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109 Cards in this Set

  • Front
  • Back
declaration of love-reciprocation of love
both partners want to express their love, but the actual dialogue allows the pair to gradually work up to explicit declarations.
declaration of love-pseudo-reciprocation of love
instances when the other partner's readiness to reciprocate "I love you" is incorrectly assessed.
There's a confusion
declaration of love-refutation of love
the declarer again misconstrues the partner's readiness to reciprocate, but instead of simply being "confused", the partner is clearly unready to reciprocate.
Things people do or say to show their commitment to their partner:
- provide affection
- provide support
- maintain integrity
- share companionship
- make effort to communicate
- show respect
- create relational future
- create positive relationship atmosphere
- work together on relationship problems
- express comittment
How to communicate effectively with their commitment
1) use repetition and redundancy
2) Use unqualified, absolute statements
3) Talk about future relationship awards
4) Make public statements about commitment to relationship
5) Make your statements more permanent (in writing)
6) Do things that show effort
7) Initiate at least as much as you respond.
Lee's Theory of Love
1)Love can manifest itself in many different ways
2)Different people can have different orientations/styles of loving
(think of them as the Primary colors and secondary colors)
Lore of Beauty
passionate and intense. Attracted to physical beauty. Eager for quick self-disclosure and physical intimacy. Experience strong peaks and valleys.
Playful Love
love to play the game. Often more concerned with other things than relationships (work). Playing the game is as rewarding as winning the prize. Likes variety and good times. Problems arise when partner desires a deeper commitment.
Self-Disclosure
significant intimate secrets; reveal things to someone that others don't know.
-relationships are maintained by this.
Functions of Self-Disclosure
a. expressive
b. Seeking validation
c. Clarification
d. Relationship Development
e. Information giving
f. Impression management
g. Seeking advice
Expressive - sd
a need to be heard
Seeking validation - sd
understanding, knowing that it's ok
Clarification - sd
Someone to work through ideas with them
Relationship Development - sd
to understand each other better - to listen carefully
Information giving - sd
ex) Doctor visits
Impression Management - sd
we assume secrets aren't lies, used as a way of manipulation
Seeking Advice - sd
too much advice has no impact
give advice when people ask for it
Information giving - sd
ex) Doctor visits
Correlates of Personality - sd
1) shyness
2) self-esteem
3) sex(gender) - equal, girls receive more discloure and want more response.
Correlates of Behavior - sd
1) Dyadic Effect
2) Interruptions - shut up to disclose
3) Alcohol - reduces inhibitions, more disclosure
Dyadic Effect
matching in both breadth and depth (in self-disclosure)
Correlates of Environment - sd
1) Lighting - more comfortable
2) fewer participants = more intimate setting
Evaluation of Sd
a) Timing - need a balance, right time
b) Equity - same level of disclosure
c) Distinctiveness - we like to think we're the only one who knows the secret
d) Sex (gender) - girls: weird if they don't disclose, bad
boys: not supposed to, good
Evaluation of Sd
a) Timing - need a balance, right time
b) Equity - same level of disclosure
c) Distinctiveness - we like to think we're the only one who knows the secret
d) Sex (gender) - girls: weird if they don't disclose, bad
boys: not supposed to, good
Evaluation of Sd
a) Timing - need a balance, right time
b) Equity - same level of disclosure
c) Distinctiveness - we like to think we're the only one who knows the secret
d) Sex (gender) - girls: weird if they don't disclose, bad
boys: not supposed to, good
Couples and sd
1) Matching
2) Why not? - attribution conflict
3) Satisfaction - more disclosure, if matching
4) Relation length - disclosure goes down unless there's a big change
5) working vs at home
Couples and sd
1) Matching
2) Why not? - attribution conflict
3) Satisfaction - more disclosure, if matching
4) Relation length - disclosure goes down unless there's a big change
5) working vs at home
Who to disclose to more? mom or dad?
