Conflict Resolutions

Front 1

Do conflict skills come naturally? Why or why not?

Back 1

No. Conflicts skills are learned

Front 2

Why is it important to study conflict? Be able to provide specific examples

Back 2

Because if we don't, we are more likely to repeat the damaging patterns.

Should be viewed as a basic human requirement and "constructive conflict" as an essential set of interpersonal skills

example: Mental Health can be improved (i.e. depression, eating disorders, physical and psychological abuse of partners and problem drinking)

example: Long-term satisfaction in your family, love, relationships, and work

Front 3

What is a conflict?

Back 3

An expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals

Front 4

Chinese character for conflict as made up of

Back 4

Both danger and opportunity symbols

Front 5

Main aspects of conflict—expressed struggle

Back 5

Communicative exchanges that make up the conflict episode

Most become activated by a triggering event

Front 6

Main aspects of conflict—interdependence

Back 6

The dependence of two or more people or things on each other

"Conflict parties engage in an expressed struggle and interfere with one another because they are interdependent"

Front 7

Main aspects of conflict—

perceived incompatible goals

Back 7

When 2 people want things that do not exist together

example: A couple discussing where to eat and both wanting to go to a different restaurant

Front 8

Main aspects of conflict—

perceived scarce resources

Back 8

Any positively perceived physical, economic or social consequence that are in demand, but there is not enough of.

Example: A person does not want their best friend to meet a new person for fear that there will not be enough affection left for them.

Front 9

Main aspects of conflict— interference

Back 9

When someone gets in the way of a goal

(Can be solved so long as goals are different)

Front 10

Triggering event

Back 10

A tangible or intangible barrier or occurrence that, once breached or met, causes another event to occur.

Brings a concept to realization for everyone

Front 11

Know and be able to explain the 4 horsemen

Back 11

Destructive conversational tactics that are not conversational

Criticizing making critical statements (conflict likely to escalate)

Defensiveness communicating a desire to protect themselves against pain, fear, personal responsibility, or new information (whining, deflecting, attacking, and further defending)

Stonewalling When one person withdraws from the interaction. Evasive answers, refusal to engage.

Contempt Any statement or nonverbal behavior that puts one self on a higher plane than one's partner. It is a personal attack on a person and their views

Front 12

Symptoms of avoidance

Back 12

Active attempt to lessen dependence on the other, less direct interaction, active avoidance of the other person, harboring of resentment or disappointment, complaining to third person about the other party

Front 13

Behaviors that lead to destructive conflict

Back 13

Escalatory conflict spiral relationships continues to circle around to more damaging ends (behaviors, perceptions of the other, perception of the relationship)

spiral of negativity Meeting negative emotion with more negative emotion

pursue/flee Each person specializes in a role that is so prescribed that the issues remain unresolved

Front 14

Characteristics of destructive conflicts

Back 14

Narrowly defined or rigid goals

Behaviors that escalate a conflict

Involves a pattern of unhealthy communication

Front 15

Benefits of conflict resolution

Back 15

Relationships are satisfying, learning how to solve problems productively, less stress, improved communication skills

Front 16

Problems with unresolved conflicts

Back 16

Causes strain on relationships (coworkers, friends, love life, family)

Decreased productivity

Problems continue with solutions

Front 17

Scarcity

Back 17

The state of being scarce or in short supply; shortage.

Scarcity involves making a sacrifice, giving something up, or making a trade-off, in order to obtain more of the scarce resource that is wanted.

Front 18

Gridlock

Back 18

Destructive and unproductive interdependence.

(When nothing is working, try something different. Ex. traffic jam)

Front 19

Perspectives on conflict- Avoidant

Back 19

Where members avoided most conflict

Front 20

Perspectives on conflict- collaborative

Back 20

Where members use collaboration

Front 21

Perspectives on conflict-aggressive

Back 21

Where members engaged in a lot of overt yelling, name calling, and similar aggressive moves

Front 22

Family systems for dealing with conflicts

Back 22

Avoidant (Avoid conflict)

Collaborative (Negotiation, problem-solving)

Aggressive (survival of the fittest)

Front 23

Definition and Application - Interests and Goals

Back 23

Interchangeable in regards to conflict

example: money, love, status, affection, time, space

Front 24

Know the four main types of goals in conflicts (topic, relational, identity and process) TRIP

(be able to identify them in scenarios and be able to give your own examples)

Back 24

Topic (Content) Easiest to identify, objective, measurable ex. a vacation, a promotion, which movie to see

relational Subjective, opinion, often reactive. "Who are we to each other?" Defines how each party wants to be treated by the other and the amount of interdependence they desire. "How I relate to you"

identity "How I am seen / viewed by the world". "Who am I in this situation?" Public persona, saving-face

process Goals to define a process for moving forward. "What communication process would work best?" More applicable to multiple interactions – set ground rules

Front 25

How do TRIP goals interact?

