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59 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
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About how many research studies have been published on the Couple Communication material presented in your text?
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31
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Be able to briefly state the two "nutshell" summary-of- research findings on the Couple Communication material.
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1. Very positive impact on communication following the program
2. Increases in relationship satisfaction |
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According to your authors, a message sent contains two component parts. List and briefly define those two parts.
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Attitude - derive from the combined beliefs, feelings, and intentions you hold
Behavoirs - the verbal and nonverbal actions you take- reflect and stem from your underlying attitudes. |
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The authors of Talking and listening together have this basic assumption: Partners in communication can choose their behaviors but not their attitudes. (T or F)
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False
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How would your authors answer this question, "Why study skills as long as we have genuine caring attitudes toward each other..."?
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Even with a genuine caring attitude, communication can be unclear, inept, or misunderstood
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What is the main goal of couple communication?
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is to help you and your partner skillfully communicate "I-care-about-me" and "I-care-about-you" attitudes around your day-to-day issues"
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classify these as one of the four types of communication messages:
"Carol has a soccer practice tonight." "Is there gas in the car" |
Topic-messages - focus on things, events, ideas, places, or on people who are not present and participating in the conversation.
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Be able to define "issue."
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anything (situation, event, experience, awareness) that concerns or is important to you or your partner
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Be able to list and define all five zones of the Awareness Wheel map.
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Sensory Data
Wants Thoughts Feelings Actions |
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What are the four possible attitudes (pertaining to value, respect or "counting") given by your authors?
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1. I don't care about me
2. I care about me 3. I don't care about you 4. I care about you |
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Classify as 4 type of communications:
"I've been feeling great lately" "I'm not sure what I want to do" |
Self-messages - focus on you as a person - your experiences, thoughts, feelings, wants, and actions.
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Classify as 1 of the 4 types of communciations:
"You really seem disturbed about that." "Do you expect to finish today?" |
Partner-messages - focus on your partner as a person
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"I feel pleased when you listen to me closely"
"I will back you up if you want to change careers." |
Relationship-messages - focus on both you and your partner
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Be able to list three categories of "Thoughts."
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Beliefs, Interpretations, Expectations
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"Wants" can be for what three possible persons (or person groups).
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Self, Partner, US
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What are the three types of "Actions"?
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Past, Present, Future
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Define and illustrate "Speaking for Self."
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Taking responsibility and owning your statements “I am pleased with our relationship”
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Define and illustrate "Over-responsible" and "Under-responsible" statements.
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Over-responsible statements – speaking for others “You're not listening” using “you” statements. Under- Responsible - “no one” statements – substituting “one” “someone” or “it” for “I”. “One could get really upset about this” - referring to no one really
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Define "Documenting."
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- simply means providing specific sensory data with your thoughts
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Be able to list, define and illustrate all five types of Awareness Wheel statements
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Describe Sensory Data – what have I seen, heard?
Express Thoughts – What do I think is going on? Share Feelings – How am I feeling? Disclose Wants – What are my wants? State Actions – What have I been doing? What will I do? |
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"I feel that..." usually signals a
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thought rather than feelings
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What are "Intuitive Sensations?”
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data that do not come from your immediate, external, physical world, but rather from your internal world of memries, associations, insights, knowings, dreams, hunches, and so forth.
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What attitude is demonstrated by the use of listening skills? “
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“i-care-about-you” attitude
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Give one description of "reaction" listening.
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Comparing it with our own view points, or making judgements if what the person is saying is good or bad, etc.
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Your authors list two different goals of listening in two different portions of this chapter. What are those two goals?
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1. understanding
2. help partner tell his or her story. |
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In "good listening," who is leader, discloser or listener?
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discloser
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Be able to list and briefly define your authors' five listening skills.
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1. attend
2. acknowledge 3. invite 4. summarize 5. ask |
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Under the skill of "attending," your authors list looking, listening, and tracking. Be able to briefly explain each of these three sub-skills.
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1. Look at nonverbals
2. listen to the sounds 3. track the zones of the Awareness wheel |
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Generate at least two examples of "acknowledging."
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1. tune into your partner's energy
2. acknowledge what's not said – wants & feelings |
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What do your authors mean by "tune into your partner's energy"?
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Follow the other person in the area wheel – if they are in feelings, u be in feelings, if they are in actions, u be in actions
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Give an example of what your authors mean by "acknowledge what's not said," especially in the lower zones.
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Talk about the wants and feelings of behind what was said
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Be able to illustrate "inviting."
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“tell me more” communication that encourages ur partner to continue & elaborate
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According to your authors, who should initiate summarizing?
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mainly the listener
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When do your authors recommend the use of closed questions?
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never - if ever... rarely
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What negative impact of "why" questions do the authors wish to avoid?
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They try to persuade, and usually have a negative tone behind it
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Describe one of your authors "limitations of asking questions."
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Interference with the natural flow of the story and may prevent the talker from saying what he or she wants to say
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Be able to pictorially represent your authors "listening cycle" including labels.
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Attend → Acknowledge → Invite → Summarize → Ask
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Why do you believe the authors place "ask" last in the "listening cycle."
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Because questions can tend to guide the conversation, and so it should only be used if necessary to clarify what was said so that the listener can understand
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On page 66 your authors list several reasons for hesitating to let one's partner lead. With which of these reasons do you most identify?
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belief that your view of an issue will be overlooked by focusing initially on your partner’s experience
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Be able to recall and define the three conflict outcome possibilities given by your authors.
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1. Disappearance
2. Impasse 3. Resolution |
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Identifying what you want from your partner is a sub-category of what you want for yourself. (T or F)
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TRUE
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Be able to list, briefly define, and briefly illustrate the first 4 steps of "Mapping."
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1. Identity and Define the Issue
2. Contract to Work through the issue 3. Understand the issue completely 4. Identify wants |
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Your authors believe that all issues should be mapped.
(T or F) |
FALSE – only if u consider it as important or complicated
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What two questions are to be answered as partners attempt to "identify and define the issue"?
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1. what is the issue?
2. whose issue is it? |
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Your authors list eight procedures for contracting to work through an issue. Be able to briefly describe these following procedures:
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1) Who-is included? Children/Other People
2) Where-we can talk? 3) When-we can talk? 4) What length of time to talk for? 5) How we will talk? |
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7) Be able to list and briefly define, briefly illustrate the last 4 steps of mapping.
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1) Generate options-Brainstorm what you could to to resolve the issue or at least move ahead.
2) Choose Actions-After brainstorming share possibilities with partner and choose actions you will commit to doing. 3) Test the action plan-Each person imagine following through with the action. 4) Evaluate the outcome-After time passes and you have had a chance to act you can evaluate you plan and consider whether or not you action is effective. |
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8) Steps 5 and 6 of mapping are both sub-categories of which awareness wheel element?
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Actions
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Be able to list and define concisely the two elements contained in every message.
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- what you say (the content) – how you say it (the style)
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Be able to give a one sentence definition of each of the four styles of communication.
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1. Small talk is friendly, common, and sometimes playful style that is ordinary, and everyday fare
2. Control talk is through power and control it aims at gaining agreement or compliance, or it attempts to resist change. 3. Style III is search talk and explorative listing in order to gain understanding of uncertain and complex issues 4. Style IV is straight talk & attentive listening where you are directly disclosing self and getting to the heart of the issue. |
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Be able to briefly define and recognize examples of "small talk" and "shop talk."
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Small talk –intentions to be friendly and to build rapport, focused on daily routines
Shop talk – intentions to be informed, and gather & give information, activities |
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Be able to recognize typical conventional listening behaviors.
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- partial attending, varying eye contact, casual acknowledgements, calm body movements, allowable interruptiosn
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When can conventional listening trigger annoyance or even anger?
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- when issues are important and nonroutine are being discussed
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Be able to define and recognize examples of "control talk," "fight talk," and "spite talk."
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Control talk – u want to direct, advise, or persuade
Fight talk- attempting to force change Spite talk – angry and indirect signaling hurt and resentment |
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Families typically become anxious and disorganized when control talk is used by parents. (True or False)
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FALSE
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Be able to define and recognize examples of reactive listening.
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It is listeing just enough to say what u want to say by evaluating fragments, rehearsing ur next speech and the attempting to take over. Examples: short attention span, frequent interruptiosn, fixed eye contact, upper-body tension, leading questions, mind reading, judging, completion of other’s sentences
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Which style is considered a "think tank" style?
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Search Talk (Style III)
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Define mixed messages.
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When any controlling intention or behavior (Styel II) slips to any other style – incongruent styles
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Be able to match the styles of communication (talking and listening) with their typical conflict resolution processes (see page 137).
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Avoid- Style I
Persuade, Fight, capitulate - Style II Float – Style III Compromise, Collaborate – Style IV |
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Define "explorative listening."
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– searches for significant informations surrounding complex or nonroutine issues
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