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43 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
Parent:
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The taught
Recording of external events |
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Critical Parent
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Over controlling, impossible demans, overly strict
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Nurturing Parent
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Appreciative, supportive, resonable requests made, focus on the positive
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Child
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The feld
Recording of internal feelings |
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Not ok Child
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Remembered feelings from critical parent. feels helpless, picked on, rejected, guilty, bad and unloved
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Natural Child
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Born with freedom to respond and express themselves, playfulness, creativity and impulsiveness
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Adult
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The thought
-emergent patterns of thought that develops to moderate the parent and the child |
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Interaction with egos
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type 1-complimentary egos
type 2-different egos, communicate to other individuals ego Crossed Transactions-Communicate different egos. |
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Variables of Self concept
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Significance-how we view others feelings towards us and value
Competence-how well we carry out important tasks Virtue-how we abide by standards, morals, values Power-Our power to influence our lives and others |
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The order of Stages of Social Penetration
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Orientation
Exploratory affective exchange stage Affective exchange stage Stable exchange stage |
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Orientation phase
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informal exchange of superficial information. cautious and tentative to tone
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Exploratory affective exchange stage
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most common daily interaction, with aquaintances and neighbors. Peripheral.
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Affective exchange stage
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more personal, tell feelings to other person
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Stable Exchange Stage
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Rare, most personal. Can predict others behavior and reactions.
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Different games with partners
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Endurance test-instead of talking, sit back and watch how they respond
Triangle Test-Watch how your partner reacts to a rival of the relationship Separation Test:When you distance yourself in some way from that person, and see how they handle it |
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Roles in families by chemical dependance concepts
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Codependant-one who contribute to dependent person
Scapegoat-problem child. blames. becomes functionable in family, fears confront the truth Hero-can do no wrong, family elevates them, escapes disfunction of family. Mascot-Clown, not taken seriously, fun, lightens mood. Lost Child-Not seen, forgotten |
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Adlers Theory of Birth Order
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1-identify with the dominant parent
2-left with remaining parent 3-looks at relationships with parents and other children 4-Looks at family as a whole |
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Characteristics of adult friendships
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-close in proximity
-friends in diff parts of lives -similar values,beliefs,hobbies -no clear beginning or ending |
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Charecteristics of male and female relationships
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Male
-not emotional -no face to face communication -doesnt have bff -more active -expects and shares less Female -face to face communication -more emotional, share and expect more -reward for appearance -less loyal, caddy |
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Total Listening
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eye contact, lean forward, nodd and paraphrase, clarify by asking questions, be committed
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Pseudo Listening-
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Not real, intention not to listen but for some other need such as
-people may think your listening so they like you -buy time to prepare next comment -1/2 listen so someone will listen to you |
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Passive,AgressiveAssertivenesss
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Passive-Will not show emotion, i hurt people when i do, lack respect for self
Agressive-Too direct. tend to hurt others feelings. Can be abusive, too intense, steps on peoples toes, lacks respect for others Assertive-Has respect for self and others. direct. stands up for self but takes into account others feelings. 3 parts: -gives own perspective -shares feelings about situation -expresses wants and desires -expresses |
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Blaming,taming,saming,naming
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Blaming-blames other person
taming-they are more exciting saming-ive been there, agree naming-good listening,paraphrasing. |
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male and female cultural characteristics
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male
-seek status -prefer independence -yearn for space -want respect -stick to business -Dont ask for help,advice -gives advice, wants to solve problems Females -seeks connection -prefer interdependence -decide by consensus -gives empathy and sympathy -wants to understand problems -asks for help and advice |
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Stages of relationships
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Attraction-intial meeting, think other is perfcet, utilize strengths
Power struggle-look at only weaknesses and differences, break up point stability/cooperation-give up on differences. realize cant change them. accept both difference and similarities synergy/cocreation-accept and make differences work. love one another unconditionaly. utilize differences and similarities |
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Creative tension
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between individuality and togetherness. the I and the WE . well what about me ? well what about us?
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Unfair fighting and the 3 assumptions
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Loud, disrespectful, unproductive
3 assumptions -only one person can win -i am right and you are wrong -conflict is bad, avoid it at all causes |
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Unfair fighting Styles
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-bad timing
-too many issues -threats and ultimatums -escalation-loud -unhappy endings-no solutions -blaming |
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Fair fighting and the 3 assumptions
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frank and open discussion of differences. without shouting or violence. reaches mutual agreement to solution. sticks to one issue.
3 assumptions -we can both win -we are both right -conflict is good, essential to growing in relationship |
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Bowlbys 3 propositions on attachment patterns
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-confidence in attachment figures. the availability and co nsistency reduces intense or chronic fear
-the confidence or lack of develops over years of maturity (infancy,childhood, adolescence) -attachment pattern is accurate reflection of experience |
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Ainsworth 3 styles of attachment as children
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-secure:comfortable with self and loved ones.
-Avoidant: strays away from parents -Anxious ambivalent-clingy, cry when parents leave |
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Ainsworth Adult attachment styles
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Secure characteristics:
-makes money -stronger relationship with lord -less death anxiety -positive self image -cope w stress through social networks -hooks up with other secure people Anxious-Ambivalent -emotional ups and downs -jealous -job insecurity -makes less money -worries -Discloses too much too quickly -unappreciated -obsessive love -lots of death anxiety -more intense sexual passion Avoidant: -Low self esteem -Makes good money -no time for relationships-working -fears intimacy -pessimistic about relationship -feels stress physically -doesnt disclose enough |
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Pursuit-Distance Dance
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-one withdraws while other comes closer-chose partners on level of comfortability with distance
-Dance over power, distance intimacy -the seeker feels turned on-sexual,rejected,needy -the sought feels disconnect-critical, desired, superior -need to learn to seek and be sought, to switch roles |
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leveling
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Making outside feelings expressed match internal feelings
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proxemics
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study of personal distance
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resiliance define
and factors contributing to making positive change |
ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.
-self confident -social competence -better cognitive skills -better early experiences -take advantages of opportunities available |
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Symbosis
narcissm |
cooperative relationship
-obsession of self-trying to fill holes |
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a mothers symbiosis./narcissim
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-a mother with strong sense of self can let child gradually grow more distant slowly
-a mother with lacking sense of self doesnt like the childs neediness-and begins to push child away. absorbed with themselvs. |
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Blocks To Listening
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Comparing-hard to listen because too busy assesing who is more this or that
Mind reader-pay less attention to words and more subtle cues to try and see through the truth Rehearsing-no time to listen to busy crafting your next coment Filter-pick out what you want to hear Judge-dont need to pay attention, already judged and written them off. Dreaming-their comment makes you think about something else. Identity-refer every comment to your own experience Advising-too busy giving advice, cant just listen Sparring-quick to disagree Being right-wont take change, criticism, wont be wrong. Derailing-change subject (bored,akward) Placating-agree to everything (thats just like me!) |
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adler theory on birth order
1st child |
identify with dominant parent
-pampered -lonely -grows up fast and does for self:takes care of children -leaders -perfectionist |
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adlers 2nd child
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-left with remaining parent
-born into rivalry -in a race -opposite of 1st child -Develop competitive and rebellious talents. |
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Middle Child
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-may feel left out
-give up, withdraw -interest in justice and negotiating |
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3rd/Last
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-like only child
-may develop into a boss -seen as baby, pet, clown -many romodels -more opportunity for higher education |