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27 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
Define the what happened conversation
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the first in a set of three different conversations that is a part of any difficult conversation.
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what is a learning stance?
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a position one wants to adopt when having the what happened conversation to avoid the common mistakes ppl make in these conversations.
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what is the first mistake in the what happened conversation?
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assuming we know the objective truth of the situation, ignoring the other person's point of view. adopt the "and stance" to remedy - you think your way and i think my way.
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2nd mistake in the what happened conversation?
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attributing intentions to the other person without actual knowledge of those intentions. done by measuring the impact of the other person's actions on our feelings. also a problem in that we think since we don't have bad intentions we can't hurt their feelings. to remedy - ask them about their intentions, listen carefully to their reaction to what you are saying, and look deeply inside yourself for your true intentions.
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third error in the what happened conversation.
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assigning blame to the other person for the whole issue. to remedy: acknowledge both parties' contributions to the situation. CONTRIBUTIONS.
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What are the 3 main differences between men and women?
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men solve problems, women just want to talk about it.
men are motivated by feeling needed, women by feeling cherished. men are like rubber bands, women like waves. |
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how do men need to feel loved?
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trusted
accepted appreciated admired approved of encouraged |
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how do women need to feel loved?
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cared for
understood respected devoted to validated reassured |
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how do people commonly deal with an argument situation?
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fight, flight, fake, or fold
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other helpful tidbits from john gray
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points system
love letters the right way to ask |
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how does divorce affect children?
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badly, depending on age, temperament, environmental stability, psychological functioning of the resident parent, and what parents fight about (parenting skills being #1)
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what happens developmentally at different ages to children of high-conflict divorce?
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- 2-3 year olds: often respond with regression
- 4-5 year olds: often feel anxiety about having basic needs met - 6-8 year olds: can become manipulative as a coping strategy - 9-12 year olds: likely to take sides with one parent over another - adolescents: can react unpredictably |
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What are the four coping skills used by children of divorce?
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manipulation
equilibrating (mediating between parents) merging diffusing |
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how to deal with parental alienation syndrome
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develop a comprehensive plan with a parenting coordinator and therapists for the children and possibly for the alienated parent
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what are the three levels of divorce impasse?
And how to fix |
intrapsychic
interactional external-social Re-focus on the child |
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Why is an opening statement important?
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1. gives them an idea what to expect and what is going to happen in the mediation
2. to introduce yourself and lend credibility to your role as a mediator. A bragging session that you should take advantage of. Explain why you are qualified to be there. This class – specific training in dispute resolution and family law matters. Can say you have participated in over 2 dozen mediation exercises & 24 hours of mediation training. 3. Develop an itinerary – explain to the clients what to expect during the mediation. Reassures them. |
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What are the goals of a mediator in conducting the opening statement?
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Congratulate on making decision to mediate
Most cases end up resolving without trial and this is the best opportunity to do that Guidelines/rules – caucus situation will probably happen Confidentiality Neutrality Introduce self and talk about self Restrooms, water fountains, smoking How late can you stay, Please commit to a good faith effort |
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How to deal with an emotional client
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LAUGH - listen for the parties to express their emotions. address the participants with questions. use emotions to your advantage. go to plan B then C then D. Handle aggressive emotions sensibly.
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Listening techniques:
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Criteria words - repeated, emphasized in tone, and used with gestures
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other helps with emotions
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active listening: open-ended, hypothetical, narrowing, and follow-up questions.
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5 rules in property division
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game easier to follow when everyone knows the rules.
use objective standards to resolve disputed valuations ask questions to determine true interests in the property look for creative options in dividing property look for alternatives-don't follow the rules |
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5 reasons ppl desire emotional property division
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1. fair
2. cheated /your fault 3. gift 4. I paid for it 5. it’s mine |
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5 secrets to listening as a therapist listens
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give up you
quell your desire to talk suspend judgment search out what is truly important to the speaker - stated or not focus on the main event - the most important message |
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stages of mediation
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1. intro/opening statement
2. initial statement by counsel/parties 3. venting 4. private sessions 5. more venting 6. defining issues 7. setting agenda 8. generating options 9. raising risks 10. negotiation 11. frustration 12. closing caps 13. resolution |
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what is cooperative mediation
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techniques: active listening, effective questioning, option generating, tactics recognition and avoiidance, and settlement skills
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conciliatory mediation
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focusing on reconciling the parties
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evaluative
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evaluate legal weight of parties' positions
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