What are the TRIP goals?

Back 25

They can overlap and shift during a dispute. (Identity are often underlying and can be more important than topic goals.)

TRIP stands for the major types of goals: Topic, Relational, Identity, and Process.

Front 26

Sacrificing topic / content goals for relational goals—what does that look like?

Back 26

The relationship is more important than the content (promotion, vacation, etc.)

Front 27

Relationship between identity goals and

face-saving

Back 27

Identity goals are face-saving goals. It is about how figuring out who you are in the situation and how the world sees you and how your identity can protected or repaired in a specific situation.

Front 28

Goal clarity

Back 28

If you do not know your goal, you cannot

effectively seek your goal

Front 29

3 types of goals w/definitions (P,R,T)

Back 29

prospective FUTURE Intentions people have before they engage in a conflict

transactive PRESENT Goals that develop during a conflict

retrospective PAST Emerge after the conflict is over and give clarity. Changing their goals in order to reflect the current situation (save-face and move to a new goal)

Front 30

How goals can change over time

Back 30

Goals can change during a transaction with the other person. You may realize that you desire something else or you change in order to collaborate with the other person

Front 31

Definition of Power

Back 31

The ability to achieve a purpose

In terms of negotiation power

"The means to achieve your goals"

Front 32

Either/or(distributive) power

Back 32

A superior position in terms of something to
allow control of a negotiation

Focuses on power over or against the other party

"Either you do this or..."

(Most of law practice is either/or power)

Front 33

Both/and (integrative) power

Back 33

Highlight power with the other

Power coming from a relationship

Both parties have to achieve something in the

relationship

Power from a relationship

can be positive (people trust you) or negative (people are scared of you)

example: "We both have these advantages and we can use them together"

"We can both study and likely do well on the test"

Front 34

power to (designated) power

Back 34

Giving power to some other group or entity

Power coming from your position

Easy to spot

Power from a position

Giving power over, or distributive power, for the larger good of the interdependent relationship

Front 35

How Lens Model of Conflict views power

Back 35

Power is a matter of perspective

Intent is different than impact

Power is how you look at it, how you see it

Front 36

Individual Power Currencies RICE

Back 36

Different people want/need different things (different currencies for different situations)

"spendable" energy that can be used in

conflictual relationships

Power currencies depend on how much your particular resources are valued by the other person in a relationship context

Resource Control Often comes with one's formal position in an organization or group.

Example: Controlling rewards or punishments such as promotions and parents control over children

Interpersonal Linkage Your position in the larger system, such as being central to the communication exchange. Example Best friend has a cabin you can share, you have attained some power (if your family or friends want to stay there) because your ability to obtain things through other people.

Communication Skills Conversational skills, listening skills, likable, persuasive, group leadership skills. Those who communicate well gain value and thus interpersonal power.

Expertise Specific skills, abilities, talents, special knowledge that are useful for the task at hand.

Front 37

Interpersonal Power

Back 37

The ability to influence a relational partner in any context because you control, or at least the partner perceives that you control, resources that the partner needs, values, desires, or fears.

Interpersonal Power also includes the ability to resist the influence attempts of a partner

Front 38

Relational Theory of Power

Back 38

Power is typically seen as attributes of a person

Power can also be something inherent in a position

A belief system that describes how growth and effectiveness occur

Maturity and competence depend on growth in-connection and mutuality

Ability to develop relationally depends on mutual empathy, mutual empowerment, responsibility to both oneself and others

Share positive power

Relational power is "The power invested in you through your relationships with others"

Power is always interpersonal

Front 39

Distressed system versus effective system

Back 39

Effective Power is de-emphasized.

Right side up triangle with Interests the biggest on the bottom, then Rights in the middle, and power the smallest on the top

Distressed Power is emphasized.

