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54 Cards in this Set

  • Front
  • Back
close relationships: 4 types
1. Quality (depth)
2. Content
3. Diversity of experience
4. Intimacy
think of relationship as: cultural performance
actively engaged in showing ourselves
think of relationship as: cognitive construct
look at relationship through how we think about relationships.
think of relationship as: language construct
how you use the language to describe the relationship
think of relationship as: lens of relational culture
what are the beliefs, values, relational norms
think of relationship as: 5 things
1. cultural performance
2. cognitive construct
3. language construct
4. lens of relational culture
5. as a system
initiating
when we make initial contact with someone
experimenting
do I have anything in common with this person
intensifying
honeymoon stage. Everything is exciting. Usually have talk here about realtionship being official
integrating
still a couple, people assume that you are going to be with the other person - look at you as a unit
bonding
can be living together, wedding, public proclomation of being together, bond to each other
differentiation
saying "you're friends" less "we", more "yours" and "mine"
- Negatively: focusing on something you don't like
- Positive: ex. One person having own interest
circumscribing
not really going anywhere in your relationship
stagnating
(red flag) most cheating occurs here. Things you once used to like now annoy you
avoiding
actively avoid person and conversations. May see car and may not go there. Can lead to termination.
5 types of conflict
1. image
2. content
3. value
4. relational
5. serial
image conflict:
- Tough conflict to make
- Need to ask selves "is it worth it?"
- Someone is attacking the way we define ourselves
- Ex. Parents will have with children, (mom won't let kids wear neon clothes)
- Don't always need to be engaged over this
content conflict
ubstantive because they evolve around an issue
value conflict
arguing based on whether or not something is right or wrong, moral or immoral
relational conflict
- Conflict about how relationship is making you feel
serial conflict
conflict that happens over and over, there is never any resolution
avoidance
low concern for others and low concern for yourself
accommodation
low concern for self, high concern for others.
competition
high concern for self, low concern for others. You want to win.
collaboration
high for self, high for others
compromise
works best if solution is simple and has no real stakes attached. It's about selling.
7 types of power
1. legitimate
2. reward
3. coercive
4. referent
5. expert
6. networking
7. intimacy
legitimate power
power by authority or by position
reward power
when somebody has the power to give you a particular resource.
coercive power
when you force someone to do something
referent power
power someone posseses because of their personal characteristics
expert power
that other people value
networking power
when we have power because of people that we know
intimacy power
have the power to damage the relationship
3 things that influence power in relationship
1. How important is goal of the relationship to each person
2. What are the various avenues to achieve the goal
3. Dependence - which person in a relationship is more dependent on the other
5 traits that make up our personality
1. extroversion
2. agreeableness
3. conscienceness
4. neuroticism
5. openness
extroversion
how excitable, talkative, aggressive, emotionally expressive, a person is
agreeableness
kindness, altruism, affection, trust
conscienceness
thoughtfulness, goal oriented behaviors, good impulse control, (ex. Turn down going out because they have to study)
neuroticism
levels of anxiety, moodiness, irritability, sadness, emotional instability
- This one can fluctuate the most in response to our environment
openness
very broad range of interest, things they like to do, willing to try out new experiences
extroversion
motivated through relationships with other people. Enjoy meeting new people. Very social.
introversion
like to be by themselves. Gather energy by themselves.
sense
someone wants to taste, touch, hear, smile. They want you to show me. Person likes to follow directions. Someone who is very keenly aware of their environment and surroundings. Usually good students. Like to use all 5 of their senses to gather info.
intuition
constrained by structure just want to do it, not follow directions. Big picture thinkers. People who rely on hunches.
thinking
someone who thinks every problem can be solved. Very logical. Take the emotion out of the argument.
feeling
people who are guided by their heart. Feel like the rules should sometimes be broken. Let their sense of values guide their decision making. Will do what they feel is right first and will figure it out later
judging
people who typically want something done and fast. Big on to-do lists. Like to make decisions and move on. Quick to have opinions about things and people. All about closure - like to get things done. Comfortable with making quick decisions and won't regret them. Aware of procrastination
perceiving
procrastination. Feels very nervous and constrained by deadlines. Wants to understand the situation before they make a decision. Often get lost in their task.
the four temperaments:
1. guardians
2. idealists
3. artisians
4. rationals
guardians
Sensing and Judging: highly loyal and dependable. Pretty cautious. Responsible. Like to get things done (J). Hard working. Really concerned with justice. Very loyal in relationships. Make good decisions, good leaders, responsible parents
idealists
most naturally enthusiastic people. Being kind, loving, authentic, real, value relationships with other people highly, trust their intuition, good readers of nonverbal behavior, most giving, interested in helping other people acieve their full potential. Romantic relationships can be really intense, can be explosive. Most nurturing parents. Don’t like to discipline. Inspirational leader.
artisians
S P - very fun, loving, optimistic, relaistic, focusing on what's happening hear and now, bold and spontaneous, playful in a relationship, fun at "right now", don't worry about the future. Creative parents - whill do things their way and don't care what other people think. Excellent trouble shooters
rationals
N T - Intuitive and Thinking. Most concerned with solving problems and analyzing systems
- Skeptical people - everything has to be proven to them
- Guided by logic and reason
- Want to understand how things work so they can make them better
- Relationship - will listen to people who are useful to them in solving problems
- More driven to accomplish goals than any other type. Believe they can accomplish anything.
- Reasonable above all in relationships
- Parenting - individualized for each child, focused on solving problems
- Strategic leader - think things through and get things done
- Strongest type at making thought out decisions.