UNDEAD EXPRESS is a great name for this horror zombie script. The goal is well defined and the stakes are life and death. There are solid themes about survival and second chances.
While zombie films are not original to the industry, they have been a fan favorite. The script attempts to add some new hooks that have merit. One is the idea of the story mainly taking place on a train. It’s a smart contained and isolated setting and one gets the feeling of being trapped with no way off.
In addition to the contain setting, other solid horror elements are used such a being cut off from communication, strange sounds, darkness and light, and the sense of constantly being stalked or in physical danger.
The second hook is the idea of twins. The concept of …show more content…
On page 16, it’s not clear how the audience will understand that Bela leaves room for Jamie to sit down.
On page 68, the audience can’t “see”: “It seemed their biting was more a task than a random act. They seem logical in a sick sadistic way.” Also, the meaning of this descriptions isn’t well understood.
Trim narrative descriptions. Some of them seem overly written and “thick” with information (page 16).
Clarify on page 63, who Jamie is talking about when she says, “I’m done losing people I love.” Is she talking about their parents or people on the train? Is there maybe more backstory to share?
Foreshadow more effectively the nail gun and any other possible weapons that they use against the zombies (like the ice pick was nicely foreshadowed).
SUMMARY & MARKETING
Zombie films are not new or fresh to the industry and for some producers they may feel outdated unless they have a very strong hook or a compelling twist.
However, the script could make for a small independent film given the limited locations.
The idea of twins is smart and
While zombie films are not original to the industry, they have been a fan favorite. The script attempts to add some new hooks that have merit. One is the idea of the story mainly taking place on a train. It’s a smart contained and isolated setting and one gets the feeling of being trapped with no way off.
In addition to the contain setting, other solid horror elements are used such a being cut off from communication, strange sounds, darkness and light, and the sense of constantly being stalked or in physical danger.
The second hook is the idea of twins. The concept of …show more content…
On page 16, it’s not clear how the audience will understand that Bela leaves room for Jamie to sit down.
On page 68, the audience can’t “see”: “It seemed their biting was more a task than a random act. They seem logical in a sick sadistic way.” Also, the meaning of this descriptions isn’t well understood.
Trim narrative descriptions. Some of them seem overly written and “thick” with information (page 16).
Clarify on page 63, who Jamie is talking about when she says, “I’m done losing people I love.” Is she talking about their parents or people on the train? Is there maybe more backstory to share?
Foreshadow more effectively the nail gun and any other possible weapons that they use against the zombies (like the ice pick was nicely foreshadowed).
SUMMARY & MARKETING
Zombie films are not new or fresh to the industry and for some producers they may feel outdated unless they have a very strong hook or a compelling twist.
However, the script could make for a small independent film given the limited locations.
The idea of twins is smart and