we make about the world, usually a particular group
- get stereotypes from our families, past learning experiences, culture. = all influence our perception, memories, interactions. Interpret ambiguous behaviors to fit your stereotype - we have them -> try to generalize to keep our large, un-organizes, complete world organized. - often compounds of errors, exaggerations, omissions - based on stereotypes, 2 diff people can perceive the same situation very differently - media stereotypes are especially influencable on people who don’t interact with a specific group - positive stereotypes tend to have a negative twist |
Ex) athletes: lean, graceful, rich
When we experience people against the stereotype, most people see them as “the exception” |
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Roles (Factor within ourselves) (ex)
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Your profession or role effects what you notice.
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Ex) botanist, psychologist, etc will notice different things in a park
Ex) teacher sees material as important, and a student doesn’t care |
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Mood (Factor within ourselves) (ex)
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how you’re feeling
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Ex) shown a pic of kids digging in a swamp. Happy mood: kids are enjoying great outdoors. Critical: kids should be doing something better. Anxious: how deep is the water? Where are their parents?
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Attitudes
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who/what you’re more lenient toward
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ex) can see more fouls against the other teams in a football game
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Psychological Tendencies (Factor within ourselves) (3)
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A) selective exposure: expose yourself to things you believe in ex) christian doesn’t go to atheist meeting
B) selective attention: listen to parts of message you agree with, not parts you don’t C) Selective Retention: remember parts of the message you believe in/relate to/agree with |
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Self Concept (3)
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relatively stable set of perceptions that you have about yourself and who you are
Self Identity Self Image Self-esteem |
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Self Identity (ex)
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who you are in relation to other people. Social positions that you occupy. Location in relation to other people. How you are linked and place in your statuses and roles. Community ties. Social positions that you have.
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Ex) he is a son. He is a student. He is a muslim. He is a friend. He is a New Yorker. Each are apart of his self identity.
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Self Image (ex)
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Deals with one’s qualities and characteristics and attributes and skills. And how these all fit into a whole.
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Ex) she is kind. She is assertive. She is a good pool player. She is attractive. She’s kind of sneaky. All of these are apart of her self image.
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Self Esteem (ex)
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this involves your emotional response to yourself, positive and negative evaluations and emotional responses to yourself. Feelings about yourself, especially in terms of ranking yourself compared to others. How would you rank your self?
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ex) One of our greatest fears is public speaking, because we wander if we’re measuring up well or not.
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Looking glass self
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Put yourself through the eyes of someone else. 3 Stages
1. We imagine how our actions are appearing to other people. How do my actions appear to other people? 2. We also imagine how other people are judging our actions. What judgements are they giving to our actions? 3. Your ideas are based off how other people judge you. |
ex) 1. Ex) someone playing basketball in public. He imagines how is basketball skills are appearing to other people, what is it like in their minds?
2. Ex) are they judging me as a good or bad shooter? 3. Ex) they think I’m a great basketball player, so I am a great basketball player. |
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Impersonal imperative (3)
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natural human drive to communicate. We are by nature social beings. Basic human drive for us to be social. Born in groups, live in groups. All human beings have these 3 needs:
inclusion control affection |
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Inclusion (impersonal imperative)
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the need to belong. Need to be needed. Need to be valued. Need to be apart of something larger than ourselves. Some of us have these needs more than others. Someone too much of the inclusion need is “over social.”
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control (impersonal imperative)
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have power, authority, respect. Possible to have too little or too much.
Autocrat: too much of the control need, must always control everything. Abdicrat: doesn’t want to control enough. Give up. Always wants other people to tell him what to do. Join cults. |
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affection (impersonal imperative)
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we all have the need for love, tenderness, gentleness, etc from other people.
Overpersonal: has too much of the affection need. Underpersonal: don’t like affection at all, no touching. |
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3 stages of Interpersonal Communicative Act
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Anticipation
Direct contact reciprocity |
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Anticipation (Stage of Interpersonal Communicative Act) (ex)
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anticipation of upcoming encounters. We act out in our minds what we think is going to happen. Upcoming character/fantasy of what we think is going to happen, say, do, etc. We anticipate. Self-concept influences the anticipation stage.
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Ex) a girl is going to ask a guy on a date. She believes she is smart, pretty, nice, and therefore imagines that he will happily accept her offer. If she believes she’s ugly, stupid, she imagines that she won’t even go through it, and if she does, it will influence how she actually asks him. She might ask him “I know you don’t really want to go out with someone like me...”