Inverted triangle with Power the biggest on the top, then Rights in the middles, and Interests the smallest on the bottom

Front 40

Ways to balance power

Back 40

Collaboration and the constructive realignment of power

Speak to the other person with a positive tone, listen, reflect feelings, clarify what you have heard, question when needed, summarize

Front 41

High power,low power, and power exercise

Back 41

High power: Often a goal that people strive for, It can corrupt you. May develop altered views of themselves or other parties. example: teacher, parent, police, doctor

low power: No stake, nothing to lose so power can flip. If low power people are continually treated poorly, they can produce organized resistance to the high power people

power exercise

Front 42

Passive aggressive behavior

Back 42

The indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, stubbornness, sullen behavior, or deliberate or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.

examples might include avoiding direct or clear communication, evading problems, fear of intimacy or competition, making excuses, blaming others, obstructionism, playing the victim, feigning compliance with requests, sarcasm, backhanded compliments, and hiding anger

Front 43

Conflict styles vs. conflict tactics

Back 43

Conflict styles Patterned responses, or clusters of behavior that people use in conflict.

Describe the big picture

(People can learn and use different styles)

Conflict Tactics individual moves people make to carry out their general approach

Describe the specific communication of the big picture

(A cluster of tactics woven together become a style)

Front 44

Five conflict styles—advantages and disadvantages to each: Accommodation

Back 44

Does not assert individual needs and prefers a cooperative and harmonizing approach

Avoids on concerns to focus on others

Often accompanied by dependence

Beneficial to long-term relationships

Give up something for the long term relationships

Cares more about the relationship

Front 45

Five conflict styles—advantages and disadvantages to each: Competition

Back 45

Characterized by Aggressive, uncooperative behavior

pursues own concerns

Acknowledging only your side and your goals as valid, prevalent in litigation, tends to hurt relationships.

Good in emergency situations when you don't care about the relationship or when the transaction won't repeat

Destructive: Personal criticism, rejection, hostile imperatives, hostile jokes, hostile questions, presumptive remarks, denial of responsibility

Productive: if one competes to accomplish individual goals without destroying the other person

Front 46

Five conflict styles—advantages and disadvantages to each: Avoidance

Back 46

A way of expressing conflict

If its a time limited conflict, avoidance can be good. example: football game with two passionate fans (friends) of different teams

Tactics: Denial of the conflict, evasive remarks, changing and avoiding topics, being noncommittal and joking rather than dealing with the conflict at hand, passive/aggressive

Front 47

Five conflict styles—advantages and disadvantages to each: Compromise

Back 47

Intermediate style resulting in some gains and some losses for each parties

Requires trade-offs and exchanges

Moderately assertive and cooperative

Characterized by beliefs like: "Give a little, get a little" and " You can be satisfied with part of the pie"

Front 48

Five conflict styles—advantages and disadvantages to each: Collaboration

Back 48

Demands the most constructive engagement of any of the styles

Shows a high level of concern for one's own goals, the goals of others, the successful solution of the problem, and the enhancement of the relationship

Also called mutual problem-solving

Requires willing parties and good communication skills

Enlarging the pie

Front 49

Use of the conflict styles to reach solutions

Back 49

Styles can change with the progress of the conflict and with life experience. One can change a preferred style especially if the old style ceases to work well.

Flexibility creates constructive conflict

Front 50

Concern for self/concern for others and how the styles “map out”

Back 50

Collaboration

Front 51

Credibility of threats

Back 51

Most commonly used Competition tactic

The threat has to meet two criteria:

1. The threat must control the outcome

2. The threat must be seen as negative by the recipient

Threat are effective only if the sanction is something the threatened party wants to avoid

Can be constructive or destructive

Front 52

Relationship between competition, threats and verbal aggression

Back 52

Verbal aggression broader communications than threats. Attack the self-concepts of other people. Character attacks, insults, rough teasing, ridicule, and profanity are all forms of verbal aggression.

Verbal Aggression and threats are tactics that are sometimes used with the Competition style

Front 53

Disengagement– avoidance tactics

Back 53

41

Front 54

Characteristics of verbal coercion/violence

Back 54

Controlling: forcing view or dominating the conversation, cutting-off, overstating, lying, speaking in absolutes, allowing no other opinion, changing subjects abruptly, using hostile language and hostile directed questions

Labeling: putting a label on someone to limit their position or authority

Attacking: Actual physical violence