The highlight of this script is the presences of two resilient females that go up against each other. One represents good forces and one represents evil.
It 's refreshing to watch two powerful women. It’s their personal conflict towards each other that captures one’s interest. Their raging and intense animosity towards each other truly drives the plot.
The basic plot of the script has merit. Basically, a good-hearted, female fighter, destined to be a Captain, faces strong moral choices. The idea that she must stop a ruthless dictator from enslaving hundreds of villagers and seeks revenge for the death of a child has potential. The audience can identify with Beth’s need for vengeance.
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Maybe Leigha needs to be a bit older, and a bit more streetwise. Leigha, like Beth, is almost too perfect.
There are a lot of different paths to take. Maybe Leigha is the key to something that Angelique wants. Right now, Angelique’s only motivation for her actions seems to be power, which is a bit generic, vs. having a specific actionable goal that she’s after.
For example, Leigha could have information that Angelique needs like hidden mineral resources that would help Destiny fly or Leigha knows where a super-weapon is hidden and Angelique wants it or Leigha has the code to a portal. Her goal is to get that information from Leigha and therefore she attacks looking for her. She can capture her, or Leigha can go into hiding with Beth. If captured, Beth’s goal is to rescue her and fulfill her promise.
If the villagers remain in the script, there should be more conflict between them and Beth. Beth can’t go around saying people hate her and no one likes her, but then everyone befriends her so quickly and easily.