Intimate Relationships

Front 1

Psychodynamic approach to couples' therapy

Back 1

-emphasizes role of unconscious conflict in influencing behavior and the need for insight as a prerequisite for change

Front 2

Rogerian or client-centered approach to couples' therapy

Back 2

-therapist provides acceptance and empathetic understanding to help clients regain a sense of their true feelings

Front 3

Systems approach to couples' therapy

Back 3

-unhealthy behavior is assumed to reflect an unhealthy but stable relational system; system must be destabilized for change to occur

Front 4

Behavioural approach to couples' therapy

Back 4

-distressed relationship defined in terms of a low level of reinforcing exchanges between partners
-uses contracting to increase positive exchanges, sometimes with rewards/penalties

Front 5

Contracts

Back 5

-behavioral technique to increase incidence of positive exchanges
-may be noncontingent (no reward or penalty) or contingent
-may be quid pro quo (behavioral change by one partner directly linked to behavior change in the other)
-may be good faith parallel agreements (behavior change reinforced by earned privileges)

Front 6

Cognitive approach to couples' therapy

Back 6

-emphasizes roles of unrealistic expectations and causal attributions in contributing to marital distress

Front 7

terminal hypotheses

Back 7

(from cognitive approach)

-a type of causal attribution in which negative behaviors are attributed to unchangeable factors within partners or outside the marriage

Front 8

instrumental hypotheses

Back 8

(cog approach)

-a type of causal attribution that views current behavior as produced by causes that are subject to change

Front 9

2 irrational beliefs associated with low levels of marital satisfaction

Back 9

1) disagreement is always destructive

2) change is impossible (related to terminal hypotheses)

Front 10

emotionally focussed couple therapy (EFT)

Back 10

-builds on an attachment theoretical framework
-marital distress is separation distress + an insecure bond
-key factors in martial distress are emotional responses and patterns of interaction
-identifies patterns that maintain insecurity + de-escalate cycles, shifts patterns, and beginning new ones

Front 11

In EFT, what usually happens when a threat to attachment occurs?

Back 11

protest & anger

clinging & seeking

depression & despair

detachment & separation

Front 12

Integrative Couples Therapy (Jacobson and Christensen)

Back 12

-uses cognitive-behavioral approaches in combination with communication skills training -adds concepts of acceptance and tolerance

Front 13

Acceptance

Back 13

(Integrative couples therapy)

-realizing that conflict can enhance intimacy when problems are worked on

Front 14

Tolerance

Back 14

(Integrative couples therapy)

-couples encouraged to abandon plans to CHANGE partners, instead minimizing negative behavior by focusing on positive aspects(e.g. stubborn = principled).

Front 15

Kitchen-sinking.

Back 15

-conflict becomes focused on issues other than the original source of conflict

E.g. "You didn't take out the trash. And another thing, you didn't return the videos like I asked you to and blah blah blah."

Front 16

Cross-complaining

Back 16

-one partner complains about some issue and the other partner responds with a similarly negative complaint

E.g. "It upsets me when you ..." "Yeah, well it upsets me when you ..."

Front 17

Self-summarizing

Back 17

Self-summarizing is repetition of one's own statements without actually listening to the other person's point of view. Adds no new information to help partner understand.

“I feel left out” “I don't understand, what do you mean left out?” “I mean I feel left out!!!”

Front 18

Yes-butting

Back 18

-agreeing to some compromise on the surface, then backing out of the compromise without making any attempt to solve the problem.

E.g. "I'd love to spend time together this Saturday, but we were invited to a party we can't get out of" - pattern over time

Front 19

Negative Mindreading.

Back 19

-telling partners why they did something or what they are thinking without really asking the other person why/what they think
- often conflicts break down into disputes about how partners interpret each others’ behaviors instead of actual problem

E.g. “You got drunk that night just to make me mad.”

Front 20

Negative Metacommunications.

Back 20

-partners argue about the way that they fight
-conflict loses focus, partners may deny responsibility for communication problems

E.g. during a fight about housework: "When we fight, you make me feel like a child."

Front 21

Criticism.

Back 21

-person makes internal, stable and global attributions about their partners' behaviors instead of identifying one problem behavior

"You're the most inconsiderate person" instead of "I wish you'd called to say you would be late"

Front 22

Contempt.

Back 22

-insulting, mocking or using hostile humor against partner, often with belittling tone
-makes partner feel inferior
-partner often responds with excuses or contempt

E.g. rolling eyes

Front 23

Stonewalling.

Back 23

-emotional disengagement and refusal to discuss the issue of concern (e.g., withdrawal)
-shows unwillingness to resolve issue

E.g. storming out of room

Front 24

Belligerence.

Back 24

-Aggressive rejection by one partner of the other
-shows lack of respect for partner and their feelings

E.g. "I can’t cope with what’s happening much longer." “Yeah, so what? What are you going to do about it?”

Front 25

4 important points in communicating one's own complaints

Back 25

1) Be specific

2) Own your own feelings and perceptions through "I statements"

3)Avoid accusations, laying blame on or criticizing partners.

4) Avoid overgeneralizations

These make it possible for the offending partner to validate the victim.

Front 26

Validation

Back 26

-listening to whatpartners are saying,whether we agree or not
-lets them know that we understand and appreciate their perspectives on the issue
- paraphrasing back what partners have said helps us ensure we correctly understand what was said.

Front 27

components of constructive communication (2)

Back 27

1)active listening/validation
2)clearly communicating own complaints

Front 28

Key behavioral elements of the demand/withdraw pattern

Back 28

"demander" pattern of behavior : tendency to engage issues, initiate discussions, "nag" and demand, and be more critical and blaming of the partner

"withdrawer" pattern:
avoidant behavior around discussing serious issues, "stonewalling," disengaged behavior during interactions, and stubborn, defensive reactions to criticism

Front 29

Escape conditioning model (demand/withdraw pattern)

Back 29

(Gottman and Levinson)

-proposes that men withdraw as a means of regulating the hot/cold balance in interactions and that this withdrawal response is reinforcing because it reduces their aversive state
-man's response reinforces the woman's response since she has to up the ante every time

-Physiological arousal in men is slow to activate, but once it is elevated, it is slow to dissipate.

-Physiological arousal in women is quick to activate but dissipates quite quickly

-lets both partners off the hook - genetic reasons

Front 30

The social roles and power model
(demand/withdraw pattern)

Back 30

(Christensen and Heavey)

D/W pattern can be explained by situational causes relating to social power and gender roles in marriage, rather than by gender differences in personality or genetics

Two assumptions:

1. The demanding style is used by the partner who wants change in the relationship, whereas the withdrawing style is used by the partner who prefers to preserve the status quo

2. The changes that wives want usually require the cooperation of husbands (bilateral agreements; e.g., more closeness, more sharing housework). The changes that husbands want often can be achieved unilaterally, by "going it alone" (e.g., more independence).

Front 31

Socialization perspective on demand/withdraw pattern

Back 31

Boys taught that self-control is a virtue and so feeling out of control of one's emotions is aversive, and connected to self-esteem.

Girls are not taught to supress feelings to the same extent, and self-esteem is not affected by loss of emotional control.

Front 32

Outcomes of Christensen and Heavey (1993) Research

Back 32

Three separate studies showed identical patterns of results.

In each study, couples discussed two issues, one that was identified as "hers" and one as "his," in terms of who wanted changes in the relationship on that issue.
On women's issues, D/W pattern was apparent, on men's issues, there was equal engagement and involvement with the issue.

Front 33

What are three possible explanations for the gender difference in conflict found by Christenson and Heavey?

Back 33

1. Men may be less comfortable dealing with/expressing negative emotions

2. People take more polarized positions when they have been less successful in resolving issues in the past; wives have fewer resources, desire change more often and may have cultural deference to men; accumulate more failures & are more angry/rigid

3. D/W cycle individuals feed & intensify the other’s orientation

Front 34

What is the conflict-structure hypothesis?

Back 34

Christenson and Heavey – there are conflicts in which one person’s goals can be achieved unilaterally, and other in which one person’s goals require the cooperation of their partner

Front 35

What are two critical dimensions involved in Rusbult’s approaches to problem solving?

Back 35

1. engaging or avoiding issues

2. constructive or destructive emotional tone

Front 36

What is accommodation?

Back 36

Caryl Rusbult – inhibiting the impulse to respond destructively to a partner’s destructive actions

Front 37

Describe Rusbult’s model of accommodation (in problem solving).

Back 37

Voice, loyalty, neglect and exit model.

Voice – active engagement,
constructive

Loyalty – passive but constructive

Neglect – avoidant but passive - like withdrawal

Exit – issue dealt with directly, but in hostile way

Loyalty assumed to originate from good intention – trying to understand one’s partner.

Loyalty stops negative reciprocity cycle – important for relationship maintainance.

Front 38

Why do couples avoid issues?

Back 38

-personality – aversion to conflict vs. belief that conflict is normal
-attitude towards relationship
-behavioral tolerance (“good manners policy”)

Front 39

What is false consensus?

Back 39

Couples who avoid issues tend to believe that they agree more on issues because they never come up. This can become a threat to the relationship in the long term if true incompatibility was there in the first place.

Front 40

Describe 2 types of tolerance.

Back 40

Behavioural avoidance – partner A has transgressed, partner B edits their negative reaction and waits to resolve the issue at a better time/place – breaks negative reciprocity (external adjustment)

Cognitive tolerance – charitable interpretations of partners’ transgression; waiting to see if future behavior warrants alternative attributions; decreases reactivity to events and stabilizes trusting relationships

Front 41

What is a possible downside of cognitive tolerance?

Back 41

-blind tolerance leads individuals to denial of recurrent negative behavior
-‘under-adjustment’ to changing demands of their lives e.g. parenthood, or return to work
-inertia maintains habitual arrangements, particularly in men.
-concerns are not communicated, partners are left unaware that change is needed
-resentment builds up for the victim; may feel trust was violated, may question partner’s commitment to relationship, risk of revisionist memory

Front 42

Why is expression of Rusbult’s ‘voice’ important?

Back 42

Voice leads to considerably better understanding of issues, better adjustment and better solutions to problems. Don’t find the experience to be pleasant, but over longer periods gain higher satisfaction.

Front 43

What was a controversial outcome of Gottman and Krokoff’s 1989 couples conflict study? What did they find for men? Women?

Back 43

Engaging issues is critical whether constructive or not – open conflict caused short-term unhappiness but greater long-term satisfaction. Greatest improvement resulted when husbands directly engaged the issue, and didn’t whine, act stubborn or withdraw. Demanding orientation in men was not well received at the time in wives, but greater long-term gain because they showed commitment to preserving relationship. Women who looked sad, compliant tended to long-term dissatisfaction

Front 44

What evidence would cause one to believe Gottman and Krokoff’s conclusion was too strong?

Back 44

-Most successful strategies –engaging issue with relatively neutral affect.
-Most improvement found for couples that had the worst conflict to begin with
-conclusion should be restated – when real problems exist, it is better to engage them, but conflict isn’t a good sign in all types of relationship.

