Divorce And Relationships

Growing up I was blessed to have both of my parents in my life, but in August 2015, my father left the family and my mother became a single parent. This tragedy took a huge emotional toll on me and I struggled with coping for a while. I felt as though my father left because he no longer loved me or that I wasn’t worth staying. I also battled with letting my wall down in relationships because I feared getting hurt because of how my father hurt me. Although I experienced the separation of my parents and emotional distress later on in my teen years, many children face this change at an even younger age. Since children’s emotions aren’t fully developed, does divorce and single parenting affect the emotional development and future relationships of a child? Many adults have been children of divorce and have experienced the emotional repercussions of this experience while they were young and even led into their future relationships. Amy Baker, a developmental psychologist, discusses that adults participating in the study who experienced parental alienation as a child reported feelings of “low self-esteem and self-loathing, guilt, depression, anger, drug and alcohol problems, lack of trust, and most telling of all, feeling alienated from their own children” (p. 301). Having to experience parent alienation produces an abundance of emotional turmoil and has a great effect on the child in their adult life if not dealt with correctly. Even in their relationship with their children, they could feel alienated from them and the cycle just starts over again. If the adults dealt with these emotions as children, would it deter the problems they experience in their lives and relationships? Why are many children of divorce lead to believe that their future relationships will also end in a divorce? Christina Steinorth, author of “Cue Cards for Life: Thoughtful Tips for Better Relationships,” discusses that the reason for this is that “it seems to send a message in a non-direct way that divorce is acceptable.” Having to see the separation of two parents could create a picture that divorce is normal or should happen. Why do children accept this fate instead of going against what they see and believing that divorce is not normal? Dr. John Duffy, Chicago-based psychotherapist and author of “The Available Parent,” reveals that he’s worked with several girls who’ve “sworn off marriage because of anxiety about getting hurt emotionally.” Duffy also states, …show more content…
With the “normalization” of divorce within a society, it has weakened the negative impact on children (Wolfinger 340). Since divorce has become an issue that society has accepted to be normal and not a big deal, children aren’t as negatively affected. Does this normalization of divorce reduce the percentage of people who believe that divorce is their fate because of their parents? Also, many children might accept divorce but others see the wrong in it. Wallerstein, a psychologist and researcher, claims that a failed marriage is almost unacceptable in the minds of children of divorce because they witnessed firsthand the unhappiness that divorce brought to their parents and to themselves (197). These children comprehend that divorce is not a situation that should occur due to the negative emotions it brought upon them and their family. How do these children manage to not allow this situation affect their emotions long-term and future relationships? Is this side of children dominant over the side that accepts the fate of