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Direct contact (Stage of Interpersonal Communicative Act) (ex)
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communication actually occurs. Anticipation stage influences the direct contact stage.
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Experiment) divided the class in half, one half told that theres going to be a guest speaker but he can be rude, prickley, kind of nasty, but he has important things to say. The second half is told that there’s going to be a guest speaker who is amazing, so wonderful, etc. They both saw the exact same speaker. The first half were less likely to give him positive evaluations, and more likely to say bad things about him. And vice versa for the second half. Same exact speaker, but different anticipation stages.
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Reciprocity (Stage of Interpersonal Communicative Act) (ex)
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the receiver is under some social obligation to return, to reciprocate, whatever the source says. Obligated to communicate back to someone communicating to you.
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Ex) “hi, how are you?” “I’m good, how are you?” always answer. Always reciprocate. In the vast majority of interpersonal communications, there’s an obligation to reciprocate. (some exceptions, when you confess the priest doesn’t confess to you). An important part of self disclosure.
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Self Disclosure (4)
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Open Self
Hidden Self Blind Self Unknown Self |
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Open Self
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What you know about other people and what they know about you.
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Hidden Self
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what you know about you but what other people don’t know about you.
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Blind Self (ex)
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what other people know about you but what you don’t know about yourself.
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Ex) sleeping habits, if you don’t know you’re adopted, spinach in your teeth, you don’t think of yourself as kind but others do, etc.
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Unknown self
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what you don’t know about yourself, but what others don’t know about you either.
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Halo effect (ex)
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One thing influencing self disclosure. Involves first impressions. Positive or negative. Subsequently has influences on self disclosure as well.
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Ex) just met someone and the first thing you see them do is help an old lady cross the street, so you think to yourself “this is a good person.” generalized. First impression causes someone to think about you in general. Ex of negative) meet someone and the first thing they said to you is that the kicked their little dog in the mouth. So you say to yourself “this is a bad person.”
- influences self disclosure. Because we know that when we meet someone they’re forming judgements about us, so we tend to only disclose positive information. |
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culture influences self disclosure
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Some cultures have higher disclosure levels to another.
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ex) American vs. Japanese: Americans tend to self-disclose more than Japanese. Which can lead to conflicts: we may think that japanese are stand offish, while they might think we talk too much.
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Referent (6)
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functions that words serve
Stand for things Perform Actions Evoking emotions Reduce uncertainty Express complexities Provoke human contact |
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Stand for Things (7) (Referent) (ex)
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most of the time, the word and what it stands for is usually an arbitrary relationship.
Bypassing abstraction euphemism relative language static evaluation limited language/unlimited reality subcultural differences |
Ex) sometime, some place, some group of people agreed to call a furry animal on all fours a “dog.” they could’ve called it an “og” or “do,” but they didn’t, they randomly called it a “dog.” The word “three” is larger than “four” - doesn’t matter. Exception: onomatopoeia - words that sound like the noise they make. Exception: some chinese symbols represent the word they stand for.
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bypassing (a Stand For Things Referent) (ex)
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using different words with the same meaning, or different words with the same meanings. bypassing<equivocations. Words have more than one accepted definition
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ex) fanny means vagina in England
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abstraction (a Stand For Things Referent) (ex)
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interval problems. Generalize a word. Ex) who are you going to the movies with today? A creature. Also problems with overly abstract conversations
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Ex) “we never do anything that’s fun anymore.. It’s just the same ol’ over and over again” “we’re doing this and this that’s new” “that’s not what I mean, I mean really unusual” “what do you mean? Heroin?” “no don’t be absurd. You know what I mean.” being too general, too abstract.
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euphemism (a Stand For Things Referent) (ex)
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a situation might be not pleasant, so you call it something nicer. Sometimes using some other term might seem less harsh.
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Ex) ku klux klan is not called an “unhappy group”
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relative language (a Stand For Things Referent) (ex)
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it all depends. It’s relative. Such as fast, smart, short, easy, extensive. What exactly do these words mean? It’s not very clear.
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Ex) LMU might seem like a small school compared to UCLA with 40,000 students, but not compared to the 500 student school.
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static evaluation (a Stand For Things Referent) (ex)
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words simplify the world some what. refers to
words that make reality seem more concrete and unchanging than it actually is. assumes thing are unchanging. |
ex) (mark is a nervous
guy. but maybe only in certain situations. its better to say nervous in class yesterday) its better to be more specific! |
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limited language/unlimited reality (a Stand for Things Referent)
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Our languages are relatively limited, and we must deal with this in our virtually unlimited reality. English has the most words (>1 million), mandarin (~500,000), French (100,000). Typical vocabulary is about 10,000 words. Typical vocabulary is about 10,000 words.
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subcultural differences (a Stand for Things Referent) (ex)
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there are a variety of subcultures, occupational, ethnic, regional.. etc
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ex) “you sure clean up nice,” -> means you look good. “watch out for the snurd” -> muddy snow. All in america, but different subcultures within america -> different states.
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perform actions (Referent) (ex)
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sealing an agreement, making a commitment
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ex) “I promise/bet you” = sealing agreement
cursing = angry, singing=happy, romantic,etc. “I love you”=making a commitment |
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evoking emotions (Referent) (ex)
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shows strong emotional feelings
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ex) patriotic speech, I love you
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reduce uncertainty (Referent) (ex)
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you ask a question, it gets answered. To categorize, specify, clarify
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ex) asking a questions
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express complexities (Referent)
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require words. We use words to clarify our feelings, make judgements, these things require words.
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provoke human contact (Referent)
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bring people together. Creates connections, and ties.
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elaborate vs. succinct (ex)
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cultural differences in the use of verbal language
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Ex) arabic: strong assertions in the language that would sound ridiculous in English. Say in the arab world a host asks a man if he wants more food. A simple “no” will simply not suffice. Repeat “no” many times, or repeat an oath: “by god, no I am full! By god I’m full!”
Ex) Takes more time to express the same thing in spanish than in English. Spanish is a more elaborate language. |
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formal vs. Informality
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cultural differences in the use of verbal language
we live in a fairly informal culture |
Ex) korean has 6 levels of formality, from EXTREMELY polite to completely impolite. Different categories for sexes, strangers, friends, events, etc.
English is the most important. More people speak English as a second or third language. Language of diplomacy. Of discourse. Of air traffic control. |
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intimacy
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the desire to connect with other people, a very powerful force. Most people (90%), at the
end of their lives say the most important things in their lives were intimate relationships. what is love? what is intimacy? are they the same? according to the dictionary intimacy arises form closeness. however there are different dimensions: Physical Intellectual Emotional shared activities |
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Physical Intimacy
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touch. Very important to human beings. We need it. Begins even before birth. We seem to get less of it as we grow. However, we become sexually active. More touch.
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Intellectual intimacy
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engaging in convos about important ideas
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emotional intimacy
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talking about your emotions and feelings.
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shared activities
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doing things together. From working together, exercising together. Also characterized as playful.
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8 factors for getting involved in an intimate relationship
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appearance
similarity complementary reciprocity exchange competency proximity disclosure |
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appearance (reason for becoming involved in an intimate relationship)
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experiment) went on a date, and after they were asked if they would go out with their partner again. The more physically attractive the date was, the more likely to go out with them again. Studies show that good looking people get better treatment from their doctors. Good looking people make more money. We are more likely to help good looking people. Physical attractiveness is important for both males and females, but more important for men. Research shows that men and women want many of the same things in a mate.
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Similarity (reason for becoming involved in an intimate relationship)
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its comforting to have someone who is like you. we are drawn to people who seem to be like us. we like people who like what we do and dislike what we dislike. when a person is similar to you you can predict what they are going to do. it decreases uncertainty. similar attitudes are more important than personality similarities. as relationships develop, getting along with the same people is important. being similar in terms of ability and intelligence.
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Complementary (reason for becoming involved in an intimate relationship)
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having differences that complement each other. opposites can attract as well. differences can strengthen a relationship. when different characteristic satisfy the others needs. (ex: she is a talker and he is shy, she can bring him out of his shell in social situations) each person wants to dominate with some part of their relationship. (she is good with finances and he is good at interior decorating). Successful couples according to studies: similar enough to satisfy each other but different enough to satisfy their needs.
