The G-Slip
“And then killed herself.”
That is it. That is the phrase. “And then killed herself.”
Right at the border of sleep. The mind will begin to race and thoughts will become less guarded. Until, with a slip something like a gear slip… “And then killed herself.”
It is said into the moment of slippage when other thoughts have temporarily gone missing. Said in my own voice. That is to say, spoken as all my thoughts are spoken. In something only faintly vocal, but clearly heard. “And then killed herself.”
Often, when the cogs mesh again and thoughts again begin to whir, there are images created out of the phrase: of jumping, or of being crushed in some way so fierce that my body explodes. And afterwards I may find sleep, or once again I may... Slip.
It has been occurring for over a year. Not every night, but often. And it often continues for long stretches. And although something about it seems functional—as if programmed—so that, I objectively accept it, there is an aspect of it that one would consider worth avoiding? But is it possible to avoid? To crawl out from under?
I am also left considering, without a clear answer, why the image of crawling is so strong. Since I have never moved in that manner. Why does that image persist when I consider how I might avoid experiencing the ‘Slip’ as I …show more content…
This was of less concern to the project, but although I continued to work with my companions in any way they required, it was increasingly my preference to remain fully autonomous and aware. Some of my companions recognized this and began to informally ask my permission before assuming control. And when one of them went so far as to reassure me that I was never required to wear the harness, I logically had to agree. I told her that in that case I would retire for the day. And the next day I told my companions that I would leave the
“And then killed herself.”
That is it. That is the phrase. “And then killed herself.”
Right at the border of sleep. The mind will begin to race and thoughts will become less guarded. Until, with a slip something like a gear slip… “And then killed herself.”
It is said into the moment of slippage when other thoughts have temporarily gone missing. Said in my own voice. That is to say, spoken as all my thoughts are spoken. In something only faintly vocal, but clearly heard. “And then killed herself.”
Often, when the cogs mesh again and thoughts again begin to whir, there are images created out of the phrase: of jumping, or of being crushed in some way so fierce that my body explodes. And afterwards I may find sleep, or once again I may... Slip.
It has been occurring for over a year. Not every night, but often. And it often continues for long stretches. And although something about it seems functional—as if programmed—so that, I objectively accept it, there is an aspect of it that one would consider worth avoiding? But is it possible to avoid? To crawl out from under?
I am also left considering, without a clear answer, why the image of crawling is so strong. Since I have never moved in that manner. Why does that image persist when I consider how I might avoid experiencing the ‘Slip’ as I …show more content…
This was of less concern to the project, but although I continued to work with my companions in any way they required, it was increasingly my preference to remain fully autonomous and aware. Some of my companions recognized this and began to informally ask my permission before assuming control. And when one of them went so far as to reassure me that I was never required to wear the harness, I logically had to agree. I told her that in that case I would retire for the day. And the next day I told my companions that I would leave the