Front 45

What are possible strategies couples use to handle conflict?

Back 45

-reciprocal negative cycles (demand-withdraw)
-negotiation (Peterson) – rational problem-solving – leads to conflict termination
-accomodation

Front 46

Describe negotiation.

Back 46

-partners state their positions, exchange information in a nonbiased manner, and work toward an acceptable solution
-leads directly to conflict termination

Front 47

Describe the most typical form of conflict.

Back 47

1. transgression by one partner
2. complaint by the injured party
3. perpetrator of trangression offers their defense

This is a complaint/defense sequence

Front 48

What were the main findings of Passer, Kelley, and Michela (1983)’s study of conflict.

Back 48

-even in relatively happy relationships, complaint tend to be framed as accusations
-moral overtones
-not just facts, but attributions of motives on partner’s side
-escalates symbolic meaning of complaint
-partners negotiate the meaning of transgression

Front 49

What characteristics were found by Passer, Kelley and Michela (1983) for complaints and responses?

Back 49

Complaints:

1) focus on how negative transgression was
2) communicate attributions about the perpetrator's lack of caring and negative disposition

Responses:

1) argue that action wasn’t so bad
2) originated from more positive motives than they’re getting credit for, and doesn’t reflect on attitude toward partner

Front 50

What might explain Passer, Kelley, and Michela (1983)’s findings?

Back 50

-anger leads to cognitive myopia – events seen in black and white, strong emotion interferes with complex analysis
-anger provides information through self-perception – my partner’s action must be really bad because I’m so upset.

Front 51

What four main couple conflict types did Gottman identify?

Back 51

Volatiles - positive – immediate high-level attempts to persuade – the most engaged

Validators – + ve – initially don’t try to persuade, but try in middle – moderate engaged

V & V are the ‘engagers’ but volatiles seem to argue more (for individuality?) while validators stay calm & work together

Avoiders – positive – less engaged – low emotion – no specific strategies for dealing with conflict

Hostiles – negative 1:1 instead of ~5:1 for the others – less engaged – more likely to criticize, show contempt, defensiveness & withdrawal, prone to “flooding”, low marital satisfaction

Front 52

What is flooding?

Back 52

Gottman – unexpected eruption of negative emotions that is overwhelming and disorganizing for partners

Front 53

Peterson describes 5 ways of terminating conflict. What are they?

Back 53

Separation – withdrawal of one/both partners without resolution
– further conflict likely unless underlying situation changes.

Domination – one person pursues their goals & the other capitulates
-tends to happen when one person has more power
-tends to be negative for the person who gave in

Compromise – both parties reduce aspirations to find a mutually acceptable alternative
-neither totally satisfied, both get something they want

Integrative agreements – satisfy both partners’ original goals
-most commonly sought for intermediate intensity but difficult to achieve

Structural improvement – fundamental change in conflict-causing conditions of relationship
-partners find better understanding, build trust & gain confidence for future conflict

Front 54

What is interpersonal conflict?

Back 54

An interpersonal process that occurs when the actions of one person interfere with the actions of another (Peterson)

OR

Interaction between persons expressing opposing interests, views of opinions

-may not be overt

Front 55

Distinguish between relationship dissatisfaction and conflict in a relationship.

Back 55

Dissatisfaction is a judgment made by partners, not actual conflict

Front 56

How frequent is conflict in different types of relationships?

Back 56

-children show high levels with parents and peers – one every 3.6 minutes with mom, 3.3 per dinner
-adolescents average 7 per day across relationships
-university students reported that 40% of conflicts in dating relationships weren’t overt

Front 57

What factors influence the amount of conflict partners experience?

Back 57

Personality – neuroticism (powerful predictor), extraversion, mastery, self-esteem

Similarity of preferences – Ps that don’t like the same activities disagree over joint activity

Life stage – conflict in mid-adolescence is more heated than earlier but overall conflict declines with age, older couples report less disagreement especially over children, money, recreation & religion

Front 58

Peterson identifies 3 common categories of conflict topics. What are they?

Back 58

Criticism – verbal/nonverbal acts perceived as demeaning

Illegitimate demands – person asks you to do things you believe are unjust/outside of expectations of the relationship

Rebuffs – one person appeals to another for a desired reaction, and the other fails to respond as expected

Cumulative annoyances – acts that may initially go unnoticed but become irritating with repetition.

Front 59

Explain Buss’s evolutionary perspective on conflict in dating/marriage.

Back 59

-differences in partners’ reproductive strategies
-women more likely to be upset by early initiation of sex, frequent/aggressive sexual advances & desire for multiple sex partners
-men more likely to be upset by withheld/delayed sex
-when couples get into monogamous relationships, sexual conflict declines
-dating couples upset is partner is unfaithful, possessive, sexually aggressive
-newlyweds more likely to report concerns about abusive, inconsiderate, moody & disheveled partners

Front 60

How does conflict in friendship differ from conflict in romantic relationships?

Back 60

-friends have more mock conflict (e.g. name-calling), nondiscussed conflict, and tacit conflicts (partners discuss problem without escalation/hurtfulness)
-romantic partners have déjà vu conflicts – same conflicts recur

Front 61

How does having children affect conflict in married couples?

Back 61

(Levinson) children more important source of disagreement in midlife couples, recreation and communication more important for couples in their 60s – maybe because their children left

Front 62

How does sexual orientation affect conflict in couples?

Back 62

(Kurdek)

-Social issues greater source of conflict for straight couples
-trust greater issue for homosexual couples
-homosexuals are more likely to retain previous lovers as friends so trust may be more salient
-heterosexual partners may vary more in social & political views

Front 63

Describe Orvis, Kelly and Butler’s (1976) basic propositions about attributions and conflict.

Back 63

1. attributional processes more active during conflict than other times

2. attributional processes during conflict show a self-serving bias

3. attributions made during conflict can create attributional conflict (argument over motives rather than facts) that is usually irresolvable

Front 64

Distinguish between causal and responsibility attributions.

Back 64

Causal – factors that produce an event (action)

Responsibility – a person’s accountability for the event (intent)

Front 65

How do happy and unhappy couples differ in the attributions they make?

Back 65

-unhappy make more negative attributions– selfish motivation & malicious intent; internal, stable & global attributions for positive behavior and the opposite for negative

-happy focus more on mitigating causal factors that relieve partners of responsibility

Front 66

Fincham found that attributions and marital satisfaction are bidirectionally linked. What might explain this? What advice does this suggest?

Back 66

-relationship-enhancing attributions may increase spouses’ confidence in their ability to effectively handle conflict
-distressed-maintaining attributions undermine satisfaction, and unsatisfied couples tend to make more negative attributions that feed the cycle
-advice: try changing expectations of efficacy instead of attributions per se

Front 67

Once engaged in conflict, what two paths does Peterson predict couples will follow?

Back 67

Negotiation – rational problem-solving

or

Escalation – generalization of issues, attributions of blame, intensified demands & threat, personal attacks

Front 68

Why do people make threats? What issues do they raise?

Back 68

-may offer sense of power
-may hope that can make the other person act civilly
-threats can exacerbate conflict: Partner B resents threat and doesn’t respond as expected, so Partner A makes a stronger threat
-idle threats convey that Partner A doesn’t mean what they say

Front 69

What about conflict did MacDonald, Zanna and Holmes (2000) study?

Back 69

-alcohol plays a role in processes that escalate conflict
-alcohol reduces information processing
-increases salience of negative emotional cues, both internal and in the partner – exaggerating percepts of how upset both parties really are
-above leads to uncertainty about partner’s affection- distancing & blaming

Front 70

How does entrapment occur?

Back 70

-partners allow escalation and make threats
-end up making statements and taking action that makes retreat difficult because they are heavily invested and may lose face

Front 71

What is another name for the demand-withdraw pattern?

Back 71

Pursuer-distancer pattern

Front 72

Who wrote The Intimate Enemy? What is it about?

Back 72

Bach and Wyden (1968)
-fair and skillful fighting increases intimacy
-has ‘fight effect profile’ for what effects good fights should have
-bad fights cause psychological distress or even physical violence

Front 73

What is a classic tool for assessing violence in couples?

Back 73

Conflict Tactics Scale
– participants asked how they settle differences
-physical aggression considered a conflict negotiation strategy

Front 74

What are 2 types of couple violence?

Back 74

(Johnson)

Common couple violence – conflicts that get out of hand, rarely become life-threatening - more prevalent, less intense

Patriarchal terrorism – frequent, intense violence + desire to control partner, victims less likely to fight back, typically perpetrated by men, causes PTSD, depression and missed work, victim more likely to leave relationship several times

Front 75

Describe gender differences in partner violence.

Back 75

-women slightly more likely than men to use physical aggression towards partners, and use it more frequently
-women more likely to suffer serious injury and more likely to be murdered by spouses
-~20% of female victims knew attacker intimately compared to ~3% of males
-patriarchal terrorism almost exclusively male
-violent resistance almost exclusively female
-common couple violence ~ gender symmetric
-patriarchal belief system gives men more power than men; explains terrorism but not common couple violence, and doesn’t explain relatively high incidence of violence in homosexual couples

Front 76

List factors associated with increased rates of spousal abuse.

Back 76

-stressful events – unemployment, unplanned pregnancy
-low SES – low income, little education
-family background – growing up witness to parental violence (20% of offspring also violent)

Front 77

List factors affecting whether partners stay in abusive relationships.

Back 77

-SES is crucial – women who leave more likely to have jobs
-commitment to the relationship – greater investment of time & affection =staying
-fear of greater violence

Front 78

What is abandonment panic?

Back 78

-some assaultive husbands react with extreme anger against wife if she tries to leave (Dutton)

Front 79

O’Keefe identified 4 factors that predict dating violence in both males and females; what are they?

Back 79

1) belief that male-to-female violence is justifiable
2) being the recipient of dating violence
3) alcohol/drug use
4) conflict in the dating relationship

Front 80

O’Keefe identified factors that predict dating violence that apply to males only and to females only; what are they?

Back 80

Males: witnessing interparental violence
Females: belief that male-to-female violence is justifiable AND being in a more serious relationship

Front 81

Among cohabitating, noncohabitating and married couples, who are the most violent?

Back 81

-co-habitating the most violent
-maybe because have more contact than noncohabitating but less commitment than married
-some evidence that less commitment increases likelihood of violence

Front 82

In Rusbult’s investment model, what factors are associated with staying in a violent relationship?

Back 82

High investment, few alternatives, high commitment

Front 83

What is the ‘tip of the iceberg’ phenomenon?

Back 83

-interpret transgression in terms of larger issues in the relationship
-concrete actions are not truly the cause of anger
-concrete action stands as proxy for unresolved issues

Front 84

What is ‘significant trivia’?

Back 84

Trivial everyday events are interpreted as signs of greater conflict so that partner becomes disproportionately angry

–aka reactivity, often in dissatisfied couples.

