Humorous Wedding Speech: It's Wrong My Child

Improved Essays
PRIEST
Your emotional outburst on the telephone this morning is out of character…it’s an anomaly in your moral conduct…so I didn’t hesitate in coming to your house. What’s wrong my child?

DEBORAH
My husband and son are causing me great pain. Their selfishness…their wilfulness I can no longer tolerate…I will not endure their insubordination.

PRIEST
Have you thought evil thoughts, or committed criminal deeds? DEBORAH
Yes and no…I harbour these violent views…yet the moment they surface in my mind they rapidly evaporate…leaving behind the residue of guilt.

PRIEST
That’s good my child. It means that God is showing you the error of your ways…He is protecting you from the temptations that the devil presents for decent women such as yourself.
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Like the old saying, “Two wrongs don’t make a right” the same is equally applicable to your situation. You can never morally justify your abhorrent actions because the moment you do then you will be no better than those who have hurt you. All I can offer is a word of friendly advice and absolve you of any sin you have committed. Do you wish me to hear your confession?

DEBORAH
Yes!

PRIEST
Very well, continue dear child.

DEBORAH
Bless me father for I have sinned. It’s been a year since my last confession, but I need your guidance, especially now. Here goes. I’m dissolution with life, my marriage and the mayhem in the world, particularly the war in Vietnam, which my son will not do his duty and fight in. I don’t know what to do, father. I do everything to please my family. Still they challenge me!

PRIEST

I see. Don’t you think you’re a little hard on them and yourself? Perhaps, if you were to negotiate the differences between you and them, then this act of contrition on your part may smooth over the imperfections in your family.
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My stories are essentially the transcription from a presence beyond myself…whether it’s God or my higher self, I honestly do not know. All I do every day is listen to that commanding voice, and take a deep breath and write…and write. It is only when I’ve finished the first draft, and reread it I am amazed how everything seems to come together…as if by magic.

PREIST

If, however, you were to neglect God’s laws, then, in all likelihood, you would face divine censure. What that could be, I could only guess it be the cancellation of your creativity. For any artist that would be the greatest punishment.

CHARLES
I agree wholeheartedly, a writer must never upset, must never pollute the sanctity of the gift given to them through God. I thank you for reminding me of that fact.

PREIST
It is so good of you not to have forgotten it. I hope to see you at church this Sunday. As I’m preparing a Requiem mass for a young soldier killed in the war, I must regrettably say adieu.

DEBORAH
That’s the one consolation we have over the villainous communists…

CHARLES

I don’t understand, what do you mean?

PRIEST
Your wife is quite rightly referring to the communist’s inability to believe in Christ, our saviour, and because of that, they shall be barred admittance into Paradise. They are condemn to the everlasting fires of

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