Unlikely Friendship Essay

Register to read the introduction… It was a rough four years. I have to take responsibility for the vast majority of the trials and tribulations that would take place in that time. I went back and forth and attempted to revive the relationship I should have left completely alone. I would later bear the weight of guilt and shame of selfishly using what has now become more a dead horse than a relationship, every time I became scared and insecure. I became lonely and was not yet consciously aware of how little love had for myself. This took the form of me looking for love outside of myself. I also sought validation from the approval and acceptance of a man. I called it “dating.” It was a complete disaster. I wasted a great deal of time and energy and resources looking for someone to love me. I wanted so desperately to fill the empty in me. Eventually I was left no other alternative than to finally let go once and for all of the past that no longer was and cut ties with my ex entirely. I also could no longer ignore the ridiculous behavior in my pursuit of love and a man. I had turned dating into self-destructive and dangerous behavior. I had turned to drinking to cope. I spent the vast majority of my time closed off from the family and rest of the world in my room. It sounds bleak I know. It also was not as neat as I am able to summate here. It however would be the beginning of a long hard, chaotic, road out of denial and an unconscious fog. It would …show more content…
An unlikely message from an acquaintance I had only hoped to know. I knew him as a strange and interesting boy that I went to high school with. I had only seen him from afar. He was a unique that could not easily be described. He seemed to be immune to rules and obstacles. However he was not like a wrecking ball blasting his way into situations to do so. He seemed to make his way in and out of this and that with an unexplainable ease. He seemed to always have a smile on his face. I can’t say it was always happy, innocently. I am sure I could sense mischief and glints of havoc in his eyes. He was right up my alley, I was into the strangest and most unique and kind of bad boys, makers of mischief and adventures. I also found him to be physically attractive. All of this made it almost impossible for me to ever interact with him. I was shy and lacked confidence. The few encounters I did have with him I am certain I could probably barely speak or I blurted out something awkward in a most incomprehensible fashion. I know this to be true because it happened every time I encountered a boy that interested me.
I recognized him right away when I came across his profile on Facebook. I was shocked to see he looked pretty much like he did in school. I attempted to friend him a couple times without response from him. I found this odd. It seemed classmates by default just approved another classmates friend list. He did not. I did the Facebook stalker