Front 85

Describe the theory behind Fletcher's Ideal Standards of Relationships (1999)

Back 85

- match between our expectations of what a good relationship is generally and our actual perceptions of our current relationships important to decisions about relationships
- if things aren't don’t reach ideals we set, we're less satisfied & more likely to leave

Front 86

According to Fletcher, what are the functions of relationship ideals?

Back 86

1) help us predict & control relationship outcomes
2) help us explain & understand current state of relationship
3) appraisal of suitability

Front 87

According to Fletcher, what do people do when relationships do not live up to their ideals?

Back 87

1) seek out better situation
2) change relationship to align with ideals
3) change views of partners to align with ideals
4) change our ideals

Front 88

What did Fletcher find were common subjects of ideals for our partners? For relationships?

Back 88

Partners: warmth/trustworthiness, attractiveness and vitality, status and resources

Relationships: intimacy and loyalty, passion

Front 89

How does Fletcher characterize the relationship between our cognitions and how we rate relationship partners?

Back 89

-we put more cognitive effort into seeing our relationships as stable/satisfying if we have high ideals
-more important our ideals are to us, the more positively we rate partners on those ideals, and the harder we think it is to find those traits in other people
-we are motivated to see consistency between our ideals and partners
-ideals are schemas that fill in gaps we don’t know about our partners (i.e. things we lack direct evidence for)

Front 90

Distinguish between Soulmate and Work-it-out Theorists. (Knee, 1998; Franiuk, Cohen, and Pomerantz, 2002)

Back 90

Soulmate theorists:

-believe forces like destiny or fate bring two people together so only a few people can make them happy, believe in love at first sight & that they will “know” their soulmate
-relationships will be passionate and exciting, relatively easy and effortless as long as they find their soulmate
-they don’t believe they have the power to fix relationships

Work-it-out theorist:

-believe they can have a satisfying relationship with many different people
- both partners must work at making their relationship strong and happy – effort=happiness
-do not seek a perfect match between themselves and their partners as soulmate theorists do
-believe couples can fix relationships and become stronger by overcoming obstacles

Front 91

What behavioral differences did Knee (1998) find between soulmate theorists and work-it-out theorists?

Back 91

-Soulmate theorists have more one night stands than work-it-out theorists
-Work-it-out theorists: date partners longer
-in established relationships, when soulmate theorists were initially dissatisfied with these partnerships or when they felt that their relationships close enough, they terminated relationships – they “try out” relationships and discard poor fits
- work-it-outs in established relationships were initially uncertain or dissatisfied, wishing for more closeness with their partners, they stayed with their partners
-soulmate theorists more often responsible for ending relationships than their partners
-soulmate theorists more likely to disengage and avoid conflict; may be more anxious about conflict b/c conflict signals an imperfect match

Front 92

What did Lomore and Cohen (2001) find about how soulmate theorists and work-it-out theorists think about conflict?

Back 92

After recalling a time when their partners had hurt or disappointed them in some way …

Work-it-out theorists:

- partners' behavior reported more negatively in consequences and intent
- relationships had changed for the worse since event
- perceived their relationships in more negative way since the incident
-remained optimistic that they could fix the problems

Soulmates theorists:

-defensive interpretation of incident
-transgressions their partners committed were not intentional
-believed that their relationships hadn't worsened since incident
-did not believe transgressions had any negative implications for their relationships
- tried to protect the notion that their current partners were their soulmates.

Front 93

What names did Knee use for soulmate theorists and work-it-out theorists?

Back 93

believers in romantic destiny

and growth

Front 94

How does uncertainty change the way individuals evaluate their relationships?

Back 94

1) A testing orientation: vigilance for signs of injustice

2) Stronger concerns about short-term balances: ensure fairness, exaggerates short-term imbalances

3) More rigid/clearer rules for arrangements & contributions: ensure fairness, sense of security

Front 95

According to Braiker and Kelley (1979), how do uncertain partners evaluate their spouse’s behavior?

Back 95

-coded for its meaning at three different levels
- concrete –the action
- normative - what relationship rules have been broken
- interpersonal - what does this action say about how much X cares/ is committed to fairness -- interpretations at more abstract levels of meaning result in stronger feelings of upset and anger

Front 96

Why is it problematic that uncertain individuals become more concerned about short-term imbalances?

Back 96

-narrow time perspective for evaluating fairness may exaggerate perceptions of imbalance
-contributions to relationships are normally quite variable
- a narrow window may reveal a "valley rather than a peak" in partners' contributions.

Front 97

What are the consequences of one partner’s adoption of more rigid, clearer rules for arrangements/contributions?

Back 97

-provide a sense of protection and security
-rules result in violations being more easily detected
-above good or bad depending on the truth of the concern!

Front 98

Distinguish between equity and equality in relationships.

Back 98

Equity - fair contribution
Equality - same contribution

Equity is used as a rule for assessing one's relationship largely when one believes equal involvement is impossible.

Equal involvement is the basic working assumption of most marriages in our North American culture. It implies at least equal caring and affection, if not equal "instrumental" contributions to the relationship

Front 99

How do women typically think about gender differences in instrumental/family responsibility?

Back 99

-men typically contribute less to family responsibilities even compared to women in dual-career relationships

-women can explain this difference to themselves by focusing heavily on men's role as the central provider

-if their own careers are very important to them, this explanation would be less
palatable and they may have to adjust their expectations to take account of gender differences ("For a man, he's OK").

Front 100

Brehm et al. focus heavily on the gender "communication gap".

What are pros and cons of the communication styles associated with each gender?

Back 100

Women

Pro: More comfortable expressing feelings, especially negative ones?

Con: More demanding and critical, less compromising?

Men

Pro: Problem-oriented and practical, more compromising?

Con: Avoid emotional issues and withdraw.

Front 101

How do men & women's communication skills affect marital satisfaction?

Back 101

Wives with strong skills have happier marriages during the early years.
Women are both better encoders (senders) and decoders (receivers) of verbal and non-verbal messages than are men on the average.

Later, husband's skills best predict marital satisfaction, ; perhaps women's skills are more uniform, whereas men with poor skills make closeness and interdependence a difficult task

Front 102

What were Miller and Kenny's (1986)findings relating compatibility and communication in relationships?

Back 102

-self-disclosure and discussions about important feelings is best predicted by the particular chemistry in a dyad or couple (80%)

- chronic or personality traits of each participant that relating to communication accounted for 20% of the variation

-above was for friends; may exaggerate important of chemistry

Front 103

According to Frank Fincham (2000) in what ways do we cope with negativity?

Back 103

1) forgive partners

2) nullify negativity (overlook/forget/dismiss behavior)

3) habituation (negativity dissipates over time)

Front 104

Fincham (2000) says genuine forgiveness involves several conditions, what are they?

Back 104

1. Some attribution of responsibility

2. Forgiveness is not something that can be achieved by persons A and B together. Rather, forgiveness is something that an individual – person A must choose to do

3. Forgiveness is unconditional in nature.

Front 105

What variables influence whether we are willing to forgive or not?

Back 105

Variables relating to the transgression:

- extent to which we blame our partners (the transgressors)
- type of injury caused by the transgressor (self-identity and moral injuries)
-the context of the act in the relationship

Variables internal to the victim:

-Self-esteem
-reflected appraisals
-positive illusions

Variables in the Relationship:

-Commitment
-Power Distribution

Front 106

How did Lomore, Holmes, and Murray find that self-esteem, reflected appraisals and positive illusions affect forgiveness in couples?

Back 106

-Victims w/high self-esteem who felt loved were more forgiving
-High self-esteem took their actions less personally + didn't get as upset

-+ve illusions of their partners = more forgiving of their partners

Front 107

How do positive illusions affect our cognitions about partners?

Back 107

People with positive illusions try to view their partners' transgressions as being unintentional, inconsistent with their personalities and as not being selfishly motivated.

People who have fewer of these positive illusions have a much harder time minimizing the blame they place on their partners.

Front 108

What biases were found in the study of memory Reconstruction, and which women held them? (Karney and Coombs, 2000)

Back 108

Bias for improvement – seeing our past as negative, but perceiving change and improvement
-first 10 years

Bias for consistency – seeing our past as similar to our present
-second 10 year period


Women constructed memories in to perceive selves and relationships in the most positive light

Front 109

Describe evidence for the Bank Account Model.

Back 109

Huston and Chorost (1994)
- interviewed couples just after their weddings and at two year anniversaries

-especially for wives, satisfaction was unaffected by partners' negative behaviors, as long as partners were also highly affectionate or engaged in behaviors aimed at relationship maintenance

Front 110

What does Gottman suggest with regard to the balance between positive and negative behaviors in relationships?

Back 110

He suggests that the minimal ratio of positive to negative behaviors in our relationships is 5 positives to 1 negative and that couples whose behavior is regulated in this way will be satisfied.

Front 111

How does interdependence theory predict that we maintain relationships in the face of conflict/ambivalence?

Back 111

We use a comparison level for alternatives:

-we compare what we get from our current relationships to what we might get from alternative situations
-if we believe we'd be happier in other relationships/life situations, we leave

Front 112

What are possible strategies for relationship maintenance?

Back 112

1.Paying little attention to things that may threaten our relationships

2.Distortion – Inaccurately Perceiving our Relationships

Front 113

What does Miller hypothesize about people who are committed to their relationships?

Back 113

They are inattentive to the quality of their alternatives.

-people who are content with their partners may distort their judgments of attractive others or ignore them

Front 114

What did Miller (1997) find to be true of people who pay a lot of attention to their romantic alternatives?

Back 114

- less satisfied, less invested in and less committed to their relationships
-less close to their partners
-dated more people over the past year
-more likely to have broken up with their current partners after 2 months
-spent more time looking at the slides of attractive members of the opposite sex
-more aroused by slides

Front 115

What did Miller find to be true of people in steady, committed relationships?

Back 115

-reported being less attentive to their alternatives than those in casual relationships
-spent less time looking at the slides of attractive members of the opposite sex & were less aroused by them
-reported wanting to meet the people in the slides less
-rated people pictured in the slides less attractive than did casual daters & singles

Front 116

What did Grote and Clark (2001) find to be true of happy couples?

Back 116

-pay very little attention to whether our partners are doing their fair share of the household labor or not

Front 117

How did Simpson, Ickes and Blackstone (1995) test how we perceive what partners think & feel about relationships?

Back 117

-exposed both members of couples to slides of attractive others believed to be part of dating pool
-tested how coped with evidence that partners were evaluating their alternatives
-asked to rate attractiveness & discuss ratings with partners
-sent to separate rooms, where they watch secret video of selves and point out what they were thinking and what they thought partners were thinking

Front 118

What were Simpson, Ickes and Blackstone's major findings?