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Reciprocity (reason for becoming involved in an intimate relationship)
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someone else liking you and then you liking them back. knowing that other people like
us can be a strong source of attraction...impressed by their good taste. it confirms you thoughts about yourself. we do not feel good about people who attack us. |
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Exchange (reason for becoming involved in an intimate relationship)
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cost benefit analysis. we seek out people who can give us the most rewards (physical, emotional...) we acquire this idea through life of “what do we deserve?” it can come from your parents or others. if you think you deserve something, you will not be happy if you donʼt have it. the benefits outweigh the costs. you put up with the annoyances because of the love the relationship brings. deeply satisfying relationships are based on more than this.
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Competency (reason for becoming involved in an intimate relationship)
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we tend to be more attractive to competency. to people who have skills that we admire, to people who have talents and abilities that maybe we wish we have. BUT not to people who are too competent, maybe they make you look bad. we like people who are flawed, like us.
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Proximity (reason for becoming involved in an intimate relationship)
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being in the same place at the same time. you are more likely to develop an intimate relationship with someone you interact with frequently. it also allows you to benefit with a person who you see frequently. long distance relationships are tough because they can not experience things that you can when your together. familiarity can being reasons for contempt.
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Disclosure (reason for becoming involved in an intimate relationship)
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telling other people about yourself can aid in liking. learning about how you are similar to someone, you see the world in the same way or have similar attitudes. we like other people more when they self disclose to us. it shows regard to the other person, it is a form of trust when you self disclose. its also rewarding to be trusted when someone self-discloses. it is also a good judgement of intimacy in a relationship. Self- disclosure needs to happen as a natural time in the relationship. saying too much too soon can bring upon a poor impression.
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Communication from Stage to Stage (10)
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Initiating
experimenting intensifying integrated bonding differentiating circumscribing stagnation avoiding termination |
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initiation (communication stage) (ex)
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showing interest in making contact with someone else. You’re a person worth meeting, getting to know. Usually is brief. Topics like weather. Things that will signal that we’re possibly interested in getting to know someone. Hinting that “I’m a friendly person and would like to get to know you.” Putting yourself in the line of sight.
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ex) picking a seat near that person.
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experimenting (communication stage) (ex)
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search for common ground, things you share with another person. Favorable characteristics. Potentially ways
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ex) asking questions in small tlak
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intensifying (communication stage) (ex)
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a truly interpersonal relationship begins to develop. Getting to know the other person’s family. Commitment. You’ll grow as you become closer. Though this stage (often early on) and there are doubts. People will test each other. Or require proof of commitment Test out jealousy
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ex: if you love me you’ll take out the garbage; asking your friend “do you think he really loves me?. Test out jealousy (ex: I think I’ll go to dinner with my ex boyfriend)
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integrated (communication stage) (ex)
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you are a unit. No longer just bill, and just sue, but Bill and Sue. Common property: our song, our cat, our apartment (as the relationship progresses). In this stage they share a vocabulary. Start to play little games. We become new people. Obligated to share. Requests are very straightforward. Begin to expect a lot of the other person.
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ex) People start saying things such as “I feel so much apart of you”; “I dont know what I would do without you”
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bonding (communication stage) (ex)
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for business partners, this is the point where they would take out a business contract.
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In the romantic field: getting married. Less serious: relationship status on facebook.
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differentiating (communication stage) (ex)
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still a need to have an individual identity. How am I different? How are we different from each other? Usually starts within stresses and strains.
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ex) Company isn’t doing well, goes from “our” company to “this” company. Child misbehaves, he’s “your” child instead of “our” child. Creating space for yourself as an individual.
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circumscribing (communication stage) (ex)
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decline in the quantity and quality of communication. (some relationships reach a plateau of development and could continue on for a lifetime.) Start giving hints of dissatisfaction to their partner.
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Ex) working late at the office and doesn’t want to come home; less romance in the relationships, less sex, more arguments. It all becomes a pattern. Sometimes we don’t acknowledge these hints. What was dynamic is becoming static. Maybe instead of discussing problems, you dont do that anymore. Opt for withdraw instead.
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stagnation (communication stage)
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behaving toward each other in the same ways, but without feelings. The relationship is no longer growing. People begin to feel like they’re just going through the motions. The relationship may seem to feel like a hollow shell of its former self. Maybe they feel like they’re in a rut.
