A hopeful snowboarder must hide that fact that he’s homeless from his new girlfriend, as he prepares for a championship competition.
STORY COMMENTS
ZERO GRAVITY is a sports-romance script. The script has a strong hook in the idea of snowboarding.
While there are certainly elements to like about the script, it would also benefit from further development.
First, the opening scene nicely sets the tone and introduces the audience to the world of snowboarding and the concept of “zero gravity.” However, as the first ten pages continue the events are a bit slow. A lot of time is spent with Cameron, who is then absent from act two. It’s important to have a strong first ten pages.
He also breaks up with his girlfriend. This feels a bit cliché, …show more content…
However, the concern about this is that the audience has an expectation that the plot is about Jake competing, but in reality, the story is really about Jake being homeless and hiding this from his new girlfriend. The competition only occurs at the very end. Thus, the goal to win the competition feels secondary to the romance and hiding his living situation.
However, Jake doesn’t become homeless until around page 43. This is late in structure. If the story is really about Jake hiding the fact that he’s homeless, then this inciting event needs to occur in the first …show more content…
The third act also features the competition. Because the audience knows that Jake isn’t cheating, there really isn’t solid tension for the audience. Because there hasn’t been a strong enough build up towards the competition, this lacks the tension it really should have.
To make the script stronger, consider balancing the story more evenly between the love story and the snowboarding competition. Right now, the majority focuses only on the romance. However, there will be a strong expectation for more snowboarding sequences.
The external goal should be to win the competition. The second act should focus on this objective. Thus, Jake has to be more proactive regarding the contest. Show him practicing more, and the obstacles he has to overcome. Maybe he gets injured.
Furthermore, create a rival snowboarder for Jake. This person might also be a rival in romance. This elevates the stakes for Jake. He must hide that he’s homeless, while a rival also tries to romance Hollie. The rival can be used to enhance the threat of
STORY COMMENTS
ZERO GRAVITY is a sports-romance script. The script has a strong hook in the idea of snowboarding.
While there are certainly elements to like about the script, it would also benefit from further development.
First, the opening scene nicely sets the tone and introduces the audience to the world of snowboarding and the concept of “zero gravity.” However, as the first ten pages continue the events are a bit slow. A lot of time is spent with Cameron, who is then absent from act two. It’s important to have a strong first ten pages.
He also breaks up with his girlfriend. This feels a bit cliché, …show more content…
However, the concern about this is that the audience has an expectation that the plot is about Jake competing, but in reality, the story is really about Jake being homeless and hiding this from his new girlfriend. The competition only occurs at the very end. Thus, the goal to win the competition feels secondary to the romance and hiding his living situation.
However, Jake doesn’t become homeless until around page 43. This is late in structure. If the story is really about Jake hiding the fact that he’s homeless, then this inciting event needs to occur in the first …show more content…
The third act also features the competition. Because the audience knows that Jake isn’t cheating, there really isn’t solid tension for the audience. Because there hasn’t been a strong enough build up towards the competition, this lacks the tension it really should have.
To make the script stronger, consider balancing the story more evenly between the love story and the snowboarding competition. Right now, the majority focuses only on the romance. However, there will be a strong expectation for more snowboarding sequences.
The external goal should be to win the competition. The second act should focus on this objective. Thus, Jake has to be more proactive regarding the contest. Show him practicing more, and the obstacles he has to overcome. Maybe he gets injured.
Furthermore, create a rival snowboarder for Jake. This person might also be a rival in romance. This elevates the stakes for Jake. He must hide that he’s homeless, while a rival also tries to romance Hollie. The rival can be used to enhance the threat of