Why Is Someone Important To Me

I find it amusing that throughout my childhood, I was told to be humble. I was told that praising myself was vanity. That compliments are given, not taken. If I won a medal, rather than being pleased by a friend praising my skills, I was to make sure that they didn’t feel jealous or insecure by my success. I would say “Thank you! You were amazing too!” and continue to praise them. Liking myself was seen as arrogance. Playing to win was seen as being competitive. Compliments were no longer heartfelt, they were obligations. Somewhere along the way, praising others morphed into degrading myself. I was no longer my biggest fan. There was always someone smarter, better, prettier. Compliments rolled over my skin. I didn’t want them. I didn’t believe them. …show more content…
To shape myself after my peers that were superior to me. If someone asked me for my opinion, I would think of what I should say rather than what I wanted to say. I did not wish to be as good as my other peers, I did not think that was possible. I just wanted to be white noise. As I said, this amuses me. Because entering high school, I was told to market myself, to tell others why I was the best candidate for a club, team, or university. After fifteen years of being told that vanity was the worst quality, I was supposed to tell others why I was the best. I supposed to make people like me when not only did I not like myself, I didn’t know myself. My facade of the average human being became my personality. I didn’t know my interests. I wasn’t terrified because of the new environment and workload, I was terrified because I could no longer living in my limbo state of