Hi Cong,
Thank you for sharing your story. I really enjoy reading your essay. I like this essay because we have the same problem growing up. Moreover, the way of your writing make reader feel easier to follow and understand the story. You have a clearly thesis statement in the introductory paragraph. You have all the supporting paragraphs back up the thesis. All the things that you have is about the experience of being overweight, being offended, and change lifestyle. The second paragraph is talk about being overweight and how it effect to life. The third paragraph is about being offended and the fourth paragraph is about how and why it change lifestyle. All three paragraphs have related to the thesis. You give many evidence in the third paragraph,
Thank you for sharing your story. I really enjoy reading your essay. I like this essay because we have the same problem growing up. Moreover, the way of your writing make reader feel easier to follow and understand the story. You have a clearly thesis statement in the introductory paragraph. You have all the supporting paragraphs back up the thesis. All the things that you have is about the experience of being overweight, being offended, and change lifestyle. The second paragraph is talk about being overweight and how it effect to life. The third paragraph is about being offended and the fourth paragraph is about how and why it change lifestyle. All three paragraphs have related to the thesis. You give many evidence in the third paragraph,