I've read your proposed argument about a controversial educational issue. In your first draft I feel your thesis statement is unclear and would become more identifable if the intro paragaph was seperated into two, to allow room for you to explain more clearly your thesis. I like how you have incorporated some of your statements into a question, but I do feel they're to redundant. Which, does add confusion to some of the claims you argue. For example, on your forth page you state, “Can we trust students and young children to posses curiosity and an instrinsic motivation that would allow for them to benefit from a more freedom based education, which, to different degrees, is advocated for by Morrison and Holtz?” The way you chose to interpet
