Lynn Roth
The Search for Identity: Literature of Self Discovery EN 170 01
Professor Jonathan Blake / Spring2016
15 April 2016
“Magical Thinking” to Keep Our Identity When we lose a significant other we lose a bit of who we are. This is because our identity is shaped by the ones we spend the most time with, our family, friends and loved ones. “Who are we?” becomes incredibly hard to answer when life is viewed through a prism of loss. Visualize spending every day of your life with someone for decades and then suddenly they are gone. How do you go on when life as you know it has changed forever? The sudden loss of Joan Didion’s husband, John Gregory Dunne, altered her life forever. “Magical thinking” in the anthropological sense, means that …show more content…
She diagnoses herself as “incapable of thinking rationally” because she catches herself believing John may come back (34-35, 37). “Through the winter and spring there had been occasions on which I was incapable of thinking rationally. I was thinking as small children think, as if my thoughts or wishes had the power to reverse the narrative, change the outcome. In my case this disordered thinking had been covert, noticed I think by no one else, hidden even from me, but it has also been, in retrospect, both urgent and constant.” (35). As time passes, Didion begins to experience something she refers to as the vortex effect in which she is paralyzed by sudden memories brought on by mundane daily occurrences. The vortex effect is a necessary process of grieving even though it is incredibly painful and disorienting. She experiences the vortex effect one time when she is driving to a Rite Aid and sees a bistro that she and John used to eat at, this sets off memories of a trip to Bogota that she took with John. This demonstrates how several aspects of her life are tied to her identity as John’s wife. These unexpected episodes prove too much for Joan and reminds her of the limits of her control therefore, she tries to avoid all places and situations that remind her of her life with John. Our autonomy is unstable and our identity changes …show more content…
She starts to read medical reports, medical journals and physiological books in order to find answers. This allows her to feel like she has some control over her tragedy. She feels that once she has the proper knowledge, she will be able to fix the problem and bring John back. Didion sort of puts her logical thinking self on hold, preventing her from fully coming to terms with the fact that her husband is not coming back. She begins to get rid of some of John’s clothing but can’t bring herself to get rid of his shoes. She feels that if she gets rid of his shoes he won’t have anything to wear when he comes back. This demonstrates how she is not thinking rationally and this is another way that she copes with her lost identity. Joan has only seen herself through her husband’s eyes and now she must see herself through everyone else’s eyes. “We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality (…) so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves”
The Search for Identity: Literature of Self Discovery EN 170 01
Professor Jonathan Blake / Spring2016
15 April 2016
“Magical Thinking” to Keep Our Identity When we lose a significant other we lose a bit of who we are. This is because our identity is shaped by the ones we spend the most time with, our family, friends and loved ones. “Who are we?” becomes incredibly hard to answer when life is viewed through a prism of loss. Visualize spending every day of your life with someone for decades and then suddenly they are gone. How do you go on when life as you know it has changed forever? The sudden loss of Joan Didion’s husband, John Gregory Dunne, altered her life forever. “Magical thinking” in the anthropological sense, means that …show more content…
She diagnoses herself as “incapable of thinking rationally” because she catches herself believing John may come back (34-35, 37). “Through the winter and spring there had been occasions on which I was incapable of thinking rationally. I was thinking as small children think, as if my thoughts or wishes had the power to reverse the narrative, change the outcome. In my case this disordered thinking had been covert, noticed I think by no one else, hidden even from me, but it has also been, in retrospect, both urgent and constant.” (35). As time passes, Didion begins to experience something she refers to as the vortex effect in which she is paralyzed by sudden memories brought on by mundane daily occurrences. The vortex effect is a necessary process of grieving even though it is incredibly painful and disorienting. She experiences the vortex effect one time when she is driving to a Rite Aid and sees a bistro that she and John used to eat at, this sets off memories of a trip to Bogota that she took with John. This demonstrates how several aspects of her life are tied to her identity as John’s wife. These unexpected episodes prove too much for Joan and reminds her of the limits of her control therefore, she tries to avoid all places and situations that remind her of her life with John. Our autonomy is unstable and our identity changes …show more content…
She starts to read medical reports, medical journals and physiological books in order to find answers. This allows her to feel like she has some control over her tragedy. She feels that once she has the proper knowledge, she will be able to fix the problem and bring John back. Didion sort of puts her logical thinking self on hold, preventing her from fully coming to terms with the fact that her husband is not coming back. She begins to get rid of some of John’s clothing but can’t bring herself to get rid of his shoes. She feels that if she gets rid of his shoes he won’t have anything to wear when he comes back. This demonstrates how she is not thinking rationally and this is another way that she copes with her lost identity. Joan has only seen herself through her husband’s eyes and now she must see herself through everyone else’s eyes. “We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality (…) so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves”