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31 Cards in this Set

  • Front
  • Back

do boys and girls stimulate their parents in the same way


when parents are stimulated by their children what happens

it cause parents to treat their children in gender-specific ways , by the age of 3 it is hard for children to unlearn

are girls socialized in a learned helplessness

yes , learned helplessness is not identified in boys


holy marry parents”. Survives strains and conflicts because one parent is more accommodating then the other. Takes dedicated responsibility for the child, usually the mother. Always there to drop off, pick up kids, bring the snacks. Parent here is most reliable and accountable. Child is the priority


Parents run into conflict because they both have high career aspirations and feels their partner is not contributing adequately. These parents grunt and groan that the child is a burden, child is at risk of hurrying because parents own lives are priority


Who cover for and run interference for one another, When the end of the day comes and no parent is there to pick up the child. The daycare person is given multiple excuses why the child is there waiting. There is a definite communication gap. In the end, neither takes full responsibility nor feels guilty


Want everything and they want it now. Have no sorted out priorities. Up in the air, don’t know if they will follow through. Unreliable and unpredictable. i.e. may not bring snack for snack day


recognizes when children know much more than they understand. i.e. media, information overload, also recognizes on a materialistic basis on the branding children are so knowledgeable about. Elkin tells us that items are purchased and worn with certain labels to advertise a social standing, class or economic status or acceptability. These speak to a shallow criteria for determining a person’s identity and worth Because we judge base on the external factors and not our internal, this demonstrates how dysfunctional we have become as a society.

Imaginary audience

when children think about their own and other peoples thinking. “what would this person think” That people are concerned with us as much as we are Children make a characteristic error according to Elkin, they confuse what other people are thinking with what they are thinking,Young people are self-absorbed to a certain degree. They assume that others are concerned with their appearance, feelings and thoughts just as much as they are, this is the imaginary audience The belief that others are concerned about us as much as we are.

achievement overload

Parents are over concerned with school, activities Children are expected to achieve on all fronts. Most often middle class families that achievement overload their children. They are eager to hurry their child’s success, hoping the child would achieve what they failed to master. vicarious success for the parent

sleeper effect

Child rebels as they get older

are children being hurried by the education system

yes, They are being pushed to perform for teachers and the government, being tested how well they are doingTeachers are pressured to reflect good grades Elkin tells us that the three important ingredients in the school setting: 1.student2.teacher3. time they spend together.

free floating anxiety

Begins feeling restless, irritable and unable to concentrate. But the child is unable to identify what is bothering them,

Tragedy of the Lost Self

They don’t who they are or who they should be


is not based on the idea that you love your child, what matters are that the child FEELS loved., What proves to be important is the QUALITY of the relationship between the child and those who play a significant role in their life

According to research there are 2 basic needs for strong self respect.

First the child needs to be able to say I am loveable the second is that the child needs to be able to say I am worthwhile


i s not instinctual, it is an achievement.

are children born with a sense of self

Every child is born without a self. A sense of self is acquired through interaction with their social environment.

Wordless messages

before words, a child gathers generalized impressions based on how they are treated. The child is sensitive to whether they are comforted, fed, and lifted tenderly. The child knows if the arms around them are lovingly close. Children can read their caregivers. Single negative or infrequent messages do not cause permanent damage. What counts are the number of loving or disinterested messages together that are paired with their intensity.

children can detect discrepancies

Researchers caution that high self-esteem does not come from buttering up children and in fact nothing could be worseIf they feel the words are not matching true feelings, they learn not to trust what adults say

do parents have to be cautious about how they speak to children

As parents, we need to know that our reflections to the children of who they are as we see them have a powerful effect. We are all mirrors of eachother

The looking glass self concept

I am not what I think I am, I am not what you think I am, I am what I think you think I am. (the looking glass self). This means that we draw conclusions about who we think we are;Partly from our own observations of ourselves in comparison with others.2.Partly’s from others response to us.

Price of Warped Mirrors

Genuine Encounter

Focused attention. -Adults should never avoid quality time, distancing onself is not an option. -Be emotionally present. This nourishes respect and says I care.- Make children the priority. -It is said grandparents do the things with their grandchildren they did not get to do with their own children.-Research indicates a shift amongst men and women as they begin to revisit their nurturing culture-Adults should not feel guilty if they have something scheduled and miss time with their children, as long as adults are their genuinely and whole heartedly the majority of the time.-Children do need “booster shots” of encounter.

Safety of Trust

When adults are quiet, kind, and friendly it builds trust-Keep promises, avoid surprises, support adventures, share relevant information-

Avoid mixed messages (3 types):

1. words not matching body language (child may worry they did something wrong), use age appropriate honestyie. Parent comes home seeming said, child asks if they are ok, parent says fine. Appropriate response should be had a hard day but things will work out. -Another mix message to avoid is “anything you want”Over Permissive Home: Set rules and boundaries and avoid being too accommodating. -Some of the most unhappy children come from over permissive homes. When children with no rules enters an organized world, then the mix message experience wipes out safety of trust3. Watered down message (do not dilute messages): -Researchers tell us adults soft pedal emotions and feelings to come off as the in charge adults-However, evidence clarifies adults with high self- esteem do not have to deny what they feel, the adults self acceptance gives the security to be open-Open ownership of feelings demonstrates that feelings are legitimate and everyone will feel more like real people. Use moments to teach children expected behaviour Dr. Phil

Safety of Nonjudgment

must not be a judge, be a reactor instead.-If the child’s personal worth is depended on performance, personal value is subject to cancellation with every misstep.Be supportive by using “I” statements. “you are” statements cast blame-Research shows praise is better than punishment-Must recognize the difference between positive labels (good and nice) and approval ( I appreciate)

Safety of being cherished

Children survive on acceptance but they do not blossom on itI love you but I do not love what you are doing”. We can cherish someone and separate that from their behaviourChildren need to feel loved and be treated as precious and valuable just because they exist.

Safety of owning feelings

Adults sometimes refuse to let children own feelings.-Researchers are speaking about the freedom to feel, not to act

Safety of Empathy

Researchers tell us human understanding brings warmth, comfort and safety. It bridges the gap of alienation.-Listen with your heart, then your head. A child that is nurtured to accept others differences, makes it easier for them to be empathetic-Research shows that one of the patterns found in the home of children with high self-esteem, there is a lot of free and easy talk. Children feel free to express themselves

Safety of Unique Growth

Not all children mature at the same time in the same way-Regression may be experienced when a child has a new sibling in the picture and act like a baby-Research tells us we do not need to push, urge, or forbid development -As child are faced with challenges, we should expect them to settle for safety first-Adults are then expected to retreat without dishonor -Children will embrace the unknown when they are ready