Cfd Chapter 7

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collectivist cultures

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individuals define their identity in terms of the relationships they hold with others

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individualistic cultures

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individual goals are promoted over group goals

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love and romance in ancient history

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king solomon, still a lot of passion and excitement

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Greek era

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love was thought of as a bittersweet emotion. illness that lasted too long. men wanted a faithful love w/ a virtuous woman but didn't associate love with marriagfe.

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roman empire

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love went from guilt-free sexual indulgence to a somber joyless, guilt-ridden experience intertwined with the act of sex

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the middle ages and renaissance

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ushered in the true era of wooing, courting, and the "romantic" ideal. fostered mutual respect and admiration between a man and woman.

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victorian era

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virginal, shy, virtuous woman was epitome of the attitude toward sexuality and the role of women. ideal of love perpetuated a sense of couple togetherness.

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eros

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term used to describe the sexual, physical components of love (root word of term erotic)

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philos

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brotherly love, used to describe affectionate feelings shared between friends and family (philadelphia=city of brotherly love)

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agape

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self-sacrificing, spiritual love that looked out for the interests and well-being of others

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Fehr's 12 central features of love

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trust, care, honesty, friendship, respect, desire to promote the well-being of the other, loyalty, commitment, accepting the other without wanting to change the other, support, a desire to be in the other's company, consideration of and interest in the other

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john money's concept of love maps

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mental blueprint of sorts that we carry internally. presents an image of the "ideal" love relationship that is shaped by our experiences with love in infancy and early childhood

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infatuation

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refers to an intense, extravagant, and often short-lived passion for another person, and many times these feelings are confused for love.

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simple infatuation

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"puppy love" "crushes" physical attraction often accompanied by emotion-filled daydreams and fantasies about someone

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romantic infatuation

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referred to as romantic love. foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction. involves a complicated, often overpowering blend of emotion and sexuality

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passionate love

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wildly powerful emotion that is experienced as intense longing for the selected love object, along with profound sexual arousal and confused feelings

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limerence

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a form of infatuation similar to romantic love. separates out the aspect of immaturity

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when limerence for an object ceases, one of 3 possible reactions can happen

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consummation, starvation, or transformation

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consummation

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means that the limerent object has either reciprocated the limerence and the limerent feelings or that both parties have developed a mutual, lasting love. after reciprocation, there is the possibility that limerence is replaced by less positive feelings

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starvation

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refers to the notion that the limerence is starved out of existence because the limerent object doesn't reciprocate the limerent feelings

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transformation

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refers to when the limerence is transferred to a new limerent object

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companionate love

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refers to deep, tender, mature, affectionate attachment bonds shared between 2 people. may or may not include feelings of physical arousal

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robert steinberg's triangular theory of love

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conceptualizes 8 different types of love relationships. proposed that love relationships consists of three interconnected components: intimacy, commitment, and passion

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sternberg-intimacy

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refers to loving relationships characterized by feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.

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sternberg-commitment

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a decision to love someone else as a decision to maintain that love over time. refers to loving another person as a conscious act of will--a deliberate choice

can be thought of as the cognitive component in a love relationship

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sternberg-passion

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refers to the physical attraction and romantic feelings that initially draw us to another person

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nonlove

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absence of intimacy, commitment, and passion. may exist in a relationship where physical, emotional, or sexual violence is present

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empty love

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devoid of passion and intimacy. commitment is the only element in the relationship

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liking

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intimacy is the sole element in the relationship and is the stuff that great, long lasting friendships are made of. typically no passion or commitment

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companionate love

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combines elements of intimacy and commitment.

