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61 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
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Transactional process between people who percieve incompatable goals, scarce resources, or interference in achieving their goals.
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CONFLICT
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What are the 3 key features of conflict?
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- unfolds over time
- strongly shaped by perception - rooted in our perceptions regarding goals and resources |
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What are the types of conflict?
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- blow up
- civil - deja vu - indirect - mock - sarcastic sniping - silent treatment |
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Partners silence over 2 or more encounters.
EX: "he's freezing me out" |
SILENT TREATMENT
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Calmly and rationally discussed by participants.
EX: "lets talk this through. we can figure it out." |
CIVIL
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Loosly translated. Follows a repeated, predictable pattern.
EX: "oh no, here we go again" |
DEJA VU
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Not serious, joking, looks serious but playful in intenst.
EX: "we're just joking" EX: "play wwrestling" |
MOCK
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Sudden eruption, Intense, alot of emotions.
EX: "Iv'e had it! get out of my face or you'll be sorry!" |
BLOW-UP
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Marked by exchanges of heavy hostile sarcasm.
EX: "yeah, you would know all about that, wouldnt you." EX: "how can you afford that? you win the lottery?" |
SARCASTIC SNIPPING
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Not directly discussed or explicity recognized by participant. hinting or passive aggresive.
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EX: " the tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife"
EX: "Ketchup message on the table" |
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FACT
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Increasing intimacy RAISES the potential for conflict
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Why does an increase in intimacy raise the potential for conflict?
(5 reasons) |
- behaviors more meshed
- goals not compadable - know how to push each others buttons - more likely to bring up past conflicts - more emotional investment |
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When does conflict begin?
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NOT when you engage in it...BUT... at the moment the potential for conflict begins
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What are the 5 phases of conflict?
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- Latent
- Percieved - Felt - Manifest - Aftermanth |
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Potential for conflict exists
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LATENT
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No strong emotional reaction. Can put into words.
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PERCIEVED
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Awareness of conflict/ emotional reaction
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FELT
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Engage in conflict
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MANIFEST
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The influence your conflict management has
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AFTER-MATH
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The ability to influence other people or events
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POWER
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What is power's defining characteristics?
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- it is always present
- can be used ethically or unethically - social construct---power is granted - power influences most conflicts |
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When power is balanced.
"friend to friend" |
SYMMETRICAL RELATIONSHIPS
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When power is NOT balanced.
"Manager to employee" "parent to child" |
COMPLEMENTARY RELATIONSHIPS
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What gives people power?
(7 of them) |
-Resources
- expertise - Social networks - Personal - Intimacy - Legitimate - Information |
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Material things, money, property, food, ideal working schedules.
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RESOURCES
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Specialized skillset or knowledge
EX: "i think i can < i know i can" |
EXPERTISE
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Our connections to other people
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SOCIAL NETWORKS
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Power that comes from things people desire.
EX: Sense of humor, Charisma, looks. - THIS IS LOST EASILY- |
PERSONAL
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If we share a close bond with somebody nobody else has.
EX: "If you loved me you would__" |
INTIMACY
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Comes from the label or title.
EX: "Dr. Jeff **Different from expertise---May not have earned it |
LEGITIMATE
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Power that comes from you having desired or scarce information.
EX: "teacher knows of limited internships" |
INFORMATION
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True/False
Conflict management is often similar to parents |
TRUE
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FACT
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If couple likes how FBF went, the likelyhood of staying together goes up!
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Degree to which people view the unequal distribution of power as acceptable.
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POWER DISTANCE
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Big distance between those who do and don't have power.
EX: If you had a question you would not ask it |
HIGH POWER-DISTANCE
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Small distance between those who do and don't have power
EX: More likely to ask a question if you have one. EX: Call people by 1st names |
SMALL POWER-DISTANCE
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FACT(S)
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- Women report feeling minimized at home
- Women are better at NV cues |
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Men hold the power
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PATRIARCHY
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Women hold the power
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MATRIARCHY
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Combatants throw accusations at each other that have little to do with the dissagreement at hand.
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KITCHEN-SINKING
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What are (Gotman's) 4 Apocalyptical Horsemen?
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- Criticism
- Contempt - Defensiveness - Stonewalling |
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Attacking the person, not the situation
- common when upset, and in politics (1 0f 4 horsemen) |
CRITICISM
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- Similar to criticism
- To purposefully insult - name calling, teasing, trying to belittle them |
CONTEMPT
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- Rejecting Complaint
- Reflect criticism - whine |
DEFENSIVENESS
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-Withdrawl
EX: "we have nothing more we can talk about" |
STONEWALLING
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FACT
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BEING ANGRY IS/YELLING is ok!
ITS HOW YOU DO IT |
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Concern for self- HIGH
Concern for others - HIGH |
COLLABORATION
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Concern for self - LOW
Concern for others - LOW |
AVOIDANCE
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Concern for self - HIGH
Concern for others - LOW |
COMPETITION
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Concern for self - LOW
Concern for others - HIGH |
ACCOMODATION
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Concern for self - MEDIUM
Concern for others MEDIUM |
COMPROMISE
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What are the 5 conflict management strategies?
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- Avoidance
- Accommodation - Competition - Collaboration - Compromise |
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- good in public
- dont risk escalating conflict - leads to commulative annoyance - skirting, hinting |
AVOIDANCE
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- resentment can occur
- fewer bad things happen EX: boss asks you to work OT, you do. EX: "harmonizing" "teddy bear" |
ACCOMODATION
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- goal orientated approach
- usually escalades conflict |
COMPETITION
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- solve so everyones needs are met
- takes a lot of energy/work EX: "owl" |
COLLABORATION
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- good if both are willing to give
- nobody is really happy EX: "foxs" EX: FANTASY FOOTBALL |
COMPROMISE
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What keeps us from managing conflict effectivley?
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- Inaccurate perceptions
(one spouse wants kids one doesnt) - Physical violence (can be used by men or women) |
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FACT
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physical violence can be used by men or women
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*FACT
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Physical violence happens more with men but is reported less frequently
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What can we gain from conflict?
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- provide greater understanding of other person/self/relationship
- Clarify similarities/differences - Learn to cope w/ future conflict |