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avoiding (communication stage)
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have excuses “I’m sick,” “I’m so busy this week.” on the other hand, sometimes people come out more directly “please don’t call me, I don’t feel like seeing you this week” typically the relationship will eventually dissolve, unless there is some major turnaround. If there isn’t a turnaround, the relationship will progress to:
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termination (communication stage)
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the end. Which might include some summary or dialogue of where the relationship has gone, and then some expressed desire of ending the relationship
Terminating stage can be quite short, and drawn out. Could take months, even years. It may seem like a relationship has ended, but isn’t always so. Depends if onset of problems was sudden or gradual. Attempts to save the relationship. Depends on a variety of factors. Strategies depend on the degree of intimacy. “we no longer wanted the same things in life..” |
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Termination cost escalation, pseudo de, fait accompli
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Cost escalation: wants the relationship to end, but doesn’t have the guts to come out and do so. Raise the costs so high that the other person has to end it.
Pseudo de ... : don’t have the guts to come out and say so, so maybe they will talk about the relationship has progressed too quickly, “we should slow down” Fait accompli: that’s it, the relationship is over. State of a relationship talk: analyze the relationship. “What’s going on?” often times beginning with “we have to talk.” may resolve in a mutual farewell. |
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Nonverbal Communication (5)
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Kinesics
Paralanguage Space Time Artifacts Environment |
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Kinesics-Nonverbal (6)
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emblem
illustrator affect displays regulators adaptor other things |
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emblem - Kinesics (Nonverbal) (ex)
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a body movement that’s directly translated into a word or phrase.
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Ex) “okay” sign, or “peace” sign, “shame on you” gesture, “the bird.” however these mean different things in different places. Sometimes shared within animals. “yuck face”
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illustrator - Kinesics (Nonverbal)
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emphasizes or accents what you are verbally saying. Can be used to point to an object thats present. Can be used to indicate spacing or rhythm of an event. Can show a bodily function (kicking). can be used to repeat, repetition.
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ex) nod your head up and down while you say “yes.”
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affect displays - Kinesics (Nonverbal)
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evading emotion. Specifically facial. You don’t need to speak someone’s language to understand their emotions.
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ex) after you lose a game, you slump
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regulators - Kinesics (Nonverbal)
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things we do with out bodies to coordinate and maintain, “regulate,” the back and forth flow of speaking and listening.
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Ex) a slow thoughtful nod and indicate “I care about what you’re saying.” look of confusion when you want someone to repeat what they’re trying to say. Tell someone to hurry up by tapping your toes. Ex) handshakes: can send different messages. Insecurity, confidence, desire to overwhelm you but can’t verbally, Ex) leveraging. Sitting down, but getting ready to leave to show you that they want the convo to end.
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adaptor - Kinesics (Nonverbal)
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help us feel comfortable in a given situation. things we do to make ourselves to feel comfortable in a situation. they vary from person to person.
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ex) you wiggle you leg while you talk to release your nervous energy. someone may play with their hair to feel comfortable.
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other things - Kinesics (Nonverbal)
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physics communicate things to people. weight, height, hair color, posture, eye color, skinny, fat, they way you carry yourself all make people think differently about you. height in american culture shows power or maturity. strong cultural norm for men to be taller and if he is not he must be more powerful in another way. taller men tend to make more. eyes are very important. eye brows are powerful as well. they are used to flirt. we have more power over the lover parts of our face. touching behavior also there is cultural variability. kissing, it is culturally variable.
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Paralanguage (6) - Nonverbal
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vocal qualities
vocal segregates vocal fluences vocal qualifiers vocalization pauses, silences |
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Vocal qualities- Paralanguage - Nonverbal
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Background characteristics of the speaker’s voice. Rhythm, pitch
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vocal segregates- Paralanguage - Nonverbal
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nonverbal substitutes for words
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ex) “uh-huh” & “shhh”
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vocal fluences- Paralanguage - Nonverbal
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uncodified sounds. used to fill in the gaps of silence in conversation. Sounds we make to make conversation flow more readily. Usually for the listeners.
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ex) “uhhhhhhh lets go.. uhhhh .. that way!” or when you’re listening and fill in gaps of silence “uhhuhhh”
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vocal qualifiers- Paralanguage - Nonverbal
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indicates your emotional state. Speak excitedly. intensity or lack thereof.
Clip vs. Drawl: talk really quickly, or slowly (more southern). Indicate emotional state. |
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vocalization- Paralanguage - Nonverbal
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catch all category
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ex) speaking through yawning can convey boredom. Speaking through crying can convey sadness. Speaking through swallowing can indcate fear
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Pauses, silences- Paralanguage - nonverbal
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has meanings. makes special impacts in convos
Convey if you really like something or not. Ex) you can say “nice coat you have on” but it sounds like you don’t relaly like it Can hear sex (male/female), age, sometimes ethnicity Accents: combination of different paralanguage points. |
ex) pregnant pause, pause for emphasis. or silent to express anger. silence to express reverence or may for some religious figure.
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Space (nonverbal)
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physical, social, in a variety of different settings.
Spacial arrangements can depend on status. Seating arrangements. Personal space. Boyfriend and girlfriend stand closer than a boyfriend would with his girlfriend’s mom. East Asians usually have more space between each other. French usually have less. Gender differences: In most cultures, males tend to take up more space (more dominant, more power): legs apart, gesturing, taking up much space. Women: legs apart, arms folded, take up very little space. Rules for space: elevator, crowded train, crowded subway, might stand closer to strangers than you would normally. Often times if a move theatre is packed it will enhance your viewing experience. At clubs, you want lots of people there, you will have more fun. Beside the bed doctors: more interested in patients well being vs foot of the bed doctors: just stand at the edge of the bed and read your chart Territoriality : tailgating, you get upset. Someone sits in your chair in class, get upset. |
Ex) in a competition, people might stand across from each other at the table. Same team = same team
Ex) grandpa always sits at the head of the table |
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Time (nonverbal)
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Who keeps whom waiting for how long?
How you use your time. Time spent with someone=how important they are to you. Some people think they’re so important that they don’t have to wait in line for anything. Punctuality. United States, we tend to be very punctual. Five minutes late isn’t very rude, but 15-20 minutes is rude. They might even leave. Southern Mexico: party starts at 3, and at 6 you’re the first one there. |
ex) Wait for your lawyer for 45 minutes, as opposed to someone else who comes in a is whisked immediately into his office. They’re more important than you
Ex) if your gf gives you 10 minutes per week, or all of her leisurely time with you. It’s an indication of what we value, and what’s important to us. |
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Artifacts (nonverbal) (ex)
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things, objects to communicate.
Clothing: don’t walk signal at a crosswalk. 83% followed a well dressed jaywalker. Only about 40% followed the same man dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. Risks: cultural variability. Women who dress in American would seen poorly if they dress the same in Saudi Arabia. People can be artificats: you hung out with the cool people in High School, it communicates a good message about you. Trophy Wife: Sends message that her husband can be like “hey! Look who I can be with! Look what I can do.” |
Ex) Mrs. Doubtfire movie. Sally Fields drives a square station wagon. You characterize her as a clean, organized, maybe even a little uptight, and that is the character she portrays.
Ex) Father of the Bride II: he’s shown driving in a little exotic sports car. He finds he’s going to become a Father, and he’s shown driving a practical, domesticated Jeep. |
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environment (nonverbal) (ex)
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furniture, colors, shapes, light, temperature, noise, music = aspects of the surrounding environment
Experiment: graduate students were shown the inside of someone’s home. Asked students to infer about the person’s personality by only looking at the inside of their home. And were able to do so accurately: level of intellect, outgoing or reserved, extent to which they had a family orientation Temperature: hot summer nights, where something could happen. Learning in a classroom: harder to pay attention if it’s too cold or too hot. Easier to learn if it’s attractive, and if there’s windows. Student attention spans tend to waive the farther they are from the teacher. Restaurants have different environments that tend different messages. Comfortable chairs at nice tables, far apart from each other, soft lighting, polite servers, soft music = all communicating you to relax, take your time, and enjoy this dining experience. Fast food: bright lights, irritating music, hard & uncomfortable chairs, not very polite servers = eat your food and get the heck out. Key to starbucks success might well be the environment they’re set up in their store (McDonald's coffee actually tastes better). |
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Nonverbals are packaged
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different nonverbal messages all being sent at the same time convey the same message
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ex) restaurant: Comfortable chairs at nice tables, far apart from each other, soft lighting, polite servers, soft music = all communicating you to relax, take your time, and enjoy this dining experience. Fast food: bright lights, irritating music, hard & uncomfortable chairs, not very polite servers = eat your food and get the heck out.
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Hearing vs. listening
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Hearing: a physiological sensory process: by which auditory sensations are captured by the ears and transferred to the brain.
Listening: is a brain process. We aren’t interested in physiological aspect of it, but the social science of it. |
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3 Listening skills
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Attending
Following Reflecting |
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Attending (4) Listening skill
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Posture of involvement
appropriate body motion eye contact non-distracting environment |
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Posture of involvement
appropriate body motion eye contact non-distracting environment |
you demonstrate a relaxed alertness of the body, which says both “I’m comfortable with you, and sense the importance of what you’re saying.” ideally, the body leans slightly forward. When a speaker has an audience enthralled, she has them “on the edge of their seats,” which communicates more energy and attention than if the audience was leaning back. Ideally, facing the other person, and at the same eye level. A rejection is shown by turning away, “cold shoulder.” Maintaing relatively an open position, not tightly crossed (arms and legs). Appropriate distance (or anxiety)
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Appropriate Body Motion- Attending (Listening Skill)
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good listeners move their bodies in response to the speaker. avoiding distracting motions
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ex) don’t fiddle with your keys, shit your weight, watch tv, nod to passer-bys, continue with your activities
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Eye contact- Attending (Listening Skill)
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expressing interest and desire by listening with your eyes. Allows listener to “hear” deeper message through the eyes. Poor eye contact: looking around the room, staring too intently at the speaker, refusing to make eye contact at all.
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Non-distracting environment - attending (listening skill)
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minimal noise, no physical barriers between you, Ideally, an inviting environment
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Following (4) (listening skilling)
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stay out of the speaker’s way. Shouldn’t advert or interrupt
Door Opener Minimal Encourager Questions Use of Attentive Silence |
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Door Opener - Following (listening skill) (ex)
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a non coercive imitation to talk. Often about someone’s appearance, sometimes someone doesn’t want to open up or self-disclose.
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ex) “care to talk about it?”; I’m interested to hear about that; You look upset, what’s wrong?
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Minimal Encourager - Following (listening skill) (ex)
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give little direction to the conversation. Can also be nonverbal. Can also be paralanguage. Usually, we are talking about these words that people use
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ex) tell me more, oh, for instance..., right?, really?, then? gosh..., go on, sure, damn
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Questions - Following (listening skill)
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not too many, not too frequent. But they are important. Especially use of open questions to draw people out. Closed questions usually are calling for some very specific response. Open-ended allows responders space, room for thought. Open ended are usually preferable here. Help listener understand the conversation. Too many Q’s can be a method of control for the conversation.
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Use of Attentive Silence - Following (listening skill)
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silence can be a very important part of listening. Use silence to free the speaker up. To feel, to think, about what he/she wants to say. To express him/herself. One problem: listeners talk too much. Better, often times, is a silent listener. The speaker can’t express him/herself if the listener’s mouth is always going. Gives speaker time to go deeper, to find his/her feelings, find space to go at his/her space, deal with the ambivalence of sharing. Gives time for him/her to choose to continue or now, and at what depth. Being silent can nudge the other person to go on, to communicate. During silence, you are still doing something, good listeners are still very active. They are using the attending skills with eyes and body. They are observing the speaker. Good listeners think about what is being communicated. Considering what your response will be in time. Silence is an important part of intimacy (gazing in someone’s eyes..) and a positive form of communication.
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Reflective (listening skill) ex (2)
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serving as an ear for the other person
1. verbal - Paraphrasing 2. nonverbal |
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Paraphrasing - Verbal - Reflective (listening skill)
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deals with the facts and content of the speaker’s message. Can be a very powerful tool. Can lead to trust. Verbal technique. Play back the hear of what someone said to convey understanding or lack thereof (in which the speaker can clarify). If the listener understands what the speaker says, it makes the speaker feels validated & understood. Mirroring back their emotions. If we miss the feeling, then we’re missing something very important.
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Ex) Jon: “you’re terrific company. You’re smart, funny, and beautiful. Every time I’m with you, I just feel happier” Sue: “so, you’re overwhelmed by my charm.” ex of mirroring) someone’s sad, so you act sad. Someone’s happy, you give them a smile
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Perceived Privateness
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how many receivers you think you have, and how private your conversation is. You don’t like to tell one person the same thing as another. Important to know who your perceivers are.
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Ex) Monica Lewinski thought Linda Tripp was a more private receiver, so she told her she had oral sex with President Clinton. If she thought it wasn’t private, she wouldn’t have told her.
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dramaturgy (3) ex
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a way of looking at the world. All of the different roles that we play (son/daughter, boyfriend/girlfriend, respected employee). You can pull off roles well, or not so much.
