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63 Cards in this Set

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  • Back
interpersonal distance
intimate zone= 1 to 1.5 feet from us
personal zone= 1.5 to 4 feet from us
social zone= 4 to 12 feet from us
public zone= more than 12 feet from us

*closer someone is to us, the closer their relationship
Encode. What is it? What does it mean?
*language which we speak
*body language
our outward actions are seen and heard by those in public
Decode. What is it? What does it mean?
*first the listener decodes your message with their style of decoding
*the listener experiences the effect of the message
**if encoding/decoding styles don't match....we misunderstand each other**
Outward Communication
Purely external communication.
How we get messages to someone else
*formulate your thought
*bridge the "interpersonal gap"
*speaking or body language
*then the listener decodes
What happens if messages are decoded incorrectly?
misunderstanding of the person occurs
what nonverbal signals tell others?
what else can they do?
who does these best?
*tell others of our moods, what we are really saying
*regulate interaction, and defines a relationship
Facial expressions
*These are the same world over
*we can easily see sadness, fear, anger etc
Four ways of modifying our expressions
*intensify- exaggerate so we appear to be experiencing stronger feelings than we actually are
*minimize-seem less emotional than we really are
*neutralize- show no expression whatsoever
*mask-replace feelings with another set of feelings
these are momentary lapses in control of the face that give the individual away.

very useful to tell if someone is lying or not
Nonverbal sex differences
*Women are better encoders and decoders
*"women's intuition" actually watching nonverbal cues
*rapists have an unusally low ability to sense displeasure or negative feelings from women.
*Women tend to smile more than men
*women adopt postures that are more 'open'
*men tend to show higher levels of visual dominance
*styles of communication differ greatly between men and women.
-women are less forceful/decisive using nonverbals
-this difference disappears when women are in positions of power
Visual dominance ratio
Looking at someone more while speaking, and not as much when listening
touch as communication
*can convey closeness and affection
*uninvited touches can be a sign of dominance
*touch can be misconstrued
-women react more positively to touch, men do not
- in fact men touch women more than women touch men
interpersonal gap
this is generally where the senders intentions differ from the effect on the receiver
*how we say things
-high pitched voice you use to talk to babies, pets, lower intelligence, etc.
-can be used to express affection
-can also be used to express you think someone is incompetent
combining verbal and nonverbal signals
*you must combine all the verbal and nonverbal signals in order to get a full picture of what is going on
*if our verbal message is not the same as our nonverbal, it is usually the nonverbal that is telling the truth.
taboo topics
*argue not to approach certain topics with our partner
-can be explicit or implicit
-> explicit- never talked about again
-"tests" as to whether or not a relationship will last
- we may as friends about these topics, but not our partner directly
****dysfunctional communication patterns****
* not saying what you mean
*"kitchen sink"-multiple topics simultaneously
*"off-beam"- not on long enough to resolve
*"mind reading"- assume you understand partner
-men interrupt more than women
*"cross-complaint"- similar to yes, but
criticism of partner
*defensiveness followed by "stonewalling"
*belligerence-active denial of other
Social exchange theory
based on:
*rewards-any desirable outcome in an interaction
*costs-punishing, undesirable outcomes
*outcome-net profit or loss from an interaction

outcome = rewards - costs
Goals of Outcomes
*each individual wants the best possible outcome
*just because interactions are profitable doesn't mean you'll stay
What is Cl?
Cl(comparison level)- the value of outcomes that we feel we deserve
-expectations carry over from prior relationships
-continuum of payoff

Outcomes - Cl = satisfaction or dissatisfaction
Cl alt?
*comparison level for alternatives
*essentially we're asking "how well could i be doing somewhere else?"
*if our payout with someone else would be higher than we have, we're likely to switch to the new partner
*thus CL alt becomes the lowest level of outcome we'll tolerate from our current partner
When would we leave a relationships using CL and CL alt? what about staying?
*if your CL alt would be positive, you'll leave, if not, you'll stay
Be able to recognize some calculations that we may make using CL and CL alt
*outcomes - CL = satisfaction or dissatisfaction
*outcomes - CL alt = dependence/independence
Changes in the way we think about relationships
*women have more disposable income than in the past, they can choose whom they date.
*barriers against divorce have been dropped
*individuals move further and more often than in the past
*"permanent availability"- we continue to size up future mates while we're married
What do too many costs lead to? Why?
*may lead to more severe problems like outright hostility
*we need to maintain a rewards to costs ratio of 5:1
Rewards/Costs in older relationships
*no rewards differences in the beginning between a relationship that would make it vs. one that would not
*costs did have differences
-doomed relationships had far more costs
*costs typically rise as the relationship gets older
*limitations are imposed by the relationship, so a momentary lapse in satisfaction occurs.
*existing problems become more costly once a wedding occurs
*it takes work to maintain the same level of "charming" that was present at the start of the relationship
Exchange vs. Communal Relationships
*exchange-governed by rewards/costs
*communal-governed by mutual responsiveness to other's needs
-no accounting
-no personal gain
-does this mean no accounting at all?
-a back and forth relationship setup
Overbenefit vs. Underbenefit
*overbenefited-receiving better outcomes than he or she deserves
*underbenefited-receiving less than he or she should.
Different ways of restoring equity
*actual equity-changing your contributions or outcomes
*psychological equity-changing your perceptions of the relationship
*abandon the relationship-seeking fairness elsewhere
Recognize some rules of relationships
Chapter 7
*shared beliefs among members of a culture about what behaviors friends should perform
-volunteer in time of need
-respect the friend's privacy
-keep confidences
-trust and confide in each other
-stand up for the other person in their absence
-don't criticize each other in public
-show emotional support
-look him/her in the eye during conversation
-strive to make him/her happy while in each other's company
-don't be jealous or critical of each other's relationships
-be tolerant of each other's friends
-share news of success with the other
-ask for personal advice
-don't nag
-engage in joking or teasing with the friend
-seek to repay debts and favors and compliments
-disclose personal feelings or problems to the friend
Momentary playmate
*age 3-7
*friends defined by proximity
-conflict ends once the other person goes away
-no considering other's thoughts or will
One-way assistance
*ages 4-9
-give and take arises
-own needs still come first
-guilt does begin to come into play
Fairweather cooperation
*ages 6-12
-the infamous"D.O." is introduced
-start of knowing how others see you
-apology carries meaning
-fights that aren't resolved=end of friendship
Intimate-mutual sharing
*friendship as collaboration
*friendship is "exclusive" and "possessive"
*judge fiends and others based on intention and disposition
What happens during autonomous independence?
*ages 12+
-friendship is complex
-rely on friends for support
-need more than one friend
-friendships are dynamic
Buhrmester and Furman's Socioemotional Model of Friendship
*Juvenile (6-9)
-acceptance is key
-hierarchies exist
*Preadolescent stage (9-12)
-similarity between friends
-intense closeness
*Early Adolescent (12+)
-sexuality erupts! (sexual attraction fuels choices in friends)
-patterns of fulfilling sexual needs and intimacy form
Cliques and Crowds
*cliques- small networks of individuals who hang around with one another
*crowds-also be created by a collection of peers who share a particular reputation or identity who may or may not spend time together
*clique movement-
-stage 1: we start as same-sex cliques
-stage 2: we move to group level interactions with opposite sex
-stage 3: most popular in a clique initiate groups that contain same and opposite sex individuals in a new clique
-stage 4: mixed sex cliques form
-stage 5: cliques begin to dissolve into groups of couples
Why are support, conflict, and peer pressure important in adolescence?
*support- intimacy leads to improved and supportive friendships that are supportive to both individuals
*conflict- can also include competition- occurs most frequently with peers in mid adolescence
*peer pressure- peaks at 15, individuals become sheep to what is "cool" due to having so much in common
Why does dyadic withdrawal occur?
*more time with lover=less time with friends and family
-usually the couple adopts his friends
-women's friendships with other women usually suffer
Disengagement perspective
*forwards that decreased activity levels are normal, as are passive roles
-transition of power to younger
-release of elderly from expectations of being productive
Barriers to social contact in old age
*smaller networks than younger
*possible barriers to interaction
-death of friends
-no transportation
*sometimes older adults bypass interaction even when freely available
*older adults express satisfaction with social network
Socioemotional selectiveity theory
*our goals shift from intellectual(young), to emotional(older)
-present focus = emotion
-future focus = intellectual
Emotional sharing vs. common activities
*emotional sharing- women's friendships characterized by this
*common activities- men's friendships revolve around these
What is the "need for intimacy?"
*those with a high need for intimacy experience greater sense of well-being and are most trusting and confident in relationships
*generally, depression results in our being rejected by someone else
-result is smaller and less supportive social networks
Mate selection article
According to the article, what types of infidelity would be most upsetting for women?
women should find emotional infidelity more upsetting (resource abandonment)
What is the worst type of cheating (Study 1)
"worst" type of cheater is one in a long-term relationship
Generally, women are less attracted to cheaters when...(study2)
women who have more money and who expect to make more are less attracted to cheaters
Why might women prefer "dot-com" guy to "lottery" guy?
women would prefer "dot-com" guy to "lottery" guy, because he actually worked to earn his money. He could also be much more intelligent than the "lottery" guy. "lottery" guy only had to fill out a ticket to get his money "dot-com" guy worked and created something for his
In study 4, who was seen as most attractive, "cookie" or "house"? Why?
overall: men and women were attracted to the cookie company seller
Chapter 8
Triangular theory of love
comprised of
Types of love that triangular shows
-what is wrong with these views?
*nonlove- intimacy, passion and commitment are all absent, love does not exist
*liking- liking occurs when intimacy is high but passion and commitment are very low
*infatuation- strong passion in the absence of intimacy or commitment is infatuation, which is what people experience when they are aroused by others they barely know
*empty love- commitment without intimacy or passion
attribute our arousal to the wrong source
excitation transfer
a lot of arousal by one stimulus combined with additional arousals by a second, but the first stimulus is ignored
Response facilitation
whenever arousal is present, no matter where it comes from or how we interpret it, our predominant response to the situation will be energized
Love vs. Like
-intimacy is high
-passion is low
-commitment is low
-this is a friendship that is warm, but does not arouse
-> a best friend

styles of loving
companionate love
-high in intimacy
-high in commitment
-low in passion
-usually long term happy marriage

*intimacy and commitment combine to form love for a close companion, or companionnate love. Here, closeness, communication, and sharing are coupled with substantial investment in the relationship as the partners work to maintain a deep, long-term friendship
Bartholomew's "four"
*preoccupied- new name for anxious/ambivalent. reflects the fact that they nervously depend on others' approval to feel good about themselves, such people greedily sought acceptance and were preoccupied with relationships
*fearful- avoid intimacy with others because of their fears of rejection. they want others to like them, but worry about the risks of relying on others
*dismissing- felt that intimacy with others just wasn't worth the trouble. felt self sufficient, and they rejected interdependency with others, not really caring much whether others liked them or not
why romantic love "fades"
*fantasy enhances romance. love is blind to some degree
*novelty adds excitement and energy to new loves.
*arousal fades as time goes by
*****each of these fades with time*****

novelty causes sexual arousal in other species--a phenomenon called the Coolidge effect--and it may fuel human passion as well. One theory links passion to changes in our relationships, so that a developing relationship often causes considerable passion that gradually evaporates after the relationship is established
love when we're older
people mellow with age, experiencing less love as time goes by. Nevertheless, some older adults feel more romantic after they have been married for many years than they did when they were younger.
"u" of romanticism
attachment styles and love