Back 118

-ppl in close relationships tended to be very inaccurate when perceiving what their partners thought

-When partners evaluated highly attractive alternatives, participants tended to be more inaccurate -insecure couples tended to be more inaccurate about partners' thoughts and feelings than secure couples
-couples least accurate about their partners' thoughts and feelings were more likely to be together 4 months later

Front 119

How is it that inaccuracy in percepts of what a partner think & feels seems to be beneficial for relationship stability?

Back 119

- accurately understanding what partners think and feel about major & conflictual issues may cause us to focus on the vulnerabilities in our relationships

Front 120

Describe the gender role paradox.

Back 120

- men and women are initially attracted to members of the opposite sex who typify stereotypical roles BUT
- stereotypically behaving couples are less satisfied

Front 121

Do our close relationships benefit or suffer when men and women play out traditional gender roles?

Back 121

-couples where men behave in the stereotypically masculine, macho way and the women behave in a feminine way are much less happy than couples who do not play out these traditional gender roles

Front 122

What were Ickes and Barnes (1978) main findings?

Back 122

- traditionally matched pairs of masculine men and feminine women liked each other less than pairs of androgynous individuals
- they talked to each other less, looked at each other less and smiled less at each other

Front 123

What did Shaver, Pullis and Olds (1980) find when they studied women’s reports of satisfaction and gender roles?

Back 123

-women who said both partners were traditional were less satisfied with their relationships and their lives
-in nontraditional couples: greater success in communicating and solving problems as a couple, more satisfied and optimistic about their relationships + lives in general

Front 124

What was Antill’s (1983) important finding regarding gender roles in couples?

Back 124

-found through interviews that the more feminine one's partner was, the happier both men and women were with their relationships
-men were happier when their wives were either feminine or androgynous (that is, having both masculine AND feminine traits)
-women were happier when their husbands were androgynous or feminine.

Front 125

What are 2 possible explanations for the gender role paradox?

Back 125

Evolutionary: men were less involved in caring for families and more involved in protective/providing roles over history so stronger initial attractions are to status/power in men and affection/devotion in women

Cultural Determinist: girls and boys are socialized differently – Cross and Madson (1998) suggest men are socialized to be independent, and women to be interdependent

Front 126

How does Ickes (1993) explain the gender paradox?

Back 126

-have biological drive towards choosing mates on the basis of their seeming abilities to provide and pass on reproductive advantages to their offspring
- women today can choose men that meet their socio-emotional needs because women can now meet the physical needs of themselves and their children alone
-traditional gender roles foster initial attraction, but hinder communication.

Front 127

What is the accommodation period?

Back 127

A period characterized by an increase in conflict and feelings of ambivalence in relationships that results from increased interdependence (depending on each other to facilitate rewards (Kelley et al., 1983))

Front 128

Why is there an increase in conflict and feelings of ambivalence during the accommodation period?

Back 128

1. more representative sample of interactions and situations experienced with the partner
2. partner becomes less guarded; negative qualities are likely to be revealed
3. incompatible styles result in more feelings of discomfort esp. on critical attachment style dimensions such as closeness and independence. (Eidelson)

Front 129

What are positive consequences of conflict during the accommodation period?

Back 129

- good testing ground for partner's motivations; will partner will make sacrifices?
- Successful problem-solving results in feelings of efficacy (increased confidence about handling future conflicts)
- growth of trust (through observing responsiveness on the partner's part)
- greater intimacy (i.e., the Reis and Shaver model).

Front 130

What are destructive Consequences of conflict during the accommodation period?

Back 130

- If individuals avoid issues and conceal their feelings, issues will later surface
- meta-conflict may develop (e.g., men withdrawing or too "rational", women more intense and perhaps too emotional

Front 131

What was the “equation for happiness” in dating couples and newlyweds in BRAIKER AND KELLEY’s (1979) STUDY?

Back 131

-focuses on positive chemistry (ability to make each other happy) & minimizes role of problems
- Reports of conflict, negative behavior and feelings of ambivalence are completely unrelated to love and satisfaction

Front 132

What did Markham find about newlyweds at the ‘talk table’?

Back 132

Couples who made negative ratings (who perceived conflict) of their partner’s responses on tough issues were much less satisfied with their marriages three and a half, and especially five years later.

Front 133

How did Huston and Vangelista (1991) describe the “equation of happiness” once the honeymoon is over?

Back 133

-positive aspects of the relationships such as affection and companionship, were largely unrelated to satisfaction after two years (positivity taken for granted?
-negative aspects such as conflict apparent at the point of marriage controlled satisfaction 2 years into the marriage
- knowledge of negativity is not the issue, because people were aware of it at the time they decided to marry

Front 134

Explain Huston and Vangelista’s diathesis-stress model of relationship dissatisfaction.

Back 134

Explain Huston and Vangelista’s diathesis-stress model of relationship dissatisfaction.

- significant decrease in the level of love and satisfaction reported by the average couple over a two-year period
- adjustment *stress* revealed latent flaws or weaknesses *diathesis* in relationships

Front 135

How does Berscheid explain why positive features such as affection and companionship were are largely unrelated to satisfaction in established marriages?

Back 135

-"meshed" interactions that are rewarding may go unrecognized in terms of the partner's role in facilitating them

Front 136

How important is similarity between partners?

Back 136

Similarity between partners predicts not only attraction, but relationship satisfaction and stability. Brehm, Miller, Campbell and Perlman even state that "There's no danger in having too much in common" (p. 84).

Front 137

What is the theory that suggests that people tend to cognitively merge themselves with their partners, seeing themselves and their partners as overlapping in some ways?

Back 137

Aron, Aron, Tudor and Nelson’s (1991) theory of self-expansion in relationships.

Front 138

What consequences of closeness are suggested by Aron, Aron, Tudor and Nelson’s (1991) theory of self-expansion in relationships?

Back 138

1. partners may act for each other or to benefit their partners without expecting anything in exchange for their sacrifices.
2. taking their partners' perspectives & possible having difficulty understanding other ones
3. take longer to distinguish between their own or their partner’s traits

Front 139

What is caused by egocentrism in our perceptions of our partners?

Back 139

-perceived similarity &-perceived understanding
-using self-knowledge to fill in gaps in what we know of our partners
-sense of connection and seeing partners as kindred spirits
-may encourage overconfidence that can buffer conflict because we feel our partners do understand us

Front 140

Murray, Holmes, Griffin, Bellavia and Dolderman (2002) hypothesized that people might be most likely to feel understood in their relationships when they use themselves as benchmarks for making inferences about their similarity to their partners. What did they find?

Back 140

Married people who were more egocentric saw more similarity between themselves and their partners than their partners saw. And, they were more satisfied with their relationships.

When people felt understood by their partners, both dating and married individuals were happier and more satisfied

Actual understanding did not seem to predict people's satisfaction very well

Front 141

What is Davis and Rusbult ‘s (2002) theory of attitude alignment?

Back 141

-partners experience discomfort like cognitive dissonance when their attitudes differ
- motivated to reduce this discomfort
- partners may actively attempt to create attitudinal similarity

Front 142

When will couples align their attitudes?

Back 142

1. When a mismatch becomes salient
2. when an attitude is not terribly important (peripheral) to one’s self-concept
3. when partners feel close to each other they align their attitudes more

Front 143

Distinguish between understanding and idealization between relationship partners.

Back 143

Understanding: seeing our partners as they see themselves; understanding their flaws and virtues

Idealization: putting our partners up onto a pedestal: seeing the very best in our partners; rose-colored glasses

Front 144

What theory would predict that people with low self-esteem will tend to seek negative evaluations of themselves?

Back 144

Self-verification theory, Swann et al.: people prefer to receive information about themselves that is consistent with their own views of themselves – they like to be understood for who they are

Front 145

How would Swann and colleagues argue that dating and married couples differ?

Back 145

- dating couples see each other in an idealized way BUT are continually evaluating and judging each others' traits and so react more strongly to criticism
- committed couples are not as worried about how their partners evaluate them, and are more interdependent so they need to be aware of their partner’s strengths and weaknesses
- committed couples are less likely to take criticism of or from their partner to be a sign that the relationship will fail

Front 146

How does self-esteem affect satisfaction in dating and married couples when partners rate each other favourably?

Back 146

(Swann, De La Ronde and Hixon, 1994)

1. For dating couples, self-esteem didn't matter. All people in dating relationships reported more satisfaction or intimacy when their partners evaluated them favorably.

2. Married and dating individuals who had high self-esteem were happiest when their partners saw them in a positive light. However, married individuals who had more negative self-concepts were relatively unhappy when their partners viewed them very positively, and were actually happier when their partners viewed them less favorably.

Front 147

How do positive illusions about one’s partner affect relationship satisfaction in the short term? Long term?

Back 147

The more positive illusions people had for their partners, the happier they were with their relationships and the happier their partners, and they were even happier one year later. More idealization = fewer conflicts and less destructive conflicts. Over time, as couples stayed together, positive illusions became stronger – self-fulfilling prophecy?

Front 148

What cognitive strategies result in idealization of one's partner?

Back 148

-exaggeration of partners' good qualities
– minimizing importance of partners' faults
-link our partners' faults to virtues (yes-buts) (e.g., "He may be stubborn, but at least he's principled.")

Front 149

Describe Schlenker and Leary's model of social anxiety.

Back 149

The Impression Management Model (1983)

Social anxiety result when a person is motivated to create a certain good impression, but fears that he or she won't be able to succeed in doing so

Motivation x Confidence/doubts

Front 150

What factors influence motivation/desire to project an image?

Back 150

Schlenker & Leary

1. Significant audiences, important for one's SE or directly controlling one's rewards.

2. Attributes being judged that are central to one's SE.

3. Personality traits that make one very concerned with impressing others (e.g., high self-monitors).

Front 151

Where do uncertain expectations or doubts regarding social situations originate?

Back 151

Chronic Sources:

1.Low SE have little confidence in themselves.

2. Introverts may by temperament find social situations very stressful (Eysenck).

3. Persons with weak social skills, though the problem, as we shall see later, is typically one that involves a performance deficit under anxiety, not a skills deficit.

Acute, Situational Sources

Novel or ambiguous situations with few cues, guidelines, or scripts result in uncertainty and a lack of confidence.

Front 152

What are typical symptoms of social anxiety?

Back 152

worry cycles:

-self-consciousness & seeing self as the object of attention, as if from the point of view of the audience (objective self-awareness theory)

-an internal forcus - evaluation of one's behavior against ideal standards

-rumination in the form of internal dialogue - emphasizing negative aspects, past failures, catastrophizing consequences of failure

Front 153

What are strategies for coping with social anxiety?

Back 153

1. modifying the internal dialogue
2.stress inoculation

Front 154

How can one modify the internal dialogue involved in social anxiety?

Back 154

1.claim realistic images & create attainable standards
2.keep consequences of failure in perspective
3.cognitive modification - substitute positive thoughts
4. avoid self-blame and internal attributions for social failures by focussing on situational forces

Front 155

Who would recommend one learn to recognize the onset of biased internal dialogue and block the thoughts, then practice substituting more positive thoughts?