Front Stage Back Stage Deep Back Stage |
Ex) Respected employee going into an interview.. Or not so respected.
We play these roles on different stages. We communicate differently on these different stages
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Front stage - dramaturgy
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how you communicate out in public in the public sphere. Tend to be more polite
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ex) serving areas for cutomers. polite
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Back Stage - dramaturgy
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more informal, less polite.
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ex) kitchen, with friends, informal
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Deep Back stage - dramaturgy
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even more informal. Tends to be intrapersonal communication.
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v
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history
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Very important on how we communicate in present & future. if you’re family always treated you right, you think you’re a respected person, so you go out in the world and communicate confidently. If from early on your parents treated you like you weren’t a worth-while human being, you’ll be carrying emotional baggage when you go out into the world and try to communicate. We are victims of our previous interactions. If a man has been turned down multiple, multiple times, that will influence his subsequent communication. If you have a bad history with a certain individual, you will carry baggage when speaking to him/her again.
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channel (from SEMCDR) (ex)
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very important. The choice of channel can be very important. Sometimes we choose it from what’s convenient. Sometimes you can tell something about a particular message just by the channel being used. Tend to be more or less personal/distant. Some us of our good with some channels, but not so good with others
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ex) speaking, matching socks, no clothes with holes, no tux to McDonalds
Ex) get a call at 4 in the morning, chances are something bad has happened. Ex) WWII: people were informed of their dead family members in the army through a telegraphy. Now, typically someone from the service, dressed in uniform, will come to your house. Ex) solicitors. The channel they use is important. Very distant = junk mail, or email (easy to dispense), although they’ll try to make it seem more personal. Telephone call = more personal. Most personal = in-person solicitors who have showed up at your door. Ex) presidents. LG bay: very good at face-to-face. A big hulky man, put his arm around people, be more informal, and was able to sway more peoples votes. On television, very ineffective. People seemed to believe him less on the tv. Also works vice versa. Old study: Lapier who studied anti-chinese in America. Sent 100 letters to 100 hotels (1940s) asking if a Chinese person can stay there. The majority were not responded to, or if they were they sent a letter back saying “no we don’t serve Chinese.” So Lapeir took a Chinese couple physically to the hotel and they asked if they could get a room. 99/100 they got rooms, even after the hotels denied their business previously from the letter |
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lying
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We don’t always communicate honestly with one another. Lying is wrong.
Honestly is the foundation of relationships, without honesty there can be no trust. Widespread lying destroys the fabric of society.. And then relationships. Mostly told for selfish reasons, to benefit oneself. |
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Why do we lie? (6)
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to save face
to avoid tension or conflict to guide social interactions expand or reduce relationships to gain and protect power or resources protection |
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to save face (reasons for lying) (ex)
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tact, when it’s kinder to be dishonest. To save someone else or to save yourself
#1 reason why people lie |
ex) pretend to remember someone at a party, in order to save that person the embarrassment of being forgotten; telling someone their dinner is yummy when it’s not; telling someone their gift is perfect, when you hate it; telling you wife when she’s skinny, when she’s not really
Ex) I put the letter there.. Where did it go? (you didn’t put it there)
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to avoid tension or conflict (reasons for lying) (ex)
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tell a lie simply because you don’t want to get in a fight, or avoid confrontation
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Ex) tell your friend you’re not mad, hide your true annoyings, to avoid the conflict that could arise from it.
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to guide social interactions (reasons for lying) (ex)
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help convos go better/smoother in everyday life, or to meet someone, or to get to know them.
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Ex) don’t want to see someone, but they come up to you “oh, it’s so nice to see you!”
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expand or reduce relationships (reasons for lying) (ex)
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Help develop relationships. Or reduce relationships.
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Ex) you just want to meet someone “I’m lost, can you tell me how to get to the bus stop?” .. You live around the corner.
Ex) “I’m sorry, I really have to go. I have class..” just want to get away from someone.
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to gain and protect power or resources (reasons for lying) (ex)
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power!
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Ex) turn down a last minute invitation or date
Ex) I’d like to lend you money, but I’m short myself this money.. You’re not. You just don’t want to give this person money |
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protection (reasons for lying) (ex)
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for yourself, or others
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ex) see your friend cheating, but you don’t tell his spouse
Ex) Nazis at your front door, Jews in the attic. Do you protect yourself and tell the Nazis there’s Jews in your attic? Or protect the Jews and |
