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26 Cards in this Set

  • Front
  • Back

Characteristics of a Friend

Men and women both want the same features in friends - self disclosure, empathy, trust, support




Men and women equally value casual conversation, egalitarianism as central to friendship & believe in fun and relaxation.




Key difference -


Activity - the focus of men


Conversation - the focus of women



Furman & Burhmester - Female Disclosure

Both males & females turn to females to self-disclose and share confidences.




Also observe the pros and cons of same sex friendships, what they mean for men vs. women, and the nature of friendships + gender among gay and lesbian men & women (as discussed later)

Same Sex friendship Differences

Females have closer same sex friendships than males.




Not due to less of an ability to be intimate but to preference.




Male friendship is more overtly competitive than female friendship.




Homophobia - more prominent w/men.


Men do not want to disclose emotions to other men because they do not want to be perceived as weak or "feminine"



Cross Sex Friendships

Women - same sex closer than cross sex


Men - cross-sex friendships more intimate + provide more emotional support




Gains: Cross sex friendship functions provide emotional support, companionship, other sex perspective




Challenges: friendship vs. romantic love, sexual attraction, equality, how others view, opportunity?



Gay men and friendships

Smallest % of same sex friends

Lesbians and friendships

Larger % of same sex friends but more difficulty w/boundary between friends and romantic relationships

Friendship across developmental periods

Cross sex friends - rise in number from childhood to adolescence and peak in late adolescence/young adult




Life events impact friendships.




Retirement or death of a partner may impact mens' friendships more than women.

Expectations for intimate relationship

Women under 40 expect it more than men


After 40, the expectations of men and women become more similar




This may be due to developmental/life tasks changing. Career, children in early relationships not later.




Views differ when looking at older data (cross sectional vs. longitudinal) because perhaps traditions have changed.

Intimacy and gender/sexual orientation

Trust - more important for women than men


Standards - less likely fulfilled for women




Dating scripts -


For hetero/homo alike - grooming, nervousness, and a date activity are common/important.




For heterosexual - Male initiates, female responds




For Homosexual - more varied


(Lesbian) evolve from friendship


(Gay men) higher expectation for sex

Traits desirable in a Mate

Attraction survey - has strengths and limitations


issue in measurement - many studies are conducted with university students and/or those not currently in a relationship.




Females list more traits for a potential mate than males




If the female is more attractive than the male, fewer males will commit to relationships




White women & black women - same man w/ steady job. Unattractive man ok.

Evolutionary Theory of Mate Choice

Buss -


Sexual infidelity more probable in males


Emotional infidelity more probable in females


- Not supported by research - Emotional infidelity more probable for BOTH





Social Role Theory of Mate Choice

Not just physical attraction important


Also good cook/housekeeper.


There is a greater emphasis on this in more traditional countries




Resources/attractiveness

Social Construction Theory of Mate Choice

Norms of culture influences the traits viewed as desirable in a mate




Support - cross cultural comparisons


US/Israeli - physical appearance and personality important. However, in the US it is more important for mate to be similar to oneself and have status.




US/China - same - honesty, sense of humour


different - mate resources more important to a Chinese female, good "housekeeper" more important to male.

Types of love/love style/romantic beliefs

Eros: passion


Storge: friendship


Pragma: practical


Agape: alturistic


Ludus: game playing/playfulness

Relationship maintenance - keeping a long term relationship going, gender differences

Long term - women are less satisfied in marriage as compared to men




Femininity = increase in relationship satisfaction




When college students rated self as more feminine, partner also reported greater relationship satisfaction




Man's emotional communication skills, if higher, increase woman's marital satisfaction

Gender attitudes about sex + sexual expectations

1950s to present = significant increase in percent of sexually active unmarried women




Role of sex in a developing relationship


Men = recreational


Women = relational




After 1st time


Women increase in attraction


Men decrease in attraction




Clark and Hatfield - a stranger asks for sex


75% of men say yes


0% of women say yes




Women have more negative attitudes about sex

Traits to keep a relationship going

- Positivity


- Openness


- Assurances of commitment


- Network


- Tasks

Power and relationships

Difficult to study with a self report




Difficult to define - there are many levels of dominance - overall dominance, dominance in separate aspects of the relationship, egalitarian




Equity - sense of balance - equally beneficial


aka "what you put into relationship = what you get out of it"


Related to economic independence?


A corollary of marital satisfaction



Conflict in Relationships

Conflict styles -


Men use avoidance, distraction to avoid escalation


BUT


if conflict occurs, they take control and use aggression.




Women are more likely to confront wanting a resolution and get frustrated as a man is not engaging.




Women are more experienced, often, in managing conflict verbally. Emotional skills, fighting fair.

Gay & Lesbian Intimate Relationship Myths

Early research dispelled these myths -


1) relationships were unhappy or transient


2) gays/lesbians unhappy people w/low self esteem - generally not true. (do have greater anxiety when put into social context for obvious reasons).



Gay & Lesbian Desirable Mate Traits

gay men - attractiveness in partner, moreso than hetero men.




lesbians - partner resources not important




satisfaction in relationship - no sex differences, all traits still important.




gay men - fewer exclusive relationships than lesbians. sex importance, like hetero men.




lesbians - more like hetero women - emotional intimacy is most important.




equality in relationships more central (esp lesbians)




greater use of affection and humour than hetero couples.

Cohabitation

Refers to long term couples who live together without being married.




Acceptance varies based on countries.


Related to decline in marriage rate (duh)


Associated w/ more divorce? depends on length of cohabitation.




Slide vs. Decide (what?)

Limitations in Relationship Research

- Other individual characteristics rarely taken into account - religious background, family of origin roles, changing values across time




- Most studies are Cross Sectional




- Impact of children, aging parents, job loss often not taken into account - more long term milestones.

Buss & Relationships

Sex difference in impact of infidelity


Sex difference - emotional vs. physical



Clark & Hatfield

Sex with stranger study

Gottman

Tolerance for arousal and use of affection/humor in gay couples