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fatuous love

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combining passion and commitment. result in a sprint toward cohabiting or marriage. because relationship lacks intimacy, passion will fade then commitment will too

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romantic love

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intimacy and passion. because of the physical and or sexual attraction and arousal that accompanies romantic love, it is thought to be a more intense form of love than liking

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consummate love

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type of love that is a total, whole, absolute, and all inclusive. combines all three elements. some may attain this type of relationship, bnut not without nurturing and working to maintain the relationship

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altruistic love

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unselfish, giving kind of love in which they seek to provide for the needs of their child. promotes well being of another with no expectation of reciprocity or return

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interdependent love

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ability for people to be dependent and have someone depend on them

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dependent love

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seen in the adult-infant pair bond where an adult immediately meets and gratifies the needs of an infant

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attachment

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emotional or affectionaal bond that ties or binds the child to the parent or primary caregiver

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john bowlby

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developed attachment theory

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attachment theory

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based on observations of parent/child interactions. posits that it is from bond that children derive a sense of security, a trusting sense that the world, and interpersonal relatiopnships we encounter along the way, is safe

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secure attachment types

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dont fear being abandoned or losing partner. secure adults allow others to get close to them and depend on them. report enduring, happy, warm, trusting relationships that promote self-esteem

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avoidant attachment types

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seldom find "real" love. uncomfortable when too emotionally or physically close to another person. difficult to allow themselves to depend on others. commonly experienced separation from mothers

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anxious/ambivalent attachment types

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insecurity is the hallmark. not a matter of if a partner leaves them, but when. constant fear or worry that partner not in love with them. often push partner away.

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love stories

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unique, personal experiences with love

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intergenerational approach to family therapy

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developd by murray bowen. sought to understand transmission of relational behaviors from one generation to the next.

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genograms

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created by bowen. diagrams with various figures that serve to illustrate relationships between family members

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lee's 6 types of love styles

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eros, ludus, storge, manic, pragma, agape

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eros

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sensual or sexual love. erotic lovers are passionate and romantic. thrive on tantalizing nature of love and sex. usually monogamous

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ludus

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refers to love that is playful, flirtation, carefree, and casual. dont care as much about commitment as they do about playng. love usually fun and easygoing

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storge

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best conceptualized as friendship love, or type of affectionate love between companions. typically come to love each other over time. shared interests, trust, and acceptance, which develop over time

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manic

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jealousy, envy, protectiveness, and exclusivity. frenzied, agitated, hectic, and chaotic. roller coaster of emotions.

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pragma

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costs and benefits associated w/ love are carefully weighed and considered.

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agape

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selfless, enduring, other-centered type of love. charity. refers to unconditional love. provides intrinsic satisfaction with no reciprocity expected or demanded.

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reiss's wheel theory of love

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ira reiss described love as a developmental process that unfolds over time. wheel theory suggests four stages or processes of love

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rapport

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refers to a connection or bond we feel toward another person. establish w/ soemone who is similar to us in our cultural background

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self revelation

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when we feel comfortable in another's presence, self-disclosing our personal hopes and dreams, fears and goals/

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mutual dependency

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intimacy levels deepen in relationship. begins to spend more time together, enjoy sharing activities and interests. refers to couple's reliance on one another for need fulfillment

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personality need fulfillment

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established pattern of mutual exchanges of support, sympathy and decision making. also satisfies a partner's deeper needs: emotional and sexual

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vuong's love economic model

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based on primary assumptions that people are rational decision makers who are able to tally up both the benefits and costs of falling in love.

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equation for benefits of love

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benefits of love= emotional needs + entertainment needs + materialistic needs

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emotional needs

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include esteem needs, social, spiritual, and safety. refer to obtaining those things that make us happy and content . social refers to need for social acceptance, spiritual include feeling connected to a high power. safety includes size and quality of support network

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entertainment needs

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social aspects of day-to-day living and family life. include hobbies, interests, and experiences that serve to provide automatic partners. by engaging in these activities, we are pound to meet potential lovers

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materialistic needs

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refer to primary needs required for survival and happiness. food, water, shelter and transportation. sexual needs too. materialistic desires are those not necessarily needed but that make life more enjoyable

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costs of love

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search cost (attractiveness + social networking skills + search time cost [free time X selectiveness] + financial cost [social network size X selectiveness]) + rejection costs + maintenance costs + breakup risk + breakup costs

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search cost

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includes attractiveness or ability to attract partners, along with social networking skills

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rejection costs

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rejection sensitivity, anxiety, lowered self esteem, immunity to rejection, and emotional cost

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maintenance cost

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financial cots , and little free time

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breakup risk

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includes determining lover's future overall benefit w/ the individual, the lover's future net benefit w/ anotherl over, and breakup cost.

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breakup costs

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include emotional costs, financial, and the search necessary to find another love