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7 Cards in this Set

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What are the negatives and positives of a breakups?

Positives: Personal growth can occur, opportunity to form a new relationship,

Negatives: produce intense feelings of loneliness, negative emotions "he left a huge hole in my heart

3 models of disengagement

1. Intrapsychic Process- reflect on the negative aspects of the relationship

2. dyadic process- when dissatisfied partners communicate negative thoughts and feelings

3. Social process- going public about the distress and problems within one's relationship

rules of fair fighting

1.Avoid gunnysacking orbringing in everything but the kitchen sink.

2.Do not bring other people into theconflict unless they are part of the conflict.

3.Attack positions, not people nnoname-calling, button-pushing, or violence

4.Avoid making empty relationalthreats.

5.If necessary, postpone conflictuntil your emotions cool down.

6.Try to understand your partner’sposition by practicing active listening, creating mental maps, and avoidingmind-reading.

7.Use behavioral complaints ratherthan personal criticisms.

8.Try to accommodate rather than getdefensive when you feel like you are being attacked.

9.Try to validate your partner’sposition by expressing agreement and positive affect rather than stonewallingor escalating conflict.

10.For every one negative statement orbehavior, use five positive statements or behaviors (Gottman’sGolden Rule)

specifics of sibling conflict

Sibling relationships often markedby emotional highs and lows

Many sibling relationships containmild to moderately severe levels of violence

Common conflict issues:

•spaceand privacy •possessionsand objects •parentalattention

Conflict often subsides inadulthood

demand-withdraw sequence for men and women

One person wants to engage inconflict (the demander) and the other partners want to avoid conflict (thewithdrawer)

Problems of punctuation

Women more likely to be indemanding position because they are more likely to want to change the statusquo

When men want change, they tend tobe in the demanding position

Principal of negative reciprocity. Gunnysacking? Kitchen Sinking?

Negative reciprocity- aggression begets more aggression

gunnysacking- people store up old grievances and then dump them on their partner during a conflict

kitchen sinking- rehash old arguments when they get into a new argument

conflict styles

competitive fighting- uncooperative orientation and a direct style of comm

collaborating- having a cooperative orientation and a direct style of comm

compromising- searching for a fair position that satisfies some of both of the partner's needs.