People in abusive relationships ask how do you regain trust after he/she has hurt me, hit me, cursed me... Many of these people genuinely long to rebuild trust in their compromised relationships. Yet, they claim that they are stuck. They simply don't know how to trust their partner, again.
Domestic Abuse and Interpersonal Trust
It makes perfect sense that you see a person who hurt you as they show themselves to be with you, rather than expecting them to be, as you desire them to be. This is what is advised when one recognizes the obvious signs of domestic violence the first time in a new relationship.
In established relationships, issues of trust and history emerge. Couples wanting to recover from domestic abuse hold mixed memories of history and stumble on basic trust. …show more content…
Robert expects to regain Fran's trust by her extending herself...and merely expecting him to be trust worthy. Fran fears he will continue abusing her AND have her arrested again.
Fran is "gun shy." Her belief is that Robert has already shown his "true" colors. She doesn't want to chance exposing herself to further abuse. Yet, she longs to know how she can grow to trust him again.
Accountability and Trust in Abusive Relationships
What's missing for Fran is "accountability." All she wants to hear from him is that he realizes what he did and recognizes the wrongdoing toward her and implications to her.
As a start, she wants his empathy and genuine ownership. She wants him to be responsible for his actions. With that accountability from Robert, Fran can consider extending herself. Without it, she is stuck...and unwilling to rebuild trust by furthering her vulnerability.
If you are in a relationship in which your trust has been violated, ask yourself what you need to move beyond the violation. What do you long for and require as a platform to rebuild trust? Or, has a line been crossed beyond which you can ever dare to trust
Domestic Abuse and Interpersonal Trust
It makes perfect sense that you see a person who hurt you as they show themselves to be with you, rather than expecting them to be, as you desire them to be. This is what is advised when one recognizes the obvious signs of domestic violence the first time in a new relationship.
In established relationships, issues of trust and history emerge. Couples wanting to recover from domestic abuse hold mixed memories of history and stumble on basic trust. …show more content…
Robert expects to regain Fran's trust by her extending herself...and merely expecting him to be trust worthy. Fran fears he will continue abusing her AND have her arrested again.
Fran is "gun shy." Her belief is that Robert has already shown his "true" colors. She doesn't want to chance exposing herself to further abuse. Yet, she longs to know how she can grow to trust him again.
Accountability and Trust in Abusive Relationships
What's missing for Fran is "accountability." All she wants to hear from him is that he realizes what he did and recognizes the wrongdoing toward her and implications to her.
As a start, she wants his empathy and genuine ownership. She wants him to be responsible for his actions. With that accountability from Robert, Fran can consider extending herself. Without it, she is stuck...and unwilling to rebuild trust by furthering her vulnerability.
If you are in a relationship in which your trust has been violated, ask yourself what you need to move beyond the violation. What do you long for and require as a platform to rebuild trust? Or, has a line been crossed beyond which you can ever dare to trust