Back 155

Don Meichenbaumt

cognitive modification

Front 156

Define the dimension of trust.

Back 156

Trust is the degree of confidence that individuals have in their forecasts about other people's motives, a critical basis for people's distance/closeness orientation.

Front 157

Who found that new acquaintances interact in a problem-solving setting that acted competitively created a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Back 157

Kelley and Stahelski (1970)

-competitive individuals created a social reality that reinforced their views of others, but were unable to understand their own role in producing certain reactions in others

Front 158

What is the theoretical basis for stress inoculation as a treatment for social anxiety? What assumption is made/.

Back 158

-Chronically shy individuals have "conditioned anxiety" at the mere thought of social encounters.

-stress inoculation is Gradual desensitization therapy

-assumes that shyness is a performance deficit caused by anxiety

Front 159

What phenomena did the Olson experiment illustrate?

Back 159

-socially anxious individuals can perform as effectively as less anxious individuals when not worried about blaming self for potential failure & consequences of shortcomings

-anxious individuals given a placebo to raise arousal performed better than those without the pill - pilll provided plausible attribution for nervousness

Front 160

What is a likely cause for the success of effective conversationalists?

Back 160

-external focus on the task
-good listeners respond to what others say
-using social cues helps them respond naturally to the conversation

Front 161

How does loneliness affect approaches to group interactions?

Back 161

Chronically lonely individuals often behave like competitive individuals: they expect others to be rejecting and unfriendly and use that prediction to justify unfriendly behavior

Temporarily lonely people generally don't have this SFP because they are more optimistic over the long term

Low SE (internal?more stable...) and low trust contribute to loneliness

Front 162

Murray and her colleagues have shown that giving low self-esteem individuals positive feedback about themselves does not help them to feel good about their relationships. What DOES work?'

Back 162

Lomore has shown that asking low self-esteem people to think about some value that they share with their partners helps them to feel as if they are more accepted, loved and valued by their partners.

Front 163

Why might Lomore's (2002)manipulation of asking low SE people to think about a value they share with their partners succeed at making them feel good?

Back 163

-thinking about a shared value may circumvent the Dependency Regulation Model, preventing low SE people from limiting how close they feel to partners

Front 164

Describe the dependency regulation model.

Back 164

(self-esteem) - - -> reflected appraisals -> regulation of closeness -> relationship perceptions (e.g. satisfaction)


When people are concerned about whether their partner accepts them or not, they may behave unpleasantly, and partners then feel bad.

When people aren't concerned, they act normally, leading to greater relationship satisfaction.

People with low SE are more sensitive to rejection.

Front 165

What did Downey and Feldman's (1996)study reveal about people highly sensitive to rejection?

Back 165

-experimental group told that other participant didn't want to continue conversing

-sensitives reacted with more negativity (anger/confusion)

-reported feeling more rejected in mood

-believed confederate didn't like them

Front 166

What did Downey and Feldman's (1996)study of people with low SE reveal?

Back 166

-ppl who are more sensitive to rejection (low SE) were more concerned about whether partners accepted or rejected them

-less satisfied and SO WERE THEIR PARTNERS

-self-fulfilling prophecy

sensitive men: jealousy

women: hostility, unsupportive

ppl with low SE tend to perceive rejection in ambiguity and overreact to it

high SE assume others like them

Front 167

Murray, Holmes, MacDonald, and Ellsworth (1998) gave high and low SE participants a fake IQ test, then gave them very positive feedback about it. How did positive feedback affect feelings about relationships?

Back 167

high self-esteem:

boosted - felt good about relationships, reported higher feelings of reflected appraisals and relationship confidence than controls but did the SAME when threatened!

Low SE felt worse about relationships when threatened, and when boosted they felt worse about relationships

Front 168

What is true about reflected appraisals in people with low self-esteem?

Back 168

Low SEs underestimate how much they are loved by their partners & think their partners see them more negatively than they actually do.

Front 169

How does one's situated identity lead to one's sense of self-esteem?

Back 169

-situations where we do not have our usual bases of support and esteem can lower SE temporarily with an acute drop even if we have chronically high SE

Front 170

What are three sources of our sense of self-esteem?

Back 170

1.reflected appraisals (looking glass self)
2. Conditionality of regard
3. Situated Identity

Front 171

What did Mead suggest impacts our feelings of self-esteem?

Back 171

-not what people actually think about us
-reflected appraisals: perceptions of whether we are accepted and value by others

Front 172

Why do Leary et. al (1995) suggest that self-esteem evolved?

Back 172

- to avoid exclusion
-need to monitor whether we are accepted or not

-people told they were excluded from group decision-making task by random selection felt as good about themselves as participants who were randomly assigned to be included

-Participants excluded from task b/c of a "group choice" felt worse about selves and reported really wanting to take part

Front 173

How do threats to self-esteem cause low SE people affect interpersonal behavior?

Back 173

--ve feedback on IQ test
-behave to be more likable to other to increase likelihood of acceptance
-high SE people don't seek interpersonal feedback; they are actually more interested in feedback about their competencies than in how other people may view them

Front 174

How does conditionality of regard affect self-esteem?

Back 174

Carl Rogers

-conditional acceptance is much less beneficial for our self-esteem
-when acceptance is contingent on behavior tend to lower SE
-may develop schema in which they will only be liked if they are successful (Baldwin and Sinclair)

Front 175

How did Baldwin and Sinclair test for an association between failure and rejection in low SE people?

Back 175

-priming procedure

-when primed with failure words, low SE responded more quickly to rejection words than acceptance words

-high SE didn't have this pattern

Front 176

Define relational schema.

Back 176

-a set of cognitions or knowledge about how typical social interactions and relationships go

Front 177

In what ways did Collins and Feeney find that attachment styles affect caregiving behavior?

Back 177

anxious - poor; less supportive, less responsive, less sensitive in interactions except when partners make needs very clear

avoidant - no impact on caregiving, generally better than anxious, distrust others so may avoid disclosing concerns

Front 178

In what ways did Collins and Feeney find that attachment styles affect support-seeking behavior?

Back 178

avoidant: avoid seeking support in response to stress & use ineffective means of getting support - indirect strategies like hinting or sulking

anxious - not related to support-seeking behavior

Front 179

How do attachment styles affect individuals' responses to conflict?

Back 179

anxiously attached: negative to partners especially when discussing major problems; highly stressed and anxious, more anger and hostility toward partners, rated relationships less loving, committed, respectful & supportive

avoidant: less anger/hostility & more positive views of relationships than anxious; less warm and supportive than anxious and secure, were cold and rejecting during conflict

Front 180

Translate the 3 main types of childhood attachment to adult attachment styles.

Back 180

1. secure:

- more satisfied, committed +trusting
-happier partners
-feel deserving of love

2.anxious:

-want to be close
-worry needs will not be met consistently
-worry about deserving love

3. avoidant:

-don't trust others
-less committed and interdependent than secure

Front 181

What did Henry and Holmes (1999) find in their study of parental divorce and conflict regarding adult attachment?

Back 181

-high conflict families - avoidant attachment in adult relationships

-women from divorced families developed more anxious attachment "men leave"

Front 182

What was a Strange Situations?

Back 182

Ainsworth designed it to test Bowlby's ideas about attachment styles

found:

65% securely attached - very upset when mom leaves, easily comforted

23% anxious - cling to mom, very sad when mom leaves, not easily comforted

12% avoidant - freely explore, don't look for mom, little distress when mom leaves, ignore mom on return

Front 183

What are Bowlby's Internal Working models?

Back 183

-mental representations of how caregivers interact with us
-maintain security in stressful situations - guide kids' interactions with caregivers
-secure, avoidant and anxious attachment

Front 184

Describe the secure attachment style.

Back 184

-caregivers are secure base, from which to explore

– caregivers are responsive, comforting

Front 185

Describe the anxious attachment style.

Back 185

– caregivers cannot always be counted upon to be responsive and comforting

– learn that caregivers are unreliable sources of comfort

Front 186

Describe the avoidant attachment style.

Back 186

– caregivers cannot be relied upon to be responsive/comforting at all

Front 187

In what study was it found that men who were the more attractive partner tended to think about and desire alternative partners, whereas women who were the more attractive partner assumed that they had more available opportunities for alternative partners?

Back 187

The White experiment

Front 188

What are possible explanations for what White found in his study of cognitions related to attractiveness?

Back 188

1.in our society superficial social commodities are valued; people continue to judge their partners on these assets even when relationships are serious (not a beautiful=good stereotype b/cpeople are able to directly observe other qualities)

2.attractive individuals are more often the targets of others' interest in a competitive marketplace; their relationships break up more often because they are given more alternatives from first impressions

Front 189

In our culture, when do men's social commodities peak? What about women?

Back 189

-men: rise until their 40s
-women: peak in their twenties, then decline

-large discrepancies between spouses during the 'mid-life crisis'

Front 190

How does the decline in women's commodities affect their behavior?

Back 190

-decline in commodities reduces their alternatives & access to other relationships

-makes them more dependent on current relationships

-career women get divorced more often because they have more financial independence, though on average they are more satisfied with their marriages

Front 191

Define dependency. Why is it an important factor?

Back 191

Dependency = a person's outcomes compared to his or her comparison level for alternatives (CLalt)

- best predictor of the dissolution of relationships

Front 192

Are women more "mercenary" than men in selecting partners?

Back 192

-women are more cautious, slower to fall in love, and have more stringent requirements

-may only be displaying ability to be more discerning and complex in thinking about relationships

-women must pay more attention to economic matters b/c going to be more dependent during motherhood

Front 193

What makes the values and similarity filter so important?

Back 193

filter. There is some evidence that individuals use cues as to similarity to make intuitive judgments about prospective partners very early in relationships, and that these quickly formed judgments in the first two weeks are quite predictive of how successful the relationship is six months later (Berg and Clark, 1984).

Front 194

Men and women value slightly different types of similarity in friendships and romantic partners. What are the differences?

Back 194

Men: tend to be more pragmatic, have friends centered on activities and interests

Women: focus more on values, lifestyle choices; often have fewer but deeper friendships

Front 195

Why is similarity so important?

Back 195

1. people fear less rejection and conflict in their "own circle"

2. when partners agree with our values & attitudes they validate our social realities, self-definitions and identity

Front 196

What did Rosenbaum propose regarding similarity?

Back 196

-a repulsion hypothesis

-dissimilarity is used as an early filter to detect people who might make us feel uncomfortable

Front 197

Who suggested that intimacy is fostered by three critical experiences?

Back 197

Reis and Shaver (1988)

Front 198

What three experiences foster intimacy?

Back 198

1. communication and self-disclosure with partners

2. experience feeling understood

3. experience feeling validated and cared for

Similarity tends to facilitate at least the first two components, and perhaps the third.

Front 199

What filter did the White experiment demonstrate?

Back 199

social commodities filter

Front 200

What is Murstein's Stimulus-value-role model?