Depends on:
1) Availability
2) Getting it
3) Evaluation
4) Trust
5) Topic
Children and sd
1) mom vs dad
2) satisfaction, ex) disclose to mother=more happy
3) Amount discrepancy
4) Parents vs. Peers
Children and sd
1) mom vs dad
2) satisfaction, ex) disclose to mother=more happy
3) Amount discrepancy
4) Parents vs. Peers
Social Exchange Theory (SET)
rewards and cost in terms of relationship, why ppl stay in a relationship.
Social Exchange Theory (SET)
rewards and cost in terms of relationship, why ppl stay in a relationship.
- We think of relationships in economic terms
- we tally up costs and compare them to rewards
Elements of Relationships with SET
a) costs: elements of relational life with negative values. ex) friends calls for support despite the fact that you need to study.
b) Rewards: elements of relational life with positive values
The Social Exchange Perspective
- is it worth our time, our money?
worth=rewards - cost
- people look at all matters of equity
Positive relationships in SET
Rewards > costs
Negative relationships in SET
rewards < costs
Outcome in SET
whether we stay or leave the relationship
Assumption about human nature (SET)
1) we seek rewards and avoid punishments, we follow rules
2) we are rational beings, older sibling example
3) standards vary - there is diversity, costs are different in one's eyes
Assumption about the nature of the relationship (SET)
1) Relationships are interdependent, ex: Prisoner's dilemna
2) relational life is a process, time and experiences guides our judgment, guiding changes
Comparison level (CL)
what to receive based on costs and rewards, a standard
- what influences our expectations
Comparison Level for Alternatives (CLalt)
how we evaluate relationships based on realistic alternatives, how likely we are to leave a satisfying relationship for a better one
Behavioral sequences (SET)
a series of actions designed to achieve a goal.
Power (SET) : the degree of dependence a person has on another for outcomes.
1) Fate control - control other person's fate, ex: withholding friendship
2) Behavior control, ex: a friend calls, you answer
Matrices (SET)
exchange patters, how to cope
Effective matrix
transformations able to be made to our given matrix, not trapped, but restrictive
Given matrix
the hand your dealt in life
- constraings on choice and outcomes due to environment or skill set.
Dispositional
beliefs we have in relationships.
ex) Bob and Sue believe they'll stick together.
Direct Exchange (SET)
Confined to 2 people, reciprocated costs and rewards
ex) son washes car, dad lets him take it out
Generalized Exchange
recepient responds to another person.
ex: moving to another person.
Productive Exchange
both give, both benefit from the same reward
Networking
how to use relationships and how networking works - it is everything in life.
-woman know more
-both genders can network
Social support
your neighbors, friends, they look out for you
-people with more do better in life and live longer
organizational networking
working in an organization, business
men are far better
Principle goals of networking
people to remember you
task performance still matters
it isn't who you know, it is who knows you
keep connecting, find excuses to meet new people
natural tendecy to be with people we know
Networking skills
a) You have a bigger network than you think
b) Never underestimate the value of "connecting"
c) Don't burn bridges
d) Keep in touch
e) do favors that cost you little and gain you a lot, be proactive
f) Keep records - stay personal
g) exercise your network
g) befriend those without friends
i) Become the parent of the relationship
j) differentiate bw power and position
k) seek out opportunities to expand your network
l) proximity, proximity, proximity
m) remember "Thumper's rule" - don't be negative
n) Manage your disclosure
Investment theory
more favors I do, the more I owe
your strongest advocate will make you successful
Keys for effective narratives
- has a point
- told quickly
- ppl need to sense you care about it
- inclusive
- suspense
- vivid detail
- validate basic values
- is personal
- use factoids
- interesting facts that are revelant
dispositional shyness
"she's just shy."
situational shyness
embarassing situation, everyone suffers
Dispositional correlates
how shyness is shown:
a) educational
b) Occupational
c) Relational
Reinforcement model (shyness)
3 things shape shyness
1) punishment - "be quiet"
2) Non-responsiveness - we give up if there is no response
3) Learned helplessness - ex: dog treat - dog starved himself to death
Systematic desensitization
relaxes you, start process over again until full speech is given in a relaxing environment
ex: basketball free throws
cognitive restructuring
they challenge beliefs of unrealism
visualization
visualize postive results in your head
ex: golfing practice
Skills training
"I am shy, therefore I avoid communication events."
Conspicuousness - shyness
ex: modesl think 'they're watching my body, not me'
shifting attention to others
thinking creates nervousness
Causes of Situational Shyness
a) conspicuousness
b) rigid rules - rules strap you
c) labels - have huge consequences
d) evaluation - judgements make us nervous
e) novelty/ambiguity - ex: walking into a party knowing no one
Momentary friendship
preschool friends, typically very young people
One-way friendship
you think you're friends, by they don't know
Fair weather friendship
friends when everything is good, leave when bad.
Mutual sharing friendship
do everything with them, that one best friend
Autonomous friendship
your friends have friends, no jealousy, possessive involved
Associative friendships
adult friendship
shared friends by association, based on common association
never tell these a secret
Receptive friendships
adult friendship
same as one way
Reciprocal friendship
best friends, good friends, there is self disclosure, interaction, and postivity
Relational dominance
whose the boss of friends in the relationship?
one side gives up their friends
Men and friendship
men have more friends
more activity based
women and friendship
women have deeper friendships
more talk based
Functions of friendship
1) utility
2) pleasure
3) virtue
Loneliness
- it's perceived
- it's natural
- lonely ppl have a more negative view on things
- no gender difference
leadership

it is a communicative and relational process
we imagine a leader in terms of who, not what.
it is much related to communication and relationships
leaders are only as powerful as the ideas they communicate
Effective leaders
influence and persuade others
listen
seek first to understand, then to be understood
listen to your favorite topic: ourselves
say your favorite word: our names
be a great question asker and an active listener
politeness theory
how we communicate affects other people
a way of treating people
taking into account other people's feelings
make it more complicated
When are we polite?
- unwelcome communication
- long term relations, maintenance
Why are we polite?
Other is socially superior
Other is socially distant
Act is face threatening
Face
way we feel and hold about ourselves
negative face
a need for autonomy, freedom of action, need for independence
positive face
a need to be liked and admired to feel good about ourselves
off record
help remove you from the act, indirect statements that remove the speaker from FTA
positive politeness
aims to disarm threats to positive face
minimizes distance between people
make someone feel liked and admired
negative politeness
avoidance baised, assurances of understanding, respecting negative face and won't interfere with their freedom of action
forgiveness, formality, apology, hedging
becomes their decision, when asking rather than demanding
bald on record
just say what we mean
involves no effort to reduce threats to face
direct language
used with people we know very well, in task oriented situations, and when alerting others
Social comparison jealousy (envy)
someone has something you want, that is relevant and similar to us
Social relations jealousy
one perceives a threat to the relationship, due to a number of causes
Substantive (fighting)
fights about the issue
Procedural fighting
fighting about the process
Affective fighting
fighting about each other, eats away at the relationship ex: "You're the scum of the earth."
Pervasive affective
affects every part of your life.
"You live in the loser dorm since you're a loser."
Persistent affective
"You were a loser then and you're a loser now."
all the time
Exploitative fighting
hitting below the belt, morality, blaming the other for something they can't control, comparisons, indirect fighting, overemotional, hit and run, violence
Psyching the person out
mind reading, character analysis, prediction making
Conversational techniques
monologue, silence, constant interruptions, switching (topics, levels)
Extremities
overkill, never forget/forgive, unrealistic threats, irrelevant weapons
Crazy Making
deny obvious feelings, being intentionally inconsistent, demand something, get it, then deny you ever wanted it, build hopes, then shatter them, follow the letter of the law, psychologize, never stop, ignore/disconfirm
Deaf vs. hard of hearing
deafness is a hearing impairment serious enough such that the person's sense of hearing is not functional for ordinary purposes of communication, even with a hearing aid
Prelinguistic deafness
acquired before the acquisition of language (congenital [at birth] or before 3 years of age)
Deaf communication is characterized by:
multimodality - without the sense of hearing, the usual channel for natural language is missing.
Manually-coded (signed) English
systems for "showing English on the hands" to accompany vocal speech
American Sign Language
a full language in the visual-manual modality, with its own grammatical system