Pride and Prejudice It’s the holiday season, I’m 7 years old, and I’m walking through the mall with my mom and my siblings. Jingle Bell Rock is playing, all the Christmas lights are twinkling, and I can smell cinnamon in the air. I’m watching everything and everyone as we walk through the mall. I see all the happy faces of other kids as they point out the presents they want santa to bring them. Several of the children are dressed in their Christmas best, on their way to get there family photo taken at a department store or with Santa himself who is waiting to here their wishes. I’ve heard people say you can’t miss something you’ve never had. I’m here to tell you that’s not true. While the other children are shopping for toys and waiting
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What about me? I married at the age of 21 because that’s what I was supposed to do according to my religion at the time. When I was 23 years old I had my daughter, and when she was 6 months old my marriage ended. It ended because my husband was unfaithful, but I was not disappointed to have my marriage end. I already had my eyes on someone else and I didn’t even realize it at the time, but when she finally kissed me, it all made sense. When I look back even as far as grade school, I realize that it I had a crush on my 6th grade teacher Mrs. Ford. I thought I couldn’t go on when my best friend Genavieve moved away to California. I really didn’t have a serious boyfriend when I was a teenager. Everywhere I look, the signs were there, but I didn’t see them because I wasn’t allowed to see them. My religion forbid it and I went through the motions of being a submissive young woman like I was taught. Once I had that one kiss, all of a sudden, I felt relief, and everything made sense all at once. I knew who I was at that moment. I knew what I needed to do if I was ever going to be truly happy in my life, I had leave my religion. It was difficult in that it was all I had ever know, but it was a relief because I was never very happy trying to be someone I wasn’t. I met with the Elders and told them that I no longer wanted to be a part of the religion. They begged me to stay, asked me what it was that I needed to feel like I was a part of the congregation, and told me that I wouldn’t be disfellowshipped if I would work with them. I remember sitting in that small, dark, windowless room in the Kingdom Hall that had a hint of musk lingering in the air from someone 's after shave that they had applied a little too heavy. Looking at these three Elders (these three Men), feeling no guilt, I told them, “there’s nothing you can do, I want to be disfellowshipped”. Brother Peoples, who was one of the few Elders I liked, cried and asked if he could pray for me.
What about me? I married at the age of 21 because that’s what I was supposed to do according to my religion at the time. When I was 23 years old I had my daughter, and when she was 6 months old my marriage ended. It ended because my husband was unfaithful, but I was not disappointed to have my marriage end. I already had my eyes on someone else and I didn’t even realize it at the time, but when she finally kissed me, it all made sense. When I look back even as far as grade school, I realize that it I had a crush on my 6th grade teacher Mrs. Ford. I thought I couldn’t go on when my best friend Genavieve moved away to California. I really didn’t have a serious boyfriend when I was a teenager. Everywhere I look, the signs were there, but I didn’t see them because I wasn’t allowed to see them. My religion forbid it and I went through the motions of being a submissive young woman like I was taught. Once I had that one kiss, all of a sudden, I felt relief, and everything made sense all at once. I knew who I was at that moment. I knew what I needed to do if I was ever going to be truly happy in my life, I had leave my religion. It was difficult in that it was all I had ever know, but it was a relief because I was never very happy trying to be someone I wasn’t. I met with the Elders and told them that I no longer wanted to be a part of the religion. They begged me to stay, asked me what it was that I needed to feel like I was a part of the congregation, and told me that I wouldn’t be disfellowshipped if I would work with them. I remember sitting in that small, dark, windowless room in the Kingdom Hall that had a hint of musk lingering in the air from someone 's after shave that they had applied a little too heavy. Looking at these three Elders (these three Men), feeling no guilt, I told them, “there’s nothing you can do, I want to be disfellowshipped”. Brother Peoples, who was one of the few Elders I liked, cried and asked if he could pray for me.