Back 200

-a filter model

-predicts that ppl put prospective partners through a successive series of tests over a period of time

-assumes that once a partner passes a test, the test falls away

-attention turns to the next, and more stringent, set of criteria

-order of the tests thought to have relatively fixed stages similar from couple to couple.

Front 201

What is proximity and background endogamy? What stage of the Stimulus-value-role model does it correspond to?

Back 201

Stimulus phase

When you choose a place, you choose your friends."

-similar people end up physically close, and have more contact as a result at work, school etc.

-leads to considerable homogeneity in the backgrounds of partners, including religion, race, ethnic origin, social class and income

Front 202

What are considered women's social commodities? Men's?

Back 202

Women's commodities: Physical attractiveness, social skills and social status.

Men's commodities: Economic status, attractiveness and social skills.

Front 203

Who proposed social commodity theory?

Back 203

Zick Rubin, in 1970

Front 204

What is the principle of equivalence?

Back 204

Rubin (social commodity theory)

-a matching hypothesis

- each person assesses their net social worth, their social assets, and looks for a fair trade or merger

e.g. successful men marry attractive women

Front 205

What are requirements of social commodities in Rubin's theory of social exchange?

Back 205

-must be easy to judge on a superficial basis

-must have currency value in terms of there being common agreement (i.e., norms) on their worth

Front 206

Who conducted the "computer dating studies?

Back 206

Walster, 1967

A dance was arranged for university students during their first term. Students believed they would be matched up by a computer with a compatible partner. They completed a variety of questionnaires when they picked up their ticket and their physical attractiveness was judged at the same time. They rated their partners.

Front 207

What was found in Walster's computer dating study?

Back 207

-the matching hypothesis was not confirmed.

In terms of how positively they rated their partner and how long they continued to date, only the attractiveness of their partner made any difference, not the equivalence of their attractiveness

Front 208

In what situation did Berscheid demonstrate that the matching hypothesis holds?

Back 208

-if the potential for rejection of a request for a date is part of the experience.

(In the Walster research, partners were assigned, so this risk was removed)

-individuals appear to assume there is a risk in dating someone more attractive than they are

Front 209

Who studied the impact of initial discrepancies in physical attractiveness between the two partners on the later success of their relationships?

Back 209

White, in 1981,

-longitudinal study of casual daters, serious daters (over 12 months) and married couples

Front 210

What did White find in his study of the impact of discrepancies in physical attractiveness?

Back 210

-a poor match in the social commodity of attractiveness is extremely predictive of the failure of relationships

-couples who break up had larger discrepancies, especially in the case of the casual daters

-correlation between changes in these individuals' love and the size of the discrepancy was -.58 for men and -.71 for women

-Filter Model of selection is not supported by this research because the variable continues to have an impact even for serious couples who have been dating for over 12 month

-only those couples who are quite similar actually get married

Front 211

Which researchers examined the role that our expectations of other people play in the attraction process?

Back 211

Snyder, Tanke, Berscheid (1977)

-pairs of male and female participants who had never met had audio-only conversations.

-male participants were led to believe that they were interacting either with an unattractive or with an attractive female

Front 212

What impact did Snyder, Tanke, Berscheid (1977) find that expectations of other people have on attraction?

Back 212

males who thought they were talking to an attractive woman rated partners more positively and as having more socially desirable traits

-males with 'attractive' women were friendlier

Front 213

Why might women thought to be attractive be rated as having more socially desirable characteristics?

Back 213

-People who are attractive may simply be more socially skilled than those who are plain.

-Associating with beautiful people may result in social profit.

Front 214

Why is there a bias for beauty?

Back 214

1. aesthetic appeal

2. What-is-beautiful-is-good stereotype

Front 215

Why is it difficult to form accurate first impressions?

Back 215

-people engage in impression management; we act in stereotypically 'good' ways because we want to be liked

-we are biased judges; use implicit personality theories assuming that certain traits go together (often incorrect)

Front 216

What happened in Perkett? & Barnieri's study in which trained & untrained observers watched videos of a student in an interview setting

Back 216

- trained & untrained, unbiased interviewers came to same conclusions on 9 of 11 ratings

- untrained only saw 15 seconds of the interview ( entrance & handshake)

Front 217

What do we base first impressions on?

Back 217

-visible cues-attractiveness, friendliness, etc

-takes very little time to make these snap judgments

Front 218

How did Ambady and Rosenthal study first impressions?

Back 218

Showed participants videoclips of professors teaching classes and asked these participants to rate the effectiveness of each teacher.

-ratings after 10-second clips, 5-second and 2-seconds on a 15-item checklist of personality traits

-compared to teacher evaluations at the end of the term

Front 219

What was the astonishing result of Ambady and Rosenthal's videoclip research?

Back 219

- 10s ratings were highly similar to ratings made after seeing 5-second and 2-second clips

-2 second judgment highly correlated with term-end teacher evaluations

Front 220

Why is it so important that Newcomb found that behaviors in one setting were not at all predictive of behaviors in a different setting?

Back 220

-first impressions only tell us how people will act in particular circumstances

(e.g., talkative boys at lunch, were not necessarily talkative during activities later in the day).

Front 221

How do intimate relationships differ from more casual associations?

Back 221

knowledge
caring
interdependence
mutuality (we vs. me+her)
trust
commitment

Front 222

what do we need to fulfill the need to belong?

Back 222

-regular social contact with ppl you feel connected with
-quality not quantity
-stable affection & acceptance (not any particular one person; people find new mates)

Front 223

What are recent cultural changes /trends for intimate relationships?

Back 223

-fewer people marry
-people marry older
-people cohabit
-more unwed ppl have kids
-~1/2 of marriages end with divorce
-most mothers of young children now work outside the home

Front 224

What are sources of change in cultural norms for relationships?

Back 224

-socioeconomic development: more industrialized? more single ppl!

-individualism: Western cultures stress personal liberties, Eastern more interdependent

-technology: reproductive tech, new solitary entertainment systems

-sex ration: cultures with a high sex ratio (not enough women) support traditional roles and are sexually conservative

Front 225

How do Guttentag and Secord (1983) explain the operation of sex ratios?

Back 225

-norms are set to work to the advantage of the most powerful members (usually, men)

-when sex ratios are high, men want women to be financially dependent and aversive to divorce

Front 226

What are attachment styles?

Back 226

-infants display patterns of attachment to their major caregivers

-early interpersonal experience presumed to shape later relationships

Front 227

What are the 4 attachment styles now recognized?

Back 227

Bartholemew

secure - easily become close

preoccupied-want closeness, but worry about own value

fearful-uncomfortable with closeness despite wanting it

dismissing - comfortable w/out intimacy

Front 228

Bartholomew's revised attachment styles can be arranged along what dimensions?

Back 228

-positive or negative

-global judgments of self vs. others

Front 229

What historical evidence suggests that marriage is not contingent on love?

Back 229

-courtly love - for a married partner!
-middle ages - marriage was political/economically driven
-not until 17th/18th centuries did people believe romantic love could succeed!

Front 230

Who proposed the triangular theory of love? Describe it.

Back 230

Robert Sternberg

3 building blocks combine to form different types of love:

-intimacy
-passion (physical arousal)
-commitment

Front 231

What types of love are recognized in the triangular theory of love?

Back 231

nonlove - all 3 absent

liking - intimacy only

infatuation -passion only

empty love - commitment only

romantic love - intimacy + passion

companionate love - intimacy+commitment

fatuous love - passion + commitment

consummate love - all three

Front 232

Hatfield and Berscheid proposed that passionate attraction is rooted in ... ?

Back 232

1)physiological arousal
2)belief that another person caused the arousal

-can make misattributions e.g. when sexually aroused

Front 233

What occurs when arousal is caused by one stimulus combines with arousal from a second source, but the first is ignored?

Back 233

excitation transfer

e.g. fear fuels sexual attraction

Front 234

What study gives evidence that fear fuels sexual attraction?

Back 234

Dutton & Aron 1974

-bridges in Vancouver
-young men write story about pic from Thematic Apperception Test
-men who met a woman on spooky bridge used more sexual imagery

Front 235

Does fear fuel attraction because having people around is comforting or because of misattribution?

Back 235

-ANY high arousal affects attraction
-limited by passing of time

Front 236

What is response facilitation?

Back 236

-when arousal is present, the predominant response to situation is energized;

-misattribution isn't necessary for arousal to fuel attraction BUT will make the enhanced response even stronger

Front 237

What is a useful measure of the passionate component of romantic love?

Back 237

Passionate Love Scale

-assesses fascination + preoccupation, desire, and intensity of emotion

-men more passionate earlier on, ~ equal later

Front 238

What might be a chemical basis for the elation and excitement of romantic passion?

Back 238

phenylethylamine (PEA)

-like an amphetamine
-affects mood + energy

Front 239

Why do couples in long-lasting marriages say they stay together?

Back 239

1)spouse is best friend
2)like spouse as person

NOT "I'd do anything for them"

Companionate love!

Front 240

John Alan Lee used Greek+Latin terms to describe styles of love. What were they?

Back 240

eros- physical attraction

ludus - uncommited game

storge - genuine friendship

mania - possessive = obsessive

agape - love as duty, selfless

pragma - dispassionate search for good match

Front 241

What does the Love Attitudes Scale measure? What gender differences did it reveal?

Back 241

endorsement of Lee's 6 styles of love

men: more ludus

women: more storge and pragma

Front 242

What is the most fundamental assumption about interpersonal attraction?

Back 242

we are attracted to those whose presence is rewarding

Front 243

Where do feelings original in attraction by association?

Back 243

-feelings about other person result from emotional tone of situation

e.g. team scores + you feel good about teammate even though they didn't cause anything

Front 244

What two types of rewards influence attraction?

Back 244

direct rewards

indirect-by-association

Front 245

Does absence make the heart grow fonder?

Back 245

Nope

distance is costly: less rewarding communication of love, financial expense

Front 246

How does familiarity affect attraction?

Back 246

-mere exposure to a person increases liking

-proximity leads to familiarity leads to liking?

Front 247

What limits the power of proximity to increase attraction?

Back 247

-proximity to obnoxious people is bad

-people's best friends live closest, but so do their enemies!

-proximity just makes interaction more likely - repeated unpleasant contact still sucks

Front 248

What evidence supports theories that standards of physical beauty have an evolutionary basis?

Back 248

-people all over world tend to agree on what's attractive

-ideal 0.7 waist-to-hip ratio signals that woman can pregnant more and be in better health, man 0.9 in better health

-symmetrical faces - better mental/physical health

-babies appear to prefer the same faces

-normal weight is the most attractive

-large breasts preferred only if woman has low WHR (~30% smaller waist)

Front 249

For whom is the bias for beauty stronger?

Back 249

-stronger in men than women
-high self-monitors care more

-high self-monitors would rather date a pretty bitch or hire a pretty idiot

Front 250

Physical attractiveness has a bigger effect on the social lives of which gender?

Back 250

Men - looks ARE correlated with number + length of interactions

Women's looks aren't correlated this way, although prettier women get more dates

Front 251

What are costs and benefits of beauty?

Back 251

-good-looking people can expect more pleasant interactions
-good-looking people don't trust others as much
-women's ratings of lovers aren't affected by looking at attractive men but men's ratings of their lovers go down!

Front 252

What is a social example of a contrast effect?

Back 252

contrast effect - perceptual phenomena: object is perceived differently when compared to different things

-people evaluate their own looks poorer when comparing selves to attractive others vs. ordinary people

Front 253

Express desirablility as a formula.

Back 253

Desirability = physical attractiveness x probability of acceptance

Front 254

Do opposites attract in interethnic relationships?

Back 254

Ethinicity doesn't really matter:

people are still attracted to common interests, personality, tend to be same age, education and attractiveness

Front 255

What is the theory of psychological reactance state?

Back 255

-when people lose their freedom of action or choice, they strive to regain their freedom

e.g. Romeo & Juliet effect
closing time effect

Front 256

What are rules of relationships?

Back 256

-shared beliefs among members of a culture about what behaviors friends should/shouldn't perform

-b/c are cognitive representations, understanding and expression of rules change thru development

Front 257

When do friendships first emerge?

Back 257

-infants explore each other as physical objects
-around 2 - parallel play
-preschoolers cooperate

-friendships can emerge as toddlers
-playmate=friends

Front 258

What are the stages of development in Selman's cognitive model of friendship in children?

Back 258

1.momentary playmate (age 3-7)
-egocentric perspective
2.one-way assistance (4-9)
-differentiated

3.fairweather cooperation (6-12)
-reciprocal - fairness
4.intimate-mutual sharing (9-15)
-mutual - commitment, loyalty

4.autonomous interdependences (12+)
-networks of relationships

Front 259

According to Buhrmester and Furman, what key social needs correspond to different stages of development?

Back 259

tenderness - infancy

companionship -preschool

acceptance - early elementary

intimacy - preadolescence

sexuality -early adolescence

-older children have more needs to satisfy

Front 260

What are the stages of Buhrmester and Furman's socioemotional model of friendship development?

Back 260

Infancy (0-2)
Childhood (2-6)

Juvenile era (6-9) - equalitarian relationships; learning about cooperation; exclusion reduces SE

Preadolescence (9-12) -
intimate exchange; social validation; difficulty at this stage =loneliness

Early adolescence (12-16); sexuality; if have anxiety/guilt impacts future formation of caring relationships. Developmeyntal arrest here leads to confused sexual identit

Front 261

What happens to kids that aren't accepted in elementary school?

Back 261

-poor peer adjustment (low acceptance & aggressiveness) = higher risk for life difficulties like dropping out, criminality

-risk greater for rejected males

Front 262

Attachment theorist identify 4 components of attachment, what are they?

Back 262

proximity seeking

safe haven

separation protest

secure base

Front 263

Distinguish between cliques & crowds

Back 263

cliques - small networks of friends

crowds - collection of cliques; peers that share particular reputation that may not actually spend time together

Front 264

Berndt identified three key components of relationships in adolescence. What are they?

Back 264

support
conflict - may be direct, honest relating!
peer pressure - mostly group reasoning

Front 265

What effect does going to university have on friendship?

Back 265

-deleterious on old friendships
-new friendships often don't last
-relying less on family relationships as settle into new networks

Front 266

What is dyadic withdrawal?

Back 266

-as people see more of a lover, the less involved they are in their larger network of friends

-straight American couples tend to socialize more often with his friends than hers

Front 267

What are midlife friendships like?

Back 267

-age differences may be larger

-structure, process and phases of relationships show no age differences

-both marriage and parenthood degrades friendships but increase kin relationships

-many get friends back once kids leave

Front 268

What are friendships in the elderly like?

Back 268

-older women better at making & keeping friends
-employed have more friends
-community residents have more friends than nursing home
-old friendships persist

-frequent interaction with friends = better mental health, lower risk of diability

Front 269

Explain the disengagement perspective on levels of sociability?

Back 269

(as opposed to barrier account)

-ppl don't need to be active to be well adjusted
-has individual benefits of having fewer duties
-societal benefit of transferring power & responsibility to younger generation

Front 270

Explain socioemotional selectivity theory.

Back 270

-goals are emotional and intellectual
-when we are future-oriented, we seek knowledge
-when we are present-oriented we work on emotional goals

-older people don't need as much novelty; they maintain close relationships that really matter to them

Front 271

Define shyness.

Back 271

-combination of social reticence and inhibited interactive behavior with nervous discomfort in social settings

Front 272

What features distinguish chronically shy people?

Back 272

-fear of negative evaluation
-poor self-regard
-(feelings of) lower social skills

-aloof behavior makes them seem disinterested, and quietness makes them seem dumb

Front 273

What is jealousy?

Back 273

-negative emotional experience that results from potential loss of a valued relationship to a real or imagined rival

hurt,anger + fear

Front 274

Describe the two types of jealousy.

Back 274

Reactive - someone becomes aware of an actual threat to a relationship - may not be a current threat

Suspicious jealousy - partner hasn't misbehaved and suspicion is inconsistent with fact

Front 275

Who is prone to jealousy?

Back 275

-men & women same on average
-people with low CLalt (few alternatives) are more jealous
-ppl who feel inadequate as partners (some high SE included)
-preoccupied attachment style, anxious is less suspicious, dismissing least affected
-ppl who value sexual exclusivity have more reactive jealousy, ppl who don't have more suspicious jealousy
-traditional gender roles - restrict relationships with other men/women more

Front 276

Give the evolutionary perspective on jealousy.

Back 276

-reacting strongly to interlopers maintains resources

-men have uncertain paternity problem - sexual infidelity worse

-women need resources to stay -emotional infidelity worse

BUT ... actual differences are small and both sexes tend to assume that emotional+sexual infidelity happen together

Front 277

What are sex differences in responses to jealousy?

Back 277

-women react by trying to compete to preserve the existing relationship

-men react by protecting their egos - consider leaving and getting new partners

-women more likely to TRY to get lovers jealous, hoping to get more attention & commitment

Front 278

Define deception.

Back 278

intentional behavior that creates an impression in the recipient that the deveiver knows to be false

Front 279

What are common uses of lies? Which are most prevalent?

Back 279

College students lie to 1 in 3 people

most common: benefits the liar; wards off guilt, embarrassment, seeking approval or material gain

1/4 of all lies told to benefit others: to protect feelings or advance their interests

-when women interact with other women, white lies are as common as self-centered ones

-when ppl lie about things hat could destroy their reputation or relationships, they tell them more often to their closest partners than anyone else

Front 280

What is deceiver's distrust?

Back 280

when ppl lie to others, they begin to perceive the recipients of lies as less honest and trustworthy

Front 281

What nonverbal behavior gives liars away?

Back 281

-hesitant speech in higher pitch
-more grammatical errors & slips of tongue
-pupils dilate, more blinking
-mismatches between tone of voice and facial expressions
-lies typically short but more confusing

Front 282

How well do we detect a partners' deception?

Back 282

truth bias - assume partners usual tell the truth

-women get better at detecting lies with time but need to be paying attention - more trusting

-generally our confidence goes up and detection ability goes down

Front 283

Define betrayal.

Back 283

hurtful action by people we trust and from whom we reasonably did not expect such behavior

betrayals almost always have a negative, potentially lasting effect despite what the perpetrators admit

Front 284

Define relational devaluation.

Back 284

hurtful component of betrayal

painful realization that partner does not love, respect or accept as much as we thought

Front 285

Who is more likely to betray a partner?

Back 285

-betrayal more common for students in social sciences, education and humanities vs. more technical fields

-more psychiatric problems
-more jealous, cynical, lonely
-men more likely to betray romantic partners and business associates, women betray friends and family members

Front 286

Who responds better to betrayal?

Back 286

-people who face the event
-reinterpret event as personal growth
-rely on friends for support

-women more constructuve
-men more likely to get intoxicated

-high commitment = more forgiveness

Front 287

What is loneliness?

Back 287

feeling of deprivation & dissatisfaction from discrepancy between kind of social relations we have and those we want

involves longing for past, frustration with present, fears for future

Front 288

Weiss suggested 2 types of loneliness. What are they?

Back 288

emotional isolation -lack a single intense relationship

social isolation - lack social network

-can't just substitute the other kind of relationship

Front 289

What is the most widely used measure of adult loneliness?

Back 289

UCLA Loneliness Scale

-agree/disagree with items
-asks about frequency of feelings
-does not provide clear time perspective

Front 290

How does being lonely affect behavior?

Back 290

-memory problems in older ppl
-lower grades - more easily distracted
-delinquent acts
-more difficulty sleeping

-may lead to demoralization & lack of self-care

Front 291

Who is more likely to be lonely?

Back 291

-low SES
-ppl in individualistic env't
-ppl who lost a relationship
-men worse when evaluated, women report it more
-women in married couples more than men
-remote parents
-elderly people
-low SE

Front 292

How do Perlman and Peplau conceptualize loneliness?

Back 292

discrepancy framework

-predisposing factors lead to discrepancies
- then people make congitive interpretations for discrepancies - may moderate reaction
-then they react & cpe

Front 293

How does loneliness affect interpersonal behavior?

Back 293

-more negative attitudes
-less responsive socially
-socially anxious + shy + depressed people worse off

Front 294

How do causal attributions affect the experience of loneliness?

Back 294

characterological - internal, stable leads to greater loneliness than

behavioral self-blame (internal, unstable, controllable)

Front 295

What can people to do feel less lonely?

Back 295

1)rational cost analysis of risky social situations
2)look for situational causes of loneliness
3)maintain positve attitude toward others
4)concentrate on enriching friendships rather than looking for a romantic partner

-transform loneliness into solitude by engaging in pleasurable activities

Front 296

What two conceptual viewpoints have guided study of divorce? What is a third view?

Back 296

1) selection perspective
-those who divorce are inept at picking partners, maintaining relationship and coping with stress

2) crisis perspective - period of distress from events that could befall most couples

3)developmental transition

Front 297

What are possible explanations for a high divorce rate?

Back 297

-high expectations for marriage
-declining quality of marriages from work-family conflict
-economic status of women ->U-shaped distribution

-no-fault divorce laws

Front 298

What is the independence hypothesis for how money affects marriage?

Back 298

paid employment increases freedom to choose divorce

(this is true of lower-income working women)

Front 299

What is the stabilization hypothesis for how money affects marriage?

Back 299

people with money more likely to invest in marriage-related assets

(this is true of high-income working women)

Front 300

Outline Levinger's model for what leads to breakups.

Back 300

factors:

attraction (to partner)

alternatives (lifestyle + partners)

barriers (to leaving)

Front 301

What are predictors of divorce?

Back 301

sex ratios
race
intergenerational transmission
(young) age at marraige
prior marriage
premarital childbearing
ses
religion (lack of)
neuroticism or Type A
stressful life events
extramarital sex
financial disagreement
lack of positive interaction
communication problems
drinking

Front 302

Describe Karney and Bradbury's vulnerability-stress-adaptation model of marital dissolution.

Back 302

-some people enter marriage with vulnerabilities like bad social sklils, poor education

-vulnerability determines likelihood of stressful events

-couples try to adapt and cope with stress; success depends on vulnerabilities of both partners and the type of stress

-poor coping leads to divorce

Front 303

What steps lead to divorce?

Back 303

-discovery of model
-exposure (of discontent)
-negotiation
-transformation (changes in nature/frequency/duration of interaction and definition of the relationship)
-grave-dressing (Duck's model) - cognitive cleanup for putting relationship behond one

Front 304

What is Persevering Indirectness?

Back 304

Baxter (1984)

most common pathway to separation

one partner wants to separate, uses an indirect strategy, takes several tries and couple separates without formal effort to repair the relationship

Front 305

Ahrons identified 4 types of postmarital relationships. What are they?

Back 305

Fiery foes-can't coparent

Angry associates-limited coparenting

Cooperative colleagues-aren't good friends but cooperate for parenting

Perfect pals-strong friendship with mutual respect

~1/2 are amicable 1 year after divorce

Front 306

Explain the parental loss view of why divorce is detrimental to children.

Back 306

-kids benefit from having two parents

-not supported - children who lose a parent in death have intermediate happiness between kids whose parents divorce and those who stay married

Front 307

Explain the parental stress view of why divorce is detrimental to children.

Back 307

stress impairs quality of parenting because of

economic hardship
psychological adjustment of custodial parent

Supported!

Front 308

Explain Amato's conflict explanation of why divorce is detrimental to children.

Back 308

-parental conflict is bad both leading up to and following divorce
-children in highly conflicted but intact marriages have low levels of well-being

supported.

Front 309

What happens to partners in the aftermath of divorce?

Back 309

-well-being and satisfaction drop
-social networks shrink
-both men & women do more chores
-women likely to have reduced standard of living

Front 310

Explain why primacy effects occur.

Back 310

1)first things we learn direct attention to certain types of new information

2)influence interpreations of new facts

-we easily overlook conflicting evidence

-existing beliefs remain influential at every stage of the relationship!

Front 311

What is romanticism?

Back 311

the view that love should be the most important basis for choosing a mate

measure by Romantic Beliefs Scale

1)love will be perfect
2) one true love
3)true love overcomes all
4)love at first sight possible

Front 312

List 6 dysfunctional beliefs about relationships.

Back 312

disagreements are destructive

mindreading is essential - I shouldn't have to tell my partner what I need

partner can't change

sex should always be perfect

men and women are different

great relationships just happen

Front 313

What are 4 strategies of impression management?

Back 313

ingratiation
self-promotion -risky for women
intimidation
supplication (I am inept)

Front 314

Who make better judges of character?

Back 314

-open-minded people
-intelligent people
-securely attached
-anxious-ambivalent overestimate knowledge of partners

Front 315

Distinguish between orchestration power and implementation power.

Back 315

orchestration: authority to decide who will decide

implementation: actions taken once power is delegated

-confusing the two may overestimate power of wives

Front 316

Men and women may use different power strategies. Explain.

Back 316

Men: direct & bilateral

Women: indirect, unilateral

-when men and women used styles associated with the opposite sex, less well liked
-women tend to be restricted to feminine styles

-assertive women are more respected by both men and women, but are less convincing to men

Front 317

What is the relationship between dependency and power?

Back 317

Inverse

less dependent=fewer alternatives

Front 318

How do men and women compare in terms of their need for power?

Back 318

If need for power reflects concerns about weakness then single women have especially high need.

If need for power means interest in vigorous action, men and women have similar needs but express them differently:

Men's need for power has more connections with intimate relationships (less satisfied, committed) & less likely to have wives with careers, more abusive, profligate behaviors like drinking & gambling

Women express need for power in constructive ways because women are socialized more than men to be responsible

Front 319

What is the relationship between power and understanding?

Back 319

the weaker partner needs to understand the motives and desires of the one who has more power

-this was found - women defer more, but could reflect stereotypes

-if both a man and a woman describe the man in stereotyped way, woman appears to understand him

Front 320

What role(s) does nonverbal communication play in relationships?

Back 320

-provide information about moods of what they really mean

-regulating interaction: displays of interest, taking turns in conversation

-defining relationships - expressing intimacy and social control (e.g. physical affection, visual dominance)

Front 321

What are the major means of nonverbal communication?

Back 321

-facial expression (basic expressions universal)

-gazing behavior (direction+amount)

-body language (vary across cultures - open is dominant)

-touch (dominant + intimate touch more)

-interpersonal distance (varies with culture)

-paralanguage (baby talk, pitch, pauses)

Front 322

Based on Noller's studies of marital miscommunication, what ways do nonverbal communication and relationship satisfaction affect each other?

Back 322

1) poor skills may lead to poor relationships

2)relationship satisfaction may determine how hard people work to communicate well

Front 323

What is social penetration theory?

Back 323

-development of a relationship is tied to systematic changes in communication

-if superficial conversation is rewarding, people move close by increasing

1)breadth -variety of topics
2)depth - personal significance of topics

Front 324

What are commonly taboo topics?

Back 324

-current of future state of romantic relationship
-state of relationships with other partners
-past relationships

Front 325

In what ways do happier couples communicate differently?

Back 325

-more self-disclosure
-use of idioms whose meaning is only known to them
-longer pauses
-women sound more scatterbrained

-nonverbal senstivity related to satisfaction; husbands worse

Front 326

What are display rules?

Back 326

-cultural rules that cause people to adjust the intensity of their facial expressions or mask unfavorable ones

(but things leak out through microexpressions)

Front 327

Briefly, what are sex differences in nonverbal communication?

Back 327

-women display deferential patterns that resemble low-status people interacting with high-status people

unless woman is clearly in power

Front 328

Briefly, what are sex differences in verbal communication?

Back 328

Topics

Women: feelings + people
Men: jokes, impersonal things

Style

Women:speak less often and with less force to men
Men: more profane

Self-disclosure

Women do more in intimate relationships
-men in N.A. tend only to share intimacy with women

Instrumentality vs. expressivity

Sex-typing makes macho men low in expressivity ... androgynous men have more meaningful relationships.

Wives interpret lack of hostility as love

Husbands interpret lack of expression as hostility

Front 329

Represent satisfaction in relationships as a formula.

Back 329

Outcomes -CL = Satisfaction/dissatisfaction

CL = comparison level

Front 330

Who came up with interdependence theory?

Back 330

Thibaut and Kelley

a social exchange theory

Front 331

Contrast exchange and communal relationships.

Back 331

Exchange: desire for and expectation of immediate repayment for benefits given - usually for brief task-oriented encounters

communal: mutual responsiveness - avoid strict accounting - more diverse rewards over mroe time

Front 332

When do equity theorists predict people are most satisfied?

Back 332

When relationship has proportional justice; overbenefitted people are less relaxed and content, and underbenefitted are even less happy

BUT overall quality of rewards is more important than the level of equity they encounter

Front 333

What are the four types of relationships defined by comparing people's CLs and CLalts with outcomes?

Back 333

happy and stable
happy and unstable
unhappy & stable
unhappy & unstable

Front 334

What are loneliness businesses?

Back 334

-help people form new friendships and dating relationships
-religious organizations, clubs, adult ed and self-help groups fill similar role

Rook says loneliness businesses are worse encounters because people are self-conscious; everyone knows why they're there

Front 335

What are two major approaches professionals offer to help clients initiate relationships?

Back 335

1)social skill training programs
-train conversation initiation, flow, give/take compliments


2)cognitively oriented therapies
-try to fix self-defeating thought patterns

Front 336

What is the focus of the Couples Communication Program (CCP)?

Back 336

-teaching premarital couples communication skills

1)awareness and expression of thoughts/intent

2)sender-receiver-clarification sequences

3)training in types of communication

4)self-esteem building for both partners

Front 337

What is the focus of the Premarital Relationship Improvement by Maximizing Empathy and Self-disclosure (PRIMES)?

Back 337

-developing better communication skills

1)training in expression
2)empathetic understanding
3)how and when to switch from expressive to responding mode
4)training how to facilitate good communication

Front 338

How effective are premarital and marital enrichment programs?

Back 338

moderately successful

longer programs better

over time benefit tend to deteriorate

some distressed couples may get worse

Master's and Johnson's sexual enrichment programs are effective in increasing incidence of orgasms

Front 339

What different formats of couples therapy are available?

Back 339

Individual - 1 on 1

collaborative - each of 2 clients has therapist & therapists collaborate

concurrent-one therapist sees each client separately

conjoint-1 or 2 therapists see both clients

conjoint group - 1 or 2 therapists works with a group of couples

Front 340

What are 5 theoretical orientations of couples therapy?

Back 340

psychodynamic - unconscious

Rogerian (client-centered) - faulty socialization

Systems approach - unhealthy but stable relationship systems

Behavioral approach - reinforcing good behavior

cognitive - unrealistic expectations

Front 341

Psychodynamically oriented therapists stress what 3 fundamental propositions?

Back 341

1.people act out unconscious conflict in way they choose a mate and interact

2. many unconscious conflicts stem from events that took place in person's family of origin

3.clients must gain insight then choose to behave differently

Front 342

Rogerian therapists stress what?

Back 342

finding the 'true self' rather than the self designed for social acceptance

unconditional regard and empathy

major goal is to help clients distinguish between respect for a person and reactions to behavior

Front 343

What is Guerney's Conjugal Relationship Enhancement Program

Back 343

like a Rogerian program but more structured

aims to increase warmth acceptance and empathy between partners

Front 344

Systems oriented family therapists stress what?

Back 344

structure of relationships

communication

differentiation of the individual from family system

Front 345

Behavioral marital therapists stress what?

Back 345

1.direct instructions by therapist to increase positive behaviors partners want
2.communication + problem-solving skills
3.working out contracts -quid pro quo or good-faith contracts

Front 346

Cognitive marital therapists stress what?

Back 346

fixing dysfunctional expectations about relationships

fixing problem causal attributions - switching from terminal hypotheses to instrumental (and thus fixable) causes

Front 347

What is treatment efficacy?

Back 347

validly determining the effects of a given treatment in comparison to an alternative or no treatment

Front 348

Emotionally focused couples therapists stress what?

Back 348

-attachment prospective
-marital distress is separation distress + insecure bond

-try to reprocess partners' emotional experiences

-accept disowned needs
-accept partner's construction of the situation
-create emotional engagement between themselves

Front 349

contrast the origins of marital and family therapy

Back 349

marital: clients came & asked for help

family: professional concerns that adequate treatment of one pathological family member required participation of whole family

Front 350

Therapy outcome research shows the importance of what factors?

Back 350

non-specific factors like:

clear, constructive communication between partners

development of trusting relationship between couple and therapist

